A Mother's Love
Summer was a special time in Equestria. With the fillies and colts dismissed for their mid-year break, the longer days and shorter nights meant that there was more time for parents and their young ones to bond. Businessponies, water parks, and juice producers all loved it because the increased temperatures and tourism supplied their revenue for the year, ensuring that all their employees had a livable wage to be able to spend and help boost the economy.
However, the summer heat, or to every adult 'The Long Heat', had more than one meaning. In addition to the actual temperatures, it fell during a mare's quarterly biological cycle, so it also meant it was a time where herds would gather together in order to satisfy their needs. Princess Twilight Sparkle, after taking full position in Canterlot after Celestia and Luna retired, had realized the potential in this and declared the month revolving around the Summer Sun Celebration as 'Herd Awareness Month.'
Many rules, laws, and regulations were brought to the Noble Council at Twilight's suggestion, and passed unanimously after it was pledged that every citizen had to donate every year two bits to the Underprivileged Foals Fund. As such, happiness went up overall, except for one pegasus that was making her way to Fluttershy's cottage.
"I freaking hate traveling this time of year…" The mare grumbled, the late evening sun giving her dull yellow coat a golden glow as she did her best to ignore the activities going around her and the noises in the air. "Why can't everyone be like me and stick to one single partner? That is the way the law always was until that blasted Twilight took over and up-ended everything! I mean sure, there has been a drop in colt births, but it isn't like this helps any. Oh well, at least Stratus sticks to the old ways with his marefriend… I hope."
Moving away from the buildings and couples, the dirt streets gave way to the vast field of flowers that stretched off to the eastern horizon. Most of them had already closed for the day, tucked into slumber as the warm rays of the sun lessened and the coolness of night drew near, but even in the fading light a single structure stood as a beacon to the mare's destination. Outside, she could see many torches all set up, and Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy talking amongst themselves in quiet conversation.
"Hey there girls," The mare said, making them flinch when she got close enough to be heard, but all three relaxed when they realized who it was. "Has Stratus got here yet? I received a letter from him saying that I was invited to a campfire night because he had something to talk to me about face to face."
"Oh hey Phoenix Storm," Rainbow said, hovering over and giving the older mare a soft hoofbump. "No, they haven't got here yet, had a message sent by Daisy about twenty minutes ago saying Rose needed help with inventory, but shouldn't be much longer."
"Rose?" The single word, combined with a small head tilt, spoke volumes to the three element bearers, volumes each of them were never going to listen to, or even read. "I thought that she was with that really nice stallion, oh what was his name… Turnip Tibler?"
"Bad break up," Rainbow said, making Phoenix briefly have a look of guilt. "Got caught siphoning profits from Rose's stand to stabilize his farm. Got his flank whipped pretty badly before she ran him out of town with a vase imprint on the back of his head, and since Ponyville Weather Patrol is on summer leave, Stratus offered to help out once a week to help her plan the next week's arrangements."
"He is a good colt, always has been," Phoenix closed her eyes and nodded, accepting the explanation and inadvertently missing the glances the others were giving each other. "Is his marefriend home? I have been dying to finally meet her, it seems like everytime I come by she is always out of town on business and he is off working."
"Both are very busy ponies, but yeah she is inside," Fluttershy said, nudging Rainbow and draping a wing over the prismatic mare's back. "Now come on my dear cuddle mare, we got to make sure the animals are tucked in for the night and gather some lavender sage for the fire."
"Right behind you my dear butterfly," Rainbow giggled, giving her and Applejack a peck on the cheek before following the butter-yellow pegasus towards the edge of the Everfree and waving goodbye with a wing. "Nice to see you again Phoenix, hope you stay for the fire and smores!"
"Nice to see you…" Phoenix muttered, staring at the two before turning her attention towards the head of the Apple clan. "Applejack, can you explain to me why Fluttershy just called her a cuddle mare? That is normally reserved for mares who are therapy cuddlers to help lonely ponies feel comfort at night without an actual relationship."
"Sure 'nough," Applejack said, giving a longing look at her friends' backsides before clearing her throat and adjusting her hat. "Rainbow feels like both sides of the field, as it were. Most times, she feels like'a mare, but on occasion, she feels coltish. Stallion is too strong a wor for 'er, so she uses "colt" to replace it. Most of the time, though, she's Flutter's cuddle mare and the three of us are a mini herd ourselves."
"The three of you?" Phoenix couldn't believe her ears, and the shocked expression on her face reflected it like a mirror. "I don't understand, for one, how can Rainbow feel like a colt when she is a mare? Not only that, how did your relationship even come about? As far as I knew, you girls were all best friends, nothing more than that."
"At first we were," Applejack blushed, but continued on despite that. "But o'er time, Pinks came up with the idea fer us to start fiddlin' in the hay, especially when we were stuck on a Friendship Mission durin' heat season. Though, what was the final haystalk was when Granny came down ill last year, Rainbow took 'er built up vacation time to help out with the harvest since Mac and Sugar were dealin' with their own problems 'nd were unavailable.
"Ah'v never seen 'er so driven as she was those months, 'nd when Granny's pain finally stopped, she moved 'er cloud house to be with me full time. Sure, me and Rainbow got together first, but then latter on Flutters fell head o'er hooves for her, 'nd da' rest is history there. With how Rainbow feels? That is just how she feels, me an' Flutters support her, 'nd she is indeed a mighty fine cuddler. Stratus even leans on us from time to time when stressed out their darn mind."
