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Every scholar wants to discover a new fact, something true and constant that changes the way they see the world. For Twilight, that discovery might come from a place she never expected. . .
(Proofread by DbzOrDie, who's patient enough to be my friend even when I forgot to credit him at first.)
I liked this one a lot. Plain and simple. It shows a lot of greatness within it's simplicity. It doesn't have to be a commentary on the war between gays and gaybashers, it doesn't have to be a huge drawn out battle, it doesn't have to have a lot of sex. Sometimes, a sunset, a dinner, a kiss, and a fact, makes the perfect sweet story.
Whoa, I was actually serious in this comment. I've gotta stop that.
It's my second or third favorite ship, and I realized I had never written it! There just isn't enough TwiJack around.
Thank you so very much. I agree, sometimes a simple romance can be just as a nice as something with more drama.
Thanks! I'm very into lez ponies, and Applejack, but then I'm a girl so you can take that as you will. 
Thank you!
Why thank you! I quite enjoy getting mustaches.
Thanks? 
Thank you! My shipping goggles are hard to take off, but they're multi-ship goggles so I don't mind.
Eeep! Was I that bad? I didn't mean to make Rarity seem petty, just skeptical of Applejack as being a good pony to date. I figured that their friendship issues were resolved after "Look Before You Sleep," but that when it came to romance Rarity would have loftier ideals.
And you can feel proud that five words from you make me start frantically rethinking things.
(Oh yeah, and thank you. Not counting my ponies before they. . . um, I lost that metaphor. You get the idea.)
I didn't spot any overt grammtical issue and it flowed alright. I'm a sucker for TwiJack as well, and you didn't beat around the bush. That is very appropriate for Applejack, so good stuff there. It also broke the mold of the usual TwiJack ship story.
I can suggest a few things though.
You used the phrase "I'll still be your friend." twice in five lines. I partially understand that AJ would say something like that, but perhaps look for some different wording for the second use of that. It feels very redundant.
Twlight's dialogue was slightly cardboard'ish, almost forced in some areas (beginning and when they started in on their friends). AJ's was fairly good, but something about how it was worded felt off to me. It's hard to explain, almost...stereotypical. Also immediately going to the books and her friends fit that mold as well. Basically, a reader familiar with Twi's usual portrayals can simply skip that part without missing anything. Rarity also was very stereotypical without being flavorful. I guess what I'm saying is perhaps flush them out a bit. Give them your own twist without being entirely OC about it.
For example, Rarity has always seems kind of Omnisexual to me. If there's beauty in it, she'd have an attraction. Not the "I WANT YOUR HORN INSIDE ME!!!" 
type, but more a casual, deeper type of attraction, almost Platonic? Perhaps explore those motives a bit? For Twi, while her naivety and reaction in the area is, more or less, canon, perhaps she should look a bit more outside the box? Just some thoughts.
That said, this is a sweet piece with a nice end scene and good flow. Thumbs up and good work. 
Edit: I realized just now that there really was no way to avoid Twi going right to her books without exploring that part first. That's completely understandable. I guess it could be kind of "glossed" over without wasting too much time on it. That's just me though.
Her last line is,
“Come and see me when that comes to pass, dear. I'll think of something to tell her. I do want for all of my friends to be happy.” Rarity said sympathetically.
It sounded to me like Rarity was looking forward to the relationship failing, and that "I do want for all of my friends to be happy" was supposed to sound creepy and either insincere or self-deceptive.
Heartwarming in all the right ways Bravo.
I'm crossing my fingers for you. If this doesn't get featured, it isn't your fault - you can compare stats with the stories in the box and see this should be featured. The featured box algorithm is still broken - it doesn't discount views of things in the box vs. views of things not in the box.
Thank you!
Thank you so much! I love detailed comments and critique. I hope you don't mind if I respond?
I can totally see some of the problems with Twilight's dialogue. I'll admit that I've written a lot more Applejack than I have Twilight, so my Twilight characterization could probably use some polish. I suppose I'm still finding my voice with Twilight.
There were problems with Rarity in this fic, I think I failed in my getting the tone I intended across (as Bad Horse pointed out.) Rarity is another character who hasn't moved past a supporting role in anything I've written, but I usually pull her off better. I think that having her react negativity brought out some of the flaws in my characterization, but I also feel that she would have set ideas about the types of ponies her friends should date, and be very skeptical of them going out with anypony that doesn't fit that.
