The spell didn't completely remove Discord's influence, and Applejack and Rarity know this better than anypony. Months on, they're still having difficulty; a perfect record is difficult to return to after you've tasted corruption.
They do, however, have each other.
Contains some darkness, and some fluff. More fluff than darkness, I suppose.
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Okay, so that kind of sucked. Still, I actually finished something, so I thought I might post it and see if anybody thinks... something about it? Anything? Whatever. I kind of wrote this with no plan and no edits, and I'm fourteen, so... there's that. Actually, that's irrelevant, and I'm rambling, and I'm going to shut up now and click the submit button.
I actually quite like it.
Shut up, writerpony, that was awesome and you know it. :P
Positives: I really like how you expressed how they're still under the influence of whatever Discord did to them, but at a muted, less fantastic level than you see in the Discord episodes. Granted, the fact that poor
and 
are walking around with that burden makes the whole scenario much darker than it appears to be at first. You also handled romance between the two of them quite well; it doesn't feel forced or unrealistic, and it moves at a reasonable pace compared to other fics I've read. I usually can't stand Rarijack fics where they are instantly all over each other with no build up. What else? No grammar or spelling issues, from what I could tell. Maybe there's something minor, but overall it flows well and maintains a melancholy atmosphere that I really like.
Negatives: The part of me that likes the story enough to want a continuation thinks it ends too abruptly, although for a simple dark one-shot it stops at a good place. Actually, the only real negatives I see are only issues if it isn't a standalone story (such as 'how did they miss getting completed healed, is it just the two of them, is Discord still controlling them somehow, etc.), but as a one-shot you don't need to worry about that. However, it would be awesome if you wanted to write some more...
But yeah, it's good, and kudos to you for getting something finished and posted. (And having better writing skills than a good deal of older writers I've seen. ^_^)
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This is a really helpful comment, thank you so much!
I agree with the abrupt ending thing, but I can't really be bothered to go back and alter it, given that it was an impulse thing. I probably won't write any more, but who knows? It ended up being so easy to write, I can't imagine a continuation would be too difficult. But it probably won't happen. Again, thank you for the comment.
WATCHU TALKIN BOUT, AUTHOR? This story is GOOD.
Personally, the ratio of dark vs. fluffy seems to be in favor of dark. But, I feel that, if the story were longer, it'd be able to fully flourish. NOT TO SAY THAT IT ISN'T GOOD. Because seriously, I love the feeling of, well, helplessness that both of them seem to be suffering from. Add in how they seem to be helping each other out with it pushing them together, and it is GLORIOUS. I would very much like to see more from this particular imagining of Equestria. And, as the previous commenter stated, "What about everyone else?" Seeing them all trying to cope with these would be very interesting to see...
Now that was a great story with a new premise.
Seriously that was crazy good! (no pun intended.) Dark Fluff is best Fluff.
Okay, from the looks of things you're taking constructive criticism and I've been itching to give some out. Sorry if this is over the top or whatnot and feel free to completely ignore.
To start off, the overall style is really nice. You've got some very nice echos between the start and end (for example, the pathetic comment) and each time it's bought up, it's given a slightly different emotion to it, which I feel really helps the story. Given the character's reactions it's very obviously something they've said to each other in the past and this adds a lot of depth to the entire story.
The first time AJ lies, I like the way you ease us into it. Rather than make it super obvious you show us AJ tricking herself into and justifying it in a rather (insane) Twilight-esque manner. It isn't really until half way through that it clicks and we realise something is the issue and this gives us a glimpse as to her thinking style back when she was under Discord's influence.
Another thing that greatly helps is that you could have taken out the end kissing and left it as a purely friendship fic. It might sound weird saying this helps, but (to me) it asks a rather nice question of how much this aspect of their life influenced them getting together in the first place. It also means the romance doesn't distract from the plot at all.
"Rarity can’t have heard her plea, but she says ‘Applejack.’ "
You're missing a comma there.
" beginning to shake and she doesn’t think she can actually stand up anymore."
I'd personally cut off that later half since it feels a bit redundant since we can infer that from how her legs are shaking. That said, the sentence structure really fits in with the mood and the over all style of the fic.
"Clumsily, she reaches out with one hoof and settles it so that it nestles against the curve of her muzzle, blocking her eyes."
That sentence is really badly worded I'm afraid. You use a lot of pronouns without stipulating who's muzzle or eyes or whatnot. Yes, I can infer who's doing what and so forth, but it can be a tad clearer. On a quick read I had to do a double take to get it.
"‘It’s rightful mine.’ "
Rightfully, is the word that's meant to be there (I believe)
"‘Rarity-‘ Applejack draws her hoof back, and Rarity panics ...."
That paragraph there is nice in that it shows us Discorded Rarity's way of thinking, but it lacks the subtly of AJ's earlier section. Not sure which I prefer since this is a rather nice contrast and idea of what could have been, but I do prefer the subtly from before. Merely musing out loud is all.
Over all, really, really, great fic. I actually like it's a oneshot since it means we don't have to deal with the messy happy ending and instead we can see two lovers coping and helping each other. A nice, short, touching fic.
This is absolutely beautiful.
I've never quite read a style as interesting as yours. It's got a really, dream like (If that makes a lick of sense?) quality. Things that happen, they're not over dramatized or the force of too much focus. They just happen. That's the opposite of a bad thing. Everything, your style, the characterization, the non-forced feeling of the 'romance' (Which might be a strong word for whatever Applejack and Rarity have in this), the dark themes that don't overpower the light hearted feelings. I mean, really, bravo, sir (or madam?)
It's freaking wonderful.
Wow. This is great; you’ve got such a distinct style. I like that it’s in present tense, too. Thanks for this!
Probably the most well-written story I’ve seen on this site. Amazing. I wish you all the best in your future writing endeavours, you’ll go far.