Ah yes very nice.It reads very easy. But taking your time to describe the surroundings might indeed be a good idea. One question: do I need to read the first installment first, or can this stand alone? Also, BALEFIRE PHOENIX.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
Your writing has improved so much from your first story. Please keep up with the good work. As to technical issues, when doing dialog remember that the comma takes the place of a period when followed by a "said" verb. “Don’t worry, you’re gonna be okay.” I said, and the Pegasus just nodded “Don’t worry, you’re gonna be okay,” I said, and the Pegasus just nodded Nothing an editor can't fix – keep up the hard work!
1297998>>1298603 To answer both of your questions, yes, I do need work on describing the situation. Thanks for the tips. Also, for Tyr, this is the first installment. (will be two more, if things go well) This one is on the sadder end of the spectrum, although. You'll see if you follow this book to the end.
1299352 Storm, I'm going to be honest with you. This is the first story of yours that I've read. I'm not much of a reader more than a writer. But this story gave me moar of teh INSPIRATIONS and I think I wanna make my own steam punk-industrial era sort of story. -Freeze
Some errors in grammar but overall good. My tip would be to pace the story slower so we can enjoy the whole scenes and know everything.
Ah yes very nice.It reads very easy. But taking your time to describe the surroundings might indeed be a good idea.
One question: do I need to read the first installment first, or can this stand alone?
Also, BALEFIRE PHOENIX.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
i like this, not many fics about adventuring that arent based solely on daring
Your writing has improved so much from your first story. Please keep up with the good work.
As to technical issues, when doing dialog remember that the comma takes the place of a period when followed by a "said" verb.
“Don’t worry, you’re gonna be okay.” I said, and the Pegasus just nodded
“Don’t worry, you’re gonna be okay,” I said, and the Pegasus just nodded
Nothing an editor can't fix – keep up the hard work!
1297998>>1298603 To answer both of your questions, yes, I do need work on describing the situation. Thanks for the tips. Also, for Tyr, this is the first installment. (will be two more, if things go well) This one is on the sadder end of the spectrum, although. You'll see if you follow this book to the end.
1299294 Thanks much for the tip! It'll be really useful for the next chapters, I guarantee.
1299352
Storm, I'm going to be honest with you. This is the first story of yours that I've read.
I'm not much of a reader more than a writer.
But this story gave me moar of teh INSPIRATIONS and I think I wanna make my own steam punk-industrial era sort of story.
-Freeze