"Wha-" Phoenix's internal engine broke, misfiring a couple pistons and causing a minor twitch in the process. "So, Stratus-"
"Is in'a herd dynamic?" Applejack caught the question before it left the other mare's throat. She knew it was a big one to grow accustomed to, she had to herself when Flutters joined in on her and Rainbow's relationship, but that had ended up being the best. "Mhm, in fact, Stratus' marefriend brought along one of 'er marefriends with her tonight. Last I saw 'em, they were in da livin' room."
"Thanks for the direction," Phoenix's eyes blazed with both hate and anger, ready to give the mare who captured her son's heart a piece of her mind. Moving inside, she noticed the place looked spotless, no signs of animals anywhere, and even Angel Bunny seemed to have found something better to do for he wasn't visible either. However, all the rage she had was replaced with confusion the moment that she saw the Princess of Love sitting on the couch, with the queen of the changelings comfortably nuzzling into her neck and a hot tea kettle sitting on the table with a few porcelain teacups. "Um… I have so many questions right now, is this a fever dream?"
"Not at all Phoenix Storm," Cadance smiled, gesturing to the seat that was across from her. "Come on and rest your hooves, Stratus has told me much about you."
"I-um, ok," Phoenix said, making her way to the seat and softly sighing as the plush padding eased the pain she was feeling from all the walking she had done. "I guess the first few questions I have are why are you here, and what has my son told you about me?"
"I'm here for Stratus, I am his marefriend after all," Cadance said, her and Chrysalis both sharing an amused look at the slack-jawed, wings-flared display Phoenix had. "Well, in name only anyway. I am still married to Shiny, but Stratus came to me one day about a rather… Personal matter. Wrote letters back and forth, doing the best I could, and over time that bond deepened. Understand, not only is Love under my jurisdiction, but I am also the Princess of Relationships as well. Sibling, marriage, family? All those are in my domain, so of course I am going to be around when he needs a little extra support, it may be nearly impossible to spend as much time together as we both wish but we do love each other.
"As for what he has told me about you? Well, lets see, you are a kind and nurturing mother for starters. I can tell you deeply care about your child, just from a glance, and he is sorry that he isn't able to spend more time with you. He works almost nonstop, trying to save up in a personal fund to plan more trips to see you, but right now it just isn't feasible with the summer shutdown for the weather team."
"That explains a lot," Phoenix muttered, not liking the fact her precious son was working so hard. "That is something I never understood, even as a pegasus, about why the weather team around here shuts down. Sweet Apple Acres is nearby, you would think they need extra water for all the trees they have."
"Well, yes, but actually no," Cadance said, raising a hoof before Phoenix could interrupt. "Applejack has several contracts with some water distribution companies, during the summer they give her extra stock in exchange for several bushels of Golden Delights and cases of her Granny Blend Hard Cider. Since I am a neutral party with Equestra's economy, Twilight had me handle the negotiations."
"Oh…" Phoenix had a rather fiery retort loaded at the mention of the current ruler, but knowing Cadance's connection to her, she knew it was best not to anger the leader of the Crystal Empire. "Well, what about Chrysalis? I thought the two of you hated each other."
"That's the funny thing about love," Chrysalis purred, using her magic to wrap one of Cadance's wings around her like a warm, feathery blanket. "It can warm even the coldest of hearts, and open avenues to emotions one didn't know they had. At least, that is how it was for me and my dear Loveicorn, a small spark that has since grown into a raging forest fire and I couldn't be happier. Me, and every drone in our hive, are not hungry, we are loved and I return it in kind."
"I couldn't imagine living without her," Cadance said, giving Chrysalis a kiss and Phoenix was actually able to see the love that was present in both ruler's eyes. "A few years ago I reached a very low point, and between her, Stratus, Shiny, and a few others I could trust not to utter a word they pulled me out of the darkness that had nearly suffocated the mare I am. Chryssy is my anchor on the shore, and the beacon on my mental sea guiding me along my way. I love her with all my heart, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her. The best part about a herd dynamic Phoenix? It is free love, I am loved by everypony in my herd, and I love them in return with every fiber of my being."
"Even Stratus?" Phoenix asked, causing the Princess of Love to give a subtle nod in replay. "Perhaps you can explain something to me, and this is coming from somepony who grew up in a 'one partner' mindset, how does one prevent jealousy between partners? Like Shining Armor for example, how do you keep him from getting jealous over Chrysalis or Stratus, or anypony else you are with?"
"A herd is much like a family, in a way," Cadance said, tapping her chin in through over her word choices. "Yeah, that is a good comparison. We are all together, and we acknowledge the bond we all share, even if all of us have mini herds of our own that involve members that are not in the central one. Sure we may argue or bicker, what family doesn't? However, there is no need to be jealous because a herd is based on trust and love, and a herd is free love so nopony doesn't feel left out or unwanted."
"I can see how it is easy for you or Chrysalis because of how love ties into your positions," Phoenix mused, chewing her gum as she found it difficult to wrap her head around the shock that had been delivered to her system. "But what about someone like me or Stratus? We are not in a position where love is the principal of our authority, or need it to survive, we are just common ponies in society."
