Life's tough when you're the most-wanted mare in the galaxy...
Half the world wants you dead. The other half is afraid of your help.
Flurry Heart has turned her back on her family, friends and society, but when a desperate call for help arrives, she is reminded that some things still matter. Now, she must battle her demons from the past to save those she loves - but they have demons of their own they must deal with as well.
Co-writer: Recon777
Many heartfelt thanks go out to my editors:
Developmental Editing: Recon777, BernardDK, Pawz
Line Editing: Recon777
Copy Editing: TranquilClaws
Proofreading: Oberth Effect
Without their encouragement and support, this fic wouldn't have been possible.
Check out BernardDK's other awesome art here!
Prereaders: Word Worthy, Flutterfinar. Orionwolf, Plonkett
A special nod to Pen Stoke for inspiring the character of Nyx.
Now with a review! https://issuu.com/equestriatimes/docs/040/s/10947601
I have to say, I am very proud of the tremendous effort which you've put into this story. It truly is a long time coming. Years in the making!
A pretty solid opening, and a warrior Flurry Heart in a sci-fi space opera? That's, like, three things that I like! Definitely keeping an eye on this...
So, I gotta ask, is it about Exploration like Star Trek, Warfare like Star Wars, or like Doctor Who in which there's a little bit of both but with a lot more satirical comedy and likeable characters?
Oh interesting
10162090
A little bit of both, there's some heavy stuff coming up but I like to sprinkle a bit of comedy where I can.
10162090
It's more like Babylon 5, a grand sweeping story arc which reveals more and more mystery with time.
There are a million things going on in the background which make this fully-alive universe function. The reader gets a glimpse at first, and then the veil is progressively lifted, showing more and more of the big picture as time passes. Ultimately, the scope and scale of this saga is off the charts. If you like epic sagas, you won't be disappointed.
10162205
Who doesn't like epic sagas? Doctor Who is FULL of them
Ah space naval action and ponies, my 2 guilty pleasures. The bit with the heat sink stealth system is a nice touch. If you need a spare proofreader and or general font of useless scifi jargon hit me up
10162342
Will do, many thanks!
Originally, I had Flurry using an invisibility spell for stealth, but that could have opened a whole can of worms later on
10161646
I'm definitely looking forward to giving the final product a read! :D
Well, you certainly have me hooked. Flurry Heart AND Nyx in a future story?I can't wait to see where this goes!
Consider me hooked! Those hints of a deep and complex story/world really have me wanting more.
Is the setting inspired by anything in particular, or is it more a mismash of elements from other media?
10162712
I'm glad you're enjoying it!
It was inspired by Babylon 5 with a few smatterings of Dune mixed in. In general we've tried to make the tech something ponies would develop for themselves, rather than shoehorning in devices that rely on human ergonomics.
This is giving me guardians of the galaxy vibes.
10162723
I'm not familiar with either of those, unfortunately, but I guess that just means that everything's going to be a surprise!
The flight couch was a nice touch indeed; I'm curious to see what other adaptations we might see later.
So far I'm interested in this universe your making. I was afraid it would just be generic sci fi, but I like the little details and the world building you're putting into it. Definitely earned a follow.
10162723
So I marked this one to read later, because the premise looked interesting.
This post changes that to reading tonight.
Big B5 and Dune fan!
--Spade
WAIT
HOLD
ON
WHAT?????
This Dropped?
Like two years ahead of schedule???
AND FINALLY AT LONG LAST SOME PART OF THIS INSANITY MADE IT TO THE FEATURE BOX!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Gotta give you props for considering heat management as a part of space travel and as something to minimize so to avoid detection if possible. Most completely overlook that detail--heaven knows that pretty much all of the major sci-fi franchises do.
We'll keep tabs on this for now.
10163129
so for all you wondering what is going on here. Like why I am hyperventilating about " two years ahead of schedule" and talking about " this insanity" its uhh.....
well....
see.....
10162205
Start with this post here. But Recon is dramatically underselling it. You are seeing a sliver of something that is six years in the making. Calling it the tip of the iceberg does not even come close to conveying what you are dealing with here. The outline of the backstory alone here would take a multihour PowerPoint presentation to explain ( I know, I gave it in real life to my little brother once when we were hunkered down for an incoming hurricane).
Suffice to say this, you are stepping into a fully imagined UNIVERSE. Complete with a coherent cosmology and many overarching narrative arcs. If this feels " real" well it better, for everything happening in the background ( which may never be explained to you as a reader since it may not be narratively important at the time) is the results of MANY THOUSANDS of manhours of work. I know of nothing in this fandom that has been worked on as hard and as comprehensively as the universe that this story is a part of.
It fills me with nothing short of ecstasy to see this in the feature box, and to see that upvote and downvote ratio where it is right now ( 57 up and 1 down) it is just.... at long last some recognition.
