I'll keep an eye on this...

That's what I think the point of shipping is, or at least should be. To keep it in canon. Ive never been good at canon, considering I've only warned the actual show twice and generally refuse to watch it any more, but... you know. I'm mildly popular.

I'll read it right now.

Well, well. You have my problems.

One - you and I tend to ramble. I try my best to break it up with a change of emotion, an action, or some detail that seems to fit well. Two - odd flow. Did you cone across a spot where you found yourself wondering what you were going to write about next? Maybe you felt hurried or stuck? Eeyup. That's-a me.

This shit ruins my writing... then again, you know, I'm my own worst critic, and if I believe that you write like me, I'll have a tendency to point out small things or things that aren't there.

Anyway, good job.

This is good. Real good, even. Not sure why someone thumbed it down, so I took the liberty of counteracting that.

Just one small typo:

She still couldn't believe that Twilight would rather write those boring reports of hers than back cupcakes.

>>738202738202

I can't help but consider that outlook with a very --> <--- look.  

as regards this story, i'm mildly interested, and the fact that its a single piece so far does it favours in my books, as I'm too busy and tired to bother with anything more.

Tracked, because I am a total sucker for emotionally invested shipping.

I'll be keeping an eye on this. Shipping Twilight is always a good idea. Maybe I'll catch some pointers on how to write my own fic - although I don't suppose lessons learned from TwiJack are directly applicable to FlutterDash!

As a rather big TwiJack fan I'm definately going to keep an eye on such a well written story.

Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/316/024/d94.gif

Applespark

WOOHOO, This is fantastic!

Also, if this story doesn't turn out well...

Image: http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/320/170/993.jpg

AMG APPLE SPARKLE FIC

There needs to be moar of these, everywhere!

I love these two together.

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m432dk3xAQ1rpprijo5_r1_400.gif

This was awesome, deffinitly tracking to wait for more. Both Rarity and Twilight were perfectly in character. If the show did ever have an episode about romance between the characters, I'd imagine it to be quite like this. Great job!

Have to say, I'm excited to read more of this, I got no problem with TwiJack...you doing a perfect job on this and I'll be tracking this. Hoping to maybe see a bit of FlutterDash or Rarity/Fluttershy or even Derpy/Rainbow Dash (which will ALWAYS be beast, and although rare is an amazing pair) anything save for Spike/Rarity...HATE that pairing with a passion. But yeah...can't for for more, keep writing strong.

Spike + Twilight = FOREVER!!!!

(sorry, wrong message LOL...but it's true, in my view anyway)

This feels pretty close to how Twilight would react to discovering having a crush on one of her friends.

I look forward to reading the rest.

Whoa that's more feedback than I was expecting.

Thanks to those who pointed out issues.  I'll keep it in mind when I work on the next chapter.  Which hopefully won't be too far in the future; I really have too many projects going at once.

>>738268738268

What are you about?

Also, you said you were a fan of emotionally invested shipping. Do you know who I am?

>>741048741048

I mean what's about is that you've only seen the show twice (Twice through , i'm presuming/hoping?) and talk about canon consistent. Reminds me of Football Zombie from plants vs zombies - embodies everything about the spirit football, but has no idea what a football is.

And yes, I know who you are, to an extent. I'm one of your fans - one of the 20 or so people I follow. I've found you interesting both in and out of the writing, so I follow you in lieu of that. Haven't read a great deal of your stuff, but I never do with the people I keep tabs on - I save those for a rainy day.

Sorry for the miscommunication, I'm still tired (sleep makes me more tired??)

AS for the story ----- I liked the slower pacing, the fact that Aj is NOWHERE in sight so we can anticipate and wait on an actual Twijack moment, knowing full well how adorakable its going to be.

...yep I'll follow this. Nice first chapter.

>>741633741633

Coolio. Well, being a brony doesn't mean I have to watch the show. I love the fandom and the people in it. It's the only fandom that seems to be limited to intelligent people (this is unspoken, of course). The art is amazing, the principles are almost Christian, and the members are just so nice and fun to talk to. Plus ponies.

>>743518743518

It is that kind of response, right there, that reminds me why I love this fandom. Yay you! and those stories of yours look too damn good for my own good - Once I start a ship like that...I set sail through hell and high water, a silly grin on my face all the while. I will greatly enjoy them.

>>743537743537

Oh, a smile just happened to me. I accidentally the couch.

