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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Holy shit. You definitely weren'y kidding on the surreal front... and that was one of the best dream sequences I've ever read.
Now Rarity and Dash have a semblance of what the other has on her mind, but I'm afraid of what Rarity's lack of consensus while using the dream-sharing spell will do once they wake up...
Sometimes she really needs to think things through a bit more, and you really showed that well with this.
Damn.
Weeeealp, there might be a bit of a screaming match in a bit.
Oh my god. That has to be the best thing I've read in any fanfic. I seriously think that this is the best chapter I've ever read. Seriously, the way it's played out is just flat out perfect. The characters are perfect. The pacing is perfect. I can't think of a single bad thing about this chapter! (Except maybe that Soarin' died, but what happens happens.) I cannot wait for the next chapter. I challenge you to write better than you did in this one. Is it possible? Maybe. If the next one is even better then I would be lost for words. Seriously though, incredible chapter. Thank you!
>Dash selected another marker
Rarity selected another marker, I presume?
Oh my God, this is the tensest chapter yet. I haven't stopped shaking.
I will be both happy and furious if the next chapter starts with "But not really."
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Damn, good catch. I thought I got all of those.
Yep, that's gonna have repercussions. Let's see what Rarity does now.
.............................................................................................................................
And What I can't stop thinking is how on earth RD is going to forgive Rarity after this.
Holy crud. Well there's the accident finally, and wow what an accident it was. Excellently written dream sequence.
And daaaaaamn are Dash and Rarity going to have some trust issues once they wake up.
Oh god, this fucking story, it's so well done, and i hurts so much to read it! I'm serious, i spend hours after it thinking about it, at least hours
Fucking hell, Cold. That ending. I hate everything.
Now to wait for the screaming match of the year to start. My monies down that Rainbow wins
But seriously that chapter was well worth the wait. The dream sequences were done done very well, they gave a more insightful view on both Rarity's and Dash's past before the accident and that we got to see how the accident played out.
Can't wait to find out how both of them will handle knowing what the other has been through while they were apart.
As always great chapter and hope to see more soon.
Woah. What a chapter. I don't know how you keep doing it, but each installment is somehow even better than the one previous. This is still my favourite story, I have to say - whenever I see it's updated, I jump right on it. Dash and Rarity are both so tortured emotionally, which is something we've known all along, but this chapter really brings that fact home and displays it in a more intimate way. Now that they've been given a glimpse into each other's minds, you'd think that they'd be even closer, but the whole trust violation Rarity went through with to access Dash's memories in the first place is bound to throw a wrench into that development. Not to say they won't come out the stronger for this, just that there might be a few bumps in the path, first. So yeah, another excellent chapter that was engrossing, poignant and pretty heartbreaking. If you can't tell yet, I'm a shameless fangirl - as such, I eagerly anticipate the next bit whenever its ready
Oh...
Uh, can the wait not be so painfully long for the next chapter? I might not make it.
Well...
Fuck.
"You , you, you-"
"Easy now Dash. Remember that you also played with yourself, furiously I might add, whilst staring at me In flagrante delicto."
"..."
"..."
"Angry sex?"
"Yes, please."
Let me repeat an earlier comment of mine: Oh, Rarity.
She really, really can't help it, can she? She's messed up her sex life with self-loathing and all the rest, and now she's busy sabotaging her relationship with Rainbow Dash. With the best of intents, sure, and with RD's wellbeing as her motivation... but Rarity is more than intelligent enough that she really should have asked the same question as Dash does: "What the fuck does Twilight know about dreams?”
Having said that, this is some excellent writing; the erotic element is really well done, and the emotional content is superb. (I loved the digression about where and how various breeds of ponies have sex; it has just the right mix of sophistication, snobbishness and prurience for Rarity, and the line about her being a lady, and thus fucking in bed, was just so.) All in all, this was a really powerful chapter. I can't wait for the next one!