To the reader:
Sit down.
Buckle in.
Get comfy.
You are in for a ride, and you are in the best of hands.
10163134
As someone who has worked on the project that this is a part of, off and on again, for six years ( though only very peripherally on Flurry again it is a universe designed to hold several novel length stories) , I assure you, almost everything has been thought of. I have joked to Recon for years that this was nothing if not an experiment in perfectionism. Which is why it is such a JOLT to see a part of it exposed to the general public. Like WOW ! a part of it was finally considered good enough to be shown to the public!
10162723
As a machinist going on 15 years of experience, many hobbies, and thinking of how machines (lathes, mills, etc.) would work in space with a fair share of considering how pony technology would change how things look and work... this comment pleases me.
I'll put this fanfiction in my read later list for now.
[edit] Thinking about it a bit more, a retired electrical engineer friend of mine always said "form follows function". While I was taking engineering classes, not once was this ever hinted at. I suppose that's party why there is so much crap in modern engineering found in consumer products (cars, lots of other things that I get to fix). Ranting about consumerism aside, it bothers me, like a lot, whenever I watch a movie or read a book or whatever that has alien technology that is not alien.
10163418
I agree completely. We've spent a lot of time discussing this. One of the things we were a bit irked by was the Fallout: Equestria style weapons, which were clearly human weapons that were ponified. We thought we would take this one step further and just design the weapons and systems from the ground up as if ponies had no exposure to human works and had to come up with their stuff from absolute scratch.
Importantly, ponies have several key advantages and one key disadvantage when compared to humans:
But what I will say is that this advantage gives ponies (all of them, not just unicorns) a very powerful advantage when it comes to advancing their technology, which is entirely thaumatic rather than electronic. Imagine if you had a whole suite of engineering tools built into your body which all you needed to do was learn how to apply them and you're good to go.
This gives ponies an amazing ability to create various systems, machines, and technology which are all fully plausible without feeling contrived. It is also rapid, meaning ponies are able to advance their civilization in far less time than it takes humans. Thaumaturgy allows incredible narrative possibilities, which we've fully taken advantage of.
You will notice this in our starship design. Duvet revealed a good portion of it already in chapter 1. Our spaceflight model is such that the ship actually becomes an extension of the pony. Not just physically, but magically as well. This means if a unicorn who can teleport pilots a ship, that ship can teleport as well. If a unicorn cannot teleport, then the ship also cannot teleport. It's more nuanced than this, but that's the basic idea. We have means of amplifying the talents of the pony and applying it directly to the ship.
From what I've gathered so far.
Equisians have taken to the stars using giant mirror portals as a means of ftl travel.
The various nations of Equus formed into a commonwealth with colonies on diferent planets.
Tribalism made a comeback, causing earthponies/zebras, pegasi, and possibly others to break away and form their own nations.
Flurry Heart, after living/ruling under her mother's wing for nearly 2000 years, decides to forsake her role as a princess for a life of adventure.
The cover art almost reminds me of firefly... but a ponified version... cool.
I don’t normally read stuff that’s too out there when it comes to ponies, but it seems we both had the idea that flurry would grow up to some kind of super rebel. Consider me followed
10163129
Wait, are there other stories in this universe that just didn’t get attention?
10163911
lol
Our friend onlyanorthernsong is essentially a walking hyperbole. And we love him for it!
It is true that Flurry in Time is but one story within the Harmony Saga. Not even the first story, at that. But it has been sitting in a finished draft state for like two years and we decided it's time to just do our two edit passes and get this thing out!
Other stories in the Harmony Saga are not... quite here on Fimfiction. It's complicated, and I won't drag the comments section into a treatise on what we've been doing since late 2014... but if you go to my user page, you'll find links to the as-yet-unfinished "Black Feather" story. Twenty-one chapters are done and polished. But we've been working on some absolutely massive changes to the saga for the last nine months, and the only people who know about that are those who hang out on our Discord server.
There are currently about thirty stories planned for the Harmony Saga. The entire plot has been worked out with some new additions being made as we refine things. As far as how many stories will actually see the light of day?? Several, for sure. I've got four I'm currently focusing on, which tell the bulk of Nyx's tale growing up and then facing her big personal challenge in her mid-twenties.
Duvet has a few stories planned which take place both before and after FiT as well. And we have a huge climax to the saga which absolutely must be written.
You know, this was better than I was expecting! Keep up the good work!
I'm curious, is this fanfiction already all written? Or is it being created as you go along, just with a massive framework that was built for the universe?
10164048
Flurry in Time has been finished, we're just completing the final editing phase on the later chapters
10164048
The massive framework definitely exists in a mostly finished state. I just spent the last two hours updating the years of all the events between MLP and the endgame. (1745 years worth)
This story is 17 chapters and is completely drafted. Been finished for a couple years now.