"Stratus is a terrific pony, no doubt about that," Cadance hummed, a gentle smile on her face as she prepared a teacup for Phoenix and levitating it to the smaller mare. "But whether commoner, nobility, or royalty, none of that matters at the root because we all are members of society. He… he is rather soft for a stallion in some matters, like he always is eager to help others without worrying about himself first and will only rest once everyone he cares about is taken care of. It is a rather special trait that is normally reserved for a Flockmother or Sageweaver, so for a stallion to have it is rather unique to say the least."
"I have heard stories about those two titles," Phoenix said, taking the teacup and holding it delicately in her hooves as she took a sip of the lavender-jasmine blend and let out a sigh of content. The honor of Flockmother was normally reserved for a pegasus mare of the purest heart, and if Stratus had been born a filly, there was no doubt in her mind she would have been given the role. "Hurricane was a Flockmother, and if I recall Granny Smith was a Sageweaver."
"You are correct," Cadance giggled, wiggling a bit as Chrysalis held her hoof. "Both were ponies of the highest caliber that weren't destined for alicornhood, and both had nice long and productive lives on top of that. Sure, many stallions are good ponies, but the quality and dedication that he puts into it sets him apart from the others. Not only that, he is willing to do things that I am sure many stallions would feel uncomfortable doing."
"Oh, is that so?" Phoenix tilted her head, a thousand and one probabilities touring through her mind. She knew that Stratus was a good colt, but that phrasing had implications that she did not like. "Care to give me a few examples of that?"
"Oh where to begin?" Chrysalis smiled, Cadance letting her explain since the changeling had more reports than she did. "Well, he is an excellent foalsitter for starters, and loves helping out with the grubs in the hival nursery. In fact, he actually had me and Twilight invent a special potion with royal jelly mixed in to make him a backup wet nurse for them and Flurry. While it is active, he is a mare, but Flurry loves it when he does pretend tea dates with her. That's just for starters, like, the other day Rainbow had to fulfill two obligations at the same time, so he used mane and tail dye and put on her Wonderbolt suit and did an airshow while Rainbow attended her uncle's funeral."
"That is a tall order to be able to perform with the Wonderbolts," Phoenix was in awe. It amazed her that her son would go to such lengths just to help out one of his friends. On one hoof, she felt a lot of pride in raising such a well-mannered stallion, but on the other she felt uneasy about him slipping into the role of a mare. "I mean, even I once dreamed of being a member til my wing strength started to fail me, but Stratus imitating Rainbow? How did he manage to pull that off since his voice sounds nothing like her's."
"Simple, he didn't speak!" Cadance laughed, nearly spilling her tea in the process until Chrysalis stabilized the teacup in her magic. "Spitfire, Soarin, and the other Bolts we're in on it, and came up with the excuse 'Rainbow' had sucked in too much cold air on a training run while practicing a new trick and needed to rest her throat. Worked pretty well too, since his green eyes are magenta as a mare so he was pretty much identical to Rainbow."
"Huh…" Phoenix sat down her cup, narrowing her gaze slightly at the two rulers as she cleared her throat. "I notice you mention all these things Stratus does while under the guise of a mare, but does he do anything noteworthy as, you know, the stallion he is?"
"Does it really matter?" Cadance said, matching both Phoenix's look and tone. "You should be proud your child is so helpful, running themselves to literal exhaustion to be a helping hoof. However, since you seem to be a bit testy about it, I have to ask if pulling Big Mac's plow when he threw out his back during the spring hay season count? Or, perhaps, staying out until dark volunteering to help rookies at the Cloudsdale Weather Corporation learn not to mix bad batches to produce the wrong weather?"
"Woah now," Phoenix put up her hooves in defense, not expecting the Alicorn of Love to flip like she did. "I only asked a simple question, there was no need to get snappy."
"Snappy?" Chrysalis laughed, making the fur on Phoenix's back stand on end at the sound of it. "You insulted her marefriend, and you expect her not to get snappy or upset? Talk about a low blow there."
"Indeed it was…" All eyes turned towards the door, where a robin egg-blue pegasus stallion stood, his shadow dancing in the torchlight outside. Making his way across the hardwood floor, he gave Cadance a gentle kiss on the tip of her horn before looking at Phoenix with a crossed expression. "I do believe you owe my dear Cadykins an apology."
"Stratus?!" Phoenix exclaimed, leaping up out of her seat as she circled her son, noticing his purple mane and tail were both longer and dyed with pink highlights. "Look what a herd mentality has done to you, making you think you are a mare. You are a stallion!"
"Maybe by birth, but I am a mare, and starting tomorrow that is what I will be permanently." Stratus said, ruffling his feathers as Phoenix shrunk back from him. "Twilight got one of my potions and redid the dosage in a way that, after I drink it and she fires off a rather complicated spell matrix, it will bond to my DNA and I will never have to live another day feeling uncomfortable in my skin."
"T-that," Phoenix stammered, feeling both confusion and sadness at what her son had just said. "That doesn't seem natural. If you were a mare, you would have been born a filly, not a colt. What about your friends and *gag* herd mates? Have you discussed it with them, or even care for their input?"
