Trixie Presents the Apple BSTector 6000!
“Please take a seat.”
Flurry Heart quickly complied with Trixie’s command. The alicorn’s eager eyes were darting from left to right, scanning the small room. With a few dozen teacups on the left, magical props on the right, and some kites hanging from a ceiling, Trixie’s workplace looked more like a circus than the counselor’s office. The silly appearance was probably one of the reasons why it worked so well.
“Princess Flurry Heart,” Trixie began, taking some notes as she spoke. “We understand, you’re here to apply for the position of students vice-counselor, is that right?”
“Yes! To help my subjects, I want to get some experience first.”
“And you do realize that, princess or not, we still have to put you through the standard recruitment process?”
“Yes! I specifically asked my mother and my aunt not to interfere. I want to be treated as a normal pony.”
“All right, let’s see…” Trixie glanced at the document in front of her, and after a short pause, nodded. “Your resume is in order, and frankly, having a princess to help would be a great relief for us. But, before we proceed, you must take the lie detector test.”
Trixie motioned at the small, inconspicuous black box on the left side of her desk. The speaker-shaped contraption got Flurry Heart’s attention.
“That’s a lie detector? Doesn’t look like it…”
“Ah, but it is! If you don’t mind, we will begin with a couple of control questions.”
“But shouldn’t I be hooked up with some wires and… stuff?”
Trixie shook her head. “With the old system, yes, but with Apple BSTector 6000, it’s no longer necessary. Go ahead, test it, tell an obvious lie.”
Flurry cocked her head, eyeing the machine for a moment, then shrugged, and fired away. “Snow is... red.”
*BEEP!*
The buzzer filled alicorn’s face with a smile of excitement.
“I’m a short, earth pony!”
*BEEP!*
“I’m a virgin!”
*BEEP!*
Flurry’s face brightened up. “Wow, it can tell that I’m not a virgin since last month? This machine is so cool!”
“We… really didn’t need to hear that.”
“S-sorry...”
Trixie answered with an unimpressed empty stare, and a long calming exhale. “Now say something that is true, to calibrate the machine.”
Flurry paused for a moment, thinking. Then said the first thing on her mind, grinning proudly. “I can transform my horn into a thirty-centimeter-long vibrating dildo.”
Cadance had warned Trixie that just like any teen, her adolescent daughter thinks with her nethers instead of her head, so the lewd answer wasn’t really a surprise. But the lack of buzzer sound, was. Trixie glanced at the lie detector, expecting the familiar beep, but even after a while of waiting, the machine was silent as a tomb.
“Hmm, odd, it should have gone off.”
“… why?”
Trixie let out a chuckle. “Because there is no way you—”
“Hey, I’m the daughter of Princess of Love! I can really transform my horn into a thirty-centimeter-long vibrating dildo,” Flurry protested, with a serious expression. “Maybe even forty-centimeter-long!”
*BEEP!*
“OK, maybe not forty, but thirty? No problem at all.”
With her lips curled and jaw hanging low, Trixie blinked, gaping at the Princess like a statue, as the lewd images filled her mind. And she would probably remain lost in fantasy for a while longer if it weren’t for the knock on the door.
“Trixie, have you... Oh, hi, Flurry!” Sunburst said with a smile. “What are you doing here?”
“Job interview.”
“Oh, sorry to interrupt then, but... Trixie, did you have a chance to fill out those budget forms?”
“Um… Y-yes! We put them on your desk last night.”
*BEEP!*
“We mean… We did it this morning!”
*BEEP!*
Trixie glanced at the machine and let out an annoyed growl. “All right! I… haven’t even started yet.”
Sunburst nodded, not really surprised. His smile turned as artificial as the potted plant on Trixie’s desk. “Well, I’m glad you’re finally getting some help. You’re such a… hard worker.”
*BEEP!*
“I meant, you suck!” Sunburst frowned angrily. “Fill the forms as soon as you’re done here. I’m gonna be in my office preparing the curriculum!”
