Fallout Equestria: Wings from Stable 97

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Comments ( 9 )

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Doomande

Doomande #1 · Aug 23rd, 2012 · · ·

First off all. Welcome to the Fo:E herd. Don´t mind the down votes, there is some haters that gonna hate.

If you need to talk to some others that like Fo:E then head over here https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KaoFWVlFlMjYR2KmTWxwCYnvTZQcjEULO9YHSaqqk9U/edit

Reaper1oo

Reaper1oo #2 · Aug 23rd, 2012 · · ·

Mostly spelling errors that seem to have been from spell-check or something.
The flow is a little jarring at points as well: Sudden time shifts and large-ish history.
Will lose internet when this is posted (Have a program that tells me the strength/power of my internet)

Honey Mead

Honey Mead #3 · Aug 23rd, 2012 · · ·

Your formating is very difficult to read, you should space out your paragraphs.

Each paragraph needs to be a single topic.

Around an hour later I turned in my shotgun notes to Apple Crunch, and walked out of the class room, and into the hallway. The Security classroom was right next to the security HQ and the armory; which was protected by Snow Puff at all during the day, and Snow Ball at night. They were twins, both had a white coat, light blue eyes, and a black mane, the only way to tell them apart was to look at their cutie marks. Snow Puff had had a brown shield surrounded by three smaller brown shields as a cutie mark, and Snow Ball had a riot shield as a cutie mark.

This should be atleast two paragraphs, one talking about the security section of the Stable and one about the twin guards.

Show Don't Tell.

Also, Some of your characters seem to change names.

BaconHazard

BaconHazard #4 · Aug 25th, 2012 · · ·

You know shit's gone wrong when the title is misspelled...

zzzzzzzzz23

zzzzzzzzz23 #5 · Aug 27th, 2012 · · ·

1144591 thanks ill keep that link in mind

1144731 thanks, i have a problem with time movements, and i use spell check, im not the best speller.

1144879 well ill have to go back through my chapter and fix these mistakes, and thanks for telling me about the charter name change. For some odd reason i seem to always do that while writing my stories, always... but ill go back through it and edit it.

1157510 Oh i never noticed that i spelled Equestria wrong, sorry i was typing to fast, and not re-reading what i wrote. i will be sure to fix that.

Reaper1oo

Reaper1oo #6 · Aug 27th, 2012 · · ·

1166301
Not a problem,
the first step to fixing anything is knowing what is wrong...so your about 33% improved already (other 66% is "sweat" or practice)
I like this 'fic regardless and will continue to follow it.

zzzzzzzzz23