zargein
Joined 31st Jul, 2017 ·
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Next chapter, he will.
Yeah no, maybe for other people but Not me
(A month later) Edit: I just had the urge to say why it´s not mine. I read a lot of kinky Stories and generally enjoy vore, tf, tg, etc. (except submission of Twilight and the other mane 6). The Story itself is written well and I also read the sequel of it it could have been they survive somehow. Yet as I stated I donˋt like my precious lavender alicorn or her friends to be hurt, I like her wayyy to much for that. so itˋs as simple as that.
11284204
Eating national heroes seems like a good diplomatic strategy. Gives rulers something to bond over.
But I'm pretty sure Celestia got dibs on this one.
11284297
You got that right.
Isn't there a Death tag? Without it this story is probably gonna get a bunch of hate from readers expecting soft vore and characters to somehow survive.
I know he's gonna say yes to that date.
Why does this story have so many dislikes? I mean, it can't be that bad, right? ...Right?
11291001
It's vore
That tends to get more down votes then being a bad story.
Those people don't even read it.
I don't buy it.
Twilight is referred to as the princess of friendship meaning she's already an alicorn, they wouldn't just let thorax eat their retirement plan.
As an aside you missed an opportunity for celestia and luna to say something like nooooooo not our retirement plan!
Youm might want to edit this chapter a bit.
Wrong names are all over the place
So Lyra has a vore fetish it seems.
11298888
Thanks for catching that.
Shouldn't have had a food related name. Them's the rules Bon Bon.
"Take it, Thorax! Take it!"
"I dare not!"
"I'm giving it to you!"
"Don't! Don't tempt me further!"
Was that supposed to be "Ocellus Pt2"?
I... What? Unfortunately, the instruction not to think about it was at the end, so I already did it.
Hmm, this chapter wasn't bad, but it could've done with a bit of a touchup on the first half; it starts with a lot of telling rather than showing, and then when Thorax meets Rainbow, the conversation has a very strange immediate swerve from a serious social problem to her wanting to be eaten for no apparent reason and with no apparent thought to what'll happen to her later. In the latter half, it's a lot better, but it's still weird Rainbow doesn't seem to think about digestion pretty much immediately after she's done clopping.
This story really seems like it couldn't decide between pornographic casual vore with mixed reception and a serious plot, so just alternated between the two and wound up on the latter.
It also could've really used a pass overall for "show don't tell" problems, as some of the prose is really lacking in detail about what's happening.
Man, what a strange and silly story.I somewhat enjoyed it, but I couldn't get over some things which are not explained at all:
1-why RD wanted to be eaten
2-why did Celestia allowed for her "prized student" to be eaten so casually?I understand that this was probably "just for laughs", but it was still strange.Same for Lyra too.
Also, just some nitpicks:the words "poor girl" and "girl" overall are repeated too much, and sometimes it really doesn't work, especially in Chrysalis's case...