Funkin' Friendship

by Goldstar

6: Vs. Prince Blueblood

The Grand Galloping Gala had arrived. Twilight and her friends were going to have an amazing night. It was going to be worth the wait. It was going to be more than they could have ever hoped for. It was...

It was going to completely backfire and suck, but they didn’t know that yet. Rarity made dresses for everyone except Spike and Boyfriend. Girlfriend gushed at seeing Boyfriend in the formal suit that Rarity made for him. “We look absolutely amazing Boyfriend!” Girlfriend praised, “Rarity knows how to bring out the very best in our looks.”

“For a pony, this is pretty fancy. You look great too babe! Wonder what I’ll look like back as a human with this style of uniform. It’ll help my fame even more, although of course I would need to save it for special occasions. You know, I wonder how it is back home since we’ve been missing for over a month.” Before they could ponder that, Twilight used her magic to perform some transformations. She transformed an apple to a carriage. It went simple enough, but her spell to transform four mice into ponies had mixed results.

“Sweet Celestia!” Rarity cried out, seeing ponies with mice tails and faces.

“I’m not exactly used to casting these transformation spells on living beings,” Twilight admitted, looking nervously around her.

“Are they going to stay ponies?” Girlfriend asked.

“No. The transformation spells should wear off in a few hours.”

“Let’s get going before something else goes wrong,” Rainbow Dash said.

“It’s Friday and you know what that means,” Pinkie announced, smiling.

“Something goes wrong and I have to rap battle to solve it,” Boyfriend answered, annoyed.

“Yes. You know how the formula goes.”

“Pinkie!” Twilight called out, “Maybe we’ll get spared this week. This is being hosted by the princesses. It should be fine.” Twilight then started to blush, “I’m going to meet Princess Celestia after over a month without seeing her. I’m so excited. And I get to meet Princess Luna again too.”

“Twilight,” Rarity started, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’m sure they’ll be glad to see you, but in a purely friendly way.”

“I... I can dream! She must have so many years of experience. I miss the royal flank.”

“Bag pardon,” Applejack injected, “but don’t you already have Pinkie as your marefriend?”

“Yes, but just one marefriend. My harem must expand, because I’m horny and I’ve been too shy up till this point.”

Once Twilight’s group arrived at the Gala, Twilight quickly went to Celestia, who then led them into a private room just for the two of them. Twilight was very quick to jump into a hug. “Princess!” The hug lasted for several seconds before Celestia broke it off.

“Twilight! I am glad to meet you again after the letters you sent me. I’m happy you’re adjusting well to Ponyville.”

“There were some things I wanted to talk about that wouldn’t have worked in letters because they’re not as fast as live chats. I can’t help but think the timing was very coincidence for Boyfriend and Girlfriend arriving right before they were needed to deal with Nightmare Moon. I used the Elements of Harmony and they seemingly did nothing. Did we used the Elements wrong?” Celestia had a serious look at first, before quickly taking on a smug smile.

“Have a seat, Twilight.” Twilight did so. “I want you to grow and lean on your friends. Not too often though, you are the most capable of any of them except when it comes to rap battles, Boyfriend has all of us beaten. You’re well on your way to becoming the most OP unicorn in Equestria history. I don’t want you losing track of what’s most important, relationships.”

“Really? I think I see what you mean. I’m doing great on relationships, right? I have several close friends and even my harem that’s mostly empty so far but is going to be full of hot mares in time. Pinkie kissing me was one of the greatest moments in my life. I know it’s greedy, but I want more ponies to love me. Surely a great unicorn like me can have that.”

“I don’t doubt you can Twilight, but make sure not to end up like a Trixie. I’m well aware that you probably want me in bed with you.” Twilight heavily blushed at this, “But in due time. You probably wouldn’t want to go back to having sex with other mares once you experienced me. I would give you a preview like a light kiss on the lips, but even now you struggle to look either at my face or ass. At least I raised you better than Sunset Shimmer.”

“I can hardly wait! Excuse me... I’ve just been lonely for so long and up till some weeks ago, I didn’t even care about friendship. Who is this Sunset Shimmer?”

“A previous student of mine who became a queen bee bitch and flew into another world to rule as a high school student. Although she’s older than you and you’re already an adult, so I have no idea how she remains in high school in that world.”

“What is this other world?”

“It’s where we have human beings. They stand on two legs, wear clothes most of the time because they can’t hide their genitals like us ponies, have more advanced technology than we do, and are some of the most violent species you’ll ever meet.”

“This is not going to be an anti-human thing, is it?”

“Nope. You should see human women. They have boobs and they’re the greatest spheres on chests ever. Humans are resourceful, probably even more than we are. They lack magic, but more than make up for it with their mastery of tools. You should give that world a chance sometimes.”

“What about my other questions?”

