One of the many reasons the Cutie Mark Crusaders have their reputation is the group's tendency to ignore whatever the adults are saying -- or worse, to hear just enough to get them in trouble. So when Cheerilee finally covers pony sexuality on a warm, lazy, sleepy day, the trio come away with exactly enough notes to collectively believe the following:
Ponies going into heat is real.
They'll never be interested in sex at any other time.
They're going into heat once, for an hour and a half, and it's going to happen tomorrow.
This can only end well.
Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.
(Rated C for Crackfic.)
Chapters (1)
Oh no.
I knew there was a photo of them doing those faces somewhere.
(That chapter title
)
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OH YES
Story title suggested during a blog contest by Tipper: chapter title from Snaproll.
It's like, I know there's a train crash, but will it roll a few times first? Will it go off the cliff? Will it catch fire...
Well.
That happened.
I suppose it's not the worst way a school ever acquired additional funding, and I've certainly seen relationships start from worse/stranger places. Horrific ripping humiliation aside I'm curious to see where that goes. For certain, she'll never again have to worry about being embarrassed, that's been more than taken care of.
And drawing in parental complaints from as far away as the Crystal Empire
That chapter title!
Welcome to Hell AKA "marriage"
I get the feeling that the chapter title is the closest this story will come to anything resembling logic.
Hmm. Well, that's curious. Especially with the ambiguous seating arrangements.
Well now...
I'm sure the contents and details of Apple Bloom's daydream will be irrelevant to the remainder of the story.
Aaaand she jinxed it.
Clearly, these three have never talked to the cinema's projectionist.
Well. That's unexpectedly ominous.
Lovely touch. If there's one thing Scootaloo actually does know, it's the importance of fiscal responsibility.
Given the available cultural beliefs about the afterlife, "Seven Minutes in the Shadowlands" doesn't exactly have the right connotation.
Every time! Every time the adverbs that shouldn't be show up, I cringe.
Good for her. That kind of emotional maturity can be hard to come by in people twice her age.
... and in her own age cohort, presented with a filly whose sister practically pioneered the wet look depending on how you look at it... Oh dear.
Tumbleweeds raced east from Appleoosa, knowing they'd be too late.
A strange and fascinating blend of anxiety and ignorance with dashes of naivety and despair. And a lot of ice cream. Thank you for a most enjoyable read. This definitely worked better with the Crusaders than with Twilight. And here's hoping Apple Bloom works through her embarrassment sooner rather than later. Or Silver could take the initiative. Yeesh, I can only wonder what Diamond Tiara thinks of all of this...
Oh god!
I'm glad I stopped for a bit else I wouldn't be able to breathe from laughing!
Reading the blog posts really helped fuel speculation and as the questions of "How did this happen?" get answered... So good!
Well, Apple Bloom is the most connected to her family, so her worries make sense.
At least she has a solution now.
"ly"...
... I'm so sad about the ice cream! But woo! Friendship!
Great title for story and chapter, and also final paragraph!
Also nice blurry descriptions of everypony in the penultimate scene!
Was not disappointed. Loved the chapter title, it was oddly appropriate.
And of course this whole mess could have been avoided had they just talked with an adult. But the very premise of the story is that they don't listen to adults so... .
I'm going to be very glad when this version of the Crusaders get their marks because then they can stop being terminally stupid about it.
On another note I've talked about narrative obfuscation and how I kinda dislike how it is used most of the time. This is a case of it being very blatant and annoying with just what "dreams" Apple Bloom was having.
They kept getting brought up but never explained and it became very annoying very quickly. "This will be important later!", "Bet you want to know what they are!". That sort of annoying.
Good use of narrative obfuscation is subtle, you shouldn't even notice it until the reveal makes you realize it was seeded earlier.
And of course we had the other two first so I had to kinda force myself to focus on them and not think about the "dreams".
Featherweight's reaction was pretty funny, and 'wet mane' Sweetie just not knowing how that look affects ponies was also amusing at least, especially there at the end.
