• Member Since 8th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen May 3rd

SparklingVynegar


I'm going to post new stories again, I promise.

Comments ( 14 )

I'd love to see lightning dust and Sunset shimmer tribbing

I'd definitely love to see more along these lines! Changeling wish fulfillment is excellent stuff :D

Damn... To bad Changelings are fiction :pinkiesad2:
Amazing idea. Love the details =3

PRICELESS chapter. Love the fiction in the fan fiction :rainbowlaugh: Magnificent :raritystarry:

Best show evAAA :heart: :pinkiehappy: Ones more fiction is everything and more one can Desire :raritywink: Glorious show :raritystarry: Well done :eeyup:

Awww... Already end :ajsleepy: O well... Maybe a sequel :coolphoto:

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Great and versatile premise. Could do so much more with it, especially given the possibility of audience participation.
-Kind of exposition-heavy in the beginning of the 2nd chapter.
-The audience... / Fucking. / Died. -- okay, I get what you're going for, but this really breaks immersion.
-One row forward in the same balcony, a young, winged crystal guard was giving a very questioning look to his alicorn wife.-- Matrimonial Flashlight outta nowhere? You gotta warn people about this! Flashlight PTSD is a serious condition!
-The figure’s hair didn’t stop at they’re shoulders -- their.
-tried to sooth her -- soothe.
-Sex scenes are a tad short, end a tad abruptly.
-!! -- generally frowned upon, but okay.
-Chapter 4 is where the fic really hits its stride and delivers a fully developed sex scene that's paced just right, which it does fantastically well at that point.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 90/100
Allure: 60/100
Enticement: 94/100
Immersion: 77/100
Prose Quality: 79/100
Total Score: 400/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

You need to cram your stuff into more group folders and get your name out there more. Don't be shy, ram it in dry I always say.

10251051
Hmm, yeah, I guess I never considered that. I'm still fairly new to the idea of trying to get my work out there more. I'll definitely take that advice going forward.

Know that night were you cant sleep and have no idea how to kill some time? This story chapters are perfect to blow some steam off or simply get a trill for in betwern out of it :pinkiehappy:

Damn fine show... But when adding non Changelings osnt it kinda get in the bordel side of things?

Wait, was the guard an established character? and his wife? or were they made up for this?

10363986
Whelp, nothing better than explaining a joke so...

The Guard and his wife are meant to be Flash Sentry and Twilight Sparkle. I worded it like that to sort of give the joke a better land than just shouting "Twilight wants to see her brother have sex with himself."

This (as DLS pointed out in his comment) does come with the unfortunate side effect of having to have Flash Sentry and Twilight married, but I didn't really know who else to set Twi up with that would immediately let the reader know who it was.

Hope that helps! :scootangel:

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