64. Their Fight
Twilight Sparkle and her friends strolled through a back hall of the royal palace.
“Sorry, girls,” said Twilight. “I really thought we’d find some clues in the orrery.”
“Don’t fret none,” said Applejack. “Ain’t a bad way to spend an afternoon, anyhow.”
“Perhaps we could try the statue garden again?” said Rarity. “I could swear some of them were pointing in rather suspicious directions.”
Spike ran up to them and skidded to a stop, out of breath.
“You guys!” he shouted, “Princess Celestia and Radish Root are about to fight in the courtyard! Come on!”
“What?” cried Twilight.
They all galloped after him. They reached the windows of one side of the courtyard. The signs now read “Starting in 1:15” and were counting down. A crowd of the palace’s personnel were gathering around the windows, jockeying for better views. Celestia and Radish were finishing their stretches and taking position.
“Whoa!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “How did this happen? Does this happen often?”
“Now, what’s gotten into that boy?” wondered Applejack.
“Oh my,” said Fluttershy. “Are they angry with each other?”
Twilight looked up at the signs.
“It says it’s an official match. It’s got to be just an impromptu training session.”
“In there?” asked Rarity. “What kind of a place is that for sparring? There are thorny bushes, trees, snow, stone furniture…”
Twilight cast a spell, and a large sports rulebook appeared before her and slammed to the ground. She flipped through it.
“Uh oh. This would have to be Variant Seven.”
“What’s that mean?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Well, it’s for matches that need to be anytime, anywhere. Just a few rules. Grappling only. No biting, eye gouging, groin attacks…”
“Thank goodness for that!” said Rarity.
“…no weapons, but you can throw each other into anything in there. And, oh, wow. Each combatant is allowed one headbutt!?”
“Whoa-ho!” said Pinkie Pie. “This is gonna be good!”
“Oh, come on. Radish ain’t a-gonna headbutt the princess,” said Applejack.
“Indeed. And the princess is far too much of a lady to even think about such a thing,” added Rarity.
Radish and Celestia stood before each other. Celestia lowered her head in grim coldness. Radish met her gaze with steely determination. They were exchanging words.
“Oh, they’re looking mighty angry,” said Applejack.
“Naw,” said Rainbow Dash. “They just have their game faces on. Grr!”
“Like this?” asked Pinkie Pie, putting on the meanest face she could. “Grr!”
“Yeah! Grr!” laughed Rainbow Dash. She pressed up to the window. “What are they saying in there? Why is this soundproof? They could be talking smack to each other. Maybe even talking trash!”
“What’s the difference?” asked Twilight.
“Smack is when you say what you’re going to do, like, ‘I’ll shred you into hay burgers.’ Trash is when you say something about them personally, like, ‘You’re so ugly, when you were born, your mother slapped the doctor.’”
Celestia looked at the floating hourglass. She said something, shaking her head. Radish said something, raising his.
“Ugh! I’ve got to know what they’re saying!” groaned Rainbow Dash. “Does anypony read lips?”
All eyes turned to Twilight.
“Don’t look at me,” she said. “Where would I ever learn that?”
“Um, I know how to read lips,” said Fluttershy.
All eyes turned to her.
“Really?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“See, I have this thing about personal space, so it helps to-”
“Never mind why, tell us what they’re saying!”
Dash grabbed Fluttershy’s head and pressed it to the window. Fluttershy peered closely and watched the two exchange words. The exchange ended with Celestia furrowing her eyes.
“Oh my,” said Fluttershy.
“What? Is it smack? Trash?” asked Dash.
“Well, Celestia just said, ‘I’ve overseen the training of the royal guards for millennia. Every move you know has my stamp of approval on it. Oh, and these rules you agreed to fight by? I wrote them.’”
“Ha! That’s good stuff,” laughed Rainbow Dash.
“But then Radish replied with, ‘I know. I’ve seen all the spelling errors in the first draft.’”
“Oh, what!? He immediately escalated to trash? Nice knowing you, Radish.”
An unseen bell rang. The hourglass turned over. The signs on the windows changed to “Official Match in Progress.”
Radish and Celestia circled each other. Radish looked around the courtyard. Celestia said something to him, and he squinted his eyes and said something back.
“Now what did they say?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy cleared her throat and attempted an imitation of Celestia.
“Are you going to fight me or just take in the scenery?”
She switched to an approximation of Radish’s voice.
“It’s on, your highness.”
Radish then charged at Celestia. She bent low. He leapt. She reared up, and the two collided high. Radish gripped Celestia around the neck, but Celestia seized him in her forelegs and slammed him into the ground. The thud shook the windows. The ponies watching backed away.
Radish struggled under Celestia. She looked down at him and spoke.
“Is that all? Where’s your vaunted fighting techniques, Radish?” lip-read Fluttershy as Celestia.
“Just getting started, your excellency.”
Radish kicked to the side, flinging his body out of Celestia’s grip, then used his momentum and his grasp on her neck to vault himself onto her back. He clenched around her neck with his forelegs and onto her shoulders with his hind legs.
Celestia stood up calmly. She jumped. Radish held on. She flung her weight left and right, but Radish held on. She bucked her front and hind legs madly, but Radish held on.