Anyways, I just got back form Japan on work leave and I am BRIMMING with ideas. I'll ,make all kinds of shit 'cause I have the next few days free. Oh, and I'm online right now if you want to talk to me, I'll be in chat.

Dear Sir or madam,

Damn it you have given me another story to follow...

Image: http://zam.zamimg.com/images/5/8/588bc6555a45d9778cbc5ae312f975c1.jpg

Thanks for the story!

This was a really good read. What I enjoyed most was how you made the entire crush innocent. Definitely gonna watch this.

"Unicorn floaty thing"? More respect for Pinkie Pie.

I don't often read stories like this, with so much dialogue in it. It's not a bad thing, it's more of personal preference. I can't really point out anything to improve upon like that.

I do like the way you've characterized Twilight, giving her back some sanity as the chapter progressed. That was nice. I'll be looking forward to whatever comes next.

Okay, nobody freak out that the Pinkie Pie scene at the end is gone.  It wasn't supposed to be here.  I wrote it for chapter 2 and it got accidentally tacked on to the end of this chapter.  When chapter 2 (which is currently in progress) comes out, the scene will be there, where it was originally supposed to be.  It has not been deleted, only moved.  Just wanted to clarify.

And yeah, Chapter 2 is coming.  I've been busy lately.  

Finally! A great looking Applespark fic. It's my second favorite ship (The first is Twidash, obviously) and there isn't enough of it.

I like how this is starting. Usually, it's just love and trying to get the other to reciprocate. You made this seem like just a typical crush. Nice.

Brilliant work with the characterization, too. It fit them so perfectly. Great work with Twilight's dialogue.

This has potintial I will be keeping my eye on you

I like your characterization, but your dialogue seems to switch between viewpoints too fast - while there are areas that are clearly best pony and areas that are clearly Rarity, there's some mixed up areas that feel weird. Or maybe it's the caffine.

This got EQD'ed, gonna have to watch now. Let's see this thing bloom :D

Tracked, likely to thumbs-up in the future, but withholding it for now just until I see where this is going.

This has drawn my interest.

Your characterization is pretty correct, im not that fond of the "suddenly falling in love" but you've caught that pretty nicely so im eager to see how this continues, GL with writing this!

I am greatly enjoying this.  Twilight's discomfiture is nicely detailed, and Rarity's offhoof reference to "a shipping incident" made me laugh.

Characterization is a little..... too spot on, in the sense of stereotypes. I can see why you're doing what you're doing but it's also coming across as a... little dull. Or maybe I've read too many Twilight ships.

Think I'll keep an eye on this.

I like that you're not afraid to make the characters so very canon. I think when most people are saying this, they mean Twilight's confusion, but Rarity is very spot-on as well. Her dialogue is well suited to her character, as well as her gentle teasing, but overall, she is a supportive friend, and the conversation highlights her generous side that we don't see enough of.

The exposition that goes on within this is great. Most writers wouldn't be able to make this scene last so long, and you did it without having to sacrifice quality at any point. The reader never loses focus on the primary conflict of the story, but we still get a great definition of the setting and characters that make up the story.

Most of all, it's great that you gave us believable reasons for Twilight's feelings, and while a couple of her compliments about Applejack are a little mushy for so early in the story, it does genuinely fit the way Twilight would describe them.

Most authors are so afraid to make romance stories where the characters fit the canon, and it's because we have a misconception that the characters are too boring for romance, which is true, but that's because the characters are limited to the confine of a children's television show. This shows us the potential for a genuine romance that portrays those characters in the way they were created.

Eager to see how Applejack deals with all the attention. Good work and good luck!

Glad to see that most of you guys seem to be enjoying what I have so far.    I was a bit curious about how everyone would react to the fact that Applejack doesn't actually appear in this chapter.   She'll show up in the next chapter.

@Ponlover: This is pretty much exactly what I was trying to do.  Something I really like to see in fanfics is simply putting the characters in a situation and watching what happens.  I don't think you have to exaggerate the characters or add a gimmick to come up with a good (or at least decent, in this case) story.

Also thanks to those who pointed out potential issues; I'll be sure to keep them in mind while I tweak chapter 2 (which will hopefully be up relatively soon).  Any sort of useful feedback is greatly appreciated.   Hopefully I can keep up a consistent level of quality.

Oh, and also HUZZAH!! THE FAVES HAVE BEEN DOUBLED!!!

Image: http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg78/evalana/blog%202/mlpfim_ep3046.png

(Also, it would be awesome if you guys checked out some of my other stories.  They aren't nearly as polished as this one, but I'm sure somebody would find them at least mildly enjoyable.)

