A year after her encounter with Twilight Sparkle, long after accepting her 'defeat' and admitting her mistakes, The Great and Powerful Trixie has thrown herself across time and space into a parallel reality of Equestria. With an opportunity to have a second chance at her meeting with Twilight, the magician mare finds the element of magic to be taking the form of a stallion in this realm. Between the plethora of colts, numerous changes in history and more, the once failed heroine will turn her life around and attempt make something of herself in this new existence.
Chapters (3)
Curse you TRIXIE!
Will be watching out for the next chapter. Interesting start and looking forward to seeing where this is going.
Kinda threw us in at the deep end here, didn't you? I think the story would benefit from a little bit more lead-up; Like, why and how did Trixie decide to dimension hop? What exactly are the extent of the differences between the two Equestrias? Additionally, you need to make it more clear when Trixie is talking to herself, because the shift from third to first person perspective, sometimes within the same sentence, is both jarring, and poor form.
I hate the "On a Cross and Arrow" alternate reality with its misogynistic undertones, but This has interesting potential. I think I'll keep an eye on it.
527644
...Crap, I forgot to convert the italics into this document over from gdocs.
Lemme get to work on that. Thank you for pointing it out, I promise it was originally made more clear what was 'thoughts' from Trixie and what wasn't. Italics added in should fix this.
And yes, I completely intend to keep everyone in the dark on a lot of things for now. Like I said, I'm winging it at the moment but I do have some specific ideas in mind, ones I'm almost certain everyone will either find enjoyable or at least different. If I gave the ideas away now or had a lead up well... It probably wouldn't have that engrossing factor it does at the moment. However, I do feel like the story can still be easily enjoyed as it is right now. I went over in my head a couple of times if I really wanted to play it out this way and really, it works for me. Some commentary from my friends (and pre-readers) suggested that this was fine, that they were interested enough in the first chapter that they really didn't want me to spoil anything I had no plans to reveal anytime soon.
Anywho, italics fix inbound shortly!
Update: Italics added, will attempt to write the chapters on here from now on to avoid annoying problems like that.
I echo 527644 's notes. Italicize thoughts. Give us more background, maybe start earlier in the story than this.
Spend some time on set-up and descriptions and don't be in such a hurry to get things moving. Help us learn how and if this universe differs from Cross and Arrow.
Scratch that.
Starting earlier in the storyline would definitely make this a better story. As it is, the chapter feels like a rushed and poorly mixed jumble of back-story and current events.
This was a struggle for me to read, but I liked the idea enough to try and stay engaged through to the end.
Run this by some editors, overhaul it, and try again. You have the potential, now you need the practice.
Oooh I'm liking this so far. Can't wait for more!
527719
That's the thing though, this IS where the story starts. Beginning from the very moment which set in motion Trixie's current situation would unfortunately be very boring, both for me to write and for the readers to read.
Let me put away some worries though, I don't mean to make this a blatant shipping fic. I'm looking to seriously do more with this and right now, and I really mean this, the abstract structure of storytelling allows me to focus on the stuff that's actually interesting and worth being 'episode/chapter 1' material is what I wanted to focus on. So as much as I hate to make this comparison (but it's all I can think of...
), think of it being similar to the first episode or two of Full Metal Alchemist and Brotherhood. I mean yeah, there's enough in there to give you some small tiny bits of backstory, but the juicy stuff gets revealed in like, episodes 2/3, right? So that being said...
Chapter 2 or 3 will be the point wherein I add in more backstory but really, if I do it THIS early I'd be showing about half of what I have up my sleeve for this story. Again, being that I'm winging it I really haven't planned out the pacing of what will be revealed when. I intend one of those chapters to have a flashback and hell, one may be MOSTLY comprised of being a flashback.
So yeah, I know it's a bit hard to read but I hope ya'll will bear with me . It's just my writing style. Trust me when I say I'm open to criticism, but unfortunately it's just gotta go this way. It's how I feel the story is working at the moment. I REALLY tried planning for Woven Right and holy hell did it not work out for me.
Since I already knew everything I was gonna do chapter to chapter, scene to scene, I lost interest in writing it fast. It was the same with the introduction, the first chapter was really a snore fest so I thought, 'Well, if I wanna pull people in I gotta leave them in the dark... In a basement... 50 ft below ground... Without any matches... And no li-' I think you see where I'm going with that analogy.
I don't wanna kill this story because of the same mistakes I made with my other fic... It's a case of personal preference more than it is a writing problem, as I'm very aware that this probably is not the best choice of how to do it. But for me, I'm having the most fun writing in this way. And really, that's what I'm here to do with it.
But I do appreciate the commentary and I will take in the suggestions that readers have. At the least, I will take your comment and over the next couple days, see if maybe 'in my mind' I can structure things a little better so that way readers aren't in the dark for TOO long.
...3/4 chapters into the story at best and then MOST of the backstory will be covered, promise.
I think I'm gonna like this.
