Starlight at the Edge of the Cliff

Sunburst lives in a perfectly synchronized society, where every second of his life is dictated by his Guide, Flurry Heart. But one day Flurry Heart goes awry.

_{Entry for the Science Fiction Contest. Based on the short film Kodemus, but watching it is not required to read this story.}

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 14 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 14
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #1 · Nov 18th, 2021 · 3 · ·

thank you for the entry into the contest!

Golden Tassel

Golden Tassel #2 · Nov 18th, 2021 · 1 · ·

Ooh. I like this!

I definitely need to watch Kodemus after reading this.

Golden Tassel

Golden Tassel #3 · Nov 19th, 2021 · 1 · ·

Me watching Kodemus:

I mean, it was about what I expected out of something from the 70's. And I couldn't find a version with subtitles, but I reckon I got the gist of it. It made for an interesting point of comparison at the very least, and I'd say you kept the best parts of it as the basis for this story and massively improved on the rest.

FoolAmongTheStars

FoolAmongTheStars #4 · Nov 19th, 2021 · 1 · ·

11054537
European cinema always takes things to the next weird level, but you can't deny that there are nuggets of good ideas and concepts hidden underneath the weirdness. I mean, I've seen people have full panic attacks when something happened to their cellphones, not too dissimilar from Kodemus in the film, so it's unsettling how a Norwegian writer predicted our dependence on technology all the way back in the '70s.

And thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it, this was a bit out of my comfort zone but I'm glad it paid off.

Golden Tassel

Golden Tassel #5 · Nov 19th, 2021 · 1 · ·

11054707
70's-era cinematography aside (it was honestly an assault on my eyes and ears at times), I'm very glad to have been introduced to Kodemus. Sci-fi often manages to predict the future in weird ways some times. I doubt anyone back then would have honestly expected that we'd actually carry around little computers that would tell us where to go and what to do all day or how lost someone would be if they lost theirs, and yet here I am responding because my "Guide" beeped at me...

Str8aura

Str8aura #6 · Dec 27th, 2021 · 1 · ·

I'm gonna have to try hard to beat this one out. I haven't felt this kind of coordinated chaos since watching Playtime.

FoolAmongTheStars

FoolAmongTheStars #7 · Dec 27th, 2021 · · ·

11097793
And I have no doubt that you can do it. Thanks for giving my story a chance though.

SparklingTwilight

SparklingTwilight #8 · Jan 9th, 2022 · 2 · ·

This was enjoyable! The anarchic immediacy of the pony's Guide really drove the story to its (somewhat traditional hopeful dystopian literature) flourishing finish. I could hear its voice quite distinctly as I read. The style was unique and exciting!

FoolAmongTheStars

FoolAmongTheStars #9 · Jan 10th, 2022 · · ·

11113596
Thanks! This was a fun piece to write. Flurry definetly stole the show in this fic.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #10 · Apr 24th, 2022 · 2 · ·

Sunburst on the Brink of Insanity

the chapter title/fic title combo is already great

“I, what?” Sunburst edged to the side, he slipped, hit his shoulder on the brick wall, and fell to the ground; the sleeve of his suit ripped, and the Guide of the dragon that shoved him gave an offended, staticky squeal, to which Flurry made a sound that sounded suspiciously like a raspberry.

ha, that is very much how i expect an AI named after Flurry Heart to behave!

“Whoever worked the fewest hours last year,” Flurry said easily.

starting to get a sense of the heuristic these AIs use to resolve ethical problems

This is a recording of real rain, you know. Hollow Shades rain, recorded at 8:42 pm on November 16, 2041. You were born a week later.

“Storms like these are only scheduled three days out of the year. They’ve been correlated too strongly with unauthorized sex and unauthorized violence, so they’re rationed.

now that is a regimented world!

The way she sat now, all curled up with her six short legs quivering beneath the squat rectangle of her body, made the slick, shiny curve of metal that still remained white look like a toothy smile.

aww, that's our Flurry Heart!

“Damn,” Sunburst said obediently, despite knowing that profanity was the trademark of a boorish, unproductive citizen.

so true! and none of that kind of stuff in our nice, TV-Y Ponyville!

Sunburst patted Flurry’s pocket on his white dress shirt, placed his hoof one last time on the shiny red button, and pushed.

always great to have a scene transition hinge on A Button

“Fuck,” Sunburst rolled the word on his tongue. It tasted just as good as the rain did. “Nopony ever mentioned that the sky is green.”
“Used to be blue, before the bombs,” Flurry said. “Imagine that, meat-bag.”

delightfully ominous

The clinging mud of this strange, fuzzy surface was sticking to Sunburst’s horseshoes. It was like the artificial grass of the Leisure sector, but not—it was stranger, chaotic, springing up in infinitely varying ways from every possible surface, instead of being clipped and controlled to the exact third decimal tedium. There was velvety green blanketing the strange, ugly rocks, and the clouds in the green sky were the softest shades of dove-gray. In the distance, jagged peaks tipped with white like the blaze on his nose and hooves rose like hungry monster teeth at the sky, and the ground was split into many places with deep cracks that looked like wounds.

i enjoyed this descwork! really underlining the contrast with the underground city

A petite, heliotrope unicorn mare was staring at him with wide blue eyes that stood out sharply against the wild green moss and deepening sky behind her.

i was wondering when the titular Starlight would show up!

When she took Sunburst’s wrist in her hoof and pulled him forward in a run, the rain and the mud made her hoof slippery, but her skin was very warm. When she yanked him into a mad, flying leap over one of the deep cracks in the earth, over the darkness, over the sleepwalking meaty machine-cog ponies far below, he screamed profanities into the drizzling sweet rain, and she laughed again, harmonizing with Flurry’s triumphant classical orchestra.

aww! classic breaking-free-of-regimented-dystopia feels! and a bonus for StarBurst shippers. if anything, i wish we could have had more Starlight in this! i really liked the use of Sunburst and Flurry in this, with the foalsitter relationship inverted, and Flurry being the chaotic demon one would expect her to grow up into. really enjoyed this one, thank you for writing!

FoolAmongTheStars