“Boyfriend and Girlfriend have a purpose to being here. While I haven’t done a very good job of exposing you to it, rap battles are a sacred tradition in Equestria. Aside from trash talking, they ensure conflicts do not get violent.”

“This doesn’t sound like a freak accident that they ended up here. How do you know this?”

“Because I brought them here.”

“What?!”

“With help from Girlfriend’s salty parents. I’ve been eyeing Boyfriend for some time. He almost got banished into space to die, but I took manners into my own hooves and use my magic with that of Girlfriend’s father to redirect the teleportation.”

“Do they know about it?”

“Nope, and it is better it stays that way. I will get them home, but I, I mean Equestria, simply needs them too much right now.”

“What about ponies who can rap? What about you? And it seems Boyfriend’s opponents, regardless of who they are, can also rap.”

“You ask some hard questions, not that I would have raised you not to. It’s simple. This is more fun for everyone else involved. Don’t let it be said I don’t want my little ponies to be entertained. When you live as long as me, you want to spice up the mundane days.”

“And what of the Elements of Harmony.” Celestia paused for several seconds before resuming her smug smile.

“Oh Twilight, as long as rap battles can solve issues, there’s no need for those things. But in the event that Boyfriend should ever lose a rap battle and the opponents don’t challenge someone else to one, well, then you and most of your friends should finally have your moment to shine.”

“But you seemed so surprised when you arrived after Nightmare Moon was defeated.”

“I’ve got to keep up appearances. I know you wouldn’t ever have a coltfriend. Now, you have the rest of the Gala to attend to. It’ll probably be an absolute disaster, so enjoy yourself.”

As Twilight returned to the party, she took notice of Rarity.

“Prince Blueblood!” Rarity called out to him while waving. There he was, his dashing good looks, a professional styled mane...

A cocky smile and rotten look. He looked over to Rarity. “And you are?”

“Rarity, the most generous and pretty pony at the Gala.” Rarity moved close to him.

“Please. That mane? So last season. And your dress? Did a bum make that?” Steam was blowing out of Rarity’s ears as her face turned red.

“What?! I’m something of a professional fashionist.”

“Where at?”

“Ponyville.”

“That backwater town of poor ponies? Would explain a lot. And if you’re from Ponyville, then you probably have no interest in me that way. Good, because I don’t either.” Rarity was speechless for several seconds. This did not go unnoticed by other ponies around, especially Boyfriend and Girlfriend.

“What’s going on?” Girlfriend asked. Blueblood turned toward her.

“Another hick unicorn. I did not want such ponies speaking to me.” Girlfriend looked angry and her fur started to turn purple.

“Don’t babe, he isn’t worth that,” Boyfriend stepped in. He then pulled out his microphone. “Let’s throw down!”

“Yes Boyfriend!” Rarity called out, “Rap battle this brute some manners!”

“A rap battle, seriously?” Blueblood asked, not looking amused.

“Well, they’re how I solve my problems.” Boyfriend explained.

“And how does that prove anything? Whatever, I’ll entertain this silly notion because I don’t have much else better to do right now.”

“Fine. Second week in a row I’ll be defending Rarity’s honor. And you won’t get away with talking to my Girlfriend like that either!” Blueblood did not have a microphone going into the rap battle.

---

Three, two, one, go!

“I’m the Prince Blueblood! Royalty flows through my veins. What sort of commoner are you?”

“Only the very best rapper around, The Boyfriend! Your royal status means nothing to me.”

“Really? Then why haven’t I heard of you? Prepared to get schooled boy!”

“I have a thing for out rapping assholes like you. Bring it on!”

“I’m a self-made stallion. Dashing good looks, charming personality, what’s not to like?”

“That you’re a complete and utter narcissistic, hiding behind your birth status, perhaps?”

“Flaunt it if I got it. Part of the perks of being high class and the distant nephew of Princess Celestia.”

“Clearly you were not raised with proper manners of like any kind. No wonder why nopony wants you after meeting you.”

“Please, as if I need a pony from the backwater town of Ponyville. No mare can meet my standards.”

“Of being completely self-absorbed? Oh noes, who could possibly be missing out? You could settle for a bit digger.”

“Like I’ll let any two-bit whore get any of my wealth.”

“What can you do aside from spoiling a wife with riches?”

“What? I’m not sharing anything. I’m a prince, dammit, and I won’t let this talking down to from a lowlife pony continue!”

“Funny that. You’re a prince and a unicorn. The princesses are alicorns. You’re not exactly getting the best deal out of this.”

“We... don’t talk about that!”

“Looking a little blue? Can’t stand to deal with a pony you can’t step over?”

“You’re pissing me off you little shit!”

“And what are you going to do about that?”

“I’ll get my aunts or the Royal Guard to kick you out!”

“Over what?”

“Annoying me!”

“While you do that to about everypony here.”

“Please. Maybe they should get out of the kitchen if they can’t stand the heat.”

