- Member Since 25th Nov, 2019
- offline last seen Wednesday
arandomboi12
Saved the day, the night, and the girl too.
arandomboi12
Joined 25th Nov, 2019 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Connorcooper · 2k words · 79 18 · 807 views
- arandomboi12 · 3.4k words · 59 22 · 3.5k views
- Kitsulestia · 101k words · 51 66 · 2.9k views
- Neutral Boy · 7.2k words · 57 11 · 2.5k views
- Silas5399 · 62k words · 108 23 · 3.8k views
- Crystal Night · 29k words · 104 7 · 4.4k views
- Scorch234 · 17k words · 31 6 · 449 views
- XXXScale · 3k words · 30 38 · 949 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.154 seconds
Total duration
932 users online
154,060 hits today, 2,591,549 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
👍, i guess?
I really can't think of a critique at the moment.
No Zelda, this story is bullshit
2/10
10776229
huh?
Absolutely no zelda in sight
10/10
im interested to see where this goes
This is Sonic, NOT Legend of Zelda or Link?
10776593
This IS just SONIC. Why are they confusing it with Zelda?
10776674
I know it's Sonic the Hedgehog Crossover/Displaced! It's just that someone else is acting ridiculous that this is Zelda for some reason?
Hello! I just wanted to say that I am loving this story so far! A question I had was if you are ever going to explain the gaining of powers and the portal later on in the story, or would that be "spoilers" for what your trying to do? Anyways, great job so far on the story!
10777129
He gained his powers by a mysterious meteor. Also, the portal is a result of dimensions briefly colliding
First off, I would like to say that I love this story. It's been a long time since I've seen a story like this, and I would like this story to do well. So, what I am about to say is not coming from a place of malice, but out of respect and encouragement.
Even though only two chapters are out, I have noticed a pattern in your writing. Specifically on how you introduce characters. You see, I noticed this in chapter one, that you tend to introduce characters assuming that we already know who they are. This is even more prevalent in Chapter 2, when introduced Luna's name before describing her to the reader. Also, having David just randomly guess Luna's name is, to be 100% honest, is kind of cheep. That's like having a person with 0 knowledge in astronomy be able to name a constellation without even knowing what it is. The reason why this is a problem is because it mainly takes us out of the story. When you already know who a character is, it does not make you feel like a protagonist, but it makes you feel like a God instead.
Another thing that I noticed is that, in chapter two, you had David introduce himself as both Sonic and David at two different points in the chapter. I would like to bring this up because we need to know if David and Sonic are the same person, or if they are only similar in power.
Now, I think that what you could do to fix this is (a). Introduce are characters without us knowing who they are automatically. This helps the story flow more naturally and it makes it seem more reasonable. If you do this, we go from a all knowing God who knows every single character, to being in David's shoes as he meets new people and ponies. (B.) Make it clearer if David is Sonic or if he just has his powers. This helps us establish who he is as a character. You gave us subtle hints that he has Sonic's personality, but you have to define how different he is so we can have potential character development. (C.) Establish where exactly we are. An environment is important in storytelling because it helps us imagine where we are. Are we on Earth? Equestrian? Or are we in a combination of the two?
Now, I will admit that I am no where near the level of a professional writer. In fact, I am just as new to this as you are. I am bound to make errors just as much as the next person. However, that's ok. You don't need to be perfect at everything. We all make mistakes, but being a good person means that you learn from those mistakes and avoid making them again.
Once again, I do like this story. I am really excited about where it goes. However, we cannot ignore flaws in stories and I think that it is important that we call them out .
I wish you luck on your story, and I will be monitoring it closely.
Curious on what happens next there.
Whats in store for Spike if he appears?
Seriously?! Despite the Main Character telling them everything, including the Sonic Series. Luna STILL didn't "trust" him??!!
Wow, that's FRICKIN rude and being TOO paranoid!!!!!!!
Keep it up this is good
10777816
I agree with this guy. Still I love this story and hope you keep going for awhile, don't be afraid of critisism.
I wish the chapters were longer... or maybe I just read fast.
Anyway keep going, I love this. 
Can't wait for the next chapter
nice chapter but when will the next one come out?
10832853
in about an hour or two ^_^
10832855
ok
I, fear to ask why you had to put "this isn't zelda" in the description
Cute chapter, though I really wish you could make them longer. There were some spelling errors but nothing that made it unreadable, I recommend that you read through the chapter on your own and specifically look for spelling or grammer errors. Can't wait for more, really liking this.
10833634
I will try making them longer ^_^
Update?
10777172
Lol defeated by a light pole and a stick. The military wasnt thinking too far outside the box.
Oh wew, dis is shure a great zelder fic. I sure love zelda teh fast hedgehog lol
10833643
God dam, dis next chapter is gonna be a fkn book lol
More
update this story it has been too long now
What do you mean?
I also think that Link was running a bit to slow.