“Hoo boy!” cheered Applejack. “He’s on her like a buckin’ rodeo pony!”
Celestia gave up, then took to her hind legs and ran backwards into the Balencian orange tree. She smashed Radish into its trunk, causing his eyes to bug out and his lungs to empty. As she crushed him into it, he reached back and tapped against the tree, causing several oranges to drop onto the ground. Celestia looked down at them, then spoke to Radish while crushing the oranges under her hoof.
“Trying to trip me on oranges, Radish? Is that your plan for Chrysalis, too?” read Fluttershy.
“That’d be pretty funny!” said Pinkie Pie.
Celestia then seized him and flung him across the room. He smacked into the glass in front of Twilight and her friends. They startled back. Fluttershy bent down to see Celestia and read, “Oh, didn’t I mention? I have been taking hoof-to-hoof combat lessons! From the ‘dumb jock’!”
Fluttershy turned to the others. “She said it sarcastically, like it’s a point of contention between them.”
“Who does she mean?” asked Twilight. “I know that Shining’s been training with her, but… hey!”
Radish peeled himself off the window and faced Celestia. Fluttershy scooted to the side so she could see his lips.
“That explains why your form is so sloppy.”
Celestia struck a proud pose.
“And here I thought you liked my form.”
Rainbow Dash snickered.
Celestia then charged at full bore and twisted to shoulder-ram him. He leapt out of the way and she skidded to a stop in front of the window. Radish sprang behind her and shoved her into the glass. Her face pressed into it, and she turned her eyes to the girls. They stared at her, mouths agape.
She pushed off the window and grappled Radish to the ground, shoving his face into snow-covered grass. He kicked wildly, but she held him down tight, gritting her teeth. Radish’s hooves found purchase on a garden path flagstone, but Celestia kicked it away, and Radish fell flat under her again. She pressed him into the ground and held him there, not saying a word.
Fluttershy turned to the crowd around her.
“While there’s a break in the action, I’d like to make an announcement. I saw some of you feeding bread to the ducks outside, and you really shouldn’t do that. Bread is terribly unhealthy for birds, and-”
“We’re back on!” said Rainbow Dash.
They looked. Radish had balled himself up and thrown Celestia off, then retreated to a distance away from her. He was panting. Celestia looked at him.
“I hope Light Fantastic is prepared to spend Hearts and Hooves Day alone,” read Fluttershy, trying to mimic the sneer in Celestia’s tone.
“Wait, he’s fighting for his ladylove?” asked Rarity, leaning forward. “Ooh, I’m in his corner now!”
Radish pointed at Celestia.
“Well, who’d know more about that than you?”
The crowd gasped. Celestia’s face turned furious.
“Whoa, too far, Radish,” said Twilight.
Fluttershy continued.
“That’s a low blow!”
“You push me, I push back!”
“Really? Is that what’s happening? Because I seem to be mopping the floor with you!”
“You have two maids for your bedroom alone. I’m not worried about your mopping skills!”
The girls heard a laugh behind them. They turned to see a maid watching the fight.
“He’s not wrong,” she said, shrugging.
Twilight looked around. The halls surrounding the courtyard were now full of spectators- palace staff, guards, tourists, even visiting dignitaries. Some were taking photographs. Some were scribbling down a blow-by-blow.
She looked up to see the windows in the floors above were full, too. Shining Armor, Barrel Roller, and Saguaro Shade were sharing a window, staring down at the fight and talking amongst themselves.
“Hey, Fluttershy,” said Twilight, “could you tell me what those three are saying?”
Fluttershy looked up at the guard leadership.
“Hey!” shouted a spectator behind the girls. “Don’t change the audio source! We wanna hear the fight!”
Several ponies shouted in agreement. Fluttershy looked at them angrily.
“They’re placing odds and taking bets on the fight,” she told Twilight.
“Really?” asked the same spectator. “What are the odds on Radish?”
“Shining gives him a million to one, against.”
“Oh, I’m taking that!”
The spectator and several others ran off. Fluttershy refocused on Celestia and Radish.
Celestia charged Radish. He leapt over her. She anticipated it, doubling back and catching him with her hind legs. She launched him into a wall. He rose to see her charging him again, then she turned around and crushed him into the wall with her rear end. He grunted, pinned. Celestia turned back and sneered. Fluttershy flew to a different window to get a better view of her speaking, and the crowd followed her.
“Maybe this is it, Radish. Maybe THIS is the moment from your cutie mark!”
She ground her bottom into Radish, then bowed her front down.
“Come on, Radish. Do the face. Do the face you make on the mark!”
Radish winced in pain and shook his head.
“Fine. I’ll do mine.”
Celestia opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue in a mockery of her image on Radish’s cutie marks. The crowd murmured. Twilight covered Spike’s eyes, to his protests.
“Making fun of his marks? Oh, Celestia, how awful!” moaned Rarity.
“That ain’t right,” agreed Applejack.
“You said you found them flattering,” read Fluttershy, approximating the exasperation in Radish’s voice.
“I was taking pity on a mewling little whelp who thought his wet dream cutie marks entitled him to my body! Oh my.”
“I have already apologized for treating you like an object! In essay form! But I will not apologize for my cutie marks! I got them from a childhood infatuation with you based on your cheesy merchandise, which I now know was heavily retouched!”