“You really have no clue just how you come off, do you? The princesses can kick your ass out, just like that.”

“They love me too much.”

“Are you sure about that? Your attitude is holding you back.”

“From what?”

“Being likeable, for one. And earning any sort of real respect.”

“I had more than enough being talked down to by a small earth pony. This rap battle has gone on more than long enough. Go white knight over Rarity some more, I’m done.”

---

The crowd cheered on Boyfriend while booing Blueblood and throwing fruit at him. Celestia shown up in front of Bluebood. “You gotta do something about him!” Blueblood bagged.

“Do what exactly?”

“He made me look bad!”

“You have done that yourself!”

“I... wait, what?!”

“You’re an embarrassment to me.” Blueblood started to very visibility sweat.

“No, you... please Aunt Celestia! Why?!”

“Because I wanted you to be as humiliated as possible. The news will take about this for weeks.”

“You betrayed me!”

“I warned you plenty of times about your narcissistic behavior and every time you’ve done nothing to improve. Now start packing, you’re out of this castle.”

“But where will I live?”

“I missed the part where that’s my problem.”

“You troll! Doesn’t matter, I’ll get back on my hooves in no time!” The audience cheered on Celestia and Boyfriend while Blueblood left as quickly as possible. Moments later, Rarity ran up to Twilight and kissed her deeply on the lips for several seconds. As the kiss broke off, Twilight processed it.

“I’m... I’m so happy that you kissed me. But I wonder why now?”

“Because Prince Blueblood is no longer a suitable option for me. I am horny and a lady has her needs.”

“Don’t you want a chance at another stallion?”

“Not for now.”

“We can end the party with a bang!” Pinkie shouted.

“Pinkie?!” Twilight yelled. “Not so publicly.”

“Of course, it would be a three way between us in private.”

“But don’t mention it right in public.”

“It’s fine Twilight. I’m sure most of the ponies here already know about your strong lust for mares.”

“Can we just go already? This party was terrible except when Boyfriend went down hard on Blueblood... not in that way!” Twilight had started to sweat. “Let’s go before I ruin Rarity’s dress with sweat or draw anymore unwanted attention.”

Author's Note:

Well, so much for that plan of writing every day. I never meant having a new chapter out every day, but that at least a little bit of progress would be made every day. Had the nephews and niece come over, who tend to drain most of my energy, so I wasn't quite up to writing during such a time. Now let's see if I can get the next chapter out in a somewhat short amount of time. I mean, sure, hobby, not getting paid for it as this isn't a commission.

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

In this Equestria, major conflicts are solved through rap battles. Unfortunately, the Mane 6 are not well equipped to deal with rap battles.

Then how were they able to beat Nightmare Moon and all of the other big villains?

[Goldstar]

11313951
As stated, rap battles. Yeah sure, it doesn't make a ton of sense, but it's similar to the logic in Yu-Gi-Oh! in which card games are how most major conflicts are handled.
Unless you mean how Nightmare Moon was defeated a thousand years ago. Well, in that case, not everything was explained yet. There's still time to go into those details.

[Justalad 45]

Y'know, its really amusing how almost every single Time People make it like all on the Grand Galloping Gala Was entirely on BlueBlood's Fault and thus make it as if he was Scum whenever they write him when you have Rarity that just Wanted That high-status Stallion instantly Falled In Love and sweeped her Off her Hooves simply because her Pretty Face.

¨B-but...hE wAs MeEeEAn¨so?I dont Hate Rarity or something,But she really should have Know Better than to Idealize Someone she Literally Dont Knows and Expect him to be everything she Dreamed off. does that Make what BlueBlood did That time be Fine?no Really, but that doesn't change the Fact that Half the Fault of everything that happened to Rarity was her own because Despite the Red Flags he keep showing, she Keeped Following him Around In a desperate hope He Still somewhat Fitted her Fantasy and when predictably he didn't she then Snapped at Him. even thought since The very First Time he Demostrated he is not the Gentleman Rarity Imagined She could have Ditched Him at ANY moment. In no moment BlueBlood maked any Effort to Keep Her Company and she WILLINGLY stayed until she was got beyond her Limit. come on Rarity, Dude Makes you Use your Dress to get Across a puddle and you Honestly think is a Good Idea to still Keep being around him?Where you THAT Desperate for a Easy Life as Nobility?I really believe the Gala Was one of the Lowest points of her Characther as a Whole.

Long story Short:ppl love to stick it All on BlueBlood, yet ALSO Love to Act like Rarity wasn't Pretty Much A Gold Digger that would had been Fine with Being a Trophy Wife of a complete Stranger if it meaned easy Fame and Wealth.Funny thing That word got throwed around here on this. y'all Ask me I Will say they Both Acted Equally Awful.nothing More,nothing Less.

Its such a Relief That Canon did it so much Better: Rarity Growed in Later Seasons, and even seems they Both made up in Sweet and Elite.