"Stop," Cadance made everyone flinch at her tone, and Chrysalis put a hoof on her shoulder to keep her in her seat. "You are making it sound as if Cloud is the one in the wrong, when she is going to finally spread her wings and do something for herself. She has discussed it with all of us, and tomorrow Pinkie is going to throw a party for her so we can all be there when she drinks the potion. Of course, as her mom, there is an open invitation to you as well…"
"No," Phoenix said, shaking her head and causing Stratus to frown at the reaction. "Stratus is my dear son, and that is that! You all-"
"They have done nothing," Stratus was furious, Phoenix could see it, and both mother and child knew they were now engaged in a way of opposing wills. "Actually, no, that would be a lie. They have helped me discover the pony that I am, the mare that I am, and quite frankly I couldn't be happier. Does it really matter if I am a stallion or mare, when the fact remains I am your child and I love you?"
"I-I'm sorry," Phoenix said, slumping her wings as she headed for the door. "I think I need some time to process everything, if that is ok."
"Yeah mom, Sugarcube Corner should still be open so go there and get a cupcake think over," Stratus said, giving a reassuring smile as she watched her mom head out the door. "By the way, my name is Cloud Strata-Dasher now, just letting you know."
As much as Phoenix hated to admit it, she had to agree that was a lovely name.
Walking through town, Phoenix noticed the early-night feeling around her felt unusually in tune with nature. There were no laughing young ones darting around playing tag or telling stories by torchlight, instead, fireflies danced in the open air and the sound of frogs croaking in the distance made Phoenix feel as if she was alone in a distant meadow as the two sides of her brain waged war. A war that didn't last long, for the smell of pumpkin spice cupcakes demanded an immediate truce and a fight with her stomach.
"Guess I was hungrier than I thought…" Phoenix muttered, entering the Corner and finding Pinkie cleaning up the sitting area. "Um, is it too late to order something?"
"Hm?" Pinkie turned towards the voice, dropping her broom when she saw that she had a customer and putting on the most joyous smile she could muster. "Oh! Oh, no, we actually close up in about thirty minutes or so, but since it is slow I am getting a jumpstart on the cleaning while Cheese is upstairs taking his turn in the shower. Now, what can Pinkie Pie get for you?"
"Pumpkin Spice cupcakes, if you got any left," Phoenix said, taking the closest booth to the door and putting her head on the table. "It has been a really trying day, and I need to unwind."
"Wait here," Faster than Phoenix could register, the party pony had disappeared into the kitchen and come back out with a dozen pumpkin spice cupcakes, the sight of which made Phoenix's stomach sound like a rabid hydra. "Well, if you had such a bad day, maybe telling someone what happened will help get your mind to relax? I don't just throw parties, I am an official thought venter as well, which comes in handy when Twilight and Starlight need to figure out a complicated stress issue."
"Mmm," Phoenix mused over the suggestion, quickly downing two cupcakes before finally managing to speak. "Hypothetically, what if you had a colt, and they wanted to grow up to be a mare? All that time and energy spent trying to teach them to be a gentlestallion, wasted, because they want to be something that they were not born as."
"Hey now," Pinkie said, a long day of serving customers had her patience worn thin, and considering the question related to the party she had to throw the next day, she was not in the mood for any slander. "This doesn't have to deal with Cloud does it? What are you, her mother?"
"Y-yes," Phoenix squeaked, taken aback about how suddenly the cheerful Earth Pony's time and expression changed, her mane and tail flattening a bit. "I am his mo-"
"Her," Pinkie said, narrowing her eyes as her mane and tail 0nly had a few curls left in it. "You are her mother, for Cloud is a mare, and if you can't accept that then she doesn't deserve you."
"Excuse me?!" Phoenix flared her wings and got right in Pinkie Pie's face, glaring into those darkening blue eyes with the look of a predator. "Do you have to raise him? Tend for him, help him as he grew up? Comfort him as he suffered endless heartbreaks? You have no idea what I had to go through, putting my own medical issues on the backburner, just to give him support."
"Are you seriously that dense?" Pinkie sneered, a low growl escaping her throat as she did. "Me and Cheese have a son, but if Lil Cheese wanted to be a mare when he grows up then so be it! Do you know why? Stallion or mare, they are still our child; I mean, Cloud is just changing genders to be a mare, but you are making it sound as if she is changing parents!"
"I-" Phoenix clammed up, not only from Pinkie using the same reasoning that Stratus had used, but resonating it with an extra layer that really made her feel foolish. "Its just… All my life, I had a son, and I just want what is best for him."
"Then perhaps, quit deadnaming and dead gendering, that would be a good place to start." Pinkie said, sitting her haunches on the floor as the curls slowly returned to her mane and tail, and her eyes brightened once more. "You need to get used to it, because is it really unfair for Cloud, who is an adult, if her mother keeps wanting to try and control what she does? Put yourself in her hooves, would you want your parents to tell you what to do after you have set off on your own?"
"No, no I would not," Phoenix slumped, her foolishness turning into guilt as she shoveled the sweet pastries in her mouth as if they were about to expire. "I jumped on hi-her, before I came here, even with the fact h-she made the same point you did…"
"Then you owe her an apology," Pinkie said, giving Phoenix a boop on her nose as a yawn escaped her lips. "Don't worry about paying for the cupcakes, you needed them, and are still welcome to the party. Your best bet is to wait until morning when most of the shops open, unless you want to get her an 'adult gift' from the shop Rarity and Fluttershy co-own in the Boutique basement. Password is All Hail Banana."
Phoenix just stared at her.
"What?" Pinkie giggled, taking the empty tray off the table and heading for the kitchen. "Rarity needed extra bits to cover the property insurance due to Sweetie's cooking episodes, and Flutters needs the bits for her animal care expenses. It was a perfect fit! Oh, before I forget, if you do go that route for a gift, watch out for Peagon, that pigeon loves his cider and vodka, so he is a bit… fowl mouthed."
