Cozy Glow has a problem, it's her conscience it's been bugging her for a while and it's about time she got rid of it. With this last hurtle out of the way all she has to do is take over Equestria. yeah so what if she's split herself in two not her problem anymore, right? Well this new Cozy doesn't know why but now she's on her own in a world that hates and despises her.
Tirek and Chrysalis are waiting so there's no time to deal with her unwanted twin, time to have in her words "to much fun".
Meanwhile Twilight deals with her responsibilities of ruling Equestria and Starlight and Trixie set out on a world wide Magic tour. Unbeknownst to them a part of Cozy Glow remains free in a new body and has yet to sort out her lot in life.
Chapters (10)
My goal is to use this story as a test run for more stories in the future and I would love you're feedback whether it's good or bad
10354161
You have failed miserably on one thing right off the bat. Not so much the story. But that you commented this instead of putting this in the Author's Notes.
10354161
Well, if that is true, than I can't wait for more.
This is only a test run?
This has a good concept but is very flawed in pacing and writing.
Patriarch means the head male of a family or house, so that was used wrong.
Overall many spelling, grammar, and formatting mistakes.
You should have a new scene for the prologue where Cozy Glow is talking to her nicer self all alone (with some brief interuptions from the others).
The pink text should also include the quotation marks.
If you got an editor and fixed up a few more scenes this could be really, really good.
Alright thanks for you're input it really helps. I hope to get better as the story progresses.
Aside from your occasional grammar error, this is quite well-written thus far
Good chapter, the only part that confused me was when Cozy G. Remembered what happened, I was thinking the route of the story would go Cozy G. Not knowing anything about her previous life, and the repertoire of memories slowly grows over time. But, that is your call to make, and would be harder to write.
Edit: also, I’m dubbing the good cozy Cozy G. whilst the regular Cozy is just Cozy or Cozy Glow.
"Yeah cause it's not like Grogar wouldn't teleport us back the instant he knew we were gone."
"Sure cause they seemed real interested in forgiving and forgetting the last time I was there! I am sure throwing someone in a pit that's been used to house prisoners for 1,000 years without guards or parole boards is totally how they offer forgiveness!"
This looks interesting. I'd better keep a eye on it.
10362752
Thanks for you're feedback.
Yeah I can totally see you're point, in my mind Grogar didn't really use that crystal ball of his all that much and the other Cozy was thinking Grogar really wouldn't care if she left just like with Sombra. As for if Twilight would forgive her the Cozy in her head was trying to make the best of a bad situation and this seemed like her only option, which to her would turn out better than the world domination plan the original Cozy went with. I like how you speak from a place of logic though that's a real good way at looking at things.
10382485
Happy to deliver it clearly and politely, whenever giving feedback, I notice I upset the other person on average. I’m definitely going to be keeping up with this story.
10382485
Oh wait, you replied to the wrong person xD, good to know I didn’t have a point xD
10382545
I would have had another chapter out by now but my house kind of... flooded, so yeah I've had to do a lot of repairs but now I'm back for more adventure with Cozy.
Oh sorry my bad, I'm really glad you like it! truth be told I really didn't expect such a positive feedback from so many people.
Wow... That's dark. Which makes sense, where the hell were Cozy Glow's parents?
I know its unlikely but I hope that evil Cozy still gets some kind of a happy end after this or at least something better then what she got.
Way to finally realize that no one tried to actually reform her, Twilight.
I mean, they were left completely powerless and stuck under a giant cupcake so...
Starlight comes off as a real jerk here.
10384731
Yeah I wanted to show conflict in Twilight and plant the seeds of doubt, while getting Starlight ready for a good surprise later.
10384725
Cozy's parents to me is where the show failed miserably, so I've decided to give them a much bigger role. While also showing the difference between the two Cozys.
Oh this story is really brilliant and catching my attention. :) I'm quite curious to learn the story about that former maid and her exact connection to Cozy Glow. Former nanny, babysitter, relative even sister, can't wait to find out.