Huh, did not see that one coming. I was expecting the other one in that pair honestly, but I should have know better because that's a fan common pairing and Estee tends to not do that.
I really want Scootaloo to wind up being asexual later in her life.
A fun story, thanks Estee.
-After reading comments- Damnit, I missed the glints that FoME pointed out. That's good use of narrative there and I missed it.
Two things:
I'm going to guess this was meant to be "which contains no information".
"all the fur around"
But maybe Applebloom has the right idea...
Long time residents reckoned it as the sign of a Failed Crusade & looked around for the fire department, the police, and the local hazmat team
I kept hearing the music for the first couple paragraphs...
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That's the part that always confused me about this version of the CMC: why don't they ask/listen to adults, who know more about things than they do? They asked/listened in the show. The act of not asking/listening slides them too far under the 'stupid kid for the sake of plot cliche' that's really the only issue that I have with the Continuum.
Please, don't get me wrong, I did plenty of dumb things when I was a kid, several of which still turn my ears five different shades of red, and I'm likely not the only one. But I asked questions, at least. Whatever happened next was thus a product of my brain not being as fast as everyone else's, which is something that I'm used to by now. The CMC? They're smart cookies underneath it all, so.... "shrugs" I dunno. Just a personal pet peeve, I guess. Don't mind me
Nothing is more dangerous than A Little Knowledge
10197408 Snaproll is a bad influence. He suggested a story title for me once where we were totally lost on a name. Clever guy. Never change.
It had twenty-six likes, I click like, it now has thirty-one likes. Booyah!
Reading this was like watching a really long fuse for a bottle rocket burn closer and closer to the igniter, only for the whole rocket to burn away...
... and suddenly it's detcord.
"Everypony in the world agreed that it was absolutely impossible to get a mark for having sex"
...I'll bet everyone in the world agreed that very strongly and not without a hint of panic when the CMCs were listening, yes.
""Nuzzling," Scootaloo sagely decided. "Only more around the mouth than usual. Got it.""
[facehoofs]
I mean. There are much worse misunderstandings they could have had, but, oh dear. :D
"I swear, Scootaloo, it was nothing"
"I swear, Sweetie, it was nothing"?
"things to do. Like anything --"
"things to do. Like anything --""?
""FUCK ME!""
...Aaaaand then I had to stop reading for a moment, pound my knee, and desperately try to keep my laughter silent so as to not wake up my housemates. :D
...Also, Apple Bloom, where did you learn that word?
Well, that could have gone so much worse in-universe, and I laughed on this side of the screen, so mission accomplished, I'd say. :D
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Now what starts with the letter C?
Cake|Cookie|Crackfic starts with CLet's think of other things
That starts with C
Oh, who cares about the other things?
C is for
cake|cookie|crackfic, that's good enough for me,C is for
cake|cookie|crackfic, that's good enough for me,C is for
cake|cookie|crackfic, that's good enough for me,Oh, crackfic, crackfic, crackfic starts with C!
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But how would a pony even make a Vulcan salute?
Oh my gawd, that ending.
Yep, getting a lot of flashbacks to trying to getting my brain to function and not fly away in class.
Oh Scootaloo.
Huh, multible schools? I have not seen that idea before, not sure how I feel about it, I guess it depends on how big you feel Ponyville is, but it is an interesting one.
I am kinda in awe at Scoot's indignation.
Silver Spoon and Apple Bloom?
I could see it.
And kudos to Silver Spoon for a rather reasonable response.
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Because Estee's take on them is about playing the gag as straight as humanly possible, to its logical end.
As a result, we're getting a much more satisfying resolution in the Continuum than 'WE ALL HAVE THE SAME TALENT AND ARE GUIDANCE COUNSELORS'.
So, is it AppleSpoon, or SilverBloom?
And I hope Cheerilee reviews the texts the CMC were assigned, and schedules some remedial classes for the local Princess.
Well, now that we know what Estee's personal ship of choice is, what do we call it -- Applespoon or Silverbloom?
Edit:
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LITERALLY POSTED THE SAME QUESTION. Are you in my head? Do you know what I'm thinking? Tell me how I die.
