Spike is one day accused of a crime he didn't commit, as usual, nopony believed him except Fancy Pants because he and Spike had been hanging with each other. Spike still gets banished, but princess Luna believes Spike is innocent but they didn't have much evidence. Spike is transported to the badlands where he learns to fend for himself. He then slowly, builds up his own nation. The Crystal ponies starts hating their rulers and start violent protest around the empire. When they find the murderer of Fleur De Lis, everypony realises their mistake, but can they fix it?
A/N This idea just wouldn't leave my head. I hope you enjoy the story.
Chapters (26)
good premises for a story! I'm certainly interested! Though I think the chapter was a bit too fast and could have used some more build up. Especially cause the emotional parts for it felt... rushed I guess? Like this is supposed to be an upsetting scene, right? Yet it went through the emotions of hte ponies wayyy too fast, but as well as it felt a bit out of character for them to just instantly believe. Though that didn't really bother me, just a note.
You could have possibly had it that he was framed? I dunno! I know this was just a simple idea in your head! As well as there were some spelling errors, at least one I could find. I understand you're just writing to get it out of your head and probably for fun though so I'm not, like, super concerned. I'm just offering some tips (which are entirely my own opinion so you can ignore em!) if you're interested in them or not!
Anyways I'm going to continue on reading, and I'll try and comment at the end of every chapter to give you feed back and support. I do really like this idea and I like your style! So I do wanna see where this goes. It could go a crazy amount of places that's for sure.
I love it, also please read fractured bonds to get more ideas
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My friend, your opinion is important. Also, i do apologize for the rushed chapter, i think i'll rewrite this chapter so it doesn't look or seemed rushed. Now when i read it, i agree it definitively looks rushed.
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Thanks for the idea!
Okay that was quite a bit beefier than last chapter. A lot more happened, but still felt quite a bit rushed. There were a lot more spelling errors and just awkward sentences as well. The sudden change in Spike's character feels very off and seeing him just instantly resort to killing someone was like whoa to me. As well as seeing a random changeling pop up and become his new friend was strange. Especially because everyone was scared since spike killed someone. Why aren't they scared? But eh. Anyways I'm still enjoying it. I rather like the idea of bad ass spike and also everyone realizing how much of an ass they were once shits done.
Basilisk armour sounds pretty cool as well and the sword just adds to it. There was some funky wording during the explanation of these items, but still got the point across what they looked like and were. What I'm visualizing in my head looks really fucking cool and I am hyped to see what Spike does next. Especially cause Thorax is suddenly there.
Bet Thorax is going to lose his mind once he hears what happened to Spike. He'll probably want to beat up Celestia, but honestly who wouldn't? Ahah Celestia certainly deserves it. Preaching how every race is good and stuff then Spike is seen as evil because of this crime he didn't commit which they had no evidence for it.
Despite being shorter, some cool stuff still happened. The dream was rather interesting and I'm happy to see that Luna and Cadence reached out to him. I hope that the crystal ponies go crazy. There isn't a whole lot to point out that I haven't pointed out before. Just the pacing is a bit fast, but that's okay if you're just writing for fun and stuff.
Looking forward to reading the next chapter. Who's going to go feral this time? Find out next episode!
Is Spike okay? Like genuinely? Because a lack of guilt and emotions is really wild and the fact he killed a foal and didn't blink an eye lash. It's the armour and sword, isn't it? It's turning him evil. It is nice to see that first kill be addressed, but I felt it was a bit too late. That maybe it should have happened right at the moment or a bit after when his nerves cooled.
Anyways I'm rather enjoying that he's just kicking ass and chewing bubble gum.
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Thanks, btw i love your profile picture. Its cute!
Well him controlling the bad lands went rather smoothly, and stuff in equestria is getting messy. Wonder what's going to happen next.
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If you need any help or anyone to look over your work, I could definitely help you out!