Some of the spectators snickered.
“He’s right, you know,” said Rarity. “Those photographers reach for their airbrushes far too readily.”
“That cheesy merchandise pays for your salary, Radish!”
“Well, maybe if you put Luna’s face on some, we could all get raises!”
The audience gasped, then burst with laughter.
“Oh, he’s bringing me into it now, is he?” said Luna, walking up behind the girls.
“Princess Luna!” said Fluttershy, bowing.
“Keep relaying their words, Fluttershy. I want to hear everything.”
“Princess, do you know what this is about?” asked Twilight.
“Quite a few things long gone unsaid, it seems.”
Fluttershy cleared her throat. Celestia was speaking.
“... and ever since that day we met, all you’ve ever done is fail upward. You’ve built a career on dumb luck!”
“I did honorable work as a Plains Ranger!”
“The Plains Rangers are a bunch of rule-snubbing smoke watchers! You thought that would impress me?”
“I solved the mystery of the Storm Centurions!”
“You probably just snuck into that cave to canoodle with that buffalo girl of yours!”
“Wait, there’s a third girl?” asked Rarity. “He’s losing me.”
“I was always a perfect gentlecolt to Sky, because I knew she deserved better than me!”
“Oh, never mind, I’m back on board with him!” cheered Rarity.
Fluttershy’s mouth was getting dry. Pinkie Pie passed her a soda. She sipped and continued as Celestia.
“You want to know about the Storm Centurions? They were the worst unit in Equestria! Willow Wagoner got her command through nepotism and bribery! I gave them the easiest assignment I could think of to bolster their confidence -bring in some measly bandits- and they still all got themselves wiped out!”
Radish spoke, emphatically waving his hoof, then quickly turned to Fluttershy and said something directly to her in a panic.
“Uh, he started to say something, but then told me that it’s unpublished research, and he would like me not to repeat it.”
“Oh?” asked Worthy Wagoner, suddenly by her side. “What was it? I can make it worth your while.”
“No, you can’t,” said Fluttershy, and turned away from him. She winked at Radish. He smiled back, then turned to Celestia.
“I saved Luna’s life during the invasion!”
“You stuck my sister in a barrel while an artifact that you broke did all the work!”
“You gave me a medal for that!”
“We were giving medals out like popcorn that day!”
“Aww…” said a guard. He looked down sadly at his polished Iron Barding award, then at the popcorn he was eating.
Radish grinned and leaned in.
“That’s not all you gave me that day.”
Celestia leaned in, looking smug.
“I was giving THOSE out like popcorn, too.”
Radish slumped his shoulders, crestfallen.
“Oh. Poor Radish,” said Twilight.
“Well, I wasn’t,” muttered Luna.
“What do they mean?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“I’ll tell you later, okay?” Twilight said.
Radish refocused himself. He struggled and shouted in anger.
“I don’t even know why you’re mad! I have done my best to serve you every day since I got here!”
“Oh please, all you ever cared about was fu- uh, making love to me! No, Fluttershy, you don’t censor your princess! I said ‘fuck’! Fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK! Ohh...”
Fluttershy whimpered. Pinkie Pie patted her head. Twilight covered Spike’s ears, far too slowly. Celestia looked around at the gathered viewers. Fluttershy relayed her words with growing discomfort.
“But at least he was honest about it! Half of you ponies only work here because you want to fuck me!”
She pointed to various windows.
“He wants to fuck me! Those senators want to fuck me! That tour guide wants to fuck me! And I’m pretty sure Twilight has thought about it a couple times!”
Twilight buried her face in her hooves and sank low. Applejack rubbed her shoulders.
“Do you have any idea what that’s like? Walking around this palace all day to a hundred libidinous stares!? A whole nation that sees me as a piece of tail first and their leader second!”
“Well, not me! Not anymore! I have a girlfriend! She’s my princess now!”
The spectators let out a collective “Aww”.
“And while we have your spa, I’m sending out for crêpes! Uh, he said that all dramatically. I don’t know why.”
“Yeah, right, Radish. We both know you’ll never be over me. Never! Over! This!”
Celestia shoved her backside into him with each word. Radish collapsed onto her haunches in pain. He caught his breath, then looked at her angrily.
“Under you, then.”
He dug his elbows into her hip joints, forcing her to lean forward. He twisted sideways and slipped under Celestia, hooking all four of her legs as he ran forward. She fell onto his back, and he carried her at full speed. He stopped just short of the table with the hot chocolate set on it. The momentum carried her into the table, smashing it to flinders. The tableware shattered on her. The hot chocolate, long since cooled, splashed over Celestia’s body.
She stood, dripping expensive imported cocoa. She looked at the shattered set, then flung herself wildly at Radish. He caught her this time, and the two grappled back and forth across the grass. Radish got Celestia in a headlock and howled.
“I AM over you! All I want is for you to be safe, healthy, and happy!”
He squeezed her neck and dug his knees into her clavicle. Celestia threw him off and shoved him into a corner.
“Your idea of safety is letting the enemy get close and hoping they make a mistake! You think I want that kind of protection?”
“It seems to be working out pretty well for me!”
“What are you talking about? I’ve splatted you against every surface in here. You’ve been flailing about like a deflating balloon!”
