The Great and Delicate Trixie

by DogSomeOre

(Bonus) Ch. 19 - My Family

"Oh I'm so nervous!" Trixie looks out her wagon to see ponies waiting for her to start another humble magic show.

"You're going to do just fine." Anon tells her.

"I know, it's just that, I haven't done this in so long. What if I'm rusty?"

"Trixie come on we've talked about this. I told you your tricks are great, you can do this, I believe in you."

Trixie is seen moving around restlessly as she tries to put herself in order. She feels a warm touch come on her back. She looks up to Anon who's smiling with that same warm smile Trixie is always delighted to see. She stares at him with a worried face.

"We still have time before your show is scheduled to start; I've been wanting to give you something for a while."

"Anon, I appreciate the gesture, I really do. But this is no time for gifts."

"Trust me Trixie."

Anon grabs Trixie's hoof and walks her over to the nightstand by her bed. She finds it silly that now he has something to show her, as they've had almost two weeks to share presents.

"A... box?" Trixie asks, confused on why this would be so important.

"Open it."

Trixie levitates the box in front of her as she takes it away from Anon's hands. Anon has a smile on his face still, now seemingly more ecstatic then before.

She opens it slowly, taking the top off and placing it on the floor. A very familiar cloth comes out as Trixie levitates the hat and coat out of the confines of the box. She can't believe her eyes.

"It's... my magician attire.." She stares at the fabric, her mind at a loss of what she's seeing. "The holes they're... gone. It's all brand new.... Anon how-"

He reaches out a hand to show her the childhood drawing of her and her family. She takes it slowly and looks back up at Anon.

"I found it in your closet when I brought you home. I thought it meant a lot to you as you scribbled words on the inside of your hat; seeing how dirty and messed up it was, I decided I'd have it fixed up for you. It suits you, you know."

"Anon I-"

"It's ok Trixie, just put it on."

Trixie slips on the purple coat and the wizard hat that she has dawned on her head. She looks at herself in the mirror, seeing 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' displayed right in front of her eyes once again. But something else is seen in her reflection as well, something that Trixie cares about more then any bits or clothes that Equestria could ever have.

She turns around to look at Anon, she gives him a big hug and rubs her head on his shoulder. Nothing in Trixie's life could ever fill the loneliness inside her heart, nothing, until Anon came to her.

Comments

[Prince Leviathan]

11020622
Oh I def did. It was adorable and what a lovely ending.

[horses are fuckin weird]

moral of the story is:

fuck applejack

[Horsefucker_Faraday]

Where to start...

First, I would like to say that I was impressed by your story. I had it in my 'to read later' bookshelf for a while and was not disappointed. You say it was the first story you ever wrote? Well, you must have put quite alot of effort into it, because if you hadn't pointed that out I'd assume you are a well established writer.

I am surpised your story sofar had as little attention as it did. So I am writing this to give you some criticism, really more of a feedback and recounting my impresions since the story was really good.

In general the idea of a story featuring Anon and Trixie is a really tempting one since it implies travel and adventure, and I have thought about a number of different plot lines revolving around that. Stories like this can reach <200k characters with ease and still be wanting for more. In the case of Delicate Trixie, although it was 40k words it still felt really short. There were alot of things you skipped. Like their situation with money, how Anon traveled for 3 weeks to find Trixie, more backstories, relationships with other ponies, more descriptions of different places, more mushy situations and adventures of them both, clop. It is just astounding how much you can make out of a plot line like this. But I realize it was your first story. And it's better to finish a shorter story than to shoot over your head with a too large of an undertaking.

Realism. This story was more on realistic side of things. Now what I mean by realism is- "Ponies that act more human than pony and their society resembling that of humans". In the show ponies always seem to prevail against evil and that has to do with their different nature and the presense of magic. One theory that I have is that uninterrupted magical flow throughout Equestria ensures its inhabitants stay healthy and well, but where the magical current twists it creates wicked ponies and other creatures, that are 180 opposite to their peers, but still retain semblance of their pony psychology. This is completely opposite to our human world, where evil and human vice seems to always stay on top, it creeps in and corrupts everyone and everything it touchs, thus acts of heroism and ultimate good being few and far in between.

