11633163 First off, thank you for this! This is the comment I’ve been waiting for tbh. No anger here though, just realizing that I started the story in a rough spot but I *think* it got better as I got back into writing. Believe me that this is WAY better then the FOE one I was writing.
So now I know I really gotta go back and edit or do something to the first few chapters to really give it that extra kick that will breath in that character or personality that you stated was missing. Which I have no problem doing, I’ve stated that I’m trying to write professional in my off time and use this as a “practice.“
As for the spin that seems to be missing. I now realize that although it is still a HIE story. The fact that this particular human realm is COMPLETELY different in historical and worldly aspects, and is separate from one’s such as real life or EG. So that will be another thing I will have to make much more apparent. So I appreciate that.
As for the strikes, honestly. The Luna one just made sense to me at least. Considering how I built upon Riley’s backstory and his world's history later on and how prominent his mind would appear on Luna’s map in the dream world. And how alien it would be for her. It just felt right, but I get it. It’s probably been overdone, and it’s gotten old, and I understand.
As for the Timberwolves… I’m gonna be honest, I have no excuse for that, it was honestly the first thing I thought of. I just knew that the Everfree forest wanted Riley. For a reason I would elaborate on in a later chapter. So I couldn’t have him stumble into pony ole or fluttershys cottage on a whim using that logic. But now the damage is done and I would have to rewrite the whole thing to change it.
All in all, this has given me a lot of information to reflect on and has opened my eyes in more than a few ways so I thank you for that!
11639298 okay yeah, I read that and literally thought "There's no way I had Shining say that. that just sounds stupid." because I instantly thought about the winter wrap-up episode. Now that is gonna change.
11639346 I actually plan to make a plot point about that later in this story, it's gonna be an interaction along the lines of "Well I get this world is different, but-" "there is no but, this world is different, and it's different for a reason. So why are you trying to change the laws of nature it has?"
Also, the way I think of Celestia right now, she is an immortal being so at some point you read or do everything you have access to, and it would get boring really fast. So when some random creature comes rolling out of everfree spewing some different dimension cultural nonsense, Id say that they wouldn't particularly agree with it, but it would definitely catch their interest, at least enough to hear them out first.
11633163
First off, thank you for this! This is the comment I’ve been waiting for tbh. No anger here though, just realizing that I started the story in a rough spot but I *think* it got better as I got back into writing. Believe me that this is WAY better then the FOE one I was writing.
So now I know I really gotta go back and edit or do something to the first few chapters to really give it that extra kick that will breath in that character or personality that you stated was missing. Which I have no problem doing, I’ve stated that I’m trying to write professional in my off time and use this as a “practice.“
As for the spin that seems to be missing. I now realize that although it is still a HIE story. The fact that this particular human realm is COMPLETELY different in historical and worldly aspects, and is separate from one’s such as real life or EG. So that will be another thing I will have to make much more apparent. So I appreciate that.
As for the strikes, honestly. The Luna one just made sense to me at least. Considering how I built upon Riley’s backstory and his world's history later on and how prominent his mind would appear on Luna’s map in the dream world. And how alien it would be for her. It just felt right, but I get it. It’s probably been overdone, and it’s gotten old, and I understand.
As for the Timberwolves… I’m gonna be honest, I have no excuse for that, it was honestly the first thing I thought of. I just knew that the Everfree forest wanted Riley. For a reason I would elaborate on in a later chapter. So I couldn’t have him stumble into pony ole or fluttershys cottage on a whim using that logic. But now the damage is done and I would have to rewrite the whole thing to change it.
All in all, this has given me a lot of information to reflect on and has opened my eyes in more than a few ways so I thank you for that!
11639298
okay yeah, I read that and literally thought "There's no way I had Shining say that. that just sounds stupid." because I instantly thought about the winter wrap-up episode. Now that is gonna change.
11639346
I actually plan to make a plot point about that later in this story, it's gonna be an interaction along the lines of "Well I get this world is different, but-" "there is no but, this world is different, and it's different for a reason. So why are you trying to change the laws of nature it has?"
Also, the way I think of Celestia right now, she is an immortal being so at some point you read or do everything you have access to, and it would get boring really fast. So when some random creature comes rolling out of everfree spewing some different dimension cultural nonsense, Id say that they wouldn't particularly agree with it, but it would definitely catch their interest, at least enough to hear them out first.