“Not flailing, learning! Measuring you! Your strength, speed, range, joints, and your weight distribution! And you know what, princess? You’ve got a really high center of gravity.”
Radish reeled back, then slammed his forehead into Celestia’s face at full force. As she stumbled back, he pushed off the wall, vaulting into the air over her, and dragged her down head-first into the stone bench. It shattered in half. He shoved her body over the snow-slick ground like a toboggan and crashed her through a thorny blackberry bush. Radish rolled over the crushed oranges, soaking their juice into his coat.
“Wait,” said Twilight. “He’s not going to…”
Celestia stood fuming. She was covered in thorny brambles piercing deep into her skin. She tore them out and advanced on Radish. He leapt at her. The concentrated citric acid in Radish’s coat splashed into Celestia’s cuts, and she howled. Her knees buckled, and Radish seized them and shoved her onto her back. He got one shoulder on the ground. Celestia’s eyes filled with panic as she realized she was one shoulder away from losing.
Radish put all his weight on her other shoulder, and she fought to keep it off the ground. The two struggled back and forth. Radish’s stamina was at its limits. Celestia jerked in pain as orange juice dripped into her cuts. Radish smiled.
Twilight wasn’t sure who started it, but she heard a soft female voice start to chant, “Ra-dish. Ra-dish. Ra-dish!”
The ponies around her joined in the chant, stomping their hooves in cadence.
“Ra-dish! Ra-dish! RADISH!”
Twilight rose with them and chanted.
“RADISH! RADISH! RADISH!”
Radish looked up to see the gallery cheering. Celestia looked sideways and saw it, too. Radish looked at the hourglass. The bottom bulb was almost full, with just a few more seconds of sand funneling above. He shoved with all his might.
Celestia sneered. Then, she smiled.
“Oh, that’s right,” read Fluttershy only to herself, “I get one of these.”
Celestia drew her head to the ground. She slammed it into Radish’s. The impact made the audience yelp.
Radish saw stars. His hooves lost their strength as his body crumpled backwards. Celestia seized him and threw him under the hourglass. His vision refocused to see her looming over him.
“I’d never give you a minute of my time, Radish. But you can have the rest of yours.”
She punched the latch on the bottom bulb of the hourglass. Nine minutes and fifty-seven seconds worth of sand dumped onto Radish’s face. He shut his eyes and shook his head, trying to avoid it. As he lifted his face out of the pile, he saw the last three seconds falling at him. It hit his cheek and rolled down to join the rest.
Radish’s time was up.
The crowd fell silent. Radish dropped his head to the ground. The hourglass, signs, and equipment vanished, leaving Radish naked on the ground. As her braces and pads disappeared, Celestia spread her wings and magicked open the doors and windows. A cold wind blew over the audience. She looked down at Radish.
“See you tomorrow, lieutenant. Bring a sponge.”
She looked up at the viewers. They were staring, motionless.
“The rest of you, get back to work!”
The palace staff snapped out of it and scurried away. The tourists scattered. Celestia made eye contact with Twilight, then teleported away, wordlessly. Luna turned and walked off. Shining Armor, Barrel Roller, and Saguaro Shade left their window, talking amongst themselves. Twilight looked at her friends.
“Should we, uh…?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah,” said Twilight.
The seven entered the courtyard. Radish hadn’t moved. As they approached him, he rolled over on his side away from them, hiding his cutie mark under his tail.
“Uh, good match, Radish,” said Rainbow Dash.
“You almost had her,” added Spike, encouragingly.
“Yeah. Mighty fine moves, there,” said Applejack.
“Truly an all-star exhibition,” assured Rarity.
“Good use of citrus,” said Pinkie Pie.
“And thanks for keeping your language clean,” said Fluttershy.
Twilight stepped closer to him. She cleared her throat.
“Radish Root. You fought with strength, cleverness, and valor, exemplifying the true spirit of competition. Thus, I bestow upon you this favor.”
She bent down to kiss him.
“Keep it,” he muttered.
“What?”
“Just… keep it. I don’t want it.”
Twilight backed away, saddened. She turned and left. The others followed her.
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jesus fucking christ, Celestia.
What the fuck? That’s all I can say. I don’t want to go into mis-characterization or unnecessary brutality, because everyone else is gonna say that first.
But I guess we, the audience, should’ve specified what we meant when saying ‘we want Radish Root to win’
O_O
Damn, Celestia is a bitch. She got so angry because he gave her council and this is the result.
Poor Celestia… and Radish
and here's hoping celestiass gets a new one reamed by the entirety of the main 6, luna, and half of the villains because even discord wouldn't do that to someone's relationship
11422032
to be fair chrysalis wouldn't either, bad relationship equals bad food
Holy fuck, that was intense. There will be fallout, but damn was this climax well written.
Yikes, what crawled up Celestia's butt and died?
There's smack talk, there's trash talk and there's Celestia's "I shit over everything you ever did" talk - seriously mare, there are lines you shouldn't cross unless you want to turn friends to foes. She acts almost as if she was a jealous bitch ex-from-hell - you kicked him away for years now, he finally is on the cusp of moving on, and after he finally found a mare you purposefully ruin Radish's hearts and hooves date... jeez
Also that BM move after the "match" - he had little to no chance to beat an alicorn in 10 minutes, and still got close. Next time maybe let Chryssi stick you in a pod, she might be nicer.