Wow! that is all I have to say Now that RD knows what happened I'm wondering what is Rarity going to do now I mean really Rarity even Twilight said you should ask before doing what you did How stupid can you be Well this will be interesting on how Rarity is going to get Rainbow to forgive her for taking her trust and throwing it into her face Well I do hope it ends well though it doesn't a have a sad tag so I guess it will work out eventual but still how stupid can you be Rarity I WANT MOAR SOON! If that is alright by you
...Fuck.
That was brutal as hell. I can't imagine how terribly the next chapter is going to start.
The pacing, the characterization, etc. are all top notch. I have to say this is my favourite chapter yet.
Frell, I just started reading this story today and it is amazing. I can't wait for the next chapter, although I hope Rarity finds a way to make it up to Dashie.
Damn, that was a crushing chapter.
Having just lost several hours of sleep to this monster and gazing on the hapless twisting of the souls in the comments, I realise I am now too are part of this damned crew. May Celestia have mercy on us all.
Whelp, on with my day, I guess.
Also "And Rarity was a lady. She fucked in bed." might be best use of 31 letters I have ever seen.
I describe this chapter in two words: Perfect torture.
That said, this chapter alone surpasses every expectation I have as a writer. You've blown me away. Just...
Fuck.
I want to find you one day and shake your hand.
Well that was worth the wait. I didn't want the wait but by god it was worth it.
Holy fuck that was well done.
Wow. Damn good dream sequence there. Now do excuse me while I go shed some liquid pride.
So at the bottom of it all is not that Soarin died, but she feels like she abandoned him. Aw, crap
Welp, time for me to go try and find something to make me feel happy again.
Very well done.
Oh god, all these feelings.
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
I need to go and tell someone I love them right now. Please excuse me.
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You know, that's probably the biggest compliment I've ever received on one of my stories. I'm glad you liked it.
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Went and gave a friend of mine a big hug. When she asked why, I just said I was anxious - it wouldn't really do to explain why. But I feel better now.
And god, I wonder how you feel knowing you can do this to people. You should feel... Proud? Pleased? - at least a little happy about this story. You should be proud of your work that someone really did, hand on heart, feel that way about it. Privately, of course. I have nobody to impress here. If you would like to chalk that up as your biggest compliment, then I would be more then happy to wear your story like a scar.
You portray loneliness in Rarity and depression from Rainbow Dash's viewpoint in very real terms. The anguish of losing a loved one is something a lot of people can relate with, or at least understand. For Dash to lose her other half in such a tragic way while doing something she loved - in an event that only deepens and multiplies in tragedy as more details are revealed to us - is, for lack of a better word, heartbreaking. I mean, even without having the next chapter in front of me, seeing Rainbow Dash getting whisked away by Spitfire and the abandonment that it implies for her... Reminds me of when I lost someone I cared about, too.
And for Rarity. There's something indescribably awful about how bittersweet the sensation of fucking a stranger is. It's just so carnal and utilitarian and soulless. Maybe I'm just a shut-in who believes that sex should convey love more than lust, but even so, you encapsulate that loneliness so well that reading it makes me very, very glad I have someone I have someone I can love in a more wholesome way.
So, please. If you would, continue telling me your story, Cold in Gardez. Because I would very dearly like to hear it end well.
Wow. Decided to catch up on this fic at last and just... wow. Parts of this hit me like a hoof to the stomach. Hope to see another update soon though!
So the worst part of this (emotionally) is that Rainbow still isn't aware of the self destructive attitude that Rarity has developed. Sure, she was privy to that intimate moment with Wicker, but solely as an outside observer.
With Rarity in the driver's seat, Rainbow doesn't have any new insight to even remotely justify this invasion of trust. Storm's on the horizon.
This is still one of my absolute favorite stories on the whole site, but dammit, there are only so many times I can claim that it's just dust in my eyes before someone gets suspicious.
I find myself wondering when Rarity became self destructive. It's interesting that she want always like that, but it doesn't get us anywhere closer to solving Rarity's problems.
And since we've seen the accident (and Rarity has betrayed Rainbow's trust) this could only blow up in her face in the worst way. Like my brother said above; storm's on the horizon.