*BEEP!*
This time the buzzer put a grin on Trixie’s face and forced embarrassing flinch on Sunburst’s. “I mean… I’m gonna be reading the new Daring Do book.”
Without another word, Sunburst quickly left the room, closing the door behind him. The situation made Flurry chuckle, but the cold gaze from Trixie promptly put an end to that.
“Maybe we should try with the basics first,” Trixie said, turning to her papers. “Please state your full name.”
“Princess Flurry Heart.”
“Is it true that you reside in the Castle of Friendship, Ponyville?”
“Yes. In auntie Twilight’s old bedroom, actually.”
Trixie noted the address and tried to read the next point from the list, but with Sunburst out of the room, her mind refocused on another matter. The question was drilling her skull, slowly driving her insane. She needed to know.
“How... How do you do it?”
“Um, the room? I had to ask aunt for permission of course, and—”
“No. We mean the other thing. How can you transform your horn into a… coochy plunger?”
The view of the unhealthy grin of excitement on Trixie’s face forced Flurry’s to wince. “I don’t see how does that has anything to do with my job application?”
“Um, of course, of course! You’re right, Trixie is sorry,” Trixie glanced back at her papers, but the naughty thoughts would not go away. “It’s just... Such a spell brings in so many possibilities for your horn... If you know what we mean.”
Seeing the sly grin back on Trixie’s face, this time, along with bedroom eyes, Flurry cocked her head. “Why are you so interested, anyway? You’re… lesbian or something?”
“WHAT?! NO!”
*BEEP!*
“Shut up, stupid box! I’m not!”
*BEEP!*
“Hey! No one loves a great juicy dick more than the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
*BEEP!*
Trixie opened her huffing mouth again, but this time closed it up as quickly. She didn’t want to hear another mocking cackle from the cursed contraption. With her eyes shut and jaw clenched, she let out a loud exhale of defeat.
“All right, the Great and Powerful Trixie is a flaming dyke. But do us a favor? Don’t tell anypony, because nopony knows.”
*BEEP!*
“... everypony knows.”
“Um, so I should go and tell ponies?”
“NO!” Trixie hissed, and once again, her eyes went towards the questionnaire. “Let’s get this over with… Have you ever been fired from a job before?”
“Um... no.”
*BEEP!*
“Three times.”
Trixie nodded and took note. “Have you ever stolen from an employer or the royal treasury before?”
“No.”
*BEEP!*
“OK, fine! Darn lie detector...”
Again, Trixie noted something. “How much would you say have you stolen?”
“Hundred bits.”
*BEEP!*
“Five hundred.”
*BEEP!*
“So much that I’ve lost count?”
*BEEP!*
Seeing Trixie’s arched eyebrow, Flurry sighed in defeat. “Eleven thousand, six hundred, and sixty-six bits.”
“That’s a lot of bits, Princess.”
“Well... I had cancer!”
*BEEP!*
“I bought a chariot… And named it Cancer,” Trixie nodded with a sly grin. “I’m screwed, right?”
Trixie switched off the device for a moment. “Au contraire! This interview is going very well!”
“... really?”
But then, Trixie’s smile evaporated, leaving behind an angry glare. “No! This is the worst interview I’ve ever been a part of!”
With her cheeks burning, Flurry bit on her lip, shrinking in her seat. “Another interview, another screw-up… Mom’s gonna be pissed.” She waited for an ax, but instead, notice a sparkling look radiating from Trixie’s face.
“I see… Well, normally you’d be out the door. However, since you’re a princess, the policy dictates we ask you one final question,” Trixie cleared her throat and switched the lie detector back on. “Would you ever have sex with a mare twice your age in order to get a job?”
Flurry flinched. “Um… no!”
*BEEP!*
Hearing the familiar buzzer, Trixie smiled, and with a wily grin on her face, extended her hoof. “Welcome to the School of Friendship, you’re hired.”
Not gonna lie, it's a shameless rip-off of an old , awesome, YT short:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjVVNuraly8
If you haven't seen it yet, click! You won't regret it 
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Okay, I'm just gonna go bang my head against the wall for a while.