Afternoon came like a thief in the night, the morning hours having been spent preparing Sugarcube Corner and the outside seating area for the party. Everypony in town had showed up, and even Applejack had taken the day off from apple-bucking to ensure that she could be there as well. Streamers, balloons, and all the normal works covered the inside decor, and at the center of the room sat Cloud surrounded by a lot of opened gifts.
"I can't thank you all enough," Cloud said, a bright smile on her face as she addressed the crowd. "You all accepted me as the mare I am, and I deeply appreciate the love and support that you have shown. Each of you have a special place in my heart, not only as friends, but also like family. That being said, I think that is all-"
"Wait!" Pinkie, who was busy bagging the loose wrapping paper, said as she drug a gift out from under the gift table. "Seems like we overlooked one, here ya go Cloud!"
"Thanks Pinks," Cloud said, taking the wrapped package from the party mare and giving it a once-over. It was decently sized, big enough that multiple items to be stored in, and no nametag on the carnival-themed paper. Removing the wrapping and opening the box, Cloud nearly dropped it to the floor when she saw what was in it. "Woah…"
Laying on top was an elegant necklace with alternating links of gold and platinum, with three teardrop jewels centered in the middle of the chain. Ruby and Emerald made up the outer two teardrops, whereas a larger carat amethyst made up the one in the center. The entire crowd looked in shocked silence as Cadance levitated the piece into place around the pegasus' neck, each jewel reflecting wonderfully and looking vibrant against her cyan coat.
Moving the tissue paper out the way, Cloud's face went beet red at the next item, making a mental note not to pull it out until she was either not in the presence of fillies and colts or safely in the privacy of her bedroom. However, a folded piece of paper caught her attention, and after pulling it out she began to read:
A Mother's Love
Ever since the day you were born,
I knew that there was much you would learn.
Standing, trotting, and learning to fly,
It brought me joy to see you soar in the sky
As the years drug on, so did the days
And I did my best to keep you on the right ways.
Nurturing, teaching, and being your guide
And providing comfort when you wanted to hide
Then came the day, when you set out on your own
And I hoped that you took heart to what I had shown.
Being the good pony that I knew you would be,
And setting off on an adventure while being free
I am sorry and ashamed for my bashful reaction,
And for allowing anger and pain to gain their traction
Now, my dear daughter, take to the skies above,
And I hope one day you will know what it feels like…
To be the one, with a Mother's Love…
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10873391
I have no clue, hope you enjoyed it...
10873393
Anything queer, everything trans gets a lot of un
merited downvotes. My own stories got them, don't feel bad about it. See it as a sign that your work is meaningful enough that someone wants to shut you up.
10873397
This happens every year, sadly. People show their true colours and downvote-bomb LGBT stories
It's very sad, really. After all, love is an emotion, not a political statement.
10873408 That's... counterintuitive when you think about it.
10873422
Especially since MLP is built on themes of love and acceptance.
I find stories like this to be heart warming cause while I'm not trans myself I do know someone who is even though we kind of fell out of touch before that
10873408
Love isn't an an emotion only but a choice as well, I'm contradicting you just building more on your statement.
Loved the story its was a fun read.
Congratulations on the feature box! It's well deserved!
10873393
10873397
10873408
10873422
It's the same crew that pitched such a fit about pro-nazi stories getting the boot. They like to share the stories between themselves to collectively downvote it for no reason other than "Trans evil!" You'll also see a bunch of downvotes on your coments but rarely ever will they actually reply and reveal themselves. Take it as a point of pride that you were good enough to get their attention. Racist bootlickers, the lot of them.
Eh, in my understanding the thing behind the downvotes is most likely the opaque line of "preachiness" most of the opposition really focuses on, as can be seen by the other Pride-themed stories that got featured recently not having nearly so many downvotes.
Right in the summary, it marks itself as the author's notice of "coming out". The sole purpose of its existence as far as the summary is concerned appears political messaging for active acceptance of the author's life choices. Not just the general political movement, the summary makes it out to be looking for personal affirmation.
Need I remind you where this fanbase started? 4chan is rather infamous for its anonymity obsession. Nearly everyone in that rather sizable part of the fanbase is going to immediately look at this as egotistical attention-whoring and go so far as to downvote it.
Had the summary not included the bit about it being the author's "coming out"? I imagine half the downvotes wouldn't be there. Because making a political point of your personal life has alot more going against it than just "bigotry".
People come here for stories about cute ponies. Not political screeds, not relabeled excerpts of author's lives, ponies.
(Edit: To be clear, I'm not one of the downvotes, I'm just commenting on the matter fast someone who actually bothers to occasionally look at those parts of the Internet to be able to talk about the few outlier opinions I have.
Because I really, really don't care for the weird "agree-off" most of the "Left-wing" spaces have, if I post something it's going to be damn near universally critical of opinions I see as common around me.
And for some reason only the "Right-wing" spaces actually allow habitual dissent like that. I have gone ham on fire and brimestone idiots. So many times. And even when they're the moderators, nothing)
This was so beautiful and sweet! Bravo, you and Cloud were both very brave, and I applaud you!
Plot is kinda there and meh but I like the world building, dialog and characters a lot.
