• Member Since 6th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen May 19th, 2014

zzzzzzzzz23


im just trying to find a place were people will read my fanfics

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Blue Skull, a male unicorn, find's himself having to leave his only home. His friends took every thing he loved, and cared for. Know he is a ex-raider stranded in the wastes of Equstria. Not knowing how to behave in civilized city's, will he blow his only second chance? Will he go back to being a blood thirsty raider, or will he take advantage of this second chance?

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 13 )

All right, I can defiantly see that youve improved it quite a bit, and in glad to see that some writers actually implement the things I say.

The only errors I could spot from a quick glance, were in the first paragraph. It feels as if some words are missing. Just reread your first paragraph, and add in any punctuation and words that you feel are needed.

I cans defiantly see your improving quite a bit, well done! :scootangel:

Congratz, welcome aboard. :pinkiehappy: Track... ing. :eeyup:

Hmm, where to start.
Well the plot so far is pretty good (never read a Fallout story about a raider before), but there a quite a few grammatical errors. Nothing that makes the story unreadable but they seem fairly obvious to me (Capitalization of character names). Some of the sentences also...sound awkward.
Is English you're first language? Well, I guess it doesn't really matter; maybe you should get a pre-reader or editor to help you a bit with the grammar bits and then this will be a great story.
Maybe you could go to the Fallout Equestria side story blog for help... Well, I don't have the link handy and have to go to class so I'll throw it up later.

Gotta agree with platyraptor here.
Just looking at the beginning, seeing Blue Skull as the first thing on 3 paragraphs in a row...
But I like the story itself so far, keep on going.

175210
I'm his Prereader... Unfortunately, I'm in Japan, so I didn't get much of a chance to point out everything to him. I kinda just gave him an overview of common errors I noticed.

Don't worry, when I return home, I shall edit this fic like there's no tomorrow!

IT SHALL SHINE ALL OVER EQUESTRIA!!!

Ooops. Sorry I didn't get to this. I'll start up prereading again if you want.

175210 thanks, ill inprove as the story gose on. :pinkiehappy:

497054>>497269 no it will be sooner then that. I just was waiting for my pre-editor; but he has been so busy lately, so i went back through. So im thinking less then a month:unsuresweetie:.

Reading the last comment, I think it was wrong. And there are many, many mistakes.:ajbemused:

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