- Member Since 1st Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Last Tuesday
darf
pony-writer/pornographer looking for work. old stories undeleted. i'm sorry. Patreon here
darf
Joined 1st Apr, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- PegPony · 4.5k words · 29 43 · 1.1k views
- darf · 2.6k words · 37 6 · 733 views
- B_25 · 3.9k words · 41 16 · 1.6k views
- Hellblazer · 2.3k words · 70 12 · 1.2k views
- CharmingQuil · 4.6k words · 33 15 · 1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.136 seconds
Total duration
1,048 users online
1,835,423 hits today, 2,724,632 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like it. Good work as usual. Keep up the great work.
That's a lot more plausible than you're trying to make it sound.
You get a like before I even finish the story. Sweet, innocent Fluttershy is secretly a closet pervert, I love stories that bring out this twist.
Also is there any chance that there's going to be a sequel or a bonus chapter? Because I want to see the girls attempt to make Twilight squirt.
I have several questions and concerns.
We appreciate your efforts to transliterate Rarity noises. Goodness knows it isn't easy.
So... is Rarity part of a book club, or is she using the royal we?
Quite the bonding moment. A shame Sunset was on her home planet. Ah well, there's always next time.
This was wholesome and sexy. Very nice.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-It’s cute seeing the different styles and approaches of her different friends. That really livens up the story.
-The opening exposition is awfully heavy-handed.
-Trying too hard to be funny in the beginning.
-More spastic humor than building arousal.
-
It hit her like a freight train, carrying a freight train, carrying a 3D-printed model of the Empire State Building made out of titanium. So, like, ouch. In a good way.-- stuff like this really breaks the immersion. It's not necessarily bad, if that's your style ... but phrases like this are why the immersion score is so low on this story.-A couple typos:
"Not that the honest isn't appreciated, I guess."she adjusted them with a deep breathe-When the friends do start getting naked, things manage to heat up pretty nicely. That’s the highlight of the story, at least when it comes to clopficness.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 65/100
Allure: 80/100
Enticement: 80/100
Immersion: 20/100
Prose Quality: 80/100
Total Score: 325/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!