Starlight takes her marefriend, Cheerilee back to her castle room to hypnotize her.
An entry for the May Pairing Contest 2022.
Chapters (1)
CAPTAIN YOSHI HD
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Where to begin with this one? I like hypno stuff as much as the next guy, but this story has some serious problems. The most glaring of these problems is probably the pacing, which is way, way too fast for what you were trying to accomplish. Hypnosis is a theme that really requires the story to take its time and provide lots of detail to be done well, something that this story does not. Even with this story rushing through the exposition to get to the main event, it still didn't take enough time to really savor the moment. Barring those structural problems, there was also some awkward word choice, lavender unicorn syndrome, and basic grammar/punctuation errors throughout, which wouldn't have been a big deal had they been fewer and further between.
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Not to mention that nothing happens. No hypno antics, just the trance, and then she awakens from it? I couldn't tell at all. And the marrying section at the end comes out of nowhere.
Really cute idea. Never thought about consensual hypnotism as an actual thing. I think I might just borrow that idea, its a really cute relationship and I could see a lot of fun stories about these two.
All in all a great story to brighten up my day. XD
in there was anything though, I'd like to see more details on how Starlight felt or was thinking during this process. We get a few glimpses but I bet there's a lot of cuteness, or perhaps dirtiness going on in that big ol' unicorn brain of hers.