That said did always feel that they dropped the ball on Cozy Glow. I mean Starlight Glimmer actually did way worse than her especially if you consider the possibility that those alternate timelines might still exist, and she got a second chance right off the bat.
Not to mention Discord one of the worst villains in Equestrian history who as the last season showed not exactly fully reformed, and all he got was a slap on the hand. Meanwhile Cozy get's thrown right into Tarturus never mind her age and every other factor, I mean I know she's messed up but still that doesn't change the f-upd situation in my opinion.
Anyway really eager to see what will happen next for the good Cozy and the fallout for Twilight after that little scene.
10385925
I'm really happy to hear you've enjoyed it but to be honest I haven't even scratched the surface of my backstory for Cozy. As for Discord his kidnapping of Cozy and sealing her away in stone is the most shocking thing the show has done in my opinion, they should have just reformed them and had them team up with Twilight to take down the real Grogar. It would have been so satisfying to see Starlight reach Cozy even if she couldn't reach Chrysalis.
Cozy splashed he hooves but couldn't find any purchase beneath the water.
10390621
Whoops my bad thanks for pointing it out 😅
The chapter 1 said her parents were a unicorn, is it safe to theories that Cozy were 'created' and not a naturally born pegasus?
Also was the maid her sister that has graduate from Celestia's school?
10390632
Cozy was definitely born a Pegasus and her unicorn parents are similar to the Cakes who were both earth ponies and yet had a unicorn and Pegasus child due to their ancestry.
The maid will be reappearing and explained soon. 😉
Don't be surprised if a flashback happens with a few reveals.
Probably should replace every you're with your.
It's so nice to have company over for tea."
Not that surprise that ponies want to destroy Tirek, Cozy and Chrysalis when their petrified. Twilight is filled with guilt and questions that she'll even fight against her citizens if they to harm them. Reason for that is fear, paranoia and its easy since they can't fight back because they can't hurt Discord would turn their weapons into balloons and is under Fluttershy's protection.
not a surprise instead of the elements stoning the trio it was the power twins and discord who did the one solve the solution to there problems if it was the elements maybe things would have been different just another mistake on a long list of mistakes
10390742
Thank you again it's like I've got a guardian angel
10390760
Yes turning them to stone is the easiest way for them to be destroyed. I've seen what fear does to people and I think group think mentality can get people to do things they never would have done otherwise.🙃
I think Discord lucked out with Fluttershy, otherwise he'd probably be in that garden somewhere.
10390848
I agree there were a lot of mistakes made in the final battle like the fact Spike is trying to burn Cozy alive in the palace fight.
10385939
I would've used Fluttershy personally. Yes I know it's slightly repetitive, but if they were going to reform Cozy in Season 9, Fluttershy would've been the way to go.
She knows what it is like to have "issues" "Best Night Ever, Putting Your Hoof Down" she's also dealt with children and childish individuals before "Stare Master, Make New Friends But Keep Discord".
And unlike Starlight in "School Raze", Fluttershy didn't teleport and leave Cozy behind to be blown to bits by a unstable magic storm.
And I say this both loving Starlight and able to come up with several explanations as to her decision. It doesn't change the fact that Cozy proberbly wouldn't feel particularity inclined to trust her.
10391136
10391147
Oh undoubtedly. I am still surprised that he wasn't to be honest, and that so many people didn't have a problem with it.
Tell me about it. With all the abuse Cozy Glow goes through, it's like the writers wanted us to feel sorry for her.
Makes you wonder how he got off scott-free like he did while the trio didn't even get a reformation attempt.
10391354
I really despise how he gets a pass after everything he causes.
10391297
I could see Fluttershy doing it to, the first time they appear angry in the show Fluttershy looks more confused than anything with Cozy Glow.
It's nice to see people have some of the same issues as I do with how they handled the last season.😀
awwww, poor Flutters ;-;
10391599
With how the story set it up, Cozy Glow is the most intriguing character that they introduced during the last few seasons, and still fascinates me this long after, considering how much there is to her that we just don't know. Sure, there's the Lord of Chaos, but that fiasco at least has half-answers, whilst Cozy Glow just... appeared. She didn't come from anywhere that I know of. All we know about Cotton Eye Glow is where she went. Edit: and yes, I know Cozy Eye Glow would be better. So sue me.
