OuttaMyMind
Joined 15th Apr, 2012 ·
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That was really sweet. Loved it<3
Beautiful...
Friends forever...
I nearly started crying
That was amazing
Not going comment on the spelling errors, the story was so beautiful and actually made me shed tears of manly joy this time, not of sadness. Perhaps you should add a tag? Well 6 out of 6 for you
All together now:
"D'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww!"
Nice story... really nice ^^
Just reminds me of why i love this show so much.
I wish you described the pictures that were pointed out though and maybe a little back story as to why they have to leave and what has happened to the others.
OK, that felt forced! flesh it out a little. describe the pictures, and how twi and spike reacts.
with that said, you have lots of potential
Just asking, are the pictures not showing up? They are for me, but you guys are asking me to describe them, so I was wondering if they are showing up in the story.
At first I thought "oh this isn't that sad." *gets close to the end*
1516863 not really
1527654
Ugh.
I'm so sorry! 
I don't know how to put them up then. 
Do you know how to upload pics? I really need them to show!!
1551781No i'm blank
But idc about the pictures it was still an Amazing story
1554420
Ah thanks!
I actually read this a while ago and I wasn't certain what I wanted to say about it. It's very easy to get wrapped up in "the feels", especially with a story that is purposely made to evoke and explore those feelings. To be certain, this story does tug on the heartstrings and its imagery, both described and the actual pictures do add quite a bit to the story, which is great. Overall, its a nicely flowing, good feeling, "don't be sad its over, be happy it happened" fic, wrapped up under one very apt title "Memories" and for that I applaud you.
Before I go further, there's a couple of things about the pictures. I went through and found them in the code because I wanted to see what you were looking at, but I know the problem you had in inserting the pictures. The URL you gave for each of the photos was the google image search you had used, not the url for the individual image. What you are looking to do is
[img ]http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120409065242/mlp/images/4/44/Spike_and_Twilight_hugging_S01E24.png
Without the space in the img bracket. This'll let your image be inserted as such:
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120409065242/mlp/images/4/44/Spike_and_Twilight_hugging_S01E24.png
You'll be able to get the url of the pictures by clicking the "Full Size Image" on the google search screen.
All right, now that that tech stuff is out of the way...
I'm sure you're aware of the spelling and grammar issues throughout the piece. There are quite a few mechanical issues, and while I'm not the biggest grammar nazi around, I do get pulled out of the story coming across "thier"s or "SPike"s or other similar issues. I tend to find myself delving into the worlds that are created and, while I cannot speak for everyone, I find my immersion takes a hit when I have to figure out what you were attempting to say. I would say its worthwhile to get someone to proofread when you think you're finished, as it's always easy to to get wrapped up in your own work that you can't see the mistakes as your eyes will glaze right over them. Correcting things like that will certainly help the presentation of the story.
Speaking of presentation, there's a lot of issues with telling vs showing. I'm going to bring out a small section to illustrate my point:
This section ends up being a listing out of basic facts that are straightforward and so expository that I feel, as a reader, I'm being talked at, not to. This section in particular and the story as a whole could use a lot more in the way of description and showing things to the reader rather than stating the facts and leaving it at that. Descriptions and imagery will personalize the actions and events, telling a list feels cold and impersonal. Just for example, instead of saying "Twilight had gotten quite old" Why not use some of the imagery you've giving the reader already :
"She sat back, panting. It seemed like it was becoming more and more common, the simplest of tasks tiring her out. Twilight shook her head as she struggled to pull her aging frame back on her hooves, her weathered face creased by the effort and the weight of too many years."
Of course that might be overdoing it and might not fit in your style at all, but showing us that she is old will almost always go farther than just saying "Twilight had gotten old". There are quite a lot of places where this would be a good idea and I encourage you to read through anything you write and ask yourself if what you wrote is a description or just facts.
So again, the story flows rather well and of course it evokes the sentiments I presume you were trying to evoke, so to that I say well done. There are mechanical issues with the writing, many of which will be solved or at least helped by proofreading and the show vs tell problems can either be helped with practice or by getting a pre-reader. One way or another I hope that at least some of what I said up here will help you in your writing. Of course, as always, this is mostly my opinion and so its entirely possible I may just be a lunatic. However, I hope you will take some of this to heart because I don't believe I'm too far outside my mind.
Regardless, I wish you the best on your future endeavors.
Your friendly, neighborhood TWE,
Duskrider