Twilight floated a second fritter up to her mouth when she realized the first was gone. “What is in these things?” “Mostly love. Love ‘n about three sticks of butter.”
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TwiJack283 stories ·1,043 members
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Twilight's Marem/Harem3,583 stories ·2,220 members
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Every scholar wants to discover a new fact, something true and constant that changes the way they see the world. For Twilight, that discovery might come from a place she never expected. . .
(Proofread by DbzOrDie, who's patient enough to be my friend even when I forgot to credit him at first.)
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Whilst this story comes on the 3rd place of favorite shipping with me, this is a great story nonetheless.
OH MY GOD YES ANOTHER TWIJACK FIC
AUTO FAVE AND THUMBS UP
Not into lez ponies (especially Applejack, gotta crush on her), but this is still well written, so I'll give credit where credit is due; you're a good writer.
Verily, a sweet story,
Im about to read your story, so I don't know what to expect!
Nice, Sweet and Subtle. I liked it have a mustache
Well, it`s... factual?
I like this a lot. I've had my shipping goggles on for three days straight and I'm loving it!
Is Rarity really that petty?
Interesting Fluttershy theory.
Good story idea, good title, good description, good picture. I think this story is going places.
I give you thumb. For you did good.
1275433
It's my second or third favorite ship, and I realized I had never written it! There just isn't enough TwiJack around.
1275457
Thank you so very much. I agree, sometimes a simple romance can be just as a nice as something with more drama.
1275471
Thanks! I'm very into lez ponies, and Applejack, but then I'm a girl so you can take that as you will.
1275492
Thank you!
Whoa...well written TwiJack? Huzzah! You've made me a very happy brony.
1275539
Why thank you! I quite enjoy getting mustaches.
1275600
Thanks?
1275647
Thank you! My shipping goggles are hard to take off, but they're multi-ship goggles so I don't mind.
1275662
Eeep! Was I that bad? I didn't mean to make Rarity seem petty, just skeptical of Applejack as being a good pony to date. I figured that their friendship issues were resolved after "Look Before You Sleep," but that when it came to romance Rarity would have loftier ideals.
And you can feel proud that five words from you make me start frantically rethinking things.
(Oh yeah, and thank you. Not counting my ponies before they. . . um, I lost that metaphor. You get the idea.)
1275685
Much appreciated! Thanks!
1275707
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! There should be more good TwiJack out there.
I thought this was wonderful, and I think it's because it introduces Twi to the concept of Things That Can't Really Be Learned In Books, an idea she might have scorned a week ago or so.
Well, that and Dash's reference to why she works, which made me laugh.
I didn't spot any overt grammtical issue and it flowed alright. I'm a sucker for TwiJack as well, and you didn't beat around the bush. That is very appropriate for Applejack, so good stuff there. It also broke the mold of the usual TwiJack ship story.
I can suggest a few things though.
You used the phrase "I'll still be your friend." twice in five lines. I partially understand that AJ would say something like that, but perhaps look for some different wording for the second use of that. It feels very redundant.
Twlight's dialogue was slightly cardboard'ish, almost forced in some areas (beginning and when they started in on their friends). AJ's was fairly good, but something about how it was worded felt off to me. It's hard to explain, almost...stereotypical. Also immediately going to the books and her friends fit that mold as well. Basically, a reader familiar with Twi's usual portrayals can simply skip that part without missing anything. Rarity also was very stereotypical without being flavorful. I guess what I'm saying is perhaps flush them out a bit. Give them your own twist without being entirely OC about it.
For example, Rarity has always seems kind of Omnisexual to me. If there's beauty in it, she'd have an attraction. Not the "I WANT YOUR HORN INSIDE ME!!!"
type, but more a casual, deeper type of attraction, almost Platonic? Perhaps explore those motives a bit? For Twi, while her naivety and reaction in the area is, more or less, canon, perhaps she should look a bit more outside the box? Just some thoughts.
That said, this is a sweet piece with a nice end scene and good flow. Thumbs up and good work.
Edit: I realized just now that there really was no way to avoid Twi going right to her books without exploring that part first. That's completely understandable. I guess it could be kind of "glossed" over without wasting too much time on it. That's just me though.
squees; a well written twijack is a guilty pleasure of mine
I find this particular pairing very adorable. Well done!
1275718
Her last line is,
It sounded to me like Rarity was looking forward to the relationship failing, and that "I do want for all of my friends to be happy" was supposed to sound creepy and either insincere or self-deceptive.
Is this featured yet? It will be soon.
"Will you be my fact?"
That quote is pure genius! You wouldn't mind if I used it to ask a girl out, would you?
1276035It is now!
Why is there such a lack of good TwiJack?
Good job!
1276145 Expected no less.
Simple and warm. A fine read.
That was sweet, well written and funny to boot.
Bravo!
I got excited when I saw a TwiJack story up, but that moment didn't compare to when I found out that you wrote it, and even more when it turned out beautiful!
Really brought warmth to my heart.
Thumbs up.
Fave.
Moustache.
I'm crossing my fingers for you. If this doesn't get featured, it isn't your fault - you can compare stats with the stories in the box and see this should be featured. The featured box algorithm is still broken - it doesn't discount views of things in the box vs. views of things not in the box.
1276710
I'm in the "mature content off" feature box. I have no idea how to count that.
. . . edit to add I made the "real" feature box! But you might have noticed that.
I'll definitely be reading this when I get home!
1275730
Thank you!
1275782
Thank you so much! I love detailed comments and critique. I hope you don't mind if I respond?
I can totally see some of the problems with Twilight's dialogue. I'll admit that I've written a lot more Applejack than I have Twilight, so my Twilight characterization could probably use some polish. I suppose I'm still finding my voice with Twilight.