10397032
10397021
I agree Cozy is the most intriguing of the villains, I was amazed that we learned nothing about her in Two whole seasons.🤣
As for Flutters, yeah I wrote that and I kind of felt guilty putting her through more rough situations but hopefully she'll be fine.
So Cozy accidentally created a Mimic that contains her Conscience. Not what I expected but great idea. Twilight is geeking out of Grogar’s books and artifacts that will be her love and desires’ downfall. And that flashback to the past involving that maid who quit, love it. Gives a villains backstory more feeling and also, Dunce-cord I watch the attitude. Who’s to say the citizens of Equestria want you back to stone?
10411802
I'm really glad you like it. I've dropped hints throughout the story so far on future plot points and I can't wait to write the next chapter.
Dunce-cord I love the name you gave him by the way.
Luster? that's unexpected...
10411971
Indeed.
There is no need to take a holding pattern twice
10412382
I'll be sure to keep that in mind from now on.
Okay thank you
Dear Luna,
Never jump to conclusions.
Signed me.
Love the Luna's visit... funny yet serious... I wonder how powerful a mimic is.
"No I was not pleased, I gave them my magic, made their friendships take wing... and now how they've repaid me... denied me and betrayed me." Harmony whispered as Cozy detected anger enter the serine creature's voice.
Well shoot, Harmony is mad, and she can't interfere with the season finale for some reason...
Also, was Harmony's crack affected by what Twilight did or because what Cozy did?
"You don't have a bad side anymore. Your jealousy and your ambitions to prove yourself have been stripped away from you... I'd say for the better."
So this Cozy is an embodiment of good, was that mean the stoned Cozy is an embodiment of bad?
And one more thing it would be best if you didn't reveal to Luna where you are, she may have good intentions but even she has been known to act irrationally." Harmony warned
Is this wise...?
10429321
Harmony's crack was indeed a result of Equestria as a whole turning their backs on the villains without opting to show them both friendship and mercy.
Harmony not being able to interfere with this is without the tree anymore she can't regenerate like she used to and she had given them all the magic she had at the moment to stop the villains.
As for whether the good Cozy is entirely good the answer is no, she just has a polar opposite view on how to treat a situation from the Bad Cozy, in short they both have a goal both are selfish but one is more compassionate than the other.
Harmony has seen a lot and it doesn't seem like Luna's intentions are clear. Harmony doesn't want a repeat of what happened to the last Cozy.
I hope this helped.
10429314
Luna does make a lot of assumptions doesn't she.
I can agree what Luna did was immature and jumping to conclusions. but for one part
As much as I want to point out the consequences of Harmony doing to Equestria. The Spirit is dying? I thought Discord would be effected since the amount of Chaos in Equestria is dwindling but that is something for another day. I’m guessing the Spirit of Harmony is feeling the negativity of Equestria’s Harmony; how they want to end Cozy, Chrysalis and Tirek is an example of it. Dark intensions in the name of good is something Twilight never face (Or she did but I don’t remember). Whose to say that a Cult of Friendship will be made? A Cult that spreads Friendship but hurts those who refuse to accept it. Also,
I think that’s not a good thing. The Spirit of Harmony doesn’t have a conscious so it never experience what is a good idea or a bad idea except the part where it didn’t like seeing Discord, Celestia and Luna turning the MLP Terrible Trio to stone.
10429405
Oh I get where you're coming from.
When I took psychology I learned that any action not reinforced will eventually die it's own death. I applied this to Harmony since she's the manifestation of all the harmony created in Equestria.
I don't believe Harmony has a conscience like a normal creature as well. As for if she would consider something a good idea or not I believe she thought it was a good idea to test the young six below the school. Not that I'm saying you're wrong this is just my perception of the character.
Thank you so much for chatting about this, it really makes me glad that people are so engaged.
Oh if you have any more thoughts please share, I'll be happy to explain why I made certain choices with certain characters in this story.