I'm going to post new stories again, I promise.
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You work as a pianist in the Bridleway Orchestra. While on the job, you notice a very beautiful costume designer. But, you're too shy to say anything to her. How will she respond when she learns of your crush for her?
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[2nd-Person POV] Reader x Coco Pommel. Rated Teen for mild language.
This is my first attempt at a Second-Person fic so please comment and tell me how it goes. Thanks!
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Is the you human or pony?
3996212
Based on the descriptions, I'd say a pony - pegasus to be precise.
I look forward to this with great anticipation.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
4080501
OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!!!!!
My favorite writer EVER has Favorited my story!
I-I-I....
AHHHH! MY GOD THIS IS SO AMAZING!!!!
Fun fact, now there IS a Coco tag. Whoop Whoop!
4091546 bout fuckin time!
Not bad for your first 2nd POV fanfic. It is quite good. So far grammar is good, the story is interesting and pacing is good enough. Plus it's a Coco fanfic which is still quite a rare occasion even though she had a high popularity back then. About that pre-reader position I don't know if I am qualified for it even though I have quite read a lot of fanfics and have an eye for grammar, I still think you should consult this group if you want to find a good pre-reader. Still, I am looking forward for the next chapter and wish you the best.
Cellist
grey
I'm not sure if you did it purposely or you misspell 'Sunday'.
unicorn
That's needs to be a question mark for the last sentence.
That's all for the grammar, as for the story, it is excellent! The chapter is so far still enjoyable although a few mistakes as I listed but still good enough. Good work!
p.s. Thanks for the pre-reader position! Now you have to bear with me pointing out all of your grammatical mistakes.
4136804 "Lunday" is actually supposed to be a ponified version of "Monday" the "mon-" is short for moon, therefor Luna is given her very own day of the week. Cellday is Sunday.
Also...I'm American, so grey is spelled gray. If it bothers you that much I can change it.
4139189 That's OK. I forgot that most fanfics here are written in American English and I'm more used to British English because of where I live. Also, that is really nice idea of ponifying the days. I didn't realized that Lunday was suppose to be Monday and the meaning behind it. (Moonday, hah I can imagine the community to start using this term more often) Good job on that.
WOO, GO, MARCHING BAND WOO WOOOOOOOO
4152428 I hate to say it, but I don't agree with your enthusiasm. Marching Band was a horrible experience for me.
4161495 Aww, that sucks, man. Marching band was probably my favorite part about high school. Band director was awesome, practices were fun, if extremely sweaty, and we won a crap ton of stuff. It's one of the main reasons I'm going into music education XD. I suppose the experience is different at every high school, though.
This is real good, Gears pointed me to this fic I was skeptical at first but now that I'm reading it i think its real good i don't get to read many good 2nd person fics very often keep up the good work i will be watching with great interest.
.
More please!
4200806 Don't fret my little pony, more story will come very soon.
4202244 I'll be waiting for it. I like what you've done so far.
Oh no, sick Coco!
And the run-around with Vinyl, Octavia, and their feelings is funny. Hope to see more soon!
I likte the story so far and i give it a favourite. Coco is probably one of my Top 3 Ponys. Somehow i want her to confess her love to him first. I think it would be cute if she stutter a bit. Coco and Fluttershy are probably that Cute because they are so shy. Well Coco get bullied in the show so i think that make me sympathize with her.
I think you done well in this Chapter
4337702 Danke! Es ist gut zu wissen, dass Deutsch Bronies shätzen meine Arbeit auch. (Und, ja. Ich kann spreche Deutsch. Kein Übersetzer braucht.)
Fine no need to shout.
It feels like the story is coming to a close. Unless you intend to follow the relationship betweeen the protaginst and Coco Pommel in this story, I dont think it would be wise to try and lengthen the story beyond two or three mor chapters if you did it would seem forced.
and thats my two cence happy now.
4420956 Very.
and don't worry, I have the last few chapters all figured out already. This story will end, eventually, but not for about three or four more chapters.
Well as much as i want this to continue i think all good things have an end somewhen.
Thx Coco is really adorable that way
I would prefer to see at least a few dates between them, maybe like Valen Machina too.