Awesome, a rule 63-fic that actually concerns the epitome of manliness and awesomeness that is Prince Solaris.
Very good job! I found everything believable, and no grammatical failures.
But the very, very best part of this is the fact that you put in slight differences between the male 6 dimension and the mane 6 dimension.
Now... If I could get done with my Sweetie Chronicles picture I could maybe draw something for this...
Oh, and what/will happen to Trevor/Trixter/Presto?
This... this looks very promising.
Thumbs up and track, you deserve them both!
Intriguing. I like the idea that the world isn't just gender-flipped with the same basic events. That's something that's always sounded off about R63'd stuff, so this is a refreshing change from the usual.
Genderswap AU and Trixie.
Two of my greatest interest...
1.bp.blogspot.com/-luW7Gd6mnW8/T0dryalmENI/AAAAAAAAAzQ/HcmM7JGWuR0/s1600/shut-up-and-take-my-money-gif.gif
Just wanted to pop in and say that I love the title, which rarely happens.
So wait, doesn't Dusk Shine know about the other universe? He's met Twilight and the others, so if Trixie used her title around him, he should be able to connect the dots. Unless this takes place before OaC&A, which would make for some interesting stuff if the mane six does appear
Oh well, I'll be following anyway. It's up to a pretty good start.
Nice story. I'll be following it definitely. I wonder if you're going to be involving the events of Discord (Or Eris? Babel? ) and Queen Chrysalis in here as well.
528424 You assume that it's the same world as OaC&A? It's not like it has the rights alone to use an R63 universe ya know... And, I would like to add, it doesn't have a tag for the mane six. If we see them, they're going to be playing some rather minor roles, it seems.
R63 Dusk Shine paired up with Trixie? TAKE ALL OF MY LIKES!!!
This one has got huge promise, and I'm looking forward to reading more backstory in the future chapters to come!
Also hope to see more sheer manliness, grit, and awesomeness from Prince Solaris!
528446 Well, I just thought since it had the same names and all... yeah, maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions here
528473
The R63 Names are generally accepted by anyone who uses the male versions.
528446
While OaC&A certainly doesn't have the rights to be the only r63 AU, making this story take place in one that has all of the alternate characters with the exact same names they had in OaC&A implies that it is either 1) set in the same universe or 2) this is set in an AU of an AU that just happens to contain all the same characters as the first AU (incidentally, you probably should mention Conner in the synopsis since you're borrowing his characters at the least if not the whole setting).
That aside, I'm looking forward to where this story will go and how, if it is set in the same universe, it meshes with the events of OaC&A. Lots of people have paired Twilight and Trixie, but pairing Trixie and an AU r63'd Twilight? WIN. There were some minor grammar and sentence structure issues in a few places, but nothing too bad, so keep up the good work
.
Ooooh, a R63 verse that isn't just a pure genderswap!
You have my attention.
528566
AFAIK, the genderswapped names were present before the fic. Even still, there's other reasoning behind the decisions for the gender swapping, genuinely looking to not just do a gender swap fic. Comedy writing is not my forte, I'll leave that to Conner (OaC&A) and Kroqgar(Helping Hoof), they both do it pretty well.
I'd answer the questions now but I am in class. I will address certain commentary in here and from my pre-readers in a blog posting later tonight.
528473
It's fine, I understand the concerns. I wasn't looking to 'break new ground' with the fic but amid writing the fic as I said my pre-readers were repeatedly pointing out that I'm apparently trying a couple concepts not really attempted before.
But again, big blog post inbound tonight, will answer as many questions as I can then.
528981
Oh, ok. If the names were part of the fanon before OaC&A then scratch all that. Would have been interesting though as kind of a pseudo spin-off thing. Though Conner does tie up a lot of that since he's already got Trixie making an appearance in the sequel. Oh well, even as a stand alone story this looks very promising. Actually, it's probably better off that way since you won't have to worry about character continuity and all that jazz. Have some more "yay"s
528981 Just disregard my stupidity. I actually had my suspicions that the genderswapped names were more or less free game for everyone, but I guess I'm never completely sure about anything, which is why I brought it up.
Gah, I'm rambling nonsense again
529120
It's cool man, no harm done.
You have no idea how to write trixie! She should be evil and petty, with little to no characterization or likeability!
I'm in.
Shimmering Shield/Shining Armor? I refuse this!
I'd prefer to pun up the names a bit. Twilight Sparkle/Dusk Shine and Shinning Armor/Sparkling Shield. Se what i did here?
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_2.png
Not bad, not bad at all. I am a little confused by the timeline you have given us though.
