Thank You. For Everything.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Hey, Twilight,
I just want to get straight to the point. I don’t want to waste any more of your time. I already wasted enough of it as it is.
Let’s face it. I’m not like you and your friends. I’m the villain.
All my life I thought it was Sunburst leaving me that made me do what I did. But the truth is, I’m just a bad pony. Sunburst was just an excuse. A defense I used to justify all the bad things I did and all the ponies I hurt. My village, taking everypony’s cutie mark, going back in time so I could ruin your life. That had nothing to do with what happened between Sunburst and me. The truth is, I did all those things because I’m rotten to the core.
I’m hopeless, Twilight. That’s what I’m trying to say. All these friendship lessons you try to make me learn, they can’t change who I am deep down. Do you really think that going on pointless spa dates with Rarity or baking a cake with Pinkie is going to undo all those years of pain? Everypony I hurt isn’t going to get over their trauma just because I chill with Rainbow Dash now. They’ll say they forgive me, but I know the truth. They’re always going to be hurt. Because of me. And there’s nothing I can do to ever take away that pain. Seriously, are you so stupid that you can’t see this?
Even if I do everything I can to make the rest of their lives perfect, it won’t take away all the years they lost in my village. Those are years they can never get back. Time they could’ve been spending with their families and doing what they loved. Instead, I kept them trapped just so nopony could ever leave me again so I could feel like I was in control for once in my life. And you know what, Twilight, I loved every second I kept those poor ponies fools trapped. I was their ruler, my every word law.
Do you know what that kind of power feels like? Why was I so stupid? Why didn’t I just visit Sunburst as soon as he left? It’s a rush like no other. You think friendship feels amazing? Try having total domination over an entire village and then come back to me. I was like Celestia herself to those ponies. No, I was more than that. I could’ve kept my slaves locked up until they withered away into ash, and nopony could’ve done a thing to stop me. Well, nopony until you and your friends saved me ruined everything. It felt so good, and you took it from me.
All those lies about equality. I didn’t want to admit to myself who I really am, but now I do. I’m unfixable, because there’s nothing to fix. I just want to stop feeling this way need that power to feel alive. Do you really think I don’t know what I’m doing when I abuse my magic? Oh, there goes Starlight brainwashing ponies again. Isn’t she the dumb one, making the same mistake again and again. Or maybe she really is that dumb and hopeless she loves controlling all those weak little ponies because it makes her feel alive. Don’t forget, Twilight, I’m stronger than you. If I didn’t have that moment of weakness and joined you, I could’ve ruined you. You and your friends, gone. Equestria, destroyed. Your precious friendship, ashes. How does it feel, Twilight? After all your training and friends, I’m still a better magician than you. I could vaporize you to dust if I wanted to at any second, and there’s not a thing you could do about it. Please, don’t hate me for this. I’m tired of disappointing you. I’d rather leave than keep letting you down again and again.
So don’t feel bad that I’ve run away. You never had a chance of reforming me, because there was nothing to reform. I’m perfect just the way I am, just like you’re perfect. You really are perfect, Twilight. Sometimes, I think you don’t get how pathetic it makes me feel. Let me be me, and I’ll let you be you. When I go back to doing what I love, I’ll do it outside of Equestria. So don’t you worry about me. I’ll be happy. Have I ever truly been happy?
I wish you all the best with the rest of your life. I really do hope that we don’t meet again. Because I know if we do, it’ll be because you and your friends want to stop me again. I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you if that happens. So, please, for your sake, don’t try to find me. Please, I don’t want to hurt you, Twilight. Please, don’t try to find me. But I know you will, because you don’t give up on anypony. You and your damn belief that ponies can change. When will you get it through your thick skull that not everypony can be reformed. I’m broken and nothing will ever fix that.
I’ll be happy doing what I love, just like you will. I don’t deserve to be fixed after what I did. There are so many ponies out there much more worthy than me for you to take as your student. Everytime I make a new friend, I’m so scared that I’ll hurt them with my magic. Sometimes, I feel like I just want to rip my own horn off. I know that no matter who you pick, you’ll be an amazing teacher. I just want you to put me in a dungeon deep in the ground and lock me up until I’m gone.
It was me who failed you. I can’t keep letting you down. That’s why I have to do this. You were an amazing teacher, the best I could have ever hoped for. But I can’t have you think that you’re a failure. I’d rather have you think of me as a monster than think that you failed me.
Please don’t come and find me,
Thanks for believing in me,
You really were a good friend. The best.
Goodbye,
Starlight.
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Twilight after reading the letter.
Wow! Fitting of your user name, this story went deep. Poor Starlight.
On a side note, you've been cranking out stories like crazy likely. Burst of inspiration lately?
She is feeling a lot of guilt, isn't it?
She is going crazy over not punished of her actions.
How fitting thought process for a villain in a process of reforming.
And Twilight will definitively, certainly, clearly chase her.
Well, all of these are a great setup for a very depressing AU.
10506289
More like I had a bunch of stories all piled up unpublished, and I need to get them out so I can finally get to the stories I really want to write.
