• Published 21st Jun 2020
  • 5,494 Views, 64 Comments

The Grand Part - Shakespearicles



Flurry Heart gives her grandfather a grand Father's Day.

  • ...
34
 64
 5,494
This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm
Comments ( 48 )
Comment posted by Trick Question deleted Jun 21st, 2020

Just waiting for it to come out that the vitality spell also reversed his vasectomy~

Random thought: parents in general are less common in fiction than they probably should be, so grandparents are even moreso. Like, as far as canon grand-incest we basically just had Flurry Heart and the Apples until literally the last episode.

10294744
I don't think this ship has been done before.

EDIT: I stand corrected.

Oh, Shakespearicles uploaded. Is it Father's Day already?

Fun lil’ ship. Happy (grand) daddy day~!

10294822
So if I nixed that whole 'who's fucking who' monologue?

[EDIT] To be clear, it was never my intention to delete it. I just wanted to be very specific about why something is not liked and how it theoretically could be fixed. Your feedback is a lot more useful that the drive-by down-voters who saw the Flurry Heart tag.

10294852
BTW, this one does have a lovey-dovey ending. Even more so than my usual fare.

10294842

Uh, well... y-yeah, that would go a long way towards me specifically enjoying it more. But for God's sake, don't do that. You have yourself a loyal audience who eagerly devours what you put out. They probably dig that kind of stuff, that complex "Game of Thrones meets House of Cards but with more fucking" scenario. They are your target audience, not me.

Let me put it like this: I'm the type of nerd who likes my brutal, hardcore fucking to be bookended by Lovey-Dovey-Smoochy Land romance. This is why whenever I commission a story it ends up being expensive as shit because I want a lot of romantic build up and cool down. Whereas you—and your 2,721 followers, I might add—are more down with the "casual sex because casual sex/if it feels good do it" shtick. And that's great! Just not my cup of jizz tea.

TL:DR, write the story however you damn well please. As I have often said, I'm just some random asshole in a brown hat on the internet.

Anticip....
...
...
...
Ation.

...
I see you. I see what you did there....

10294755
It's rare, but it exists.

10294755
Ponies on a train did this ship already.

10294755
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah it has... just a few weeks ago https://www.fimfiction.net/story/466194/ponies-on-a-train
not that i'm complaining or anything like that lol

10,666 words...


Nice.

The last three digits on that word count, tho... :trollestia: :rainbowlaugh:

Well, that was hot. Kinda depressing though.

Soon it's gonna be happy great grandfather's day.

Loved it Shake!

I would have preferred for Flurry to be a bit overwhelmed by her grandpop's endowment (you know me), but I realised that actually didn't fit in the canon of your incest-verse, where inevitably all mares are drawn to the irresistible prowess of Shining Armor's gargantuan genetic lottery trophy.

10296176

inevitably all mares are drawn to the irresistible prowess of Shining Armor's gargantuan genetic lottery trophy.

Yes, that is an inflexible fact.

Although part of the purpose of this fic was meant as a penance piece to deconstruct a lot of the SparkleCest clopfic tropes, (many of which are mine), where in of all the pairings, Night Light is often getting routinely cucked as the odd one out. Hence the chapter title. So the whole "who's fucking who" dialogue is meant to break that down from the point of view of the pony from the outside. And also to serve as moral leverage to justify the ensuing debauchery, so as an audience, we can root for Night Light finally getting one over on his son and wife.

10294822
Well, yeah, but that's kind of the point. Night Light keeps on getting screwed every which way and ends up... not embittered, but I think unhappy. Velvet is a self centered bitch, Twilight moved on, Cadence was raised by Celestia into a state of vapidness so all encompassing that it threatens to manifest itself like a particularly cake scented Silent Hill, and Shining Armor is a himbo.

Night Light has every reason to be miserable here. The only reason he sticks around is because of the off chance a random close relative needs a cock thrown into them thus giving him another petty victory. In short, he is the same shit different direction of an Incel, IE japanese humor at work

10296188

And also to serve as moral leverage to justify the ensuing debauchery, so as an audience, we can root for Night Light finally getting one over on his son and wife.