Or maybe you could make a sequel, i just want to mention that i would look after it if you happen to make such a sequel
I suppose I should leave a comment here, it's been a while since I left a comment on this story.
First, I want to say that Ed has done a good job on this story. The story is maybe on par with the other good 2nd POV fics that I have seen. What I have to say is keep up the good job and hope that you continue to write more fantastic stories.
Und damit, Viel Erfolg! Tschüss!
(I'm studying German by the way, what do you think of my grasp of the language?)
4423540 Well I can read it, so that's a plus, but I think "Glück" would be more appropriate than "Erfolg", but I could be wrong.
Oh, really?
I love this story. I can't wait to see how it ends.
4488688 Why, thank you!
I am currently working on how to wrap this little story up nicely. That doesn't mean it's anywhere near finished, I just like to have a few chapters planned in advance.
Have yet to see a story with Octavia that doesn't have Vinyl in it. I will keep searching.
Also nice story.
4568451 Room 213. No Vinyl in sight. And thank you for your compliment
, it's the little things like that that keep me motivated to keep writing.
I think there a part missing here
Isn't the instrument her roommate used a Banjo, I used to play one and I love the music it makes.
I love this story. The pacing and progression of the relationships feels natural. Keep up the great work! I look forward to seeing how this story turn out in the end.
4628094
Whao, how did that get past me?
Yeah, that's fixed now.
And sorry, but no it isn't a banjo, but it isn't uncommon for this instrument to be accompanied by a banjo. When I say played in the players lap, I ment played "strings-up". Keep guessing.
4629019 I actually know what your talking about if it's not a banjo,(I can picture what it looks like in my mind) but I can't seem to recall the name of. I'm sure it'll come to me, probably when I don't need to know the name of it anymore like everything else I forget.
I'm apparently no longer allowed to read this story without updating first my Java (Which I already tried and all it did was fuck up my computer for awhile which is even worse for me since technology hates me, meaning it took 3 times as long as it should have to figure out how to fix it, which is why I like nature alot more), but on the bright side I can read every single other story with no problems at all... does this make any sense to you because it doesn't make sense to me.
4629314 well, yes and no. No, I have no Idea why the stupid Java thing is interrupting you, and if It's only my story, then that makes me worry just slightly. I can tell you that it is not just you though, my computer was doing the exact same thing to me.
If anypony knows wht the hell's going on, some advice would be appreciated.
The instrument sounds like the mountain dulcimer to me four strings and mountain instrument fit the description.
I love this story so thank you for writing it.
4632041
Ding-Ding-Ding-Ding-Ding!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fillies and gentlecolts we have WINNER!!!!! Congratumalations sir! For being able to name the random obscure instrument, you win a lead role in the soon-to-come musical: ANTHROPOLOGY!!!!!
If you wish to claim your prize, all you have to do is PM me a brief description of your OC (physical appearance (unless of course that's your Avatar), basic character traits, maybe a little backstory (though nothing too Canon-obliterating, if you please), and whatever else you feel necessary).
And, one last time:
s.mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-1903594-2-thumb.jpeg
Finaly! A pony-fied name for Cincinnati!
You don't know how long I've been looking for this.
5236258 Oh? You live in the Queen City too?
Kinda, just west of Price Hill, but close enough to hear fireworks frome the Reds stadium when they're doing good.
Wow, I was just reading the last chapter and noticed how much my freakin' verb-tense fluctuates. Tomorrow is a good day for an edit spree.
Ah this was a very enjoyable story. Sad to see it end. You have quite the writing talent. Keep up the great work.
Hey, what's a shoemaker's favorite dessert?
(puts on sunglasses)
..."Cobbler".
Seriously though, enjoying it so far.
Not bad at all. I rather enjoyed it!
I know that you're not active anymore, but on the off-chance that you ever check in, this was a great story, and I'm glad to have read it.
You're a great writer, hope you're able to find and do something that brings joy to your life.
This was a great story, but could I use the idea of the Alicorns being religions in one of my Fanfics?
7505059 That's awful kind of you. Thank you very much. It's nice comments like this that make me want to go back and start writing someday.