"Tired of your life on Equestria? Feel as if there is nowhere new left to explore, nothing left to discover? Then join the Celestial Board as a colonist! We need doctors, engineers, and even toaster repair ponies! Guaranteed work awaits you!
Still slightly stilted, but massively better from before, with having a better idea how the characters are talking. I would say there could be more follow up to the dialogue in reflecting their thoughts, but that is more of my personnel tastes in writing style. Keep it up man and I hope you will manage to look back to edit your earlier chapters while it's still possible to do.
Still slightly stilted, but massively better from before, with having a better idea how the characters are talking. I would say there could be more follow up to the dialogue in reflecting their thoughts, but that is more of my personnel tastes in writing style. Keep it up man and I hope you will manage to look back to edit your earlier chapters while it's still possible to do.