Avid reader, amateur writer. What more is there to say?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like this
part 3......they end up in the stomach and well you know what happens next.... :(
11352709
naw naw, I don't wanna see that. I like those girls.
Petty good man, the chapter is good, but there are a few words that need to be added or taken out.
There needs to be a to between trying and hide.
Needs to be an on after dragged.
Wouldn't needs to be taken out.
But the rest looked pretty good
Pretty good man just one would needs to be edited.
Through needs to be changed to thought
11353001
Thanks for the feedback, I went through and fixed those mistakes. “Wouldn’t” does belong in the last one though. He knew she was old enough to understand, he just wasn’t comfortable explaining it.
11353027
Welcome. And kk. Maybe remove didn't then.
Oh man! I hope they're all stuck inside Big Mac for a long time. I'd love to read more. This is such a good story.
What did Apple bloom mean about a calf?
"Dangit, dangit, dangit!" Applebloom spat. "Well, as much as I hate to say this brother, ah'm gonna hafta help. If I can birth a calf, how hard can this be?"
I think this sentence in your story is missing the word "as".
11358663
Fixed. Thanks for pointing it out.
Loving the story so far