10873776
Thanks. I can already see the downvote brigade have hit you as well.
10873875
Well said. It's quite sad that fans of a show that conveys messages of love and tolerance for those different to ourselves have somehow utterly failed to grasp said message, but we shall not let them beat us.
This may vary from reader to reader, but I couldn't help but notice how much you love to use long, complex sentences. Those are somewhat hard to read, and when it's dialogue it comes off as very clunky. Try to re-read your story before publishing. If you having a hard time reading dialogue you know it needs editing.
Narration also can use a bit of trimming.
Also, a lot of telling vs. showing. I'd sure love to see Stratus doing things rather than hearing about it from other ponies.
This heavy sentence is just... Why it exists? It's big and heavy, it spells out the obvious. I'm not sure about other readers, but I cringed.
If every citizen has to donate, shouldn't we call it a 'tax'?
When those who are on minimal wage have to pay exactly the same tax as the rich ponies? Yeah, no. It's not even the same percentage. This kind of thing is exactly what makes people tick.
Why use 'dynamic' here of all places? The line would sound a lot more like AJ (and a lot more natural) if you dropped the word.
Oh, this is a massive cringe. He is a wonderbolt-tear flier who can match Rainbow Dash? Why not just find a replacement for Rainbow from a reserve, like reasonable ponies? Why the whole world bends over backwards in this case for Stratus to shine?
Ah. Put as little effort as possible to bring your mom the big news and then be furious with her when she is worried. The best tactic, the mark of a true adult!
Wow. Just WOW!
Sorry, no. This text needs a lot of work on all levels.
Well this brewed up quite the shit storm didn’t it? To be clear, I have not read it, and don’t intend to read it for the sole purpose that I don’t really read stories like this, ‘this’ meaning one shots, unless they are comedic. Something tells me this isn’t supposed to be funny, but the comment section sure as shit will be. For the record, I don’t have a problem LGBT stories existing. I will not critique this story as I don’t know what the contents are. Imma just sit back and watch. I am a neutral spectator in the nightmare that will be this comment section and I’m excited for the ensuing arguments that may come. Have my pity like though. I do kinda feel bad for you because this is gonna keep popping up in your notifications with comments you’re likely not gonna want to read for potentially weeks. Have my pity like
10874080
That 2bit "tax" was actually an Andy Griffith Show reference, I threw it in there to see if anyone would get it.
The section about business and the economy was showing how things are under Twilight (and worldbuilding)
Sorry you didn't enjoy the story, however, I do appreciate you took the time to actually read all the way through and give a full critique instead of "oh look it is a trans story so lets downvote bomb it!" like what happened when I first published it. Take care!😁
10873938
A great many peoples very existence is...political. In speaking of politics there is a element even assumption that you can...turn off your politics. But if you arent what the world, your country, or a random group of strangers want then...well? Or can bare to look at...?
What can you do? When a group of folks want to ruin your day? For nothing but your...?
Let alone that politics itself is in every action we take. Its in so many ways woven into who we are as much as the choices we make. From soceity and...beyond.
Ps. Buzz anyone?
Pps. This is largely addendum that people I think speak on...how daily actions, from society, and folks (groups alike are political) This is largerly ignored under the belief that people should just...shut up and be quiet? But, what are you saying when you tell people to be silent? To not have a voice?
That last bit is not about you more a general hash of words.
10873938
go outside. touch grass
10874221
I'm happy to provide, I hope it was helpful.
Better luck with your next story!
10874346
Everyone are affected by politics. Pretending you're 'more political by nature' wins you no favors.
If an author wants to make some sort of statement through a work of fictions, there are ways to do it. Morphile just pointed out that most authors on fimfiction (and on the Internet in general) are doing it poorly.
10873875
10873408
10873397
A downvote in general means nothing more than 'I don't like this' or 'I disagree'. Making such a big deal out of a downvote is childish. Also it's worrying how often people are raging against the empty void instead of discussing the story they're commenting on.
This was sweet! I’m happy for you!
:)
10874482
I would agree on the downvotes, save for two things. First, the sheer number of votes when compared to every other story in the feature box (both up and down) says that people are using them to express a political view far more than as a statement on the story itself.
Second, I watch this pattern of mass downvotes happen on pretty much every openly trans story especially if the story makes a statement about fighting back against oppression.
Congratulations! That was a sweet coming out story, it made me smile!
p.s. Why isn't this in Transgender Bronies group ?
10873969
Yeah, but I don't count the votes I count how many people have read the story
10874510 thanks for the tip
10874529
The thing is, I don't know what that number actually means. Did I count just for clicking to the story, without having clicked the chapter to actually read it? How about after I've posted this comment? How about the people who also didn't read it, but gave it a thumb anyway for political reasons?
10874529
Same.
I liked it, but I do feel the story suffered from being so short. Too much new history shoved into our face as things we should long since already know about....but were never told. Too much telling, not enough showing, so to speak. Instead of TELLING us, "Oh this is a thing now and here's how it happened in as few words as possible", it would have been better served to get into a little history first. To build things up a little more.
It feels like there should be like 3-4 chapters beforehand that I was supposed to have already read, before this one.
Also: Congrats on coming out.
Congrats on the feature, well earned and it's nice to see Trans Pride up there as an Enby myself. That being said, not sure if I'm a fan of the story itself, it felt... short, like something was cut off. I believe someone else said this, but you spent too much time on character history and not enough in the present y'know?