Pawz is doing first pass editing and is currently on chapter 15.
I am doing second pass editing and am currently on chapter 4.
We are contemplating a necessary epilogue, which has not been written yet. Duvet will work on that soon if needed and have that ready by the time he publishes ch17.
This looks really interesting. You got my attention.
Have not read it yet about too. hope there be changelings!
10164816
There is a changeling right in the first chapter actually!
ALright, the summary alone has caught my interest
The cover art alone makes this a must-read for me!
10161646
10162177
I like the premise very much, well done. I could never pull off a fic á la Star Wars or Star Trek crossover. I don't have remotely the knowledge in engineering or physics to properly describe a space ship without making an idiot out of myself.
It's already hilarious to see that Flurry has gone down the deep end. Living all alone for nearly 2000 freaking years in outer space, so that her Whammy is the only "person" she can talk to without going completely loco in the coco. On that note, she looks like a teenager on the cover picture and has the rebellious attitude of one. Are the other princesses even still alive (besides Twilight and Luna)? Is Equestria a core planet of the Alliance or the Empire? I have so many questions I can't wait to get answered in the next chapters.
So yeah, this was my professional summary for now. Thanks for your attention.
10165046
Knowing what I know your assessment of the characters on the cover art is honking hilarious. That is in no way shape or form to be construed as a comment to how accurate or inaccurate your assessment is.
10165046
I just want to thank you for a thoroughly enjoyable commentary!
You were so close to being on the money in a few things and yet so completely off on a few other things. Sometimes simultaneously!! All will be revealed, young padawan. All will be revealed.
I have to say, as a teaser, that several things you guessed were exactly spot on the money in context of half your guess but the other half being wildly off base! I will leave it to you to guess which things.
Welcome aboard. We're glad to have you here!
To everyone else:
I suppose now is as good a time as any to say please keep spoilers to a minimum if you already know what's coming.
10163583
Oh man, this and onlyanorthernsong's comment gets me really excited to read more. Authors here can already do a lot working (mostly) within the framework provided by the show, but there's just so much more room if you create your own physics and civilizations.
10163939
Oh boy, more stories? If the others are as promising as this chapter implies I'm looking forward to it!
Those are some seriously powerful shields.
The Dream acting as an extension of Flurry down to pain at damage and teleportation is pretty cool. Makes me wonder what other things you can pull off with that kind of capability.
Ominous cut-ff warning from Nyx is ominous. Can't wait to see how the visit to Harmony turns sideways.
Huh. Curious to learn what the disadvantage of this is over using the gate. Is it just a matter of having to dip into your own reserves, or some deeper consequences?
I wonder what she's been spending the money on. The impression I got was that she's a pretty successful pirate, given the 50 million (bit?) bounty on her head, although to be fair there's still a lot about her background we don't know yet so perhaps the bounty is for other less-profitable activities.
10165142
10165270
So close!
And I'm glad that my art of boredom amuses you. Though I am 100% sure that my assessment of Whammy can be nothing but the truth.
Nice, so Nyx left us on a cliffhanger and Flurry is her own star destroyer power source. Good to know. What could possibly go wrong?... what? And now to my darker thoughts, which a normal human being with common sense should take into the grave. But who cares for normal, I feel like playing your devil's advocate right now.
*must resist perverted joke* "..."
*screw it* "That's what she said."
Aha! A Harmony worship sect!
My poor eyes! It burns! Curse you, Imagination! And your little brother, Innuendo, too!
10165451
10165410
As the story says, they were gonna catch up with her before she reached the gate. So to use the gate, she'd have to go through another fight first. And this time without being able to use the capital ships as cover.
Yeah let's just say that there is more going on with Flurry than meets the eye.
10165410
Why do you think Flurry is Ambrosia's favorite customer?
10165544
Right, I understand that Flurry had to use her jump drive to get away without a fight, but I was more wondering why using the gate seemed to be Flurry's first choice instead of using her own jump drive right away.
10165545
It certainly isn't because Flurry's an engaging conversationalist, is it
Mmm, as cool as it sounds, I'm not so sure a pony-to-ship interface like Flurry's generating pain to simulate ship damage probably wouldn't be that wise in the long run. What happens when the ship suffers a critical blow? Even if the interface has safeties to prevent too much pain, that pain would still be distracting for the user, hindering their ability to react to anything that might deliver the final blow to the ship or do anything that might allow both ship and operator to live to fight another day.
Technology in sci-fi, after all, is just as much about practicality as it is cool factor.
But all in all, just a minor quibble. Rest is still engaging as before.
10166006
There would be a maximum amount on the feedback signal, adjustable by the user's preferences. Think of it like haptic feedback devices but stronger.