Tracking this. Definitely enjoyed your premise.

“Although I must admit that the way you acted before his wedding was a bit suspicious.”

ifyaknowaddameen

More Twijack is always good. Gives my own fic some much-needed competition. I'll have to check this out in the morning.

This was a surprisingly engaging and, for the lack of a better term, realistic take on the Twijack shipping. Actually, make that on shipping in general. The majority of shipping stories just puts the two lovers together without fully detailing or explaining just why those two have feelings for each other. One day they just meet and BAM, love is born on a single day. From the looks of this chapter though, it seems like you're taking your time to develop their relationship, and that's a great thing.

I've always found shippings like Twijack to be rather hard to understand, because the two characters share nearly no common interests or personality traits. Don't get me wrong, I love pairings like Rarijack and Twidash, but it's difficult to pull off those pairings without making them seem forced. That's why I love how you made it clear in this chapter that Twilight might just have a "crush" on Applejack, and not full-out being in love with her. And there's really a lot of potential here for an interesting love story. Is Twilight's feelings really just a crush? If she does love Applejack, how does she find out if Applejack feels the same way? Can such a relationship like this work for long considering the two ponies' differences?

This was an excellent start to a hopefully great fanfic. Good luck with your future chapters. I will be here eagerly awaiting the continuation.

I don't really see enough of Twilight/Applejack shipping. This is something I'm going to follow.

One thing I'll point out though: "She was no expert in physiology, but she could tell that Twilight was finally relaxing." I think that's supposed to be psychology, not physiology.

>>943273943273: Thanks.   That's exactly what I was trying to accomplish: show the relationship from the very beginning, and show the effects that such a situation might have on the characters.  I'm glad to know that I managed to pull it off.   Hopefully the rest of it will live up to expectations.  

>>943332943332: Actually, that was intentional.  The idea was that Rarity notices  that Twilight isn't so tense; she's not as jittery and skittish. She's physically calming down as well as mentally.  Guess I should have made that a bit clearer.    And yes, we totally need more TwiJack shipping.  That's one of the main reasons I decided to center the story around them.  The other being that I think there's enough contrast in their personalities that it'll give them some interesting interactions.

In other news, I may as well give you a preview for Chapter 2.  Here's the obligatory (and hopefully not too pretentious-sounding) poetic epigraph:

Some that have deeper digg'd love's mine than I,

Say, where his centric happiness doth lie.

I have loved, and got, and told,

But should I love, get, tell, till I were old,

I should not find that hidden mystery.

--Love's Alchemy,

John Donne

Yeah, I'm well aware it really doesn't tell you much.  I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.

I went into this with the "see how they'd really react if romantic feelings ever did crop up" bit at the back of my mind constantly rolling its eyes at me. I've certainly heard that before, so I wasn't really prepared for anything special.

That being said, you grabbed my attention almost immediately with Twilight being mid-breakdown (and trying to figure out how to ask Celly, no less), and I will say that so far you've done a great job at what you said you were trying. Both Twilight's reactions, Rarity's initial inability to see what the problem was and her ultimate advice. Can't wait to see how you write the other characters.

I've decided that if I ever fall in love, I want to talk it over with Pinkie Pie.  If everything seems to make sense, I'll know it's the real thing.

Or something like that.  There are times when it's awfully hard to tell.

Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw297_1298755588459.jpg

"Well, that's what you do when you have a crush on somepony, isn't it? I mean what's the point of having a crush at all if you aren't going to do anything with it?"

Image: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/__v16ajx69Mw/SCoOl8yS-UI/AAAAAAAABfc/bNvvnySEJIA/s400/The+Invasion+-+Cyberman+3.JPG

"There is... logic in what she says."

That's what this story needs... You need to change the cover image to something similar but with Twilight wearing AJ's hat. =3

>>738202738202 But where is the excitement in that?

It's nice to explore the unknown.

Great chapter. Love the advice Pinkie had to give, and she totally gave it in the way befitting her character.

A couple grammar notes to point out. Twice you used a word repeatedly without a comma to separate them. First was on AJ's green, green eyes. Second was Pinkie saying 'when you're weird, weird stuff happens'. I think Mr. Cake meant to say 'cart', not 'card'. At the tail end Twilight laments 'why couldn't be somepony else', think you meant 'why couldn't it be'. I think there was another case of missing word somewhere, but I was so caught up in how awesome the chapter was that I forgot.

