I dream of her again. Her legs are too long.
She doesn't look at me. Filthy water runs from her mane and tail into nothingness. Her back faces me and she stands far away but not far enough to hide the choking stench of rot. Then she speaks to me.
“You are lost, little one,” she says in inharmonic voices empty of life or love. “Please let me help you.”
I do not want her help but I don’t speak. I feel her breath on the back of my neck. I am filled with dread. She still doesn’t face me. Why doesn’t she face me?
When I wake, my bones ache and the smell of her salty decay is stagnant in the cold night air.
Updates weekdays.
Preread by Timelugia.
Chapters (75)
Not sure what to make of this yet but I definitely like it. Almost like I’m reading a poem.
Yo this is great so far. Your storytelling is just so captivating, it’s hard to write good mysteries but you’re acing it. Can’t wait for more.
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I'm happy you think so! Thank you very much for the feedback.
Love reading this, I won’t be surprised when I see on the featured page!
Thought I'd come here and say hi.
Might give this read a shot.
Im particularly liking these police/guard interview report chapters
*Looks at the title*
"Heh this sounds like a dumb romanc-"
*Sees the tags*
*Reads everything*
"The horror beyond the realms. What do they mean?"
I'm quite interested with where this is going. I like the time jumps, the multiple perspectives, and the various leads all beginning to come together.
Damn, that empty space just sets the mood of cold tension and silence to another level.
And, I think I've never seen this kind of unique way of presentation using a long blank space like this. Awesome.
A sealed door, hmmmmm? How about, we open it? Gee, it's not like there's something sooooo dangerous enough for it to be sealed in the first place, right?
5 "dripping"
This is a interesting story so far!
Third occurrence of a chapter named like this. Expecting maybe... 2 more :)
Edit: oh, nice, just realized they're all 555 words, too
I think I will reread this. Just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Thank you for the wonderful story so far!
Ah, so all of the Mane 6 are going to end up in these timelines you've set up. I'll admit, I'm not the biggest fan of them so far. Hopefully they pay off.
Also... Don't tell me that aside from the main timeline with the detective interviewing that mare that we have 5 other timelines...
We've currently seen Rainbow, Applejack, and now, Rarity, all at different points of locations in a different timeline. (Still a little confused whether all the POVs after the Event each hold a seperate timeline, but that's just me, so I'm gonna have to reread some stuff. I'm gonna guess that these multiple POVs will be holding each one of the Main 6. Now though, I'm just so wondering WHY they were sent to this specific timelines and places.
Anyway, this story's a banger. Even if the chapters may hold little less than 1,000 words than the average count in this site, you surely know how to write damn good stuff that makes me want to keep reading. Each chapter holds something important to the plot, so I'm at attention at all time, and since it's short, I can easily keep track on what's happening. Worth being in my favorites, indeed.
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
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Where did we see applejack?
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From the chapter "I Follow My Family Into the Village", there is a pony that is described like Applejack's appearance.
She wasn't directly involved in the chapter, but I guess that'll change later on.
Rainbow is definitely in character here. Trademark impatience. Thanks for the update.
I love these disparate stories about the long legged mare! I hope you continue this story. It’s very engrossing!
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Note that this is the 55th chapter, but still does fit the pattern.
Anyway, Aaaaaa, 55th chapter with 555 words on the 5th story you've written, the 5th occurrence of the chapter with the same name, on a release schedule where 5 chapters per week are published. I kinda doubt this is the last chapter, though if it is I can't help but just feel... confused. Maybe a re-read will help, but idk. Regardless, if you do come back to it, I'm sure it will be after an appropriate multiple of 5 days :)
Happy to see this updated! So the reborn elements have a short time period to be alive huh. That’s interesting. Thanks for the update.
Ah, here’s where this story intersects with the others.
With the tribal ponies Gustavus encountered, I’m beginning to assume those ponies remembered the Long Legged Mare through her having once ruled them and their once being her subjects. A remnant of the old kingdom that was for a long time dedicated to containing their now eldritch monarch
Poor rainbow. Has to be hard to find out everyone you love is more or less gone.
Hmm... I know this story has taken a dark turn, but based on what is written so far I'm going to throw out a theory:
We've seen all the elements but the princess, and no one is telling stories about her being eaten or similar. The last thing she said was that instead of researching the issue they should do it 'Rainbow's way'.
What if that is what's really happening here? They are facing a foe they can't see and don't understand who builds monsters under the ocean where they can't go. What if the reason for the elements appearing and vanishing throughout the history is because Twilight has hurled them down the timeline, skipping like stones over the foam of history to come? It'd be dangerous, sure, but sooner or later something should stick it's head out, declare victory and rant like a bond villain about how well their plan worked. Once this gets written down in the mysterious journal that doesn't seem to exist fully in this timeline, then Twi can finish her spell, yank them all back to the present (for a lifetime of therapy) and use the intelligence they gathered to deal with the problem.