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Spike actually did the world a favor by killing this foal. A pegasus filly with pinkish gray fur, two-toned light arctic blue mane and tail, and I’m pretty sure that the eyes Spike didn’t get to see were scarlet. It all adds up to a cute little psychopath named Cozy Glow.
10514003
CORRECT!
10513958
Thanks! I'll let you know when it's up!
Spike deserves better
OOF! Nice one Fluttershy!
Well done Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, very well said.
It wasn't reciprocated as well as it could have, but this is actually a really good motive for helping Spike. This is a very good story with need for editing to make everything seem a bit more natural
I wonder if the elements would no longer work since the Mane Six are divided about Spike. Even if they still work, I don't think it would do them any good with the Crystal Empire, Changelings, Discord, and other supporters of Spike going against Celestia.
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Hello! I wanted to let you know I have re-writen the first chapter. The whole chapter and I'd like your opinion :)
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The story is going in a great direction, looking forward to the reveal that Spike was innocent and those who didn't believe him beg for mercy while the corrupted government are scared that Spike became a warlord and could kill them upon finding out.
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Thanks!
10513909
Oh hawt damn this is a lot better than before! I liked this a lot better. There was more meat to it and the pacing was a lot better! As well as we are given more context on the events leading up and why people think he did it. It's just a lot better of a read. I think you did quite superb!
Though there was a lot more spelling errors than before. Gonna highlight the ones I picked up!
ngl I'm really tired so unless I need to explain it I'll just list the obvious ones without anything under it.
Unless you're saying the floors then the were should be changed to was. There probably doesn't need to be a comma either.
Probably don't need one there. But that's more a grammar issue than spelling!
Divided
capitals! Pony Joes.
More of a grammar issue, but it's a run on sentence. Between the he felt the pain and he then felt anger, you should put a period. Like it should be more like Spike's nose started to bleed, and then he felt the pain. He felt angry but contained it. (the and then was more of a personal flair, you can completely disregard it!)
should be an!
That's all I could pick up grammar and spelling wise! But again I think this is a lot better and I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Consider this I had to go back and reread it in order to find the errors. I wouldn't do that if I didn't like it!
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Thank you for the help! It is much appreciated!
Given that you banished Spike despite all the evidence that proved his innocence, including an alibi supplied and supported by the murder victim’s spouse, the violence will likely end once your head is mounted on a pike right after you find out he really was framed, Celestia.
10514257
Ah, accidental tyranny. The best kind of tyranny. Truly the best.
I've needed this since I read the original. Yeeeees
Well Celestia, since you asked, here's a list to start it off:
This list is subject to change.
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Dang! That is a Perfect List! 👏 👍
I cant wait for this to be finished, i tend to not read unfinished stories for i have been lead on with so many that have been left unfinished or canceled
10514248
Will the next chapter focus on Spike arriving in the Crystal Empire?
By the way where's starlight
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I want Starlight to join Fluttershy and Pinkie, SLAP Twilight for being a Terrible Sister/Mother Figure to Spike. And that the "Assistant" role is just a Dumb excuse for a Slave, and for NOT believing his innocence is the Last Straw. Your the WORST Princess Of "Friendship" Twilight!!!!!
How would the Young Six and the other Students from the "Friendship" School feel about Twilight BETRAY her "Friendship" Teachings, and betray poor Spike. You know what.
I like the Young Six, Starlight, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, maybe Tempest Shadow, and some Very Good Crystal Pony Guards to join Spike's Army as his Corporals, Sergeants, Majors, Captains, Field Medics, Warrant Officers, Commanders, Lieutenants, Colonels, maybe a General, or an Admiral and Master Chiefs if Spike wants a Navy, etc..
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She'll come in. :)
To tell you the truth. This Story reminds me of a certain Story about Spike getting Betrayed by some Stupid and False Accusations of Murder. And he ( and some Loyal Allies and Friends) become a Anti-Villain/Sympathetic Villain/Villain Protagonist Overlord ( A Bad Guy with "Good" Intentions.).
