Spurred on by a need to find a love that is greater than any found in this cold world, a boy is compelled to search farther than anyone has before. He sets out, determined to find the land in which he belongs.
Chapters (1)
BaliBriant
Joined 4th Aug, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Legionary · 199k words · 1,468 33 · 18k views
- Yellowtail · 218k words · 1,909 63 · 26k views
- Flammenwerfer · 269k words · 1,603 57 · 30k views
- Dalek IX · 27k words · 283 5 · 9k views
- Dusk Writer · 8.3k words · 324 10 · 6.4k views
- Irritus185 · 38k words · 294 9 · 4.8k views
- Pixel Berry · 47k words · 532 23 · 16k views
- SFaccountant · 266k words · 505 22 · 11k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.092 seconds
Total duration
721 users online
970,447 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This was great reading at the beginning, but as soon as I got to...
...I kind of lost track of what was happening. I don't know if you used a different word than what you were supposed to, or if you're just moving too fast (probably the latter). You went from a person going outside to stargaze, to him flying into countless worlds in about four short paragraphs. How you wrote everything before that, to me, was perfect. It held my interest much like many other great stories and books have.
fix same mistake as brain damage, other than that, it was good
1305332
1305572
Yeah that transition was a bit too choppy. I'll see what I can do. I'd be curious to know what you thought of the latter half of the story, as well (if you read the whole thing). Anyway thanks for the feedback!
Damn, this is sorta dark. Okay, your pacing could use some help, and your story line is just a little too common. Other than that and a few tiny mistakes, this is great.
1305860
Story line a little too common? Well yeah but I played it differently, wouldn't you say? Pacing has always been a weakness of mine... I guess I cut to the chase without development of the transition. This story is kinda a patchwork of sorts because when I started writing it I wasn't too sure where I was going with it, strangely it wasn't going to be a pony fic at all, although that's what I was thinking about while writing it. I was going to go about it discreetly and publish it to a different audience with my other non pony stories. But it wasn't working out, so I re did it without withholding ponies.