This is beautifully structured. It's great to see how supportive each of Twilight's friends are for what she's going through, and they all have great advice that suits them to help her. I wish I knew how to make scenes last as long as you do. To make a scene go on without growing dull or dragging is a skill most writers lack.

Eager to see what you do next. Looking forward to Fluttershy's and Rainbow Dash's advice (I can only assume we'll see them soon).

Also, for being such a great writer, and also because you're not the first person to do so, I'll let you get away with calling me 'ponlover' without correcting you. I'm beginning to regret the screen name. Didn't realize the font on FIMFiction made capital 'i' look like an 'L'.

This has been very fun, it's my fave couple AND everyone's in character. What's not to love!

moral of the story: Pinkie Pie approves of anything that comes her way

side note: Twilight has some tough days ahead of her

You had me with Donne.  The rest is just excellent, excellent bonus.  I'd suggest you go through it again with a fine tuned eye for a few errors here or there, but otherwise it's nicely written, with a good flow and fairly decent canon personalities.  I'm not a particularly huge fan of Mane 6 shipping (though when I am, TwiJack has oddly been one of my favorites)...but I'm super curious to see how this turns out.  Definitely going in my watch list.

D'awwwww...

Anyone else think Applejack should be portrayed as the straight-laced Texan a bit more often? I mean I love the ever-accepting, loving AJ as much as the next brony, but that accent makes me envision a traditionalist Southerner.

>"like Cheerilee."

...I just had a flashback to Romance Reports.  Whether it was an intentional reference or not, it made me happy.

This is uncommonly well-written, and I eagerly await more.

You get a thumb just for the description. That's something that I never do, but it's nice to see someone finally approach a relationship like this in a manner that sounds believable. Also, it was at 199, and my OCPD tendencies were KILLING ME.

Twilight, you are crazy, over organized, and somehow illogically too logical

or is she too logically illogical

TwiJack is rare

C'mon Twilight, go chase down that cowpony!!!!

Not my favorite pair, though I don't mind it... and you do it very, very well. This is well written and to be honest I mostly read it because you pulled John Donne into this and I love Donne and the Metaphysical poets and I just couldn't help myself but be curious!!

Looking forward to more!

(And... Rarity's advice was good. I really liked that she made the point that Twi's sudden interest was infatuation, and not necessarily love per se. That was a good addition, not only in that it is right/I could see Rarity saying that, but also in that it gives Twilight a paradigm of "This will all blow over" that drives her thoughts. I dig it.)

>>966884966884

Ya know. I've always thought that Pinkie was a lot smarter than most people give her credit for, but yeah I can see where your coming from with this one.

I like this. Keep it up!

This is Twilight ->

Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/308/031/880.gif

Image: http://chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-the-smile-games.gif

GIMME MOAR! (I still have popcorn left...)

Image: http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/296/349/ae2.gif

"We're still testing some new recipes, so some of them might be a wonky. [...]"

I think you're missing a word before 'wonky'.

Your portrayal of Twilight's neuroses is so right-on that it's practically coming back around from the left. You're only two chapters in, and this is already in my top five favorite Twilight shipping stories of all time. Keep up the excellent work!

Oh Twilight you always over think things. Just go for it filly!

Never read a twijack before, but this is pretty good. Aj's my fav pony and twilight can be shipped with almost everypony in Equestria. Also, this seems like the situation I have right now, I know how you feel twilight. Having a crush on your friend and trying not to break your friendship with them is hard

Oh Twilight you silly little mare.....I love how you freak out over the smallest things. I'll admit that for an introvert like you this is quite a big deal even I another introvert would not be like that.......as far as I know anyway -Fate you better not take that as a challenge!-

Anyhay I hope to see more awkward OMG level freak outs from our favorite adorkable little unicorn soon ^__^

YES THIS FINALLY UPDATED

TWIJACK FANGIRLING RIGHT NOW

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m61dtgx4LN1ro2snk.gif

Twi-logic makes my brain hurt...

Excellent work! I like the changes you made since I last read this.

>>967009967009

Kev, you're amazing. I'm following you.

ALSO, WHY DID I DISLIKE THIS.

I LIKE THIS.

SO I LIKED IT.

Image: http://th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2011/333/a/7/wet_mane_applejack_by_daviez20-d4ho4yi.png

I approve of this story

this is going somewhere, i like it

>>967331967331 You and me both.

And Pinkie to the rescue! Sort of.

