Name- you many call me by the username age- older then i look height-5ft weight-95
Discord has been set free by another power more powerful then anything anyone has seen but the being that released him has a set condition. Is there more to Discord than Princess Celestia has told her little pony? Or is he truly the monster she makes him out to be? Or will Discord prove them wrong and show that he is not all that Celestia has said, but something much more?
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You qualify for a Warren Peace review. Prepare yourself...
By Sithis, this was painful. Get an editor. To start off, the wording was terrible (and is still questionable even with heavy editing). Read the original out loud (and I do mean OUT LOUD), and tell me it makes perfect, grammatical sense. Also, who in Oblivion is "her little pony" (as underlined in this bit)? Twilight? Make it apparent as we only know what your words tell us. A final thing to note: this was your story description. More than anything else (excluding the title), your description must be as perfect as humanly possible. It's the first piece of prose that readers are gonna read about your story and if it's chock-full of errors like this then chances are that few of them are gonna read any further.
Other than that, no tag abuse and the chapter length so far is good.
Onto the story...
I facepalmed upon reading this. God-fics (as far as I have seen) usually end in nothing but misery. Avoid writing them as they bring nothing of real substance to the site.
I'm literally at a loss of words. All you're doing is re-writing the story of Moses but with ponies. This is cheap, lame, and nothing of any substance. All I can offer you is this: scrap the story. Something as bland and unimaginative as this is something few will read and many will hate. Try again with something that actually pertains to the fanbase as this is what this site is for.
You also have awkward wordings "hatching +" for example, and often you don't capitalize the word: "I". Both of these could be easily fixed with help form an editor or proofreader and even the most basic form of self-editing. I hate not being able to write more, but then again there's little else wrong. The fallacy is in that this isn't something that many people are gonna like because it's unoriginal and unimaginative as whatever the most unimaginative thing that you can think of is.
Questions or concerns? PM me. Otherwise good luck and farewell...
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Thank you for your review and as for God-fic. It not this will not be a God-fic, but there will be hints of God yes. But just hints nothing major like Battle between God and the Devil. Mostly I did the Moses and Discord background the same because I was Lazy and didn't want to think up of one. It the same with Paul but he has a few added things.
As for the painful reading I did warning i wasn't that good at Grammar
or spelling.Here a cookie for your troubles and so sorry for not replying as soon as possible. I kinda forget my password and username and then there that gotten in the way. You know the usually stuff Life the usually stuff Life.As for unoriginal and unimaginative will it is only the prologue so give it a chance. I think it original due to the fact I haven't seen fic like this one. Otherwise thank you once more.
5541888 You're welcome.
Also, 'god-fic' is just my own personal term for a story that has ties to any religious ideal(s). As you draw a quote from the bible and are retelling the story of Moses, that makes it a god-fic (though perhaps a more accurate term is a religious crossover).
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Makes but thank you for helping me out with the editing and hope you continue to help.