I'll track, but you might want to improve the layout, as it is, it appears to be a on solid piece of text.

The premise sounds good, I'll have to check back on it later.

How do I know that I can trust you not to Mary Sue?

More please :)

>>11532131153213

Thank you for the suggestion, I believe I'll act on it.  Format has never been one of my strong points, unfortunately.

>>11623581162358

Try this whenever someone speaks

Instead of having it scrunched like this,

“No, Princess.  Just a drone.”

“A...drone?”  Behind her, Shining Armor was stirring, his horn igniting and casting blue light throughout

Try this

“No, Princess.  Just a drone.”

“A...drone?”  Behind her, Shining Armor was stirring, his horn igniting and casting blue light throughout

>>11643161164316

Thank you for your help.

>>11654991165499

No problem, hope to see more in the future :P

I'm really digging it so far. I'd like to see more.

Oh snap. Well you've done it again; you wrote a very good chapter. I can't wait for the next one.

>>11686851168685

Your comments fill me with joy.

I'm glad you like my story!

>>11687051168705

I'm glad I can make you happy.

Cadence-kill it with fire!

poor changeling..

what's this?

a sympathetic changeling fic in which the characters actually act believable?

bless you, sir! you've done us all a great service!

no, seriously. I love the changelings, and I can't get enough of these kind of fics. I like seeing all the different ideas authors have about their culture and thought process and whatnot.

But the one thing that always bugs me is how blindly accepting the ponies in such stories tend to be.

I mean, I can sympathise with the changelings as a reader, since I know they're just creatures trying to survive. But ponies are their prey. I imagine it'd be a lot harder for a prey animal to sympathise with its predator.

It'd be especially hard for Cadance and Shining, since they were the most thoroughly traumatized by the whole incident. They couldn't just shrug off weeks (months?) of deception and mental and emotional torture just because they got a happy ending. As you've shown, they'd sooner want to kill a stray changeling than listen to its sob story.

So, props on giving such thorough thought to the characters' actions and mental states. Out of all the "a single changeling ends up stranded in the middle of ponyland" fics out there, this one is by far the most well-done and believable.

Moar please!

>>11691311169131

Such kind words!  Thank you so much.

I completely understand.  After what Chrysalis and the other Changelings put Cadence through, it was my assumption that she'd have to have some kind of phobia.  There is no way any pony character in the entire MLP:FiM universe would welcome a non-Mary-Sue Changeling with open arms.

I'm happy for two uploads in one day :D I'm really loving this story. Excellent work!

>>11700401170040

Thank you so much!  Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to upload anything for a couple of days.  My father recently learned that it's possible to watch television on YouTube, and I expect him to foreclose on my laptop any day now.

>>11706111170611

oh wow. do you not have a family computer that he can use for such shenanigans?

>>11742871174287

Well, we did, but it failed catastrophically about a week ago, making mine the only computer in the house.

>>11748481174848

ah sadness. I feel you though; I have to rely on library computers to get online

I felt the first chapter was a bit overdone (you tried too hard), and I almost quit.

Chapter two was a bit better.

Chapter three, though, was at a comfortable readability level.

I'll favor this and see how it turns out.

This is awesome. Please continue.

>>11748661174866

That's much worse than my situation.  I'm so sorry.

>>11790621179062

First of all: thank you so much for the honest feedback.  Flowery, awkward prose is one of the many things that I'm trying to fix in my writing, and knowing that the readers notice it helps immensely.

Second of all: from now on, I'll try to make sure that future chapters continue in the pattern that you pointed out.

>>11840401184040

Glad I could be of some help.

>>11803411180341

Thank you, and that is the plan.

I see no difference in the quality of this chapter, in regards to the quality of the other chapters. Long story short: woohoo, you rock

>>11889941188994

I hope you know how happy your comments make me.

>>11890631189063

like I was telling someone else, I just call it how I see it

> "Of course, I'd probably find it easier to fell sorry for it if it weren't so bucking ugly."

I'm sorry, but when I read that line, all I could think was "I guess turning into your wife wouldn't do it much good, then."

in all seriousness though, this chapter was every bit as good as the previous ones. the different pronouns didn't confuse me at all; I'd probably do the same thing if I were to write a changeling fic, since I assume most of them are genderless by default.

this was an interesting chapter, since shows just how different the thought processes are of ponies and changelings. the ponies all seem to regard changelings as wild animals: semi-intelligent curiosities at best, and vicious monsters at worst.

whereas changelings just see ponies as a food source, or a potential means to an end.

both groups consider themselves in some way 'superior', so even potentially civil gestures toward each other end up lost in translation:

A little kid tries to 'make friends', and Carapace takes it as an insult.

Another pony shows sympathy, and Carapace just sees it as something useful to exploit.

I have a feeling such misunderstandings will only get worse from here...