Also, note how Radish got back at her with good trash talk but she immediately went for the lowest blows she could. That would be like if Radish made fun of her for her soldiers who died in battle she couldn’t save or when Discord turned her soldiers into gingerbread men. Celestia feels pretty pathetic in this chapter and I love it. I really hope Radish gets to meet starlight and she somehow gets him a better cutie mark. I know it will never happen but I think that would be such a good moment. Radish trading his mark in for something useful to him like it was just a coupon he’s been holding onto. Also, wondering what the exact rules were. Like, would it have been okay if Radish pushed her into broken glass and cut her eye out or something? He cut her with thorns which is okay and she broke an hourglass above him which could’ve cut him up badly. Not sure if I’m reading into this too much but while radish tried to beat her he seemed to take care to not do anything over the top which could’ve really hurt her like snap her fucking horn off while it was still recovering from Chrysalis. He also ran out of time because he let her rant and just keep on bitching instead of actually fighting unless they were wrestling during that.
11422017
No. That wasn't the reason, but it might have been the trigger.
“Princess, do you know what this is about?” asked Twilight.
“Quite a few things long gone unsaid, it seems.”
Damn
She's definitely had a lot of underlying stress in recent times to get this bad.
I can see her being incredibly regretful once the realization sets in cause she's not a bad person.
Lots of people condemning Celestia here. I think they've lost sight of the fact that she's just a pony.
I think, her Self-Esteem has taken a cataclysmic blow. First came Halycon; where for the first time in her life She felt absolutely powerless. The best thing she could do was try to keep her friends out of harm's way and the only way she could do that was by hurting them.
Then came the Invasion where a threat she didn't know existed kidnapped her niece almost defeated her student and brainwashed her nephew-in-law ; ostensibly the most capable of her ponies.
Sombre returns, and She cannot stop him. Only Twilight by *ignoring her* does it.
They reform Discord in an afternoon after She spent years fighting him.
She was creamed. In a fight with Chrysalis. Then her niece has to leave and with her, her husband. Probably one of her few real friends.
I think Celestia has PTSD. She's faced with foe after for She cannot confront. A losing streak of failures. Need sense of worth has been destotyed. Her very identity is wrapped up as the immortal God-Queen of Equestria. Her sole purpose to protect her Ponies. A purpose for which she has denied herself the chance of love.
And in the face of all this, this feeling of being unneeded and useless, the Pony who *literally has her stamped to his arse* is moving on. When *He* doesn't need her, what is She there for?
Her actions were cruel of course. But I think she's just snapped under the weight of everything. She's frightened. That the next villain might crush her as easily as Chrysalis. That her centuries of denial and self sacrifice weren't actually meaningful because... She's not actually worth it. Just a symbol. An object. A beauty standard but little more.
She's not just seen as Equestrias defender. She sees herself as that. The arch protector of all her little Ponies. Matriarch of Equestria. And if She isn't that, if She can't be that, what else is She than a beautiful made to fantasize over?
She got into a fight for the same reason everyone gets into a fight. Because she was angry. Angry. Scared. Frustrated. Humiliated. And in a desperate need to find a problem she can punch, because everything else is just too much.
Time, I think for her to visit the psychiatrist pony.
11422070
Apparently she has been since the concept was first put into practice. She mentioned that earlier in the story. I think she might need to make appointments twice a week at minimum!
That was brutal. I hope there is some actual fallout here, unlike the Halcyon event which was basically hand waved away. There is a fine line between "jealous & scared, but understandable" and "completely unlikable as a character" and I personally feel you've crossed that with Celestia's behavior here.
Now, you may totally prove me wrong down the line, (I hope you do, because I love this story!), but I don't see any way of this having any satisfying ending for Radish other than him leaving the guard entirely with Light. This is now the second time Celestia has torn apart Radish like this and he only got a half-hearted apology last time. And that's before factoring in Shining's BS over the course of the story. I look forward to the next chapter, but I really hope you have a plan here. Right now, you seem to be treating Root as a punching bag again.
(As a side note, I love that the cover art had been changing with the events in the story. It's a great touch!)
Alright: I have three questions for the audience regarding the aftermath of this chapter.
1) Will Radish leave the Royal Guard?
2) Will Radish defy his orders, defy his date, or do something else?
3) Will Radish stay with Light Fantastic?
I like that Radish lost, but it wasn't really a loss. Sure, he might not feel that way, but he beat her.
They wanted him to win. All of them wanted him to win. Not her, not Celestia the Immortal Princess, but underdog Radish with goofy, obscene cutie marks. I'm sure that infuriated her.
When Radish had this moment with Halcyon's fight, he immediately tried to help him. He called for a medic. Celestia rubs it in. She rubs in an utterly worthless victory, then storms off. She finally has a victory, and no one cheers for her. No one was cheering for her. For one glorious, shining moment, Celestia is an ugly, petty, spiteful, vicious, mean-spirited nag standing before the world.
Love it. Gimme more.