I root for no such thing

10296188
I wanna be there when Flurry is inevitably added to the harem!

As always, your writing always manages to be enjoyable, even when it isn't entirely my cup of tea. I enjoyed the tender moments and can'take quit giggling to myself because all that's coming to mind after Night Light's recap is "revengincest." Excellent work.

so the next part when both night and shiny are doing flurry comes out when????

a grand story Sir thank you.

10296135
Surely you saw that comment coming?

Oh, man, I loved this. So much tasty backstory and casual cheating, and the sex was hot. But my favorite part was how rough and dominant Night Light was with Flurry. I don't know how to write dominant. I can do mean, sure. But this was way better.

Bravo! A fantastic read, good story.

I was unprepared for The gentleness of this story.

I could have used a bit more flurry bitching or inquiry into the cluster fuck that is the sparkle household.

But now I must delve into more nightlight stories.

Interesting little chapter. I wonder how Flurry will feel learning her aunt's her half-sister.

Also, there's some typos you may want to fix.

He reached over with his hoof and pressed on the blunt base of the coolerator, sliding it back insider her.

"inside"

"I never knew my grandfilly was suck a perverted degenerate."

"such"

She giggled and her horn glowed, making his hi shaft throb harder

Delete that.

"I didn't hurt you did I?"

There should probably be a comma after "you".

"Seems rather anticlimax, don't you think?"

"anticlimactic".

He had an appreciation for just how hard ha had made her cum earlier.

And lastly, "he".

Great story. I wish we had a extra chapter. Maybe one that was a hard rutting chapter.

Considering what a whore his wife is, I don't think she'd have a leg on in getting mad at Night for fucking Flurry.

Just finished it and, even when you mentioned that it's tropes, I felt it's almost an alternate continuation of B.B.F.F.F. trilogy, probably obvious but I'll still point the elephant in the room, whereas this one isn't a happy ending gang-bang-boom-bam, I kind of love this scenario in which everyone knocked everyone up of sheer spite and create more in the process who, by how things go, repeat the family cycle, or dare I say, tradition.

10550754
What can I say? I can't help but write clop with a plot.

Damn nice story clop. Well done :rainbowkiss:

MOW

10631294
I think you forgot to add 18 for Twilight, who must've been at least 18 in S6E1.

MOW

10784074
Yeah, but Twilight is Night Light's grandfoal.
10631294
Unless you meant to imply Night Light lied when he told Flurry Heart that Twilight is Shining's daughter.

Time to finish this off.

"I don't want to be the odd one out anymore, Grampa," Flurry Heart said.

"I know sweetie," Night Light said, gently stroking her mane as she laid with her cheek on his thigh. "I feel the same way."

That line is a real bummer since it suggests he really does feel bad about getting cucked.

"Flurry," he chided. She ignored him and took in more of his scent. Her tongue poked out of her mouth.

"I highly doubt that." He slid it most of the way back inside her before her stopped.

You got a typo there.

lightheaded.still

You have another typo.

He slipped his mouth over her horn and began to expertly felate it like it was his only source of oxygen.

This simile is a bit of a stretch. Maybe go with "like it was his only source of sustenance"? It's just easier to picture a horn as food than a breathing apparatus, ya feel me?

They rolled back into her head

I can only imagine actually having my eyes roll into the back of my head would be terrifying.

"Whoa east there.

I think Flurry is straying off course! Nah, it's just a typo.

"It's not a sprint, baby. It's a marathon."

Spoken like the Father of Ponyville's 5th place marathon finisher.

He trotted downstairs to the fridge.

Good thing he didn't have to run upstairs or he might have jammed his dick into the staircase and sustained a potentially life-threatening injury.

He opened the freezer and stuck his dick in to cool himself down.

