Mr Foster
Joined 30th May, 2012 ·
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Some errors in grammar but overall good. My tip would be to pace the story slower so we can enjoy the whole scenes and know everything.
Ah yes very nice.It reads very easy. But taking your time to describe the surroundings might indeed be a good idea.
One question: do I need to read the first installment first, or can this stand alone?
Also, BALEFIRE PHOENIX.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
i like this, not many fics about adventuring that arent based solely on daring
Your writing has improved so much from your first story. Please keep up with the good work.
– keep up the hard work!
As to technical issues, when doing dialog remember that the comma takes the place of a period when followed by a "said" verb.
“Don’t worry, you’re gonna be okay.” I said, and the Pegasus just nodded
“Don’t worry, you’re gonna be okay,” I said, and the Pegasus just nodded
Nothing an editor can't fix
1297998>>1298603 To answer both of your questions, yes, I do need work on describing the situation. Thanks for the tips. Also, for Tyr, this is the first installment. (will be two more, if things go well) This one is on the sadder end of the spectrum, although. You'll see if you follow this book to the end.
1299294 Thanks much for the tip! It'll be really useful for the next chapters, I guarantee.
1299352
Storm, I'm going to be honest with you. This is the first story of yours that I've read.
I'm not much of a reader more than a writer.
But this story gave me moar of teh INSPIRATIONS and I think I wanna make my own steam punk-industrial era sort of story.
-Freeze
Amazing chapter my good man
Storm, you are truly a master of the written arts. How you don't have 50000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 watchers is beyond me.
Also, Daring Do sounds a bit like a fluffy pony. :P
1365498 She does, doesn't she?
Don't worry, she's going to badass up when she grows older. Trust me.
New Chapter? Yay!
4,000 words? EPICALNESS!!!
Good job on editing.
1516693 Thanks much
How the buck are there only nine views?
1526863 I don't understand either, my friend.
This is a good story.
Launch teh assult now!
Also, great chapter!
Smaller force should be able to stealth easier.
Since the invention of steam.....
wat
Sooooo this is basically Dishonored, but with steam and ponies
1779048 It doesn't follow the storyline of dishonored, though. Shadow just somewhat reflects Corvo's assassin like nature.
1779074
Right right, I understand that. It took me a second to figure out it was a Dishonored kind of thing until like 2 chapters ago
Knife to the heart! Oh, the decisions!
Well then, what a twist!
man i love your story I'm always happy when I open a new chapter.
and it annoys me just as much as shadow 
and I'm glad that Moon Dust is dead was a real ass
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTCvHdvegKZLQ-13qEveh4KqDJHD8yvbH8zBR8JJWSfABPXdwc0
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ERMAHGERD THE NEW COVER ART LOOKS AMAZURN!
1892774
I agree looks really nice
She traded his loyalty for coin. End her.
Meh. Kill her ass.
Don't kill her.
She could work as a double agent for Equestria.
Don’t you lay a hoof on my daughter, or I will kill you,” I said, rage in my eyes
It is not only an eye that shadow has
I love this story I look forward to the next chapter.
I'm curious how they want to destroy the big blimp
I still have yet to finish the latest chapter, but I do have one small complaint:
I, and this may just be me, think that you should've gone a bit more in depth on the part where White Steam is about to kill his best friend. Like, describe what he was feeling just a bit more before he killed her, and what she was doing while being tied up. Something about him looking into her scared eyes, like he's not about to do it.
BUT HEY MANG, GREAT STORY SO FAR!
STORM YOU NEED TO MAKE PART TWO IMMEDIATELY WHY IS IT NOT HERE YET I WANT SOME MORE ACTION, EXCITEMENT, AND TIME WITH LYRA AND DARING DO OH COME ON MAN I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN YOU!
a.k.a.
Great chapter! Can't wait till the next one.
yay
finally a new chapter, I'm always happy when one comes out after all, this story is the reason why I have registered hir 