10874482
What do you mean by railing against the void?
Being depressed and not knowing how to deal? A lack of the ability to convey feelings? A feeling of sucidual ideation? Then, what does it mean to police people that equally so want to express those feelings? When they have no other outlet? Naturally a fiction site is not...ideal. Whos to say that all people grew to be healthy and able adults that know...what to do in those situations?
This does not excuse cruel behaviour. But if the world could be a better place? Should it not be from a place of wanting a better world? And asking how people get to the point where they hate other people? Becauese sure its just dislikes? But can it also be said that this is a genuinely a reaction by anonymous folks that do not like, Trans, gay, and...probably woman? That inspite of innocent dislikes can be traced back to very real and harmful behaviour.
Aka...sociological problems that bleed into everyday fanfiction. People are more then, people who read fanfiction. Which all the comments on this site prove. We are all people that exist outside of this space. That effects how we interact (if we do at all...) in truth a great many people need help. But...rarily if ever get it.
10874570
The votes are a lot of times people who haven't read the story as a whole but just for no reason it seems to me.
10874826
That has basically nothing to do with what I said. It's also not entirely correct; they downvoted as a proxy for downvoting the entire concept of trans people. Let's hope none of them realize that the "trans panic" defense is still on the books...
10874966
Technically it does, the trans heart for the cover picture cues in the reader. The heart and the tagging was a bit of a clue.
10875055
Yeah, I was taking issue with the "no reason" part. And also my original comment was about not knowing what the view count actually means and therefore being unsure that your method was even valid to begin with, so you completely forgot to have a segue back to the original topic of "literally anything remotely relevant to the story".
Don't know why there's so much drama over one story but anyway...
I really liked this, especially the ending with the poem. Almost got a little teary-eyed, ngl 🤣.
Regardless of what anyone says, you did a good job.
writing self indulgent stories is good actually
No, Lmao
10874623
+1 to everything.
I like the story, but I feel that something is missing that would make it even better.
A few chapters explaining the 'how' of the many things that happened without the mother's knowledge would've been perfect.
I upvoted because fuck the haters. Fuck cops be gay do crime
This story has its heart in the right place, but it needs a lot of work. There are big problems with run on sentences, and over-use of accented dialogue. Accented dialogue is fine in moderation, but with the levels it is with Applejack here, it drags down the pacing, making it harder to read. There is also a lot of long exposition dumps, telling us what's going on in detail. Let the audience figure things out for themselves, and relate these experiences more to character emotions; that is to say, their reactions to unfolding events.
But the biggest problem with the story is about show, don't tell. Now, this is a general rule and not an absolute, but so often you state a character's emotions outright. What's frustrating is that you've demonstrated you can show emotions without directly stating, like:
See? These are strong expressions, and I can easily tell how up in arms Phoenix is getting. Overall, my advice would be as follows:
1: Focus on body language and non-verbal communication, instead of stating emotions.
2: Narrow the cast down a bit, giving more time to a smaller number of characters to develop in relation to one another.
3: Consider what theme you're trying to express with this story. Throwing multiple ideas in a blender doesn't work without much progression, so you can focus on how you're getting the point across.
Keep writing, and perhaps look on youtube some basic dos and don'ts of creative writing. I recommend the youtube channel "Hello Future Me" for this purpose. Take care :).
10875767
^ THIS!!!
Actually....following up on what Mystic Mind stated, I think a large part of why this failed, was due to the all the stuff on being Pro-Herd (Polyamory), which had all these complex relationships that SHOULD have been fleshed out beforehand. This reads as a Sequel and NOT as a Stand Alone Story. If you JUST made this a Coming Out Story, WITHOUT all of the Polyam stuff that would have kept things more simple, easy to follow, and given a great little Coming Out Story.
An this is coming from someone who is in multiple different Polyam Relationships.
So I'm not against the inclusion of Herds (An allegory for Polyam), merely that there wasn't NEARLY enough content to support them.
TL:DR the inclusion of Herds as an Allegory for Polyamory makes this overly complicated, leaving out too much context, and just makes things more confusing. If it was JUST a story about how the Mane 6, Cadence (and possibly Shining Armor), this would have been a very nice Coming Out Story.
If you REALLY want to shove in stuff about Herds, ESPECIALLY with Complex Relationship Dynamics, created a chapter BEFORE this to SHOW how everyone got there.
Tranny-copter
10876469
Oh?
Brony Fandom: Love and tolerate.
Also Brony Fandom: 👎
The hypocrisy is stifling.
10873397
Becoming Who She Is 69 upvotes, 24 downvotes
Crash Blitzkrieg 15 upvotes, 4 downvotes
She Rings Loudly For An Audience Of One 38 upvotes, 13 downvotes
Falling In Love Again 212 upvotes, 74 downvotes
Dusk To Twilight 93 upvotes, 37 downvotes
Lies We Tell Ourselves 66 upvotes, 37 downvotes.
Blueblooded Bluebell 411 upvotes, 39 downvotes
It is not anything resembling a general rule. This story very much has something particularly unwanted about it, as shown by having a quite sizably higher downvote ratio, and larger number of downvotes total than any of these other examples that are largely well under 2:1 up:down. Blueblooded Bluebell has been in the feature box several times, has nearly four times the upvotes, and under half the downvotes.
