"Tired of your life on Equestria? Feel as if there is nowhere new left to explore, nothing left to discover? Then join the Celestial Board as a colonist! We need doctors, engineers, and even toaster repair ponies! Guaranteed work awaits you!
Intersecting story, I do like the links to the FoE stories, seeming that it was made by some of the same original creators of the original Fallout franchise and Vegas, you should put it in those groups as well. As for the story itself... I have mix feelings about it. While the writing is solid the pacing and the narration makes it feel like this is written like FPS games with the NPC check points with the protagonist and characters sounding more like cardboard characters at the moment spewing out the information that they have to to the player in the attempt of trying to replicate the events of the game; but it was at least getting better toward the end. I think the main issues is the lack of atmosphere descriptions which is really hurting it at the moment along with being into too much of a hurry to get the story going. For example Slim doesn't really sound confused at what's happening in when she was waking up and the information being too forthcoming to her from the stallion, without having her doing any of the exploring or mental footwork to do any of the guess work, with no clear motive for her to want to save the rest of the colonists other then she was told to do so. I think you would be better to take a step back and try to make your story with the theme rather then rigidly following the game narrative of the game; I know I am just preaching to the quire here, but a reminder now and again is always good. Sorry
Also if you are looking to commission a cover art you can contact me if you want, I have loads of experience for doing cover art on Fimficition. You can go see my Youtube Channel here for my speedpainting and my DeviantArt gallery here.
Actually I think adding more of a prologue of exploring of how Slim's life was for her just before she was put to sleep would help a lot in building more sympathy toward her situation and give her more of a clear motive to want to help save the crew if she already know some of them before she discovered that they turned to cannibalisms. For the sound of it, she seems to have great luck in always arriving dead last at everything in spite of everything conspiring against her to fail, would help her in having a mix of happy-go-luck attitude and being an absolutely genius when under pressure or good at jerry rigging a rickety solutions to a problem on the fly in thinking out of the box.
I have to ask, what is the cover art from? That ship looks so familiar, but i cant place it and it's driving me nuts.
Intersecting story, I do like the links to the FoE stories, seeming that it was made by some of the same original creators of the original Fallout franchise and Vegas, you should put it in those groups as well. As for the story itself... I have mix feelings about it. While the writing is solid the pacing and the narration makes it feel like this is written like FPS games with the NPC check points with the protagonist and characters sounding more like cardboard characters at the moment spewing out the information that they have to to the player in the attempt of trying to replicate the events of the game; but it was at least getting better toward the end. I think the main issues is the lack of atmosphere descriptions which is really hurting it at the moment along with being into too much of a hurry to get the story going. For example Slim doesn't really sound confused at what's happening in when she was waking up and the information being too forthcoming to her from the stallion, without having her doing any of the exploring or mental footwork to do any of the guess work, with no clear motive for her to want to save the rest of the colonists other then she was told to do so. I think you would be better to take a step back and try to make your story with the theme rather then rigidly following the game narrative of the game; I know I am just preaching to the quire here, but a reminder now and again is always good. Sorry
Also if you are looking to commission a cover art you can contact me if you want, I have loads of experience for doing cover art on Fimficition. You can go see my Youtube Channel here for my speedpainting and my DeviantArt gallery here.
I wish you good luck on your story.
Actually I think adding more of a prologue of exploring of how Slim's life was for her just before she was put to sleep would help a lot in building more sympathy toward her situation and give her more of a clear motive to want to help save the crew if she already know some of them before she discovered that they turned to cannibalisms. For the sound of it, she seems to have great luck in always arriving dead last at everything in spite of everything conspiring against her to fail, would help her in having a mix of happy-go-luck attitude and being an absolutely genius when under pressure or good at jerry rigging a rickety solutions to a problem on the fly in thinking out of the box.
just an idea if it can help.
10637029
It's from a game made by Obsidian called The Outer Worlds.