This is great keep up the awesome work :D

Aww, you couldn't have changed it to Doritos?

>>11998941199894

Now, that would just be silly.

I have no idea what's going on anymore. But one day I'll get back.

Yes . . . one day.

ahhhh

sea pony in the "topaz" fountain

i see what you did there

i think

...if you even did any thing there

... maybe im over thinking things again

The only thing I would worry about would be how much "power" you give Twilight. Sure she's the element of magic, defeater of Discord, Nightmare Moon, sister in law to a princess...but shes still twilight! Our little adorkable insecure filly who only recently got a social life.

Besides Twilight, I'm really liking  how you portrayed the city! I wouldnt mind a full slice of life fic, just on this city!

hahaha what

Buildings that became steadily more opaque the further one went into them, something that looked like a Diamond Dog chatting comfortably with a unicorn, and--off in the distance, a dragon perched on top of an elegant emerald building.  Drinking tea.

I'm now convinced that Cadance is actually the illegitimate child of Discord and Celestia.

also, this whole chapter made me picture Shining Armor saying defensively: "I'm not racist-- some of my best friends are monsters!"

lol, I don't even know what's going on anymore, but I love it. your headcanons are awesome.

Make her a Mexican pony, and call her Frito.

But in all seriousness, I loved this chapter too. Well done again.

This chapter was not boring. In fact it was rather awesome. I liked the Twilight and Shining Armor interactions, especially.

>>12223301222330

everything about this, is how I feel. so I'm going to be lazy and say "what they said."

>>12214051221405

If I did anything there, it was unintentional.  XD  What was it that you thought I did?

>>12221721222172

Twilight's difficult.  I've never actually written her before, which is odd, seeing as she's probably my favorite character from the show.  Hopefully, I'll be able to capture the more humble aspect of her personality in the next chapter I write through her perspective.

And thank you so, so much for your input on the city.  One of my favorite aspects of writing is worldbuilding.  Hence the fact that I'm almost positive I spent more time and energy designing the Crystal City and its culture than I did mapping out the storyline.

As for a fic that focuses on the city itself, you can be almost certain that it's in the cards.

>>12223301222330

Curse you!  You've revealed the big chapter eighteen plot twist!

I kid, I kid, but reading your comment made me laugh because it fits so well.  I never even considered Discord when designing Cadence's city, working more off the fact that her powers have to do with tolerance, but thinking about it, it does have his touch, doesn't it? XD

>>12270191227019 topaz = light green

green sea pony

magical mishap that made a seapony versionof lyra

agian it was just me over thinking things

>>12270331227033

My god.

Of course.

Congratulations, you just influenced a future chapter and you shall be credited with it.

Unconscious though it may have been, I 'did something there'!

Or more accurately, you did something there.  Thank you.

>>12270621227062 ...yay now i feel kinda smart...

thank you for your praise

>>12270191227019

Really? Hmm... Would you be interested on helping world build a few fics I've been trying to hammer out? Theres a changling society one and a future fiiic!  

After re-reading it, I think I nailed it withTwlight!

Shes a jerk!

Reallly she is!  She Idolizes Celestia, so she must always be nervous when Celestia calls on her. She only spent a few hours with Cadence at the wedding, so she should be overjoyed to be invited to the Crystal Kingdom! Not slightly annoyed because of Cadences fear of changlings. (unless this is a five years in the future fic where Cadence had to go through years of tharapy. Which it dosent seem likley if the kingdom is'nt use to Shining Armor as a Prince) finally, Twilight just seemed kinda full of herself when she was about to attack the Manticore, but because of how many ways she can be portrayed, it can still kinda be in character.... It just bugs me! Otherwise.... Update nooooooowwww!!!!

>>12277401227740

I would be delighted to help.

As for Twilight, thanks so much for the input.  I'll definitely be sure to address those problems in the next chapter that I write through her perspective--as I mentioned before, Twilight is hard. :/  In fact, all of the Mane Six are.  Because they get the most screen time in the show, they have the most complex personalities, and therefore are  the hardest to write.  But most of it's my fault.  I didn't spend as much time as I should have on Twilight's chapter--I didn't research the character, and I didn't write pages of randomness to get a feel for her voice like I did when I wrote Cadence and Shining Armor's first chapters.  I was in a hurry, I'll admit it.  But I'll take my time in the future.

In short, thanks for the comment, and I plan on updating tonight!

Cliffhangers! My greatest enemy!

Image: https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQDkaoo0eyNet-8HT71DYRas7qOtVxADY31FhJkyKeSCQSbG8GX5Q

>>12319611231961

Exspect a PM in the future... For tomarrow... We world build!

Also cool chapter and creepy gaurd.

>>12341951234195

And I await your PM with bated breath.

And thank you.

Hmm..  I smell possible Changeling mass self awareness and rebellion.

I must say this got me intrigued. A very good idea that needs MOAR chapters :).