I gotta be honest Radish deserved that win so he can give Celestia a fat reality check. Though then again Celestia saw for herself. Everyone there (except Shining Armor) was routing for Radish to win. Not her. That must have hit her hard.
11422045
Celestia didn't actually break the hourglass. She just opened the bottom and let the sand out. Still a dick move, but far better than a rain of shattered glass.
Wow.
Just.
Wow!!
What a chapter!!!
I wonder how things are going to go now??
Are Radish and Celestia ever going to get together as a couple? Or is Radish destined to not get with her?? Will Light be understanding about what happened, or overreact?
I look forward to getting the answers to those questions.
I'll admit, I laughed extra hard at the trash talk.
Celestia might have a sun cutie mark, but Radish rapid-fire BURNED her ass!
I feel sorry for them both. I know that even the closest of friends sometimes fight, but when they do, things can get really ugly. That's because, outside of family and lovers, they know you better than anyone else. (Which, if you think about it, just goes to show how close their friendship is to have gotten to this point.) And because of that, they know just what to say to hurt you. Celestia, mocking Root for his achievements; Root, mocking Celestia for her "single" status right before the most romantic night of the year. All of that, is going to leave a sour taste in their mouths once they have a chance to cool off.
And then there's the fallout of their argument being broadcasted to the audience. Root calling Shining a dumb jock and bringing up his (Root’s) attraction to Luna. Celestia mocking the Rangers' origins, his cutie mark, the medals of service, and calling out the sexual attraction of about half the audience to herself, including her own student. I know that most ponies respect Celestia, and the guard will probably place a gag order on the staff, but if everything that was said gets out to the public...well, I think Luna just might find herself Equestria's most favorite princess.
And in truth, none of this is fair to anyone. Did Root go too far in his assumptions of Shining's abilities and Celestia's handling of Chrysalis? Maybe. But Celestia did ask for his honest opinion. And he even tried to apologize before the match. Now, he's going to disappoint his marefriend while they both spend Hearts & Hooves Day alone. Did Celestia go too far mocking Root's achievements and cutie mark? Sure. But if you will recall the old saying, "heavy is the head that wears the crown." Princess Celestia has ruled for over 1,000 years, and most of that was by herself. She has, no doubt, developed quite a lot of stress in that timeframe. Even now, with both the Elements and her sister back, that has not changed. And when you keep things bottled up inside you, the resulting eruptions tends to get messy. Root critiquing her choices was probably the straw that broke the camel's back. She needed an outlet, and she finally got some things off her chest. And, surprise, surprise, oh what a mess was made, both figuratively and literally.
Unfortunately, there was someone in the audience who could read lips. You just know that Fluttershy is going to feel bad about that.
Bruh I died at this. The fact that they're both aware that Fluttershy is the "commentator" is hilarious
Either Celestia was holding her punches or Radish has unnatural toughness and regenerative capabilities combined with infinite stamina. About their banter - we see that he started escalating it into personal insults (unless there was something before FS started translating). There was four things Celestia could have responed with - ignore it, match it, become silent and "what? I can escalate too, you know, or you thought I am too shy?" She choose last one and it was amusing banter. Neither of them fell to name-calling. They both ended bitter in the end though. That rejection of most likely first attempt at "bestoving favor" by Twilight... She must be feeling personally rejected.
Something's very fishy here. How spiteful and angry the both of them are, escalating personal insults at each other, being spiteful and angry at each other over a god damn date? Either Celestia is jealous but want's to give Radish one more push so he abandons her for real and stays with Light(who might be Celestia in disguise, who knows I've seen it floating around here), she's using Radish as some scapegoat to both vent her problems physically and emotionally so she wouldn't have to look in the mirror and blame herself for this, because an ageless being like Celestia that's been running a country for a thousand years by yourself...starting to blame yourself is a slippery slope, especially with all those years behind you. There is something going on here, again, and either Celestia wanted to look like the bad guy...or maybe there's something more to it.
Honestly hope Radish leaves the guard. He shouldn't have to put up with all this bullshit, hopefully this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
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He could have declined offer of sparring match, he could have canceled it while timer were counting down the time until the start, he could have not escalated their small talk. He asked for this. And in the end he got no setback, no penalty except what he agreed for before the start.
