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Good job again. A lot of this now looks like mostly proper English, but it can use a little more polish. Take it as a good sign that, without any major issues to work with, all I have is a collection of small, relatively minor issues to point out now.

First, in general, punctuation within dialogue works just like normal sentences. Meaning, a majority of the time, you'll want any spoken line in quotation marks to end with some form of punctuation. For one example:

"This is bad, someone his size shoulden't be running around all alone" Twilight stated

The word "alone" should, being the end of Twilight's spoken sentence, end with either a period or a comma. Usually it'll be a comma, so it can flow better into the "Character said" part of the line that often follows dialogue. As far as I'm concerned, a period can work too.

Okay now, have a list of all the typos.

• "in the catsle" should be "in the castle"
• "worried about em" should be "worried about 'em"
• "have The Wonderbolts Search their" should be "have the Wonderbolts search their"
• "Rarity, Get in" should be "Rarity, get in"
• "Allright let's move" should be "Alright let's move"
• "found that Moving through" should be "found that moving through"
• "was alot more" should be "was a lot more"
• "inside anon had" should be "inside Anon had"
• "the failed "Tiny Clothes For Tiny Creatures" line" should be "the failed "Tiny Clothes For Tiny Creatures" line"
• "Umm No?" should be "Umm no?"
• "rotating anon with" should be "rotating Anon with
• "door. "well actually" should be "door. "Well actually"
• "report that she had found to" should be "report what she had found to" or "report that she had found Anon to"
• "Twilight procceded to" should be "Twilight proceeded to"
• "staunchly. " A, yes I can" should be "staunchly. "A, yes I can"
• "thank you rainbow!" should be "thank you Rainbow!"
• "Just seing if" should be "Just seeing if"
• "truth. also I" should be "truth. Also I"
• "mine."Rainbow" should be "mine." Rainbow"
• "the head her toy" should be "the head of her toy"
• "Allright in you go" should be "Alright in you go"
• "Felling the rhythmic" should be "Feeling the rhythmic"
• "into Applejacks bedroom" should be "into Applejack's bedroom"
• "I aint into that" should be "I ain't into that"
• Any usage of the word "im" should always be "I'm" instead.
• Any usage of "Applejacks" should be "Applejack's" instead.
• Any usage of "maby" should be "maybe" instead. (Except for the "To Be Continued... maby" at the end of each chapter. At this rate, you might as well keep it for tradition.)

"face first,
his entire"

The "his entire" part is given its own line starting after "face first," but they should be on the same line. As in, "face first, his entire"

"a buttplug encrusted with"

"encrusted" is probably not a word you want to use here. That usually refers to an actual substance, often either a gross one, or a crusty one. You probably want something like "a buttplug with the image of" instead.

Lastly, as more of a personal preference thing, rather than any actual error, I think you should give the kinky scenes some slower pacing. Having a somewhat fast pace to normal events is fine enough, but kinks are hard to enjoy when the best parts are only a paragraph or two long. I think it'd be very good if next time, you try making the actual vore slower and longer. Usually, pacing in writing is all about the level of detail you put into descriptions. Simply stating one action after another will make for a fairly short read. However, describing every fine, teasing detail, leading your readers by the nose and by the ears to immerse each and all of their five senses as possible, using longer-than-normal words and phrases (but not too long) to add impact and flair to every motion and every delight, will suitably elongate any erotic situation to maximize the audience's enjoyment. You don't necessarily need to go extreme with descriptions, but in my opinion, it's both more fun to read and to write paragraphs with lots of descriptions and details.

11220236
I agree.

"encrusted" is probably not a word you want to use here. That usually refers to an actual substance, often either a gross one, or a crusty one. You probably want something like "a buttplug with the image of" instead.

A word like adorned, emblazoned, or embellished would work.

Good addition though, I can't wait to see more

11220260
good idea

Oh yeah, and it's tongue/tonguing, not toung, tounge, or tounging. Not sure how I missed that on only the second read through.

11220236
An excellent and comprehensive list.