I don't know if this is how the story is going to go, but I think it would be fun to read, and it's the kind of thing Twi would come up with : )
Strange I got a update saying you had uploaded two more updates. Yet I see nothing. Which makes me sad.
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I'm sorry! I managed to accidentally upload two chapters off-schedule. Remember to check back on Monday for the updates - they won't give the alert again, unfortunately.
The first time I think we’ve seen the long legged mare talk! Thanks for the update!
Hmm. So the long legged mare is a changeling? "Her voice sounds melodic"... Like a certain changeling queen we know? So, stories of the long legged mare might be origin stories of the changelings? Or maybe she's only appearing that way due to Membrane? Super interesting, can't wait for more.
All that said, maybe its intentional, but I'm just really having a hard time following all of the different timelines; I know vague details about each, but it always takes me a bit to realize which I'm reading about (at least the ones that don't contain an element, those seem more vivid at least). I think it's more just because just as I'm getting calibrated to it and start regaining some context, the chapter ends soon after and I start again with the next. I don't hate the story or even the concept, just maybe the execution needs some polish? Either way, I *am* enjoying the story so far, just figured I'd give my perspective on this. Good luck :)
Why do you rarely respond to comments?
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For this story in particular I have avoided responding to questions and speculation about the plot to do my best to keep the mystery unspoiled, even though I love to see comments like that.
However, if you have a direct question for me, just ask! I'm always happy to give you an answer.
I really hope the jacket is what eventually built up into the enchanted books. Because it’d mean they or at least one of them makes it west.
Also now we might have actual characters from either story intersecting. Beyond the rancid water mare
Entry number Five, uh oh
Whelp... they are already dead
5 5 5
It truly hurts to see no update on this story. That being said I hope things are well for you and are not in trouble.
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What a coincidence you picked this week to comment.
In all seriousness, thank you. Things are improving for me and I am starting to get my writing rate back up.
Well that was an interesting ending for sure. I’m glad twilight and the rest of the mane 6 are free now. I loved this story! But boy was it hard to follow at times. I had to reread it several times to keep track of everything. Thanks for the story!
First, thanks for this rather interesting story! Definitely didn't seem to follow a lot of "norms" but personally, I think it was a good thing. As far as the hiatuses, I was definitely a bit bummed about them when they happened, but I'd also rather you take care of yourself, and of course make sure the story gets what it needs to be high-quality.
As far as critiques, I think I commented this elsewhere, but the jumping around each chapter was a bit hard for me. I got fairly confused about what character was what after a bit, because I'd hardly spent any time getting to know one set, then I'd be immediately put with another set, just to have the same problem again. I think, in concept, this could still lead to a successful story, but I think you'd either need longer chapters, or multiple chapters to at least establish some connection to the characters for the reader. I generally got the gist of what was going on at a more grand scale, of course, and I genuinely liked the story (though I definitely feel it was ended pretty abruptly, and I'm also a bit disappointed we don't get to hear the true story of the long legged mare, and why she might have done all of this, though perhaps the answer is somewhere within the story and I missed it, or perhaps it's truly not meant to be known). Finally, I think the reader might have enjoyed some glimpses into the books themselves. I guess maybe we do somewhat, in that we hear about an Applejack, tag along with a Rainbow Dash, Rarity and of course a Twilight. A little more time spent with each through a few iterations would definitely be welcome, and some info about their discoveries as they put everything together would be nice. Anyway, these are mostly minor nitpicks, and overall I definitely enjoyed the story :)
Oh my god I just noticed all the 5's in relation to the chapters and such
and the competition
I hate it
I've been sitting here for an hour trying to figure out what this means and all I've achived is a headache. Otherwise awsome story if a bit hard to follow at times
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Okay so I figured it out somewhat i think?
Okay, I've now read the whole thing, but I still don't understand what just happened... Who sent the main six skipping through time? Why? Was it an attack or did Twi do it as a defense against memory issues? Who was the soggy pony and why did she want most but not all ponies dead?
Sigh... This was a fun read, but I was worried since about half way through that no one could draw all the threads back together and turn this into a conclusion that made sense. I am unhappy to be right : (
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Thank you very much for the feedback. I appreciate it!
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I can't figure it out, could you please tell me what it means?
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Check the word counts on the chapters
Ooh hello, Applejack, I wonder what she's doing here. I'm trying my best to keep everything in mind, but there is clearly weird time/dimensional shenanigans going on, haha. Needless to say, trying to figure out where the characters are and when they are is making my head spin.
Wait, the ship was lost at sea. And they're in a lake. Oh my god the fridge horror in this story is just wonderful.