- Member Since 14th Feb, 2019
- offline last seen Nov 21st, 2023
Sunset Awesomness17
"You’re born to Shimmer!” Thank you for checking out my stories! I’m not the best writer, but I hope you like what I have to give! Enjoy!
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(kinda got the idea from Doja Cat.
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Moo! Thanks for this adorable randomness-moo! The characters were all spot on-moo! Moo moo moo!
Needs more cowbell.
10859473
You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed it, moo!
10859581
Lol!
I know this is random but I'm still inclined to believe that you meant 'thick side braid'.
Speaking of random it's honestly a little scary how much fun I had reading this.
Oh well...
Onwards!!
soloquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Motivational-Quotes-Stay-Amazing.jpg
10859702
Im so glad you enjoyed it! Also yes, my autocorrect is a drunk that tends to change my words constantly (even if it was already spelled right.) SMH, drunk keyboard.🙄
I shall fix! ☝️😌
This is kind of cute in a strange way. I love how close Sunset, Celestia and Luna are in this fic. They seem more like close friends than principals and student. Also, Mr. Cranky was a nice touch. His dialogue hit the spot.
While I'm here, I also have some critique about this chapter. Feel free to ignore it; I find that generally the more rules you place on yourself while writing, the slower and less you write (until you git gud).
This first one is less of a critique, more of a nitpick, but, my initial image I read "face masks" was like, several Kabuki masks? I'm not sure why the facemasks are important enough to mention anyways, since they don't have any other role in the fic aside from... being in the box.
*
The way this dress is described is a little confusing. I think that's mostly because description of the dress is wandering through the first three paragraphs, so you never really get a concrete impression of the dress. I think it would be best to describe the dress first, and in its own paragraph. Then describe the rest of the ensemble in the following paragraph. Kind of like this:
*
When Sunset buys the coffee, the phrasing is just a little off. I think it's because it seems like there should be an amount of money being payed for coffee, but maybe for whatever reason [the amount] can't be said?
A really easy fix is just to say that Sunset pays. Like this:
*
Alright, this is what I really want to talk about. When two characters are having dialogue --even dialogue where they're speaking (or squealing or yelling) simultaneously-- it's really important that the reader knows who's saying what. Usually this is done by having a paragraph break everytime a different character starts speaking. likes this:
Other than those few things (and some typos and some strange tense changes), I think this is a pretty well written chapter! It totally quenches all of my cow-related before school hijinks thirsts. Also like I said before, strangely cute.
10861712
Thank you! The criticism is very helpful and I’ll try and work on it. I hope enjoy the rest of this pretty random fic. Thank you so much for the review!
Few spelling errors. And I'd personally get rid of the swears or add a teen rating as that might be why the down votes appeared.
Overwhelming good stuff though. One more chapter of this then I'll have to favourite it under some kind of sillyness folder.
10861959
Wait what swearing? There isn’t supposed to be any swearing at all in this.😅
10861959
WOW! I didn’t even realized I put a swear word in there. No!😭 I fixed it!
Practically
the door, she saw
We should start
She and her
nice, they shot
Even with the minor gramma/spelling errors, it was a very enjoyable read. You have a talent for random comedy and I hope to see more...
10863610
Thank you so much for the feedback! I will probably make some more, this was very fun to write. Next time lo be sure to triple check the story for sure. I appreciate this very much!
What is this insanity, I like it!
10865180
“What is this insanity?”
I have come to accept it as part of my 3am moments.🥴😌 I’m glad you liked it!