Going down the story lists of the Transgender Bronies group linked, very few are downvoted like this. To go over three pages of the MtF folder of the Transgender Brony (as such is the largest category for *reasons*), this appears an exhaustive list of stories with over 20 downvotes and a ratio worse than 40% downvotes:
Dysphoria of a Transmare 8 upvotes, 20 downvotes; first comment has zero downvotes and establishes problem being excessively paint-by-numbers approach.
God Bless This Union 59 upvotes, 45 downvotes; Author deleted three comments that presumably contained some of the reasoning, leaving only their declaration of "transphobia"
Her True Self 20 upvotes, 27 downvotes; second comment, same user as the first, brings up failure of basic Ponyfied grammar, and other comments complain about the grammar structure
Hearts In Harmony 12 upvotes, 21 downvote; Story is longer-form, but is a crossover that, by the comments, is basically throwing the other series' established norms in the trash for low-level interpersonal drama
Closeted Pride 33 upvotes, 24 downvotes; literally zero comment downvotes, comments include one stating that it doesn't "feel" like a story but rather a near-exhaustive list of "pride" subjects.
Finding Destiny 23 upvotes, 75 downvotes; "Rhyme has always felt out of place in the world. for on the inside, he was actually a girl. one day he tells his family that he wants to be a girl. They accept him yet a drunk driver runs into the family and kills everyone but Rhyme." Standard Grimderp Brigading
In My Head 53 upvotes, 47 downvotes; Finally another example of my presumption of this story's downvotes, as it has OC, AU, and "Other", sharing the summary's exclusive focus on the transgender drama and having zero attachment to the show, with noted bewilderment in a comment at ponies in cars.
Shining Armors Confession 21 upvotes, 45 downvotes; Comments note both terrible grammar and bizarre nonchalance about the topic.
Rose's Broken Soul 20 upvotes, 48 downvotes; Read the summary, weep at horrid grammar.
So, in summary: The heavy downvotes appear to center on other story elements like ridiculous darkness, come from terrible technical skill at writing, or arise from being near-solely political screed. The general body of trans-focused stories does not have anywhere near as bad a ratio as this one, they tend to be below a 3:1 up:down ratio.
10876311
I have to agree. This would be a nice coming out story, but the different plotlines thrown in at random times made the story feel disjointed, and at times I didn't see that this was a character coming out as trans. I also kind of feel for the mother here, because she is expected to take this in stride, when it opposes some of her moral views by the next day. It would make more sense if they gave her at least a couple days to come to terms with it, and I feel that she was very accepting for having her world flipped around. The poem at the end was sweet, and so was the general themes about love and acceptance, but it feels more like the rest of the cast is pressuring Phoenix Storm into accepting this in a fairly short time and attacking her when she expresses her confusion. It makes me feel sorry for her, instead of sympathetic to Cloud's plight, especially as we don't see Cloud struggling with this or how to tell her mother. There was some unnecessary world building added on, and I just feel like this would work better as a two chapter story rather than a one-shot. I would really like to see a more developed relationship between Cloud and Phoenix Storm, but aside from some of the problems I mentioned, this was a heartwarming story.
10876502
Another issue is that there's no pre-existing framework that you are referencing, which makes it a lot harder.
If you're going to shove a lot of new stuff in at once to the reader, the easy way to make it better is to rely on other stories that have come before. Like if it's about Time Travel, you could reference something like Doctor Who, even if it's NOT a crossover for Doctor Who. You could also use it to make sense of "Bigger on the inside, than outside"
But you don't reference anything for the Herds. You just introduce complicated relationship dynamics with multiple herds and polycules shoved together. Which also makes it seem more preachy. Not to mention will makes things noticeably more confusing for people who don't know much about Polyam. Heck I'm in multiple polycules and I STILL didn't fully understand and get all of the crazyness of the various different relationships, including how they combined but were also separate.
But...it's also kind of misleading Summary. You say it's a "Coming out as Trans", but it's just as or probably even MORE about Herds/Polyam. I got waaaay more info on Polyam, than I got of the Trans character an their journey. Heck first thing we get is NOT her being Anti-Trans, but instead just "Traditional" and "Anti-Herds". LOTS of talk about Herds, before you even HINT at Trans* stuff. Plus stuff with the GF was kind of confusing, as hard to tell how much of that might have been Code for "This is your son doing things as a Woman".
Also, with the way it's written....it just doesn't really feel or read like "This is my PERSONAL coming out story". It sounds nothing like a memoir or biography. Unless you somehow introduced your Mom to multiple different polyam relationships at once, while also coming out as Trans, and how you were in multiple different Polyam relationship groups at once. Along with your Mom just almost magically changing her opinion in less than 24hrs about both Herds AND Trans* stuff. Which seems INCREDIBLY unlikely.
Now if this was instead, you saying, "Hey I'm Trans*, and I wanted to tell a Trans* story to reflect this", it would have be better to focus on that. That or give a chapter dedicated to JUST the forming of these herds. This just feels like halfway through a story
You rushed this story too much on what you wanted to Say & Write....and not enough on how you would ACTUALLY write the journey to that end.
In a somewhat related example, people really didn't like the Avatar The Last Airbender Movie. Partly due to the time restriction, where too much was TOLD and NOT SHOWN. Which lead to it not feeling anywhere near as fulfilling and just felt like tons of info shoved at you with little to no content. Just a bunch of facts, rather than understand different individuals as people.
10873938
100% this. Well said.