Imma be real honest with you chief. I have no fucking clue what I just read. But I like it? It's funny, in a crass and kinda nasty way, but it got a few chuckles out of me.
I’m reminded of the time Moe was hooked up to one in the Simpsons.
10207982
Don't do that! Think of the poor wall!
Jokes aside, trust me, other ideas I had for Flurry's 'special abilities' were even... nastier
10208002
I advise you to go watch the short video that I linked in the author's notes. It was the inspiration for the story, and it's 1000 times funnier
10208373
... I'm afraid I don't get the reference
?
10208495
In the “Who shot Mr. Burns?” two parter they had a scene where Moe was hooked up to a polygraph machine. It was one of the funnier scenes as after Moe is cleared for not shooting him it keeps calling him out for around 20 seconds.
“I have a hot date tonight”
ERRRR
“A date”
ERRRR
“Dinner with a friend”
ERRRR
“Dinner alone”
ERRRR
“I’m going to watch TV”
ERRRR
“Alright! I’m going to ogle the girls in a Victoria’s Secret catalog”
ERRRR
“....Sears catalog”
DING
“Now can you unhook me? I don’t deserve this kind of treatment!”
ERRRR
Why didn't it buzz when Trixie said the interview was going well?
This made my morning.
10208720
Just looked it up, and now I know what you meant! That scene was golden
(I wouldn't be surprised if it were the inspiration for that YT lie detector movie).
Thanks for the reference
10208739
She switched it off for a moment, just to make that statement:
10208777
I'm glad to hear it, we need more comedy (even low-brow comedy
) during these depressing times 
Who took Flurry's cherry?
10209663
Unknown. But she's around 18 so... My suspicion would be on someone close her age, who rhymes with 'pike'
10213035
Spike?
This fanfic story I've have to hear!
10217303
Oh, that's nothing! If you would know what Cadance can do with her magic... But some things are better left untold
You know, I still haven't found a story on this site about horn sex. I imagine that's something Trixie and Starlight would enjoy very much.
*Reads story. Stares at the wall really hard for about ten seconds and then shakes his head*
Nope, can't unsee it.
I was put in mind of this sketch.
10208720
Or you can just watch the sketch ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQGwrK_yDEg
10434882
I don’t like linking copyrighted material because at some point it is most likely going to be taken down by one bot or another.
I got some good chuckles out of this. Good work!
and then cadence walks in a few weeks later and goes flurry did you sleep with your boss for the job
nope
BEEP
your grounded
10434902
I edited to just have the link ... if that's not good enough, I'll just delete the post.
10436673
Actually I meant I tend to assume that YouTube videos with copyright material are likely to be taken down at some point. It’s not a criticism of people who do it, I just don’t want to have to worry about a post I put up having a dead link.
Oh Flurry. Your mother would be so proudissapointed in you.
Your aunt would be plain disappointed.
10437346
I think you mean disapprouded. And I concur.
Whoa, what the heck? I see one story pushed the other almost to the feature box
That never happened before - interesting...
10433780
Forever tainted by the visions, huh? Good
10434676
That was golden! Thank you, I've never seen it before
10434882
Yeah, that one is great too
.
10434942
Glad you enjoyed it
10436021
Ah, another tainted mind, I presume
10436048
10437346
Unless it's Flurry from Wuten's universe:
In her case, that would be pretty normal
10437753
see that would be hilarious)
Wait mom how did you know to ask that question did trixie tell you
no
beep
did she try to seduce you and dad and say it
no
beep
10437678
*takes notes*
This is the funniest I have read in a long time. Well done
Not bad.
Ver horny tho.
10438378
Glad to hear it
10439968
... I see what you did there
This story was awful. I don’t want you to write ever again!
*BEEP!*
This is a work of art
10528054
We definitely weren't thinking of Flurry Heart's Vibrator Spell throughout most of this story.
*Beep*
Experience is Experience even if it’s lewd
God I hate this.
*BEEP*
FUCK OFF!