Funkin' Friendship

by Goldstar

7: Vs. ???

The same night that Twilight and Spike made it back home, Twilight noticed Spike looked very upset, but neither of them said anything on the trip back. She tried to hug him but he wouldn’t let her. Once inside the library, dialogue finally happened. “I can hardly believe it!” Spike fumed, “I didn’t think Rarity would go for mares, yet alone you.”

“Spike,” Twilight began calmly, “She’s your first crush, it wasn’t meant to be. Besides, she’s an adult mare and you’re a baby dragon. I didn’t know she would fall for me either, especially right then and there in the middle of the Gala. I mean, I liked it, but it was unexpected.”

“You’re going to build a harem of hot mares and I get nothing.”

“I knew things would be very different for you growing up, since you’re one of the very few dragons living among ponies and you age differently from ponies. It’s not like I can just easily find a baby dragon girl for you. Even if Rarity gone for Prince Blueblood, that’s still the same as not choosing you.”

“But she rejected that jerk. She could have picked me.”

“Well, she might be bisexual, but you’re still too young in either case. I’m not great with love advice. It wasn’t till over a month ago that I found love. How Pinkie fell for me right away is about as well-known as to how her so-called Pinkie Sense works, but I’ll take it. Princess Celestia thinks I still need to learn a lot about romance in addition to friendship.” Twilight hugged Spike again as he started to become tear eyed and this time Spike didn’t reject it.

“I’m sorry I overreacted like that Twilight. It’s just that Rarity is so perfect, so beautiful. And it’s not like I really know any colts or stallions to talk to aside from Boyfriend and even he has a relationship with the only mare in our group that’s not into other mares, I think.”

“It’s okay Spike, it’s growing pains. Now if you excuse me, I need my... alone time before going to bed. Amazing how quickly you learn soundproof spells in such cases.”

---

The next day, Spike went to Boyfriend’s and Girlfriend’s home. Inside, he found Boyfriend making rap noises to no one in particular. Spike didn’t see Girlfriend around. Boyfriend stopped his session upon seeing Spike.

“I’m still not over Rarity going for Twilight yet,” Spike complained.

“Was it anything ever serious?”

“She had a pet nickname for me, called me Spikey Wikey. I felt she led me on.”

“First crush huh? I’ve been there too.”

“Girlfriend is not your first girlfriend?”

“Yes, but my first crush was with this guy named Pico. At the time, I was still finding my footing with rapping. We were in the same school and I was doing an after school performance. He really took notice of me and wanted to know more about me. Most students wouldn’t have done that. We started finding things we had in common like music and video games. At the time, I didn’t know I would fall for him, yet alone a guy. I think he was scared of getting too close to me because I might not be interested. He made the first moves and then we hit it off.”

“So, what happened? How did you two break up?”

“He wouldn’t let go of the guns. I’m not a violent guy, but he is and it only gotten worse over time. Now, he didn’t hurt me or even threatened to hurt me, at least at the time. We spent less time together and got into more arguments until we made the decision to break it off. Let me tell you, that was absolute hell. But luckily, that would not last long. Girlfriend came into my life shortly after and we’re only getting closer, not further apart, over time.

“Pico and I just mostly said nothing to each other throughout the rest of our schooling time. It wasn’t long ago we would meet again when Daddy Dearest hired him to assassinate me. Pico couldn’t do it. He even shot at me but missed on purpose.”

“At least it worked out for you.”

“Spike. At least you were not turned down by Rarity, because you never got into a relationship with her in the first place. While your crush died, the friendship you two share hasn’t. Now I don’t know if the girl, or boy, for you is going to pop up in your life anytime soon. Don’t you dragons live a really long time, like for hundreds of years? Your life is barely getting started.

“Hey, how about I cheer you up? Wanna learn how to rap? You’ve seen how many problems it can solve.”

“Spike the Rapper?! Yeah, I like the sound of that!”

---

Within Celestia’s room, a portal appeared on the ceiling and out dropped a unicorn stallion with a purple coat and dark purple mane, with some of it on his chest. His eyes were red. He looked at himself as well as he could without a reflection. “What the fuck happened to me?!”