This is still one of my favorite stories, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
Man, there's going to be hell to pay when Dash and Rarity see each other in the waking world. Unless they somehow don't remember the dreams, but retain the greater understanding of each other. Hmm.
Having already read a rough version of the accident scene (in a blog post?), the part where Dash frantically tries to bludgeon herself awake in the middle of Rarity's fancy garden party was the bit that I found really disturbing. Now I find myself wondering if Dash is going to wake with a bloody noggin because she was hammering her hoof against her head in real life, too.
It was good to see some more back story on both characters in this chapter. I'm hoping we'll eventually get to see how and why things went south between Rarity and Wicker Spark, and what that has to do with the critical inner voice that hounds Rarity.
This story was good when it started, mind you, but it has absolutely taken off over the past few chapters. I don't comment much around here, but I need to join my voice to the chorus in saying how truly excellent this work is. Seriously looking forward to more. It's brutal and unrelenting, but the tender moments are brilliantly executed and make this story beautiful.
This story pains me. Those cold moments of being among those we love and not being able to share our thoughts. That fundamental loneliness that is temporarily set aside only by those precious few brief moments of actually living and feeling. All the effort spent trying not to think about those feelings.
You've captured something so fundamental that it strikes deeply... It's beautiful.
And in case it isn't clear, I love it.
I read the other one, loved it, cried, and now appreciate Rarity. I hope you can complete this Unabridged version. Will you EVER explain who Sweetie Belle is dating ( is what I am hoping for but I doubt it) If you explain in this one, then I will eagerly await you finishing it
I am thrilled by the story, it is the reason why I've decided to join FiMFiction in order to express my appreciation and gratefulness to the author of the story, it is really heartmoving, extremely well-written and... Nah, I cannot find proper words. Hats off to you!
I'd say the worst pat of this whole fic....was the moment I realized I'm now caught up and need to wait for the next update
About 4 dreamscapes in, I was very impressed with your word choice to convey the point of view of the scene: little details like the length of "Rarity's" mane when she experiences flying with the Wonderbolts. When they started to realize it was a dream I noted that Dash wasn't going to be happy about Rarity's snooping. When Dash started telling her to stop... That's when I realized this was a horror chapter.
You magnificent bastard.
Wow. What can I say? I'm going to go cry now.
Please oh please oh please upload the next chapter I have been waiting for sooooo long and I so want to know what happens next I just don't think I can wait anymore
A while back when you published this latest chapter, I wrote quite a long bit about it and chose not to post it here: Too much rambling, I thought. But I did feel that this was an amazing chapter, right on the spot in terms of writing and plot. I would never say it was 'predictable', but it definitely followed through very logically in places I felt it should lead up to when I read it. But that particular thing is simply plot mechanics to me; your writing within that excellent structure you create really is superb, and this dream sequence left me feeling some real angst and fear for Rarity and for Dash. I am still unaccountably stressed over what will happen to poor Rarity!
I know you mentioned elsewhere that you were still working on the latest chapter, so I do hope that will happen soon. At least soon-ish. I am still very much looking forward to more from you on this story.
I... I need to be awake tomorrow. Early. In four hours. I sat here and read the entire thing in one night. I stopped caring about analyzing it critically after chapter three. I fell in love with your fic.
The worst part is trying to summon the words that describe what I just experienced; beautiful and fantastic are too weak. Immersion is too weak. Invested is too weak.
I cannot remember another time I was so utterly consumed by the characters and events in a story. To think that these beautiful, magical gems are hiding out just under the surface, waiting for me to discover them. To think the world has countless experiences in my future that might come close to this experience. That on any errant night in the future I might come across something like this that so devastatingly compels me to feel alive.
I feel that this is the kind of story I aspire to as a writer. To be able to do to others what your story just did to me. Excuse me, but fuck mechanics, fuck being correct, fuck devaluing this somehow because it's "fanfiction".
I can't articulate it properly, so just thank you.
This story is really amazing so far. Thanks for writing it.