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SilverApple
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Spoonbloom?
Pone Farr ?
You, dear author, already have me chuckling
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My understanding is that Estee’s CMC aren’t quite based on the show directly. Back when she started writing pony there were a million slapstick comedy fics portraying the Crusaders as “chaos incarnate worse then Discord.” She took that concept and added the twist “what if the mayhem had actual consequences?” And also asked the question “what could possibly motivate them to such extremes?”
All fan fiction is one step removed from the source but Estee’s CMC are in a sense two steps removed from the original characters. The fact they are still recognizable is testament to her skill.
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Hey! I am not a bad influ-
Nope, no I couldn't even write it with a straight face.
This was an amazing story, Estee.
I'm glad Cherilee will get the teaching resources for the subject, as it seems some ponies need a bit more information on the subject. At least Twilight will make sure make sure they know, probably more than they want to.
Even though they should have been paying attention, it really was the weather teams fault, when you think about it. A warm spring day is made for better things.
I hadn't considered Apple Bloom and Silver Spoon, but, you know, it works. And the ending was just sweet!
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Whatever you call it, they're forked
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Hmmmmm. Okay, that makes sense
Sweetie and Button didn't have an instant, intense burning spark between them? I don't believe it.
It's like ink cartridges for printers.
Almost sounds like there should be a ship for Featherweight and his zoom lens then--"Featherlens," I suppose.
Googled this--it actually is already a thing. Sooooooo, I guess Scoots doesn't need to worry about it that much...
Yep, that definitely sounds like a story whose only sole reason for existing is to provide smut, so much so the actual quality of the writing is purely optional after that.
Can't say I blame ya, AB.
So this was a very nice story...but it was also so awkward to read! I kept feeling so embarrassed for the CMC I had to take breaks from reading so to recoup enough to keep going.
But it all more or less got sorted out in the end, and at least Cheerilee walked away from it with a victory on the educational level, so there's that. 
Also, love LOVE the wordplay in the chapter title.
Crackfic or no, when IS this, Estee? The Terrible Trio are friends, but there's a hint that the Crusade is over - unless I'm misinterpreting "period of peace" of course. Plus ... something about them feels older in this; can't put my finger on what it is (or dismiss that I'm reading according to preconceptions) but it's there.
Not going to lie, you got a like just for the chapter title.
I enjoyed this story a lot overall but before Scootaloo's encounter with Featherweight I felt the narrative dragged a bit. It's just under half of the total length building up to what I felt was the main cut and thrust of the story- the race against time to have "sex" and the hilarious hi-jinks that ensue.
To be fair though, that second half is absolutely glorious and I really liked the three different outcomes they had. I feel pretty bad for Featherweight though- he probably thinks Scootaloo's really come onto him and is probably going to get crushed.
10197479
TO:
Those who downvoted my comment
Talk to me again after your first (hostile) divorce
Sam Kinnison routine "I remember my last wife saying to me
'I hope you burn in Hell!'
I replied 'Bitch, this is my third divorce.
HELL WILL BE CLUB MED!'"
10198913
I was wondering the same thing. Scootaloo doesn't seem to be living at the Apple Farm
+ they wonder at their Cutie Marks, which Apple Bloom, at least, wouldn't.
So, that puts it before Triptych, but it doesn't quite seem to fit there
Featherweight's Song
Apple Bloom's song
Yes, your secret love's no secret anymore.
That's why you're in Detention
We are dealing with yet another iteration of the sunk cost fallacy that makes their lives worse. Paying close attention to what adults say and/or asking for clarification is not on the agenda as it would mean that they themselves were wrong. At their current maturity level, admitting that would be fatal.....
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Okay. One more time.
Did anyone happen to see the word 'Crackfic' on their way in?
Silver Spoon's response was the best of any pony ever. Not questioning why, or what or when, or even how. Just "Here?" Like not opposed to the idea, just surprised
10199071
Silly Estee, you think most people read the description? Of anyone, I thought you would be cynical enough to know better.
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I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry