- Member Since 16th May, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 3rd, 2017
Loyal
Just a dude. Writes horsewords... with varying regularity.
Loyal
Joined 16th May, 2012 ·
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YOU SUCK!!! IT"S 3 AM!!!
Excallent Beginings!
i notice you keep saying lily instead of Melody in may instances in this chapter.
I dunno. Maybe this should just be a serious story with clop scenes put separately. Like University Days and University Nights by Dawn Fade. Maybe it doesn't even need clop. I mean, common, we got almost two paperback stories worth of shameless smut.
I feel like I would enjoy a serious story from you about the adventures of Melody with some adult jokes like Lily walking in on Verse hinted at here and there. Just a thought. Doubt many would agree with me though.
1246389
That's almost exactly what I'm aiming for, though. When I say "Sex when it fits the story" I REALLY mean ONLY When it's fitting. We'll go maybe six or seven chapters before Melody gets a chance.
Liked and favorited before I even started reading.
celestia damn it why did i allready have AJ in my head how she seduce Verse and Melodie ... and teach them the one or other thing. luna i'm so bad
I'm interested to see who Melody hooks up with. I know there's no Romance tag, but there'll probably be something relating to that eventually, I'm guessing. Knowing how you write, you're probably going to make her lesbian or something since that seems to be appealing to guys (I'll never understand it
), but I guess it's not the end of the world.
Also, Verse seems pretty cool. Hope he finds a girl at some point.
fantastic chapter mate cant wait for more!
1246946
awesome. I like the sound of that alot.
"At least I don't get caught yanking my meat to a picture of Applejack."
I almost woke up my neighbors laughing. Especially since she'd be about the same age as Twi and Lily.... Seems like he has a thing for older women
I can see it now-'Ho ho there lover boy!' Keep up the good work; I expect great things.... no, greatER things from you to come
I know this may seem unfair, but you need to deal.
I NEED
cdn.overclock.net/2/28/287d2b5d_1298305804533_MOAR_LOLZ-s450x516-143512-580.jpeg
I'm pretty sure you're confusing Lily and Melody a lot in this story. 'Cause I'm really confused.
"Lily wasn't angry or resentful... She just wished Lily and Twilight trusted the two of them more.."
Wat?
And again, in the beginning, when you're first describing her.
On another note, I was really, really worried about how you would write their relationship with their parents. I'm happy to say it was totally unjustified and I am super excited for more.
1253031
I read through the story twice looking for errors like this... I suppose it's time I take a closer look, eh? Still trying to get these errors fixed since your first comment...
1253031
Managed to find two errors overall. The one you quoted at the end where Lily and Verse were talking under the tree, and one near the beginning when I was describing Melody's eyes. Aside from that, I couldn't find a single error.
Excellent start loyal. look forward to the next installment
Oh dear the hive mind. Moar Melody's tale pl0x.
That said, Applejack is funny when shes teasing young men with desperate fantasies. I also love the fact that they became such a musical family, and despite Twilight's and Lily's many undoubted tales of the princesses, Verse and Melody were surprised they would get the chance to meet them at some point.
you keep saying "Lily" when you seem to mean "Melody"
an inappropiate response to that ending.
also, Verse must tap applejack before this is all over
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1260792
Gyah. Thank you. I caught five whole errors on the first read-through.
I guess after typing as one for four months straight, you get a little used to it, huhn?
1260819
That awkward moment when your fans start making meme posters of your work.
And fanfiction of fanfiction.
Fucking brilliant.
1260859 eh, what can i say.... IM THE BEST!
5$ says the first sex scene of the story is VerseXApplejack
And so we once more ride off into the chapters with no idea where the hell we are going. For Redwall and all that.
Aaaaaaaaaand the changeling heritage emerges.
Will Melody succumb to the hive mind, or will she learn to control her strange whispers in the night? How goes the war effort far to the north? Will Verse ever have a 'secret rendezvous' with Applejack? Tune in next time to find out!
Verse x AppleJack is OTP. lol
I'm really curious as to what the mane 6's lives were like after the events of ADKOL. Especially Dashie's.
>inb4 I want to cum inside rainbow dash
Also, I'm still really anxious to see with who Melody will be shipped... if it'll be shipping at all.
Also VersexApplejack.
WE COMMAND IT YOU FOOL.
DELIVER.
oh those teasers, they're killing me
as frank west would say....
d1ij7zv8zivhs3.cloudfront.net/assets/6034513/lightbox/Fantastic.jpg?1344192763
The wait was well worth it, this chapter was great all around.
That twist when AJ is actually Chrysalis.Hinted in there that RD had an 'episode' with Spitfire. Not a fan of DashFire, but I won't give it too much mind.
Also, AppleVerse is best ship.
I wrote a really long comment, then refreshed the fucking page. RAGE.
sigh... here I go again:
I have a few things to say/ask about this chapter:
(** = "Maybe I just shouldn't read you story while I am sleep deprived" (I put that at the end of the first two points, then decided this would be easier))
Was Chrissy (that's what I call her nowadays) actually in the house with Verse? So she actually raped him? And Twi didn't go ape-shit crazy and slice her into 100 pieces? Or was that just more of the dream, I'm not entirely sure. **
What exactly happened to Melody, I think that she cut herself, right? I have no idea, that part could have been a little more clear **
There seems to be some inconsistency about what exactly an essence is, it has been used in different ways with different effects. It would be good if there were some sort of solid definition of what exactly an essence is. **
Your author's notes can sometimes spoil your intentions.
combine this with something you said in an earlier AN, and we already know what's going to happen. Unless, of course, you decide to throw screwball.
Shouldn't Chrissy be able to locate Lily and still have some sort of communication with her if she is still a part of the changeling link. I know that she has always been much more independent than some drone, but the queen should still at least know where she is. Something makes me think that you have accounted for this and it will become evident withing the next few chapters. **
I still don't think that there has been enough character development, we still don't know that much about Melody and Verse's personality. Certainly getting there, but not quite where I think it should be, and much less than I was expecting from you. Again, I'm pretty sure you already know this and there will be character development galore in the next chapter or two. **
Well, you asked us to point out flaws, I think I got all of them. Maybe one or two stragglers.
This comment was originally much longer. I went into fair amount of detail of each flaw, how I think you could fix things, and pointed out specific things I liked. But I do not feel like typing that out again. Sorry, but no, I need sleep.
Aside from that that my response is "Woo, more story!"
1300401
It was a dream,
When Lily shifted into a prime, Melody clung to her, and cut herself open on the claws/spines/pointy thingies,
You're right about the essences, I'm thinking about talking more about them in the next chapter,
Emphasis on the "May not,"
There are millions of changelings. Chrysalis can't kept track of every single one. Not to mention, Lieutenants are completely independent. Therefore, they would not show if/when Lily/Chrysalis searches for them.
I suck at character development. Come for the clop, stay for the story.
And thank you. I think every author wishes they had someone like you to nitpick on these little details.
It may not have technically been applejack..... But it will suffice. For now.
I must admit that when I started reading this series it was pretty much purely for the clop. Pure clop doesn't get you an awesome fanbase. May your masterful melodious malarkey meander on for many moons.
What?!? AJ having cougar sex was a dream? I knew it. I knew it wasn't going to be real. I just prayed to God above your mind wasn't as dirty as me and it wasn't an incest prank. And it wasn't. So I'm glad. So... Does that mean Lily is Melody's queen now?
1300434
thanks for clearing that up, it makes a lot more sense now,
It's called a pre-reader, luckily you almost never need one though.
And I don't get why you're thanking me, you are the one supplying the great story.
1302198
Iroh? Are you offering to be a pre-reader for me?
1302276 (it doesn't matter if he is, you should just make him a pre-reader whether he likes it or not
)
1302276
Well... That wasn't the intention, but if you think that you need a pre-reader I can.
personally, I don't think you need one.
1303031
You sadistic bastard.
1303137 I'll take that as a compliment.
2.bp.blogspot.com/-dZyVjAzG-Jk/TdqeHzIeUEI/AAAAAAAAJ1s/2uiRg_-coI8/s1600/gtB.jpg.pagespeed.ce.tuRMzC_on1.jpg
I think it was obvious that Verse will get shipped with Applejack, the word MAY has no meaning here. It WILL happen, if not you, then someone else.
As for the dream, until later reference, it almost seemed as if Melody was the one having a dream about Verse having sex with Applejack, which was even weirder.
Also, i've been thinking about this from the story's start, if it's Melody's Tale, then will it only follow her path? Will you split her up with Verse? And if you even think about killing the only cool male in this entire series, I swear.....
1314184
Well... That escalated quickly.
Gotta love the way someone reacts to their first caramel apple. Yay melody's tale!
SWEET JESUS MARY OF THE FOUNIDNG FATHER'S THAT WENT IN THE SHIT WELL OF NARNIA CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reactiongifs.com/wp-content/gallery/yes/tumblr_lm11bt4OaK1qe6xr2.gif images.yuku.com/image/gif/0f535aec6ed435265d448448536cf4c14b49d11.gif gif.mocksession.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/screaming.gif
WELL I GUESS THAT MAKES BRAEBURN........
A GAYNGELING!
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Holy...shit...was not expecting that...No i cannot wait for the next chapter!
1325515>>1325512>>1325231
You guys are missing an important part...
naga
1325662 no.... i realized that, and i know what that possibly means, but still........
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120511083939/mlp/images/c/c7/FANMADE_ScreamingRarity.gif
1325662Ok, how did i miss that...and holsymotherofchristshitsabouttogodown!
well..........that's upsetting.
Wooot nicee ^_^