I think the biggest hypocrisy by Celestia in this chapter is her complaining about being seen as a sex object first and leader second. She has something that unfairly overshadows her success and hard work in her eyes but so does Radish and she not only completely ignores that he has a similar problem, but uses it to try and cut into him. I also think that’s a lame complaint by her. I understand wanting to be respected for you work but having people fantasize about you is something that just comes with being attractive. There are models out there in the same boat as her and also other people in other professions that face the same thing. Usually being attractive brings that in but so does being interesting. A lot of the time when a person is attractive people are attracted to them but when they’re also interesting like because of their career and success that just adds on to the attractiveness. Part of what draws people to Celestia more is probably the fact she is successful and she complains as if she’s the only one with that problem. Rarity probably has that problem. Also I love how she talks about the people who served her. She insulted her storm centurions who died on a mission for her. Death which happened because they were betrayed by who Celestia trusted to work beside them and she insults them in death. She didn’t know they were betrayed but some of them still died following her orders and she verbally pisses on them in complete disregard saying they were no big loss and that they basically weren’t worth missing. She also insulted Radishes hero when she insulted the Rangers along with Shades. I can’t understand how Radish could ever go back to work for her. If anyone wanted to write an alternative timeline to this story this chapter would be a good place to start that. With Radish deciding Celestia, who talked to him about how scared she was for her men when Discord turned them into cookies, just insults them and their existence like that later. She’s really coming off as “I’m polite to the people below me but ultimately their lives and accomplishments don’t matter to me as long as there’s enough of them to keep the country going and the occasional special one like with a great destiny like the Elements or Luna to help keep things running. Everyone else is unimportant.” I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep and I can’t stop thing about this chapter and how bad her actions are when you look deeper into them and realize how awful their implications are. Even if she doesn’t truly mean those things the fact she said them does bring into question what she thinks about and her attitude/feelings, even the ones she doesn’t realize she has. Her words here are potentially really telling. She completely disregards everything Radish worked for and all his struggles saying he was just a mistake she gave a chance out of pity and is only still around due to consecutive flukes. And she said this to him after she claimed to be his friend. I couldn’t ever trust someone after they tell me they’re my friend and later reveal in a bitter mood, not even a heat of the moment where they’re overcome with fury and don’t realize what they’re doing, but just angry and trying to be hurtful towards me because I’m a confident target, that I’m worse than not actually meaning anything to them but an active embarrassment. There’s still so much you could dig into her lines and what they imply but I’ve already typed way too much. She talked smack about people who loyaly laid down their lives for her and then tried to ruin his Valentine day with his girlfriend after humiliating him. That’s not to mention Shinning Armor already did that and more to him before hand but he put up with it all. Twilight says he took it too far but she took it too far first but taking things out on him. She freaked out this bad because of the wedding, one failure. She wants to be respected as a leader but one of the key parts of being a leader is dealing with failure. In the marines there’s something called a sugar cookie. That’s where they tell you to make your uniform perfect and if you fail you have to roll around on the sand. They would purposely fail you sometimes no matter what to teach you sometimes you’re going to fail and that you have to be able to take that and not get frustrated. She failed and took her frustration ma out on Radish who meant no offense and then verbally tore him and what he believed in, that his mark doesn’t matter but the mark he leaves on the world does, down. If he never gets over her it will be not because he’s still in love with her but because he wants his accomplishments acknowledged and that will never mean anything now because even if he earns someone’s genuine respect there will always be a little voice in the back of his head telling him they’re just being nice, he just got lucky, ect. It’s like a rich man making fun of a homeless man for being poor and then when he tries to get a job the rich man does corrupt stuff to stop him from getting employed. He tried to rise above his useless cutie mark, which honestly could be considered a disability, and move on with his life but then Celestia just ruined his holiday (she purposely used bait she knew he would take) which would’ve meant a lot to his relationship out of spite. Like, I want to stop commenting but the more you think about it, the more there is to say.
At first their banter was funny, and then it wasn't. Geez, Celestia...
celestia didnt give radish an actual choice to back down, only offered that which he couldn't afford to refuse... and it seems this whole fight started because of two things from the last chapter.
the mention of light fantastic(not to mention how celestia was getting slightly more 'buddy-buddy' with him right before he mentioned LF), and how, though it was most likely improper to even do so, he addressed a safety/security concern about his ruler, because he cared about her as an employee under her.
Radish is pragmatic and intelligent. he can use his brain the way its meant to be used; in productive, non-evil scheming and planning, all to keep his homeland safe, though i will admit his plans are often very unorthodox.
radish also had very easily avoided teasing Celestia... but she had no issues with first addressing everypony's desire to sleep with her, then immediately after that, trying to distract radish by acting exceptionally lewd to him.
radish fought intelligently, used all of the skills he learned up to that point in his life, fought adaptably and actually nearly beat celestia at her own challenge, while still fighting fairly.
but what does he get? one-upped by a salty, old, offended mare with a superiority complex and a newfound grudge against one she believed to be fully loyal and devoted to her and her alone. celestia has metaphorically dug her own grave, and has forced radish's dignity to die with her own self-control.
radish is now a broken stallion, and i really hope he can recover himself. and i also hope LF can forgive him for this incident that had quickly become beyond his control. i feel really bad for the poor guy.
as long as LF understands, he can probably recover from this with her help.
but knowing radish's luck a lot of the time...
Well, fuck.
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Didn't he do to her what would result in him walking home with big shiner if instead it were random mare that he meet minute or two ago? Also insulting assumptions.
About flustering her opponent - isn't it one of tactics that Chrysalis would use without hesitation?
"that had quickly become beyond his control." - he could have cancelled all this at any moment before start, you know.
Good grief, Celestia. Dr. Wolf would have a field day with you.
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He’s made a career out of the guard. It would be stupid to leave. Transfer somewhere else? Maybe. But that fight was not a loss for Radish, no matter what he thinks. Literally everypony was cheering for him, and Light isn’t one to take something like this sitting down when she hears about it (that is, assuming the Light=Celestia theory is wrong, which Im much more inclined to believe isn’t true now because Celestia didn’t slip and say anything to imply she was in the fight.) Light lives in a part of Canterlot that literally calls the guards Celestiabots as we saw earlier, and so when they hear about this, they are all going to rally around him. Heck, the whole castle is going to rally around him too, so *something* is gonna happen to get Radish out and on that date. Even if Celestia admits to feelings now. Its too late. After that stunt, Radish is likely never going to give her a chance unless something goes wrong with Light, and even then, I imagine such a chance will take time.