Thanks! I would have mentioned it was in the works the other day, but I didn't know that!
Thank you! I do too. (AppleDash might be my number one ship, but I think this one is the sweetest.)
I totally see that. Bad writing on my part, I intended for Rarity to firmly believe that this wouldn't work, but be sincerely concerned for Applejack at the same time. I might actually try to edit Rarity's part because it seems like it should be simple to reword things to get my point across more clearly.
Thank for pointing that out.
Thank you very much! I'm not sure Mr. Kane has ever approved of me before!
Pinkie sense, right? 
Thoughts after reading: Loved it. Just as sweet as I was hoping, well-written, the characterization was great, and it even had me laughing out loud at several moments (Rainbow's pickup line 
I need to use that someday).
Only problems I noticed were some punctuation derps (periods at the end of dialogue when it should be commas) but it wasn't distracting, and the rest of the story (especially the dialogue) was very well-crafted.
I always love a good TwiJack fic, and seeing one getting this reception really makes me happy.
Once again, great job 
and congrats on getting featured.
Excellent work. Short, simple, and sweet. Sections with Rarity and Dash seemed a bit useless, but the overall plot, was just too cute.
Reading this did helped my mental state in ways I don't think you'll ever understand. So, thank you. Thank you for writing such a sweet story.
Beautifully done! Yours too, Razed - both of these are the latest additions to my favorites.
I did picture Twilight staying in a panicked books-can't-help-me mode a little longer; that's likely just my headcanon intruding.
Nice touch to this story: you didn't pull in Pinkie or Fluttershy. It would have been formulaic to have Twilight consult all her other friends (and probably the Princesses too) before answering Applejack. Luckily you didn't go there, which gave you more room to depict Twilight's interactions with the other characters. Quality over quantity, as it were.
Stories like this are the ones that deserve their Featured status.
I've read the opening, and it feels a little stiff. The words are too simple and plain, and there's some repetition.
It makes sense that Applejack would be the initiator, although I think she might have less hesitation. It doesn't make sense that Twilight thinks of herself as "the smartest pony in town" when considering the dateability of other mares. Twilight's big thing is that she's constantly afraid of NOT being a smart enough pony. That's why she freaked out over a potential tardy in Lesson Zero. She sees her value and worth as something based on solid academic success, but also sees that success as something more fragile than a cotton candy bridge. AJ and Twilight don't seem overtly out of character, but the language and thoughts could be a little richer.
>>1276797 About the Rarity issue, I feel similarly to Bad Horse, and what I can say is that your base idea — that Rarity doesn't view Applejack as "date material" — is the very core of pettiness. That assertion implies to me that Rarity feels Applejack is at best not worth anyone's time, and at worst unworthy of love. Throughout the entirety of her and Twilight's discussion, the part where she said one date couldn't hurt was the one point at which I got the sense that she and Applejack are even on good terms, but that was immediately negated by the "getting it out of your system" comment. Full-on Bitchity.
To be honest, I'm actually fine with that, though. It was an interesting element to the story, Rarity coming off like that. It might not have been what you were going for, but I actually feel that it works. Like icing on a well-crafted cake, for me.
I know! Here I co-admin the AppleDash group, writing one of the only non-creepy ScootaDash fics on the site, and I'm in the feature box for TwiJack.
But I'm glad you like it! Dialogue punctuation is something I need to work on, I know. Thanks so much for taking time to let me know what you thought and point that out.
Glad you liked it!
I agree. Thank you!
You know, I noticed that about the Rarity and Dash sections once people started mention that my Rarity might now be up to par. I thought about it, and I was like "Why did I put those in there again?" At least Dash got some good lines out of it.
And I'm really glad it helped. I've had that happen with fics before, and I'm proud that my fic could do that for someone else. Thank you, really. It means a lot to hear someone say that.
Thanks!
Thank you very much. I could see the story with more Twilight freaking out. I'm just kind of getting the hang of writing Twilight, so I'll keep that in mind. But I'm glad you liked it, and think it deserved the feature!
You're very welcome! And thank you for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed it.