Lovin the story so far, keep up the good job :)

I'm loving how this story is going! I hadn't read any TwiJack before this, but this is so adorable! I agree with GreyFox2510 that you should get someone to make a similar picture, but with Twilight wearing AJ's hat :3

This chapter is so well done, especially with keeping all the characters completely in-character (which is what you are trying to do). I can't wait for the next one!

I only noticed one small grammatical error: "More to the point, every moment she remained awake would be dominated a train of thought that went absolutely nowhere" - It should read, 'dominated by a train of thought'

Hmm. TwiJack. Not a ship I've read before, but one I'm willing to give a shot. I'm definitely liking this so far; you do a very good job of portraying Twilight's obsessive need to organize and schedule everything. Having her come to the conclusion that something is off about her friendship with Applejack purely by observing how it affects her schedules was a great idea, and absolutely the kind of thing she would do.

I like your take on Rarity here, too. Most shipping stories I've seen relegate her to a background role of sqeeing over how romantic the couple is, while throwing wedding dresses and sappy, cliched advice at them. It's nice to see her keep a level head and really contribute something intelligent for a change.

So, good stuff so far. Most likely going to Fave it if the second chapter holds up. I'll read that later today, if I get a chance.

Oh wow, this is a whole lot more attention than I expected from a chapter update.    Glad to hear that everyone is enjoying it so far.   Now the pressure is really on for me to keep it up.  

Also, thanks to everyone who pointed out the grammar errors and such; I readily admit that catching those kinds of things is not my strong point.   I do have a few proofreaders (who are awesome), but I guess we can't catch everything.  I'll go fix those as soon as I get a chance.

Chapter 3 is in progress, although given my job I can't promise that it'll be out very promptly.  I have way too much stuff going on all at once.   

Thanks again for all of the faves and thumbs up.

Finally!

And the second chapter did, indeed, hold up. So thumbs-upped and faved.

Poor Twilight. Rarity's hypothesis really dug her into a hole, here. Now that the idea of a crush is in her mind, it completely drives her every thought and action in relation to Applejack. Which, again, is exactly what would happen with her. I love her internal monologue at the beginning of the chapter. "I just have to act natural, how in the world am I supposed to act natural now!?" And her "the very definition of exclusivity" line of thought; that part had me laughing for a while. Just perfectly, spot-on the way she'd see all this.

It's interesting to note that Applejack isn't showing any signs of sharing Twi's feelings, or at least is very good at hiding them if she is. Which seems unlikely, given her inability to lie. Hmm. That could complicate things.

I liked the whole scene from Pinkie's perspective, too. You pulled off her dialogue and... unconventional thought process pretty convincingly. And like Rarity, she gives Twilight some solid advice: act on her feelings. Theoretically solid, at least; Twi's overthinking will inevitably make that difficult, I'm sure. Well, at least the Most Dependable of Ponies can probably be counted on to handle things more gracefully.

Woooooo I reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllyyyyyyy enjoyed it, I just can't wait for the next chapter, this story is certainly going to be so awesome

this sorta reminds me when i first asked out a girl... it didnt go well lol this isnt helping =w=. and fliping love pinkey in this story

Please do continue

Love this story so much, can't wait for the next part! Twilight and Applejack would make such a sweet couple ^.^

I had a big crush on a girl at my work a couple of years ago, it was agony. I feel poor Twilights pain

It's at times like these and stories I read that make me wish I had friends like the mane six. They'd be so awesome.

You nailed everypony's character and I am eagerly waiting for the next chapter.

Whoa that's an overwhelmingly comprehensive chat. Kinda like a wall of dialogue just smacked me in the face. The paragraphs of it bother me a bit.

I'm very much interested in the story though. I haven't really seen much in way of Applejack x Twilight.

Holy Mother of Migraines Batman!

Oh. . even without speaking her thoughts just flood lines of text. Wasn't smart to read up to Pinkie Pie's entrance so late at night.

I like the story regardless. Ima have to get used to the intensive talks though.

"Time to do some research." Oh dear Twilight, what are you up to?

Love the story so far! I like that you're taking your time with this. It makes sense that Twilight don't want to rush into these things. You really nailed all characters perfectly. Looking forward to the next part! ^^

Good ol' fashioned research.

Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw297_1298755588459.jpg

“Well, you obviously didn't listen to me last time, so I figured I'd say it again.”

Image: http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00783/who-cyberman-460_783235c.jpg

"There is... logic in what she says."

Same comment as before? Yes. But that's because it bears repeating.