10506272
Haha, pretty much what would happen in a sequel.
Well that was a helluva ride for how short it was.
Good job.
10506272
Pinkie Pie, prepare the Party Cannon. High Yield Confections, if you would, my good mare.
Spike: Hey, Twilight. There sure is a lot of this letter blotted out by ink.
Twilight: Yeah, it's a good thing that I can cast a localized temporal-displacement monitor in combination with a medium-based invisibility spell.
Spike: Yeah, that's really... okay, what does that mean?
Twilight: It means that I can make the inkblots invisible and read the writing underneath based on when the ink was added. Let's see... *Magic chimes*
Spike: ... So what does it say?
Twilight: "Please follow me. I'm being really stupid and need a hug."
Oh poor Starlight. I have a feeling she's purposefully exaggerating her immoral desires and how bad she is to dissuade Twilight from giving her another chance, since she feels she doesn't deserve one.
But someone who really doesn't deserve another chance wouldn't have this much regret.
Doesn't realize that the fact she feels like this at all is the best sign she isn't as broken as she thinks.
I don't like this
Although written in a letter format, It lacks personality of a true broken person, They aren't remorseful surprisingly, They are but just not how you think
This seems someone wanted to write a crack addict apologizing for being bad but it came off typical in the writing of what one would say
in a world where she never became friends with trixie
There’s a lot of things out there that are very difficult to believe in, whether because they’re ridiculous, or lack evidence, or any number of other things.
Sometimes, the thing that’s the most difficult to believe in is yourself, even when everybody else does.
10507128
That could mean that's because Starlight isn't truly broken, but just thinks she is. That is a small yet huge difference.
10507402
Then she's angsty
I don't like that narrative
10507402
Ignore him. He's done literally nothing but talk shit about stories since he joined. And none of his points make sense.
Dear Starlight,
You're probably wondering how I got your address. While I could say something clever like, "When you're a princess you have to know these things," or, "I would go to the ends of the earth for my best student," I feel I should be honest with you. If you didn't want to be found you probably shouldn't put an advertisement in the Klugetown Greensheet reading, "Wanted: hapless minions to serve megalomaniacal cult leader, no experience necessary, apply in person to S. Glimmer, Castle of Horrible Evil, Forest of Darkness."
You may be wondering why I didn't come in person. I wanted to, but there are all sorts of princess duties I have to take care of- you know, saving the world, teaching classes, giving minions the wrong directions to the Castle of Horrible Evil for their own protection, things like that. But I did get your prescriptions refilled (did you think I didn't notice?). Find a two-month supply enclosed with this letter, along with a steamship ticket to Baltimare and a train ticket back to Ponyville.
The tickets are good for any time (princessing has its perks), so don't feel like you I'm ordering you to come straight home. Take your time (and your pills). When you're ready, come home, and I'll be ready to welcome you with open arms. (Your minions, on the other hoof, will have to get their own hotel rooms. I'm not going to have ponies couch-surfing in my castle.)
About this time you'd expect me to give you a heartwarming lecture on friendship. You can find it on page 219 of your textbook (header: "Guilt is There For a Reason"). If you'd like to talk about it, or if you have any questions, don't bother to write. Just talk aloud in your bedroom or inner lab. I'll hear you, especially if you stand right next to the carousel-pony desk lamp or the 1:8 scale anatomical figure. (And while I'm on that subject, could you use your inner voice when you babble to yourself? Especially when it concerns darkly handsome stallions you want for your vice-commander of evil? When Fluttershy noticed my face turning red at tea yesterday she asked me if the tea was too hot, and I had to tell her I was catching cold!)
Finally, I just want you to remember three things:
1) You will always be my first student.
2) You will always be my friend.
3) I will always be watching. ALWAYS.
Your dearest friend,
Twilight Sparkle
This story is great. I especially really love the touch of how you get two completely different stories with two completely different personalities to them based on whether you read the striked text or not. If you don't read the striked text, Starlight comes off as a reformed villain that doesn't want to be reformed. A pony who still relishes the feeling of control she had even though she knows she shouldn't go back. And she goes back. But if you do, Starlight now appears as a someone trying to convince themselves they don't want to be reformed. Her guilt as to what she'd done making her feel as she shouldn't be reformed. That moving on from what she did would be disrespecting all the lives she's ruined. Or at least, she thinks she's ruined their lives. She thinks her sins are too great to be forgiven, that she shouldn't be forgiven. How Starlight was characterized was perfect. It's amazing how gripping you can get in 1000 words.
PS: "Starlight breaks her own horn" is an idea I'm definitely taking.
10508116
Thanks
I wanted to get "two stories in one," and this seemed like an awesome way to do it.
Awww... that's so sad...
Poor Starlight. She doesn't think she can change, so Twilight has to show her that she can.
Short but sweet.
10508013
I like this as a sequel. Kind of gives her hope that she’s still loved
Not gonna lie and not too proud to say I cried.
This story makes me love Starlight even more.
Such a stellar way of expressing how conflicted she is.
Amazing short.