In essence, Radish lost one battle here, but Celestia lost the whole war. He has reinforcements on the horizon, and, uh… I don’t know if Celestia realizes how much she just fucked herself, because somepony is bound to have taken a picture of her grinding her rear on Radish, and we can only hope its Radish’s reporter friend. (Remember that that reporter now works at the castle and the spells blocking photos are gone.)
Celestia just gave herself a PR nightmare ten million times worse than her Gabby Gums article, and no matter what kinda shit Radish said, he was very clearly on the defensive as she maliciously attacked him both physically and verbally.
Side note: Celestia damn it. I just realized its one of those cliffhangers… It didn’t occur to me until now that I’ve got to wait to see how ponies respond.
There better be some repercussions from this. Radish better keep his spine.
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Isn't it easy to cheer for one who is struggling against stronger opponent? Can you imagine opposite? It was either cheering for Radish or being silent.
About war - that's assuming Celestia was engaged in one. She may have unconsciously wanted to though.
"she maliciously attacked him both physically and verbally" - that's called sparring match :D
All of the comments for this story prove that it is Fimfiction's ultimate soap opera.
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I don't think it'd be totally out of character for Light Fantastic to be okay with it considering the circumstances, would it? She's pretty easy going, and the kind of scene she involves herself in I think she might not get too hung up on the exact day Hearts and Hooves celebrations occur. Especially if Radish ended up losing out on the opportunity to have those celebrations on that exact day, so that he could do something REALLY special for her. It's also no small thing to literally fight the immortal ruler of your country at real risk to his well being, for the sake and chance of being able to do something endlessly special for your significant other. And nearly succeeding at it too, even if he didn't win in the end. That's a pretty powerful gesture, I think.
...though at the same time, I guess Light Fantastic could also end up being furious about it, that he didn't refuse the wager in the first place; maybe she'd have a problem with him accepting that kind of wager in the first place. Considering Radish's luck so far, it's not totally impossible. It doesn't feel like Light Fantastic was set up that way though; she's a pretty understanding and open pony from what we've seen. I could see her possibly being disappointed, but I don't know that it'd destroy their relationship whole-sale. Unless there's something we're not seeing, or something that hasn't been shown yet.
Maybe Celestia might have a change of heart in time and render the whole wager moot? But then again, maybe not; the stress of a thousand years of ruling, added in with everything that happened recently, I don't know that she'd calm down in the span of just a day. She really did just kind of snap under the weight of everything that happened.
I'm not sure. I can't wait to see what's next; this story's fantastic.
Say what you will but Radish was able to keep up with a LONG lived Politician in terms of wit and and physical capability. Able to trade blows verbally and physically. If I was part of the crowd, he has my respect. He was able to not only endure but return punches from above.
I don't think the ~~words~~ Acid Celestia was spewing got to him on a conscious level. (Unconciously EVERYTHING gets to you) He has demontrated he is self confident enough to not base his self worth on the opinions of others, but he is hurt on how UGLY of a person his Ruler, who he swore as a guard to protect is...at least when she loses self restraint.
Gawddamn this writing! Having Fluttershy do the commentary was genius. Celestia's gonna be so ashamed later.
All the little thorns and barbs Radish gotten over the last few chapters, mixed with Celestia venting months or years of frustration at him. Radish may have done pretty good in the fight, and Celestia may have won in the end, but that's a hell of a wasteland they just created there in that courtyard. And given that bit with Twilight at the end, it won't content itself with just damaging Radish and Celestia's relationship.
Its gonna be a long wait for the next chapter, no matter when you put it out.
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That it is, that it is...
...so, how long do we think till it goes the way of many a show and we have the obligatory "main character dies but not really and goes to his own funeral" scene? This season or after Shining divorce debacle in season 14?
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There’s a difference between actual sparring and plain old fighting. Her taunts were much less trash talk and more closer to verbal abuse. Its not just what she said, but how she said it in particular. We’ve seen Saguaro spar with Radish, and Saguaro has gotten into Radish’s head psychologically without needing anything quite as brutal as what Celestia was saying.
Same with Celestia’s actual physical offensive. She wasn’t testing him like Radish tested her. She was just brutally throwing whatever she thought would work at him in anger.
The Castle also didn’t cheer for Rocky until he was on the cusp of winning. They weren’t cheering because he was an underdog. They were cheering because up until then they didn’t know who to root for, and that despite all of the low blows their immortal princess used that fight, the image of her as their perfect sun princess kept them unsure of who they should be wanting to win until the very end.
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And like everyone else, she can suffer the consequences of her actions — from losing Radish permanently to Equestrian Armed Forces half-heartedly serving her to her reputation tarnished by suggestive images in newspapers.
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I theorize that Harmony is trying to force Radish and Celestia together, but the latter refusing to cooperate has resulted in personal grief and anguish.
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Not only do I hope that he keeps his spine, I also hope that Princess Luna and his fellow Royal Guards help him escape his commitment so he can have a date with Light Fantastic.