Celestia looked at him, somewhat amused. “I knew it was only a matter of time before Girlfriend’s parents would show up. Why hello Daddy Dearest. Were you hoping to get your daughter back?”

“Of course, and no horses are going to get in my way. And when I find Boyfriend, I’m going to rip his balls a new one!”

“Cute. But I cannot allow that because I have use for them. I knew you would find a way to get here eventually, so I altered the teleportation destination a bit and perverted your wife from also coming through. Let me be clear. I could end you where you stand like banishing you to the moon. The only reason you’re living is because I don’t want to upset Girlfriend by killing her evil parents.”

“You think you’re so tough horse?! Perhaps it’s time you learned what demons can do to you!”

“Fine then, a rap battle as per usual in your world.”

---

Three, two, one, go!

“My daughter doesn’t need that punk Boyfriend. My wife and I already got her the perfect man.”

“Arranged relationships, what could possibly go wrong? You can’t trust your daughter to make her own decisions?”

“Daddy knows best! She’s 19, I’m way older.”

“And yet she chose Boyfriend over your pick.”

“She’ll realize in time her parents made the right decision. What does she see in that annoying boy?”

“Love, care, companion. You’re a control freak. If you really care for your daughter, you’ll accept her decisions.”

“Not a chance, that’s what parents are for, to guide their children in their right direction.”

“Have you tried to see the positives in Boyfriend? He’s not perfect, but he’s good enough.”

“What’s there to see? He’s human, he’s shorter than her, and he has no powers. She even chose to look human for him.”

“And they found love in spite of it all. I’ve lived far longer than you and I’ve seen all kinds of relationships work.”

“She’ll ruin the Dearest family name with Boyfriend!”

“No, but you certainly will if you keep this up. Instead of only looking into the negatives, look for the positives. Although your daughter is only 19, trust that she’s grown enough to have made a wise decision.”

“I told you, I already found her the perfect mate.”

“You think she’ll love him back just because you see him as the so-called perfect choice? You think she won’t be unhappy with a boyfriend you chosen for her with zero input on her part? Do you want your daughter to hate you? Because that’s how you get your daughter to hate you. Stop getting in the way of her man. Be that supportive father.”

“Damn horse! I’ll have you know I’m very powerful beyond spitting epic verses.”

“How cute. You were Boyfriend’s easiest opponent. You’re merely a warmup for me.”

“I had to give him a chance, make him think he’s hot shit. During a Christmas week, my wife and I went much harder on him.”

“And guess who isn’t here? You, harder? Please! She proven a bigger challenge for Boyfriend on top of speeding cars by herself. You held her back.”

“I had enough of this! Witness what I can do to you outside of a rap battle!”

“This shall be fun. If you think you can step over me, well, time to learn demon!”

---

Daddy Dearest began to build up magical energy to transform into a hulking brute of a stallion, almost matching Celestia in size compared to his average stallion size prior. His front hooves became claws and he leaped in the air, ready to strike at the princess. He got caught in a magical bubble that Celestia formed around him. “I really do prefer non-violent solutions, barring a few exceptions like the Parasprites. But I know you can be reasoned with.”

“How the hell are you powerful so?!”

“Because I’m one of the only alicorns around, with godlike powers. Your power is hot shit where you’ve came from, but against a pony like me, pitiful. Listen, I am going to bring Boyfriend and Girlfriend over. You can stop wasting your energy. The bubble will shrink the more you resist. I will bring no harm to you if you cease your attack. And once you three had a talk, I’m sending you back while keeping these two here and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Moments later, a portal appeared in which Boyfriend and Girlfriend came out of.

“Daddy!” Girlfriend cried out.

“Get me out of here! Attack that horse!”

“How did you even find us out here?” Girlfriend asked.

“Let’s say I pulled some favors with the rap gods to find my daughter.”

“Are you trying to kill me yet again?” Boyfriend asked.

“Daddy, I told you time and again, he is my Boyfriend and we’re very close. If you would stop trying to get in the way of my love life, I’ll love that. I thought you said you were cool with him before, till you hired an assassin after him and got us both trapped in a video game. I know he’s a human being. It’s not like I set out to date a human, but he really moved me. I promise you our family name isn’t ruined, at least not with anyone that matters.”