I'm afraid that's just my writing style more than anything else. I don't go wordy very often, sorry if you felt it was stiff. The repetition was an accident though. Oops. 
I can see your point about Twilight. I could have easily ditched that line, and kept the same idea- Twilight does know that her talents are intellectual, and doesn't see any reason why Applejack would find those particularly attractive.
Thanks for commenting!
Well that's an interesting take! I guess I didn't get the "petty" thing because I know I have friends I would seriously side-eye if they were talking about going out. I love them as people, but dating?
But I'm glad it worked out well in your opinion! Petty or not, I thought it made sense. I'm glad you liked the story, and thanks for leaving your thoughts.
Thank you! Exactly what I was going for.
Thank you! I do think that this would be easily the least angsty ship out there.
Well done my friend Bravo! Certainly will be a "add to fav" I think you did a spot on job with the dialog of the characters.... I completely felt like I was reading a script from the show and totally heard the voices of Twilee, Apples, and Rares (albeit this would never have flown on the show )
I loved the humor put in there... "maybe I will eat an apple for desert".....I could just see A.J. giggling about that.
SCORE:
I agree, I think TwiJack would be a nice, sweet, drama free ship. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Maaaaybe. I have a ridiculous list of stories to write, but I do have an idea for AJ's first dinner with Twilight's family. So sequels are not out of the question.
Hey, it's got Applejack. If I ever write something that doesn't have Rainbow Dash or Applejack in it, you can call the police because I've obviously been kidnapped and forced at gunpoint to write fanfic.
And thanks, you know I couldn't have done it without you.
Thank you! I'm glad you found it moving, it's wonderful of you to take the time to tell me.
YAY! I hardly ever see TwiJack shippings! And sadly, that is my fave pair!
Short, sweet, concise. I loved it!
Maybe I'm crazy, (scratch the maybe) but Rarity's characterization actually seemed pretty on to me. For whatever reason, I didn't have a hard time seeing that scene play out in my head. *shrug* To each their own I guess. Or I'm wrong. Who knows!?
Anyways, please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
Nicely done! I think what I like most is the introspection/exploration of the characters of other ponies during the conversation. Shipping comes and goes, but finding new perspectives on the most popular characters that fit well within canon is much more rare!
I thought the beginning was abrupt- for me it didn't create the dramatic tension such a situation has the potential for. Perhaps if AJ had mentally (or vocally, to herself) voiced an internal debate about the merits/risks of changing a good relationship? To be honest I'm still trying to figure out how the whole romance/attraction dynamic should work for FiM, given the tension between a canon storyline that's aimed at kids, an older fandom that's much more... worldly, and the apparent gender ratio seen in the show- there are many more females than males. I've seen a dissonance in some writing where hetero- vs homogenous couples are concerned- an abrupt shift withing a story from "what's the difference?" to "Now we see the bias inherent in the system!" with no explanation of WHY.
But your story had none of that, so I apologize for rambling. I really liked the subtle refutation of the views attributed to Rarity through the conversation and the setting for the picnic as well as the facehoof-inducing braggadocio of RD. I have to say that reading through, it's obvious you like AJ- her 'voice' and personality seem spot-on. I enjoyed this greatly and would love to see more of your interesting perspectives in the future! 
So, first things are first (redundant sentence is redundant), this was a fantastic story in my opinion. I love how Applejack goes about the whole thing, just showing up and asking Twilight out. It seems like a very AJ thing to do, and Twilight freaking out is a very Twilight thing to do so I think you got her characterization down fairly well. The date itself was adorable, and while I like a bit of angst in my shipfics it's refreshing to see one without any. On the other hoof I can understand what others have said about Rarity. She's a little... off kilter I guess? But, all things considered, a fantastic story especially for it's length.
Also, Applejack is best pony. Don't let anyone else tell you different. 
lets see what spock thinks of this story. Spock analysis
I'm glad you liked it! And I'm glad Twilight is going to spare me. . . 
Thank you!
Well, she didn't have much luck finding her own Prince Charming, either.
Thanks! People seem split on the Rarity thing. I stand behind the idea of the scene, though I might have slipped on the execution.
Thank you very much!
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but it does. Secondly, this is my favorite kind of romance story; no drama, no sex, just a simple date with lots of tenderness and gentle simple love 
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