Got to say what I have planned and this story are completely different.

Keep up the work I’m rooting for you.

this is good but when two people are talking have the sentences divided up into there own "subchapters"

ex "hi my name is shadow" Hi shadow I'm pinkie do you like parties "yes pinky I like parties

"hi my name is shadow" said the stranger

"hi shadow I'm pinkie do you like parties?" said the eccentric party planer

"yes pinky I do like parties"

I don't think you have to keep the he said she said game going after you have made who is talking when clear I could be wrong though

Looking at Shion and how much she’s enjoying the snacks, just tells me I should try them for myself, I look to see if anything catches my eye. I see a cupcake with green frosting, hey Pinky, what tip of cupcake is this one? “Oh, that one is a green apple flavored”. The cupcake tasted just like it’s name: green apple, nice and slightly sour with a sweet aftertaste.

I need to taste pinkie pie’s cupcakes, ASAP. As long as this isn’t cupcakes pinkie pie.

The story feels a little rushed to me

Good idea for a story downvoted because there is so many grammar mistakes and i am not talking commas and shit I am talking spelling didn't even get passed the first chapter it made my head hurt

Could definitely use more work

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I think I understand.

Please get back to this story soon I’ve been hoping to see someone make a story like this after I watched what I could of ‘That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime for a while.

I thought he got turned into slime person not a anime character call slime

hay update it

this is not a dead story is it?