And that's going to work? What about his core body temperature? He's running up his electric bill like a MOTHERFUCKER. :pinkiegasp:

That was one thing his son could never take from him. They might be fucking eachother on the regular now, but on Night knew what she tasted like before she was deflowered

Typo. You meant to say 'only'. Another mistake is the missing gap between 'each' and 'other'.

He was hitting all her trigger points except for one

Don't females have different trigger points? Eh, it's not that important. I'm just nitpicking.

Her clitoris winked at him insistently, trying desperately to make itself know to an apparently oblivious stallion. Her vocalized agitation reached a fever pitch as she started desperately rocking her hips at him, making any attempt to just hit him in the nose with her clit.

Lewdie boop!

She reached back and grabbed it. It throbbed in her hoof.

Feels like one sentence split in two. I think this is a stylistic choice, like slowing down the narration to one deliberate action at a time but I can't be sure. Probably just me nitpicking again.

She scooting herself back to stuff it inside her.

Time violation. Change tense.

The pressure inside her built up and got stronger and stronger, like a rope tying itself into a bigger and bigger knot.

Excellent simile! :ajsmug:

He was going to take her all the way. And she was going to cum. Hard.

Like, really hard.

Thick jets of her nectar spurted into his mouth as he continued sucking, swallowing, and fucking her with his magic. It was both watery and syrupy. Salty, but sweet. Almost like movie theater popcorn butter.

Them's good eatin'!

"Ow. Ow! Sweetie you- agh! You need to keep your teeth out of the equation!" he said.

"It's hard when it's this big."

"Thank you for the complement, but why don't we table this for now until you work on your technique?" he said.

Not the sexiest thing to add to your sex scene but points for realism. There's no way in hell a filly is going to be able to handle a blowjob for a fully-grown and presumably above-average-lengthed stallion.

"I can do it!" she said, abandoning sucking for sloppy licking all over. Her 'technique' was non-existent, but he didn't hold it against her. He would, however, hold it against her.

This right here is a Shakespearacles line. This is what people come to this account to read. Nicely done! :rainbowlaugh:

His tip nestled into the lips of her vulva, pressed against the narrow entrance of her vagina. She was barely an inch away from being a made mare.

He really is a gangsta if he can make her one!

"Look I'm sure it would be a perfect fit if you hadn't done that vitality spell, okay? Save it for next time." Flurry winced and chewed her lip, nodding in agreement at last as she leaned forward to lay on top of him again. "There now, it's alright," he said as he stroked her mane. "Just relax for now. You've had a busy day. Let Grampa take care of you." She nodded into his shoulder.

Gotta love how supportive this guy is. Nice guy foalcon is best foalcon!

"Seems rather anticlimactic, don't you think?" he asked. "I bet you were expecting to get rutted silly like in those trashy novels."

I wouldn't know anything about writing something like that.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/28/59494.gif

There was no sloppy battle of tongues or lewd noises. It was a rather chaste kiss that a grandfilly would normally give her grandfather.

Shakes is giving me nothing and loving it. At least there was an ear nibble earlier on...

The volume of his cum didn't tapper off like it usually did.

Typo.

This was the grand part.

Good story. I'm intrigued by your ability to write easily comprehensible dialogue and perspective with just the bare minimum of narration. It's very much the opposite of how I trained myself to write. I have no issues at all simply filling in the blanks with my own imagination and rarely have to read a single line twice so the chopped-down style flows well, too. The themes aren't entirely to my taste but I knew that going in. The fact I still managed to enjoy it speaks to the quality of the work.

While I did get a good laugh at Jake The Army Guy's normie-tier freakout post, I have to acknowledge the merits of the cucking themes; at the very least it creates a conflict for Night Light so he isn't simply there just to solve Flurry's problems -- that would make him worth no more than the cooler she was messing with earlier. Both had something the other wanted and got what they came for, literally. You earned my upvote, sir.

10848631
> TFW AJ finishes proofreading your story:
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/449/977/aba.gif
All typos fixed. Thank you for your keen eyes.
I'm pleased that you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Just a vitality spell, I think.

A verility spell too... I hope.

Login or register to comment