“Dude,” Boyfriend started, “I’m tired of you being such a control freak. You’re one of her parents, be a good example! So, I’m not a demon, so what. Does that make me unqualified to be her lover? I rap battled some of the most dangerous beings around like the lemon head monster, to protect Girlfriend and me. I went through so much bullshit that people like you had thrown at us. And you know what all this hardship has done? Strengthen GF’s bond. With me, made us closer than ever. So, if that was secretly your plan all along, fantastic! But I highly doubt it.” There was silent for several seconds before anyone else spoke.

“I’m... sorry.” Daddy Dearest began, “You know I always want what’s best for you Girlfriend. I don’t want you to end up with some punk who can’t take care of you or worse, abuses you. I find anyone does that to you and they’re getting burnt to ashes, no questions asked. Yet, the little pipsqueak has handled everything thrown at him. He’s been put through hell and back, yet, he’s never stopped holding his own.” Daddy started to smile and clap his hooves. “You know what Boyfriend? You were so different from what I arranged for my daughter and yet, I can see how you two are made for each other. I should have known you being the brother of Hatsune Miku was worth something. You have my word I won’t bother you no more, unless you start slacking off. My daughter means the world to me, so you keep making me proud.”

“Thanks man,” Boyfriend replied. “She is my world, along side rapping. Even thrown into this situation where we’re both ponies in a strange world, I’m still challenging creatures to rap battles and winning.” Boyfriend then turned to Celestia. “You can bring us back home, right?”

“Daddy gets to go, but you two I still have use for.”

“What do you mean?” Girlfriend asked.

“Because I’m too lazy to train up ponies to be rap battlers or do it myself when I’m ever so busy making sure Equestria doesn’t fall apart without me micromanaging so much day to day activities.”

“BF is that amazing?” Girlfriend gushed for a few seconds, “but we can go home at some point?”

“I can’t say exactly when. You won’t go unrewarded.”

“You can rap, why him?” Daddy asked?

“Because you forced my hoof. Besides, why do myself if someone else can do it better?.”

“But you lived for at least a thousand years,” Girlfriend added.

“Spent ruling Equestria. Besides, we have heroes to do the hard work that’s not keeping Equestria from falling apart. Now, it’s time for everyone to go. Back to Ponyville with you two. And as for you Daddy, back to Earth. Tell Mommy Mearest I said hi.”

Author's Note:

Well, so much for that writing a bit everyday plan. This intermission chapter between the show's seasons was somewhat of a last minute decision. So, Discord shall be the next chapter.

Comments

[Goldstar]

11340007
I... oh... well, this is tricky. I'm not sure if you make similar comments on other fan fiction that happens to portray Rarity and Blueblood in this manner, especially with him primarily being in the wrong. I'm going by what I can gather from canon, with tweaks and twists here and there. Prince Blueblood really is that shallow and one noted, at least in that particular episode. Now I could have given him more dimensions to his personality, but that's not the purpose of this fan fiction. Heck, the show itself probably doesn't go that deep with Rarity being at fault, especially to the same extent that Blueblood is. It fits with the general theme of the episode that the Gala wasn't like how any of the Mane 6 expected it would be. This fan fiction is a pretty abridged version of events. I'm aware that's many fan fictions that redeem Blueblood and make him a much more interesting character, who's more of a flawed pony than an outright villain. This is not that fan fiction.

I forgot Blueblood shown up in a song during season 2, even after looking him up on the wiki to make sure I get certain details right. Even if he did redeemed himself by that, this takes chapter takes place before that. The rap battles involve characters who are generally considered villains, even if redeemed later, although this probably won't include every single one. Although among the numerous reformed villains, Blueblood doesn't seem to be one of them. Although I think I did shown Rarity being pretty vain with how quickly she joined Twilight's harem after being rejected by Blueblood.

Although I'll find it very debatable if canon did it better. It doesn't portray her in the wrong that you see her as in that episode. Blueblood was basically an one episode only character aside from a moment in a musical bit later on. And yes, Rarity does get character development later on along with most of the main characters.