- Member Since 25th Nov, 2019
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
arandomboi12
Saved the day, the night, and the girl too.
arandomboi12
Joined 25th Nov, 2019 ·
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Alright, I have an issue.
Your pacing is ridiculously fast, man. In some places it seems as though the words themselves can't keep up with what's happening. You leave out a lot of details that would otherwise give me a clear vision of things, and it makes me think of a comic book if it was missing every other panel.
...how the fuck did he just know how to use the techniques, it took minato 3 years to make rasengan, jiraya 3 months to learn it, and naruto like a week, how did he just... do it
10356806
Displaced logic at its worst. "Don't ask smart questions about how any of this works. Just be too stupid, and just go with it."
That's what I got from it.
10357008
It's less about Displaced logic and more about poor writing and the author not knowing how to provide character growth and story progression.
... You guys got this.
Ya know, I like this, simply for the fact that it moves at an astonishing rate.
First time I’ve personally seen Celestia being dragged through the “Worf Effect.”
The introduction was a little fast for me but it seems alright to me keep up the good work
10357144
That sums up 99% of this... Type of story. I refuse to call it a genre because that is an insult to proper genres.
10357778
Every genre has their share of bad writers.
10357805
And Displaced has FAR more bad writers than it does good. Name one good story that is actually worth reading, and for someone who doesn't enjoy reading shit stories?
Doing a crossover with a franchise that probably wouldn't be done otherwise, for whatever reason, is maybe the only good that comes from these. Though in this case, Naruto has its fair share of crossovers.
Though most of those are done properly, with Naruto's universe. Instead of half assing it and doing it the way this story does, along with most Displaced.
10357875
I suggest typing Displaced in the search engine and sorting by rating rather than approved, although I've got a feeling you're the type of reader who expects alot from stories regardless of rating, like certain interests you've been wanting out of a story.
I’m glad it’s an oc, because at first I thought it was naruto. Also, where is mark from?
It good
It's a good start the pacing is fast and also some details are missing like why did he think he was asleep, who did he fight, no discription, and how did he end up with the powers of Chakra?
This was a wild beginning I hope he can turn Nightmare good and sperate from Luna.
erom ! RAOM
This was a fun and interesting lore chapter.
Wait, so is mark from the naruto world or is he from the same world as us?
A bit fast paced.
Pls make more i like this story
:)
Okay, I have quite a few gripes with this opening chapter alone. First up, the pacing: it's WAY too fast, so much so that it breaks the immersion. Second, the writing, or rather the lack thereof. It provides so little information, such as where he is (as in, which world is he in right now: Equestria, or Canterlot High?), who he is (because he CLEARLY isn't our favorite Hyperactive Knucklehead Ninja), and how the fuck does he know all these techniques right off the bat if he's merely a Displaced? If you want him to be able to use the abilities of the character he's been Displaced as, you gotta have a genuine REASON for it that's believable, not just vomit it into the story half-assed like this. And thirdly, the reactions of the other characters are very much out of character for them if one takes a simple glance at MLP canon.
In my opinion, this chapter (and by extension, the story as a whole, since this is the opening chapter that starts the whole thing) needs a complete revamp and overhaul, top to bottom. Otherwise, I can't see readers taking this story seriously for very long, if at all.
10357875
I agree that this chapter is pretty bad and possibly even the rest of the story too, but saying that the entire Displaced genre/trope/category is crap based on a few bad examples of such stories is honestly just childish. If you follow DisplacedWriter's advice and search by ratings rather than approval date, you'll find PLENTY of great Displaced fics.
10357805
Very true.
If that was Nightmare Moon he fought there, really not fond of how she easily got beaten like that..
Wonder where's Spike given how they are at the library there?
10607861
But she was a Villain?
I like the story but this have rewrite,and make it longer,also the prologue as well author~san