Just looking at it, my assumption was that your story takes place in the past...just after Dusk (or Twilight) got their cutie mark. And that Trixie had done so well because she had already taken the test once and knew what to look for. (which would make the snobby voice in the back "Presto"--who has yet to learn the lesson of humility our reality and time traveling heroine Trixie has)
But then I realized you were including things that had nothing to do with the past (Luna specifically). Which meant Dusk is going back to school after a few years in Ponyville? And that this school is equivalent to a Doctorate Program and not just the Standard Hogwarts witchcraft every unicorn gets somewhere? And therefore Trixie has gotten orders of magnitude more powerful so she compete with Dusk as equals and upstage all the other unicorns
If so that need to be a little clearer...a minor nitpick I know but it's something that definitely confused me for longer than necessary.
Keep up the good work
Ooh, some more rule 63! Wonderful!
I like where this is going.
I'm surprised Trixie didn't draw a parallel between herself and Starlight, though. Trixie strikes me as a girl that has basically no background to speak of. To be honest, most of her pride is probably well-founded; She's one-hundred percent self-made, because she never had anyone to rely on. She feels that she deserves fame more than anypony else as a result. Why should they be more successful than a pony who has worked as hard as she has?
I mean shit, she traveled to another dimension.
*shrug*
564083
first off, i think your right.
second off, where the fuck did your avitar come from, was it a movie or something?
565309
Last time I saw that picture was on some kind of video made by somebody called 'UberHaxorNova'.
Aaannyywayss, great story!
My only problem is that I have never heard of these names before, and since I tend to skim more than read, I have a hard time telling different ponies apart. Not your fault though.
566286
Starlight Sonata and Tempest Dancer are the genderbent names of some OC's friends of mine have made. These two people are my primary pre-readers and in an attempt to get them more involved, reward them for their help now (and in the past) and because I needed some extra characters. I worked to change up the behaviors they had set for these character, flipped them up a bit and they became characters I felt worked in the story.
The only other name worth noting is Prince Mi'Amour Emporte, who is the genderswapped counterpart to Princess Cadence. Google the word Emporte if you really would like to know what it means, but at the moment I've got no major plans for him... I think.
564083
You make a valid point to which my only response is you'll have to wait for the 'backstory' for Trixie I have planned for chapter 4. Wish I could say more.
... Can't handle OC's...
:(
I liked this story.
Will see where it is going though.
566543
Can't find the meaning of "Emporte".
What does it mean?
T'was good. Looking forward to more, glad to see a good promising story driven fic popping up and continuing a little bit for once.
567087
Sorry, I know some people aren't fans of OC's but I do my best to make sure I'm not putting in any real cliched or awful characters. Starlight and Tempest, however, worked out for me.
As for Emporte, it means to 'fiery/impetuous' to which the latter means 'to do or act on quickly, without thought or care'.
So essentially, Mi'Amour Emporte, when translated and rearranged properly, would mean 'My Fiery Love'. Emporte can basically infuse ponies around him with love and passion. So while he is similar to Cadence with her power over love, instead he can help aid in the 'start' of a relationship or reignite the flames of a fading passion.
567333
Glad to hear you're enjoying it! I will be getting the story moving along (and I feel like I'm really annoying some people for repeating this, don't know why though...) around chapter four and following that, will try my hardest as sprinkling little tidbits of essential story points throughout the rest of the fic.
I know I keep teasing people but I really think everyone's gonna enjoy what I have in store.
567625
Quite clever, not sure I like it more than the the other one though - Tempo or Temporus (synonym to Cadence)
As for the OC's, I can't say anything about it at all. I just hate OC's outright, and people's urge to relate them to with actual characters.
568246 I know this is a really late reply, but those would NOT be good choices of names for R63 Cadence. You forget that Cadence is but a nickname of Cadenza, which has a different meaning. Mi Amore Cadenza means, roughly, that 'I love Resolution'. So yeah. Thanks for the thought, though!
638116
If you talk about it that way, Emporte might fit in "Mi amore", but It makes little sense otherwise.
Hm...I shall track this for further enjoyment later
565309 I always though it was from Good Burger, myself. Looks like Kenan Thompson.
I think Trixie was still quite young and didn't really understand why she was doing what she was doing. Maturing a little more seems to be the subject of a good portion of fanfics. I might not read this one but i find the consept to be quite well done in some of the ones i have read. Its sad to see what they did to some of the other characters that seem to be missunderstood. Still that is the point of view of the community and i wont touch on that very much.
In my opinion Pinkie still had a point with Gildia Grimfeathers. "Maybe if i met another Griphon that wasn't sutch a meanie then maybe i'd give them a better attatude but you mess with my freinds and you mess with me." Not every spieces is bad because of just what one person comes off as.
Adult-blank-flank and relation-with-main-character OC? Aw man, not again.
(Still tracking though.)
711788 You forget said OC has no family, and doesn't REALLY understand the concept of a real family. It's not like they're really related. (I assume you mean Starlight and Trixie.)
527645
Interesting... I didn't notice them at first. Now that you've brought it up, I'd guess you're talking about Rarity needing Elusive to complete her, right?
Maybe the /fic/ theater's riff on it might bring it up, like how they brutally deconstructed My Little Dashie.
I'm afraid you misspelt a command [/i ], meaning a lot of this fic is in italics