But, one of the prices of a story nearing perfection is that all the little things that bother me seem more pronounced. For example, I'm disappointed on how slowly Rarity is progressing. I was really excited about the dream sharing, expecting an opportunity for her secrets to come out, and to learn what precipitated her self-loathing. (Perhaps the events of The Glass Blower?) And I'd like to see her heal a little, or retreat even deeper, or have something happen.
Frankly she seems much more interesting to me than Dash right now. I was hoping that Dash's pain would be a little more complex. I strongly expected for many chapters now that Dash did something to precipitate the disaster. (Either by negligence from her usual cocky attitude, or simply by accident like 'Hey let's just stay out here for another 10 minutes to practice barrel rolls' or something.) Having the dream pretty much match everything that was in the official reports makes Rarity's invasion completely pointless, since new information seems to be what she was after. Although, the pointlessness of the whole enterprise could itself speak to the foolishness of Rarity's invasion.
So, to me, it seems like two missed opportunities to add dimension to the mental states of the characters.
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You make two very good points.
I won't address the point about Rarity, because it will be coming up in future chapters. However, I did consider making Dash somewhat culpable for the events of the accident, if only as a way to make the pain feel more personal to her.
In the end I decided not to. I was in Afghanistan when I wrote the original version of Salvation, and I wanted to make a few statements about war in general through the story. One of those statements was that sometimes people become victims through absolutely no fault of their own -- they are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is no issue of fairness or fate, just the randomness of the universe demonstrating how fragile our lives are.
You see a lot of that in war. A lot of the people who died did nothing to deserve their fate. The war was simply capricious and cruel.
Anyway, I'm working on the next chapter at this very moment. I hope you'll continue reading and enjoying.
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If that's the case, then I suppose it's a fair compromise the way you did it.
In my interpretation, Dash may have, in the absence of any legitimate reason to have survivor's guilt, invented one, by imagining Soarin was alive when she left.
On another topic, I see this story as being about Rarity. I see Dash's troubles as being a perfectly normal, tragically common life experience that she'll work through eventually. It's Rarity's desperate (and dangerously escalating) need to inject herself into Dash's healing process that's the true story in my eyes.
Perhaps that's why I was frustrated that the dreams passed by without unlocking another complex corner of Rarity's soul, and I'm excited that you're hinting that you have plans in the works for Rarity ^_^ Awesome stuff. Thanks again for making it.
http://www.theweathernetwork.com/news/articles/like-a-war-zone-quebec-officials-on-fatal-train-derailment-/8856/
Read about this nearby tragedy and immediately thought of colorful ponies, which paradoxically made it a thousand times worse. I think you broke my brain, Cold in Gardez.
I just wanted to share that you now have fan music of this:
I think I'll re-read this story now. And maybe go through a tissue box while I'm at it.
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This is the first fan-music anyone has ever made for me. I love the somber, minimalist tone. It fits the story well.
Thanks!
Living in memories. Living in regrets and guilt, love taken too soon.
Holding on and refusing to break.
I'm not sure I could explain entirely why this story hits so hard. Reading it, I'm almost at tears; it's hard to say if it's entirely because of how sad the story it, or if part of the feelins is because of how beautifully it's written. Wistfulness. Endurance. You really capture a true tragedy here.
And life goes on. According to V. Frankl, those we truly revere are the ones who we know have suffered and yet emerge. We don't know if either mare will. Does anyone fully? Maybe that's part of why the story is so captivating.
Watching Rarity and Rainbow in their denials, I have no sense of how the story is supposed to go. There's no precedent. There's no cliche.
You capture all the emotions well.
Although I enjoy shipping, I find some part of me is hoping that Dash and Rarity actually don't get shipped in the end. Some statement about how friends can bond and love and be so close. I don't know if that's true. Maybe it's close enough to love that it has to be, in some form. I wonder how this ends. I don't know how I would want it to.
I hope someday I can talk at length about this story with someone. Or that I find someone who could be as deeply touched by it. That would be a meaningful connection.