O am a big fan of my little pony friendship is magic. I also like to play video games like metroid and pokemon. Rainbow dash is my favorite pony
when samus aran destroys a dimensional warper it transports everyone inculding samus, ridley, and the space pirates to the land of equestria where samus loses her powerups and she must recover them before ridley and the space pirates take control of equestria
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if anyone has any good tips or advice for my next chapter or future chapters it would be really helpful since this is my first story
Hmm, well the plot isn't bad, and I could see it going places, but there are many errors. If I were you I'd double check over this chapter and try and fix it up. Just fixing the grammatical issues would help this story a lot. Fixing capitalization, quotes not ending, or being mismatched, and breaking up some of the paragraphs would make this look much more professional. Generally its a good idea to have a break in the paragraph if a different speaker is saying something. There are other problems as well, but those would take a bit more work to fix.
I'd really suggest finding someone to be an editor, I don't have much experience actually writing stories, so someone who actually has experience is preferable. I could help with this chapter at least, at least make it a bit more presentable, if you want my help.
Regardless good luck with this! Its always nice to have new writers try their hoof at creating an interesting story.
1200759 thanks for the adivce i'll try to fix up my next chapter which should be tomorrow
first
Is this only two chapters
I honestly find that into and the chapter over a bit rushed infact I suggest looking at other Metroid x MLP crossovers first to get a idea like Metroid Equis and the one where spike is raised by Samus.