I'm talking about "Dragon's Requiem" ( By Crisis Novastar, and Co- Author: NineTailBeastBall) or NineTailBeastBall's Verizon ( With Crisis Novastar's Permission) "Nightmare Of A Dragon". Sadly the Former got deleted due to some Crazy Reason. And the Latter is " Incomplete" for a Long Time, back in May 2020.
While I like the Story, Spike DID some "Inhumane" things.
Nevertheless, while I do want Spike to have Payback and his Revenge to Celestia, Twilight, the REAL Murder, and the others that didn't trust him, or down right Hate for Racist and Xenophobic Stuff. I DON'T want him to be TOO EVIL or Heartless. Basically a Villain that has "Moral Standards".
This story doesn't make much sense.
Like, legit.
It is just another Spike going evil because everyone else is acting completely out of character to screw him over, then he goes insane and starts murdering and enslaving people.
This story has been done before, and it's pretty much always the same NGL
Rumors of the coming of Starlight’s Equality revolution and the fulfillment of Spike’s prophecy begin to spread despite Celestia’s best efforts to force the ponies to accept he’s guilty. The downfall of Equestria drew ever closer, and the world of Equis trembled to it’s foundations, for it meant the end of the rulers of Equestria and the life of the ponies will never be the same.
It's so plainly obvious that spike is possessed by something like, how does nobody notice it? That he suddenly turned evil? That isn't Spike like even if he's been betrayed. But alas it makes for an interesting story. Unfortunately I had hoped to see him build up his kingdom and struggle with that but skipped right to Spike is an established leader who gets to attack Equestria.
Anyways good chapter, as always! Can't wait for more.
The ones who believed Spike were the notable ones like; Discord, Big Mac, Luna, Cadence, Shining Armor, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis's family which surprised the ones who believed Spike was guilty.
*fox will remember this*
I mean come on Twilight, if half of your friends believe he's innocent then chances are he's innocent. Curse those higher powers that prevent Discord from revealing who really did it. Well at least it didn't turn out to be him so he's free to set up a huge 'you fucked up party' when this is over. You know just to let home how Twilight, Celestia, and Rarity fucked up.
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somehow this makes her best girl, I mean she knows what she likes and isn't afraid to go for it.
I like what you've done with the green text Spike, it suits your new persona quite well. Its not unsettling at all in the slightest nor does it scream that you've made some Faustian bargain for powers that usually carry some high price/cost.
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Thanks!
Lol
You got what you wanted, Celestia. You and pretty much everypony else in Equestria wanted Spike to be a monster.
Also, just pointing it out. I think you meant to say His Majesty. You’re using the plural for Spike when it should be the singular. If it’s supposed to be the royal we, then that’s only when Spike addresses himself.
10524611
Thanks!
Every single time Spike gets banished or accused of a crime, Twilight becomes the ultimate princess of jerks (so much for friendship), and how the HAY did they get more votes for guilty when the defense has more sensible proof?!
This is becoming a common thing in these banishment stories.
The racism/speciesism always being used on the cases against him
And you
You're a terrible mom and Luna's better and smarter than you
This is why Pinkie and Fluttershy are my most faves of the Mane 6. In several fimfics, they're the first to act as the voice of reason, and act smart & concerned for their friends.
Also to Celestia,
You've made a big mistake. Luna, Cadence & the Crystal Empire, Thorax & the Changelings, and Ember & the dragons, are going to riot into war and avenge Spike and his dignity
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Thank you for commenting on this; I'm glad im not the only one that gets vibes that i had seen a premise like that before. And its very encouraging to see that someone has took it and is getting a conclusion with what i have seen. Thank you author for publishing this. I may have to favorite this story once i finish reading this.
10526511
Your welcome! And thanks!
Twi & Celestia, you really messed up with your speciesism. You want Spike as a monster, then he'll be a monster.
Spike better be possessed by the Pony of Shadows (also explain how it escaped limbo), otherwise if he's being evil in his own accord, he'll never be forgiven easily.
And so it has begun
Loved this chapter.