- Member Since 14th Oct, 2019
- offline last seen 10 minutes ago
AndwhatIseeisme
I write stories mainly featuring small horses having sex with one another, and that is probably all you really need to know about me.
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Hello friend,
You're story is interesting indeed, though I would have not known the Gallus and Sandbar are(not were) gay. I do not think there main contributor(meaning Hasbro) would consider them that way, but after all this is all Fan-Fiction. I will never fault you or any other Pony(Human) to write what they want within reason, of course. Though I personally have not had the opportunity to create a sexual encounter, maybe I could get a few pointers from you and maybe some of your writer friends, I would not want to be a burden on you in anyway.
Thank you for reading this and possibly respond back?
Sincerely yours,
A fellow (special)fic reader
10041668
Hi, thanks for commenting. My personal canon, at least when I'm writing clop fics, is that sexual orientation is less of a thing in Equestria than in our world. If you read my other fics, you'll note a theme of ponies and other creatures being much more open with one another, and that sex is more a casual pastime among friends. I don't in any way believe this is a reflection of Hasbro's intentions for the show, honestly I just write the things that I'm most into when I browse other fics.
I started writing because I wanted to contribute in some way to the fandom of this show once it ended. MLP was a great show while it ran, and I would hate to see the MLP fandom fading away and dying in it's absence. Everyone on this site and other areas of the pony fandom where content is produced, whether creating their own content or simply enjoying the works of others, is one more person fighting the collapse of our fandom. Me writing porn about small pastel horses screwing each other silly is just my personal contribution to that fight.
As far as writing a sexual encounter yourself, I'll admit I'm hardly an expert. I only have a few stories written and am fairly new to this whole thing. The only advice I can really give is what has been working for me, and that is to write what interests you. If you get bored or grossed out with what your writing, you're not going to enjoy it. Have fun writing, and don't stress about not getting things done quick enough. And lastly, the most important piece of advice I've ever heard about writing, coming from Stephen King, is that the key is to just get something down. Start typing, it doesn't even matter what you're writing, just get something down on paper and keep going from there. often the hardest part of writing is getting started, once you get going just let your imagination take you and lose yourself in the story.
Hope that helped. Once again, thanks for reading and commenting. Sorry this was so long, I'm in the middle of writing another chapter for one of my other stories and it's hard to shut off that writing mode sometimes.
Understood, though I have actually never written anything in that genre, but I have written a bit, but I do not know if it will be viewed.
I would've just call her Silvia
Think of anatomy as a machine that runs the whole body and the shard crystal around your neck is like the Transformers core that rearranges your inner workings into an alternative machine
You sure you're just studying anatomy with Yona and not also playing doctor with her too? (Nudge nudge wink wink)
You DID played doctor with Yona, did you??!!
I thought hippogriffs have talons, not hands
Don't you mean her lower beak??
Don't you mean beakjob?
And third, I saw you glancing your eyes at that bogey every time she flew by you through the hallway outside class hours! Don't pretend you're not interested in her!
Just try not to accidentally pierce her vagina with your beak, gruffiin
This will end in incest (but hopefully not)
...over the intercom while fooling around with Spike by accident.
Little did she know that the anatomy test was going to focus more on the respiratory, digestive and skeletal system!
Two is not an accurate example size. She needs a much larger sample size to get an accurate representation :P
A suggestion, because this story is quite good, but it could be even better. You did a great job building up to the three friends getting it on together, even as grossly casual as their situation was (
), and with their interactions as they get more into things, but the climax itself - the payoff - was rather bare bones. It was essentially, "he came, which made her cum, and a little later the last came." The climax is the moment - your moment! - to really hammer home the eroticism you were going for. Give it to us hard; play up all the juicy details of exactly how they're feeling and what they're feeling. Don't be afraid to draw out your writing a little bit so we, the readers, can really live the climax... (More detail!)
10041668
Go look up how the ancient Greeks and Romans thought of this sort of thing; it's a relevant comparison given how much else is borrowed from that culture. (Seriously, they used the Ophiotaurus. That one's crazy obscure because of the paradox involving it and Nike/Victoria)
10041668
they're bi, dumbass
10044799
I sure hope she doesn't have a beak there.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Great job of making it feel casual and normal. The bisexual elements really help enhance that. Though in a world with this much casual sex, I'm really surprised Silverstream is still a virgin.
-
"Pfft, that was an easy one. She only really covered the basics in the first four volumes of "The Equestrian Plumber's Guide to Indoor Plumbing". That series doesn't even start to get really good until volume 12!"-- use single quotes for nested quotes. (And really, the title of a book should be italicized, not in quotations. The rule for that is: if a work is published on its own as a stand-alone piece, it gets italicized, and if the work is published as a smaller part of a larger collection of some kind, it gets put in quotes.)-
at his friends enthusiasm.-- missing apostrophe.-
"I don't know Gallus,"-- sad that Sandbar still doesn't know who Gallus is. (Missing comma.)-
What a surprise," Gallus rolled his eyes-- improper dialog tag.-
so we can get to sleep." He said-- incorrect dialog punctuation.-Generally quite poor grammar when it comes to dialog punctuation.
-I have a hard time imagining that kisses and blowjobs with beaks are any good.
-Pretty good job with smooth pacing and smooth wording, keeping it all flowing nicely.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 92/100
Allure: 85/100
Enticement: 80/100
Immersion: 87/100
Prose Quality: 80/100
Total Score: 424/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
10254200
Yeah, the idea was that hippogryphs maybe aren't as open about that sort of thing as ponies are, but I don't know how well that comes through. I just think Silverstream is at her cutest when she's learning about new things, so why not have her learning about sex?
I mean, in all fairness I'm not sure a pony would be particularly good at sucking a dick either. But down that route lies madness, and I choose not to entertain such blasphemies.
10254316
she is also technically a princess, since her aunt is Queen Novo...plus, her culture was in hiding for so many years...
well...
I liked this one, but something felt off about it that I haven't seen in your other stories. It almost feels like the characters have read the script, if that makes sense. They almost treat things too casually. Silverstream is established as not having done any of this before, but doesn't have the sense of exploration I am expecting based on that. Especially when the point is to learn.
That said, the part with Gallus complaining about the load he had been working for being stolen is one of the hottest things I have read in a while.