• Member Since 30th Jun, 2021
  • offline last seen March 12th

PrincessEnchanteDream


Sometimes online, sometimes off.

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Pinkie Pie invites Rainbow Dash over to help bake some cupcakes. Y'll know what happens next. But not in this story.

Based on the original Cupcakes by Sgt. Sprinkles, with a twist of my own.

The cover art belongs to erika-lancaster85.

A/N- Honestly, I get the wackiest ideas sometimes. But that's a good thing, I think.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

And then suddenly blood.

Did you know that Cupcakes is a parody of excessively gory creepypastas?

10950809
*laughs* Totally.

It is? I thought the author himself had the idea.

10950812
Ironically, it became one of the most emulated creepypastas out there.

jmj

Cute.

10950982
Mhmmm.

10951133
In a kinda dark/creepy way. But, thanks for your review!

Pause.

All jokes aside, I don't know if I wanna laugh or shudder at this. If my homies pull this shit on me I'm whoopin they asses.

10951161
Only difference between you and me is where I'm at shit like this prolly happens

I live in the O so nothin surprises me

Have you read “Rocket to Insanity?”

Thought I might give another work of yours a read. :twilightsmile: It's a fairly simple, straight-to-the-point parody story, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Similarly to the previos story of yours, this one could use some extra meat on its bones to really sell the idea. Messing around with descriptions, sentence length, et cetera allows you to modulate the story's pacing, and, in turn, how tense a scene feels. So, if you want to give us the creeps, more vivid descriptions is the way to go. :raritywink:

Grammar and spelling remain mostly solid without any glaring recurring issues, though the punctuation errors that I've mentioned before appear in this story as well. Also, note that you shouldn't insert a space after a hyphen connecting two words. Furthermore, if a character is directly addressed in dialogue (or even in letters and stuff), the address should be preceded by a comma. You know, there's a difference between "Let's eat, ponies!" and "Let's eat ponies!" :pinkiecrazy: Oh, and also, while there are some exceptions (certain dates, ammo calibers, etc.), numerals shouldn't appear in stories. It may seem odd that I'm talking so much about a single 3 you have in the story, but it's an issue that's very noticeable. Besides this being against the regular rules of writing, the disadvantage of numerals is that they are different than letters and thus break up the text and draw unnecessary focus.

Now, just a few more tidbits:

It was a beautiful and sunny day in Ponyville. Everypony went about, chatting merrily and having a wonderful day.

This is what I call "the weather forecast opening". Every other story written by a novice writer starts this way. It's good and bad at the same time. It's bad if you do it since it makes your story seem just like the stories of others, plus it doesn't do what a proper opening should. That is, hook the readers by piquing their interest as well as hint at the story's atmosphere and plot. (Study the opening of the G5 movie and see what they do with the earth pony crystal so early on. That's some good storytelling. Also, the opening of the first Mission: Impossible is a masterpiece. There are so many layers to it that speak volumes about what's going to happen.) However, a good thing about these openings is that if you don't use them, your stories will immediately stand out far more, making more people give them a chance.

"BYE RORA!!" yelled Pinkie, waving at her.

"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

"I'M SORRY FOR WHATEVER I DID. I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! AND I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD-"

I know that people on the internet use CAPS TO CONVEY THAT THEY ARE ANGRY, SINCE IT GIVES THEIR COMMENT THE EXTRA FLAIR AS IF THEY WERE SHOUTING AT YOU :flutterrage:, but let's face it, it doesn't work and takes away from the statement rather than adds to it. It's also quite hard to look at. In general, if you have an exclamation mark (just one, no need for more) and a dialogue tag, you don't need the CAPS. It's fine if you do it very rarely for very emotional statements like "NO!", but it's still unnecessary. There are cases where it might come in handy if you want to highlight the speech of a very special character. Terry Pratchett's Death comes to mind as a character speaking this way, but it's a character that speaks very rarely and for short periods of time. So, better use this scarcely. Very scarcely. Also, a verb is oftentimes much better than a dialogue line. Imagine someone doing and audio reading of this story and encountering the "AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" line.

🎶 I can see you from behind. You can hear me in your mind. Run so fast as you- 🎶

What exactly is the purpose of these emojis? In general, don't put these into stories. Not only is their interpretation unclear, but few emojis are supported on all devices, so some people may see just empty rectangles instead of musical notes. Plus, again, this information is going to be lost for people who listen to the story (People doing audio readings will skip it, the site's reading feature just says "musical note" out of sudden) or who have it downloaded in a format that doesn't support this.

Pinkie snickered. "You silly filly. That's fake pony cake, and it's not real. You see, I have to make a real-life version of a pony for this one filly's birthday."

Lol :rainbowlaugh: The first time I saw someone create a cake based on a real person, it creeped me out a bit, haha.

Happy Hearth's Warming! :twilightsmile:

11093764
Duly noted, and thank you I appreciate you taking the time to read and review it, as well as mention specific areas where I could work on. Thank you!

Happy Hearth's Warming!:twilightsmile:

Hey maybe someone should remaster the og cupcakes to make it EVEN BETTER!
...and im caplocking again

games often require infinite craft players to make quick decisions, which can help improve their decision-making skills.

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