YUS! RESEARCH ROMANCE! FOR SCIENCE!!!!

Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/a2e121722c4f989f129a920abf7ebfc6/115818%20-%20artist%3AEgophiliac%20luna%20science%20woona.png

The question is, who does she think the professionals at communication are? Hopefully it's something only minorly off, like public speakers, and not something completely disjointed with reality.

Oh Rarity, when will you learn that nopony is an island?

If anypony will get that joke, it better be you.

I can see why you had to take your time with this one and struggled a bit. It's a bit less polished than the other two chapters, both stylistically and grammatically. Nothing too major, but it stands out next to the strong entries that started the story. Twilight is still well within her character, but I found some of Pinkie's actions... Off. I know, everything Pinkie does is a little off, but I meant some of her back and forth with Rarity lacked her usual demeanor. That and I find it odd that RD would say that after the lunch incident, Rarity and Pinkie filled her in. I imagine that even with her having overheard the conversation, Pinkie would stick to her guns on the importantance of secrecy in a friendship.

Twilight's growth, or perhaps her lack thereof, is beautiful thus far. Seeing how much she's struggling just builds on the reader in the sense that we still have minimal information on encounters between her and AJ. AJ is a little dense, but she knows when her friends are in trouble. But she needs to be dense if this is going to play out as it appears you have planned.

Beautiful, yet again. Best of luck with wherever you go from here. Logically I'd have to guess we'll see Fluttershy soon...

God, you had me smacking my face off of the keyboard so hard when everyone kept barraging Twilight.

>>10710001071000  Yeah, this one was a bit rocky, mainly because about halfway through I overhauled exactly how Rainbow Dash got let in on the secret (Originally, RD suspected something, and tricked Pinkie into blabbing by pretending that she already knew what the secret was, but I needed RD to be more clueless so she could have that scene with AJ). I might go back and tweak it so only Rarity explained things (she'd be more likely to rationalize it than Pinkie would), although was planning for the next chapter to include Pinkie's reaction to RD getting let in on it.  But yeah, that should be clearer in this chapter that she's not entirely happy.  Kinda kicking myself for not realizing it needed to be in here.     And you're right that Pinkie is a bit off; out of the main cast, she's the one I find hardest to write, and having her bounce of off both Rarity and Twilight makes for a complicated scene.  

And yeah, writing AJ in a way that she doesn't pick up on Twilight's feelings without making her look like an idiot is a bit challenging.  Hopefully, I'll be able to work in a scene that actually sees things from her perspective.  

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it, despite the flaws.  Hopefully the next chapter will be a bit more smoothed out.  

And for everyone else: Yes, Twilight has plans.  Oh, does she ever.  

Well her sister in law is like the love master right? She could just ask Cadence.

>>10711511071151 Like she's gonna get off the hook that easily...

But really, I have plans.  And machinations.  And more plans.  And schemes.

All of which may or may not eventually at some point in the story involve Cadence.  

Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4480-0dcPP.jpg

...I should really go to bed now before I do anything else this stupid.

>>10699861069986

0_0

Oh, oh my.

I thought the beginning of your post word-for-word as I read the end of the chapter...

Great minds think alike...?

OK, go get her, Twilight!

Wow this is the first Twijack that I've read, and its great. Good job on staying canon with everyone, can't wait for the next chapter

>>10710991071099

Pinkie is always hard. Trying to capture randomness while still being coherent is a difficult task. Not to mention she needs to somehow be funny the whole time. It's even harder when you don't want to break the fourth wall for the sake of her humor. She's still a supportive friend here, and does what she can. As you said yourself it's her offscreen interactions that make her odd this time around.

And yeah, I'm sure AJ is going to get good soon. She hasn't been bad, we just haven't seen much of her.

And don't get yourself down, it was hardly flawed. I only say so when compared to the previous chapters, and that was mostly because of grammar and spelling. This is still miles above most of the tripe I read (or write... Hell, I just did a TwiJack where AJ is dead before the story starts.... Death Be Not Proud, anypony?)

I'll stop with the Donne jokes now, I promise...

I really love this story. It probably is the one out of all of the stories I follow I look forward to it updating the most. Shipfics shouldn't be rushed - they should take their time with the protagonist coming to terms with her feelings, like this! Also, I hate the standard concept of "I have to tell her", all her friends saying "you have to tell her", and eventually she does and: happily ever after. This time have-to-tell-her was rejected an idea for a long time, and then excellently motivated (everyone knows but her. She must know why I act like this.) I need MOAR of this story!