- Member Since 31st Aug, 2012
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
The Wind King
A natural born editor, sometimes I edit blank pages into stories.
The Wind King
Joined 31st Aug, 2012 ·
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Nonetheless, great job! All my thumbs up are belonging to you.
Is this some kind of draconic fucktoy rental? I really am not sure. It was a good read.
Punctuation errors, Capitalization errors, grammar errors, the whole things is a wall of text, and you used the word cock, which is always a no-no. The story itself is too fast, but it's not a bad idea, nor is the writing horrible. You need to fix the massive number of mistakes though, expand on the orgasms, and lengthen everything. Use this to help.
Wall of text... we meet again!
1211396
No, it was supposed to be Rarity giving Spike a reward.
Those last two lines are probably a mistake in that regard, but I wanted to add some sort of closure, they just seemed right at the time.
1214030
Don't misunderstand me. I considered both possibilities. I was a little sleepy when I read it, so maybe I didn't notice some details, but I don't remember a single word of consent from him, though he didn't exactly try to run away either.
1213477
What he said.
Here's your clop fellas
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3052-valentine__s_day_by_mixermike622-d4pdgea.gif
The anticipation was more fun than the actual clop, but I enjoy female domination and therefore like the suggestion that Rarity and Twilight have decided to use Spike in such a way.
Wall of Text crits Your Brain for Massive Damage!
Your Brain is KO'd!
*Please Insert One Coin to Continue*
Dat wall of text...
Won't read until that's fixed, but I really want to read it
Sorry, I found it not to my liking. Personally, i found it lacking finesse, but that's just me.
I like my erotica a little more story based, a little more drawn out. No offence.
Thanks tho for the read.
The concept was pretty interesting, but in all honesty I didn't really enjoy it much. There were a lot of grammar and punctuation errors, and it seemed too fast paced and short. It was ok, but overall it just fell flat for me.
I'll give you a thumbs up for effort though.
I agree with what 1211878 said. The story does sound promising, but you really need to fix a lot of things in this story. There are walls of text that make it hard to read. Several capitalization and grammar errors. It also feel rather rushed. Also, never use words like cock or pussy. Vulgar words are frowned upon in clop fics. It needs a lot of work and some expansion of the clop scenes. My advice would be to read a couple of clop fics in order to expand on the clop scenes and find some better words to use than cock or pussy.
1942195 Yeah, that's petty much why I never added this to the Sparity folders. I doubt it's going to get fixed since the writer was last on 17 weeks and 1 day ago.
1211878 everything Path or Cloud and the Dragon Warlock said times two. this has a lot of potential but it seems way to rushed. How long did you spend on it, 30-40 min?
Lots of potential completely wasted on bad formatting and an overly rushed pace. I wont say that using "cock" or "pussy" is really that bad, though that is more personal opinion than anything else. Could have been a great read, but the formatting and rushed pace really made it more of a hassle to read over. Spelling and grammar can be corrected with relative ease, but bad formatting will cause a lot of people to just not bother trying to read, and a overly rushed story will turn off those few who are willing to brave the wall of text rather than turn them on.
Give it a remake and I think it will be rather good, but it needs a lot of work as it stands right now. Thumbs Down.
Thank you very much, sir.
Normally I don't care for Spike clop, no matter whom it's with, but this isn't a bad story.