There were problems with Rarity in this fic, I think I failed in my getting the tone I intended across (as Bad Horse pointed out.) Rarity is another character who hasn't moved past a supporting role in anything I've written, but I usually pull her off better. I think that having her react negativity brought out some of the flaws in my characterization, but I also feel that she would have set ideas about the types of ponies her friends should date, and be very skeptical of them going out with anypony that doesn't fit that.
1275804
Thanks! I would have mentioned it was in the works the other day, but I didn't know that!
i really dont like reading shipping as a whole but i still liked it
1276749
Indeed. Though Twi could use a bit of polish, your AJ is damn good. As I said, this is a very good story that wrapped up nicely and had a damn good flow.
1275823
Thank you! I do too. (AppleDash might be my number one ship, but I think this one is the sweetest.)
1275831
I totally see that. Bad writing on my part, I intended for Rarity to firmly believe that this wouldn't work, but be sincerely concerned for Applejack at the same time. I might actually try to edit Rarity's part because it seems like it should be simple to reword things to get my point across more clearly.
Thank for pointing that out.
1275999
Thank you very much! I'm not sure Mr. Kane has ever approved of me before!
1276035
Pinkie sense, right?
1276173
I have no idea. They're such a sweet pairing. But thanks so much!
1276085
Thank you! Go right ahead, and I wish you all the luck in the world.
1276269
Thank you!
1276271
Aww, thanks!
1276684
Thanks so much! I'm just glad I write stories you enjoy.
1276756
Thank you, I'm glad you like it!
Oooooh, TwiJack. Me gusta. I have to read this now. Love me some TwiJack.
Also, congrats on the featured bar. Heh, I made it up there with a RariDash fic and you make it up there with a TwiJack fic. What kinda bizarro universe are we in today?
1275433
^
I love TwiJack! It's criminally underrated IMO. Good job here!
Thoughts after reading: Loved it. Just as sweet as I was hoping, well-written, the characterization was great, and it even had me laughing out loud at several moments (Rainbow's pickup line
I need to use that someday).
Only problems I noticed were some punctuation derps (periods at the end of dialogue when it should be commas) but it wasn't distracting, and the rest of the story (especially the dialogue) was very well-crafted.
I always love a good TwiJack fic, and seeing one getting this reception really makes me happy.
Once again, great job
and congrats on getting featured.
Excellent work. Short, simple, and sweet. Sections with Rarity and Dash seemed a bit useless, but the overall plot, was just too cute.
Reading this did helped my mental state in ways I don't think you'll ever understand. So, thank you. Thank you for writing such a sweet story.
D'aaaaaw.
Beautifully done! Yours too, Razed - both of these are the latest additions to my favorites.
I did picture Twilight staying in a panicked books-can't-help-me mode a little longer; that's likely just my headcanon intruding.
Nice touch to this story: you didn't pull in Pinkie or Fluttershy. It would have been formulaic to have Twilight consult all her other friends (and probably the Princesses too) before answering Applejack. Luckily you didn't go there, which gave you more room to depict Twilight's interactions with the other characters. Quality over quantity, as it were.
Stories like this are the ones that deserve their Featured status.
WOW! This story gave me shit-tons of WAFF
I feel wonderful inside now. Thank you for this wonderful piece of love.
I've read the opening, and it feels a little stiff. The words are too simple and plain, and there's some repetition.
It makes sense that Applejack would be the initiator, although I think she might have less hesitation. It doesn't make sense that Twilight thinks of herself as "the smartest pony in town" when considering the dateability of other mares. Twilight's big thing is that she's constantly afraid of NOT being a smart enough pony. That's why she freaked out over a potential tardy in Lesson Zero. She sees her value and worth as something based on solid academic success, but also sees that success as something more fragile than a cotton candy bridge. AJ and Twilight don't seem overtly out of character, but the language and thoughts could be a little richer.
1276797 About the Rarity issue, I feel similarly to Bad Horse, and what I can say is that your base idea — that Rarity doesn't view Applejack as "date material" — is the very core of pettiness. That assertion implies to me that Rarity feels Applejack is at best not worth anyone's time, and at worst unworthy of love. Throughout the entirety of her and Twilight's discussion, the part where she said one date couldn't hurt was the one point at which I got the sense that she and Applejack are even on good terms, but that was immediately negated by the "getting it out of your system" comment. Full-on Bitchity.
To be honest, I'm actually fine with that, though. It was an interesting element to the story, Rarity coming off like that. It might not have been what you were going for, but I actually feel that it works. Like icing on a well-crafted cake, for me.
It's adorkable.
1276889>>1277020
I know! Here I co-admin the AppleDash group, writing one of the only non-creepy ScootaDash fics on the site, and I'm in the feature box for TwiJack.
But I'm glad you like it! Dialogue punctuation is something I need to work on, I know. Thanks so much for taking time to let me know what you thought and point that out.
1276925
Glad you liked it!
1276988
I agree. Thank you!
1277027
You know, I noticed that about the Rarity and Dash sections once people started mention that my Rarity might now be up to par. I thought about it, and I was like "Why did I put those in there again?" At least Dash got some good lines out of it.
And I'm really glad it helped. I've had that happen with fics before, and I'm proud that my fic could do that for someone else. Thank you, really. It means a lot to hear someone say that.
I liked the simplicity of it. No angst, just straight forward Applejack.
Ooo, it's moved up a couple slots in the featured bar since I last saw
in TwiJack stories! Like there was with Twinkie ones
Maybe there'll be a
Nicely done
TwiJack is such a nice pairing. I'd think I'd be one of the more, stable, ships
...
heh, stable...cowpony...