To further demonstrate this I would like you to look at 2 different stories that bear semblance to yours. Scratched by TogaShi and A Blueberry and Her Greenery by Gentian. One is set in Manehattan, where a young Vinyl Scratch has a hard start as a performer and has to basically flaunt herself at a bar, almost getting raped. The other is of Anon that winds up getting kidnapped by diamond dogs, subsequently rescued by Trixie, they end up in Canterlot where the author describes in detail the backstabbing and vile nature of the nobility that lives there. One has to wonder what the fuck is Celestia doing in these stories.

Finally. It was interesting to me how you portrayed Trixie's personality. Due to the information about the ponies in MLP being limited and many Horsefuckers not accepting developments in later seasons as Canon. Let's face it, they were really bad. I watch MLP for ponies, not Yaks, Mermaids, whatever. Everycreature my ass! Everyone has basically a different view on how Equestria is like and what the personality of ponies are truly like. Some think Rainbow Dash is secretly very mushy when it comes to relationships, other think she is a complete dyke, for example. In the case of Trixie you portrayed her hidden personality, this hurt, shy filly as completely seperate from her stage, ego self. I personally view Trixie's hidden personality as something quite similar, however I also think her ego seeps into it to an extent, so it is not just all acting, and again I think Trixie fell victim to the twisted magical current thing in the show.

Well, I think that's it for me. Hope I didn't go too much off topic and you found this helpful. Be honest, am I overthinking all of this? Hahaha

Thank you for the nice story.

[DogSomeOre]

11211391
Wow! Thank you very much! Honestly, I'm blown away that you took time to write your thoughts and critiques on my story, but don't think it goes unnoticed!

Yeah, my story is definitely on the shorter side for sure. I kind of get un-focused so to speak the further I go. It gets harder for me to figure out what I've made the characters do in previous chapters, and I have to try not to replicate it for the fear of it becoming redundant, stale, boring, etc. I really could have made this double the word count, and honestly for a while, I was thinking of doing just that; I just didn't know how to stretch an "Anon and 'insert pony here'" story for that long without it feeling well, again, boring. Though I'm sure other fanfic writers have been able to overcome this exact obstacle with flying colors, I however, am not sure if I could. That being said, with the piles of fanfic ideas rummaging through my head, I have stopped on the thought of making a sequel to this story, though who knows if I'll ever get around to that lmao.

Addressing your point/thoughts about the psychology of characters, to me, I think it's very interesting how every fanfic writer sees characters; like you said about Rainbow Dash, absolutely. I think one of the best, and greatest things about these characters is how open-ended they are. You can go behind the scenes, just trying to find out what thoughts are swimming through their heads, it actually is a very intriguing notion to think that each character can have their own, heavy, emotional baggage, or delightful fun experiences that could have happened in their individual lives. I really, really, like that aspect about writing fanfics in general; and although my Pinkie story isn't as dark, it's still fun to prod into that pink pony's mind, just to poke around and see what makes her tick.

No, I don't think you're overthinking it at all, believe me lol. It's fun to come up with crazy theories or your own stories for characters, to me, that's what being a fan is all about! Get creative, maybe you can even play it safe, but one things for certain, it's your world-view, and that's something nobody else can replicate.

Thank you again, Faraday. I'm sincerely thankful for the read, and the critique.

[Lack of Tact]

hon hon hon yisss, this is a nice piece to add to my collection.

Read it in a sit, loved every single bit. Haven't looked at many AnonTrixie fics–nor found many, but there's something special when I come across one I can enjoy to completion.

Dammit, you got me as a follower.

[DogSomeOre]

11242460
Hey, appreciate that. Funny enough the reason I started writing in the first place was really because I was saddened by the lack of Anon fics in general, thought I'd just add a couple more to the roster. Glad you liked it though, and thanks for the follow!

[Dima]

Очень хороший конец и мне кажется чуть чуть грустный и за шляпы этой... Воспоминания о детстве. 😭

[Abeto]

Love this story so much such a good way to write Trixie.

[WildFire 24]

That was a good fanfic and a good way to write a trixie

[Jackd]

Perfect