If you like Smolder and Gallus, with a bit of Ocellus, then there's definitely someone better at it, i should be your 5th or 8th option.
When Smolder finds a secret room in the Castle of the Two Sisters, she comes into contact with a mirror holding secrets to another race that lives in secret among certain creatures. Some are out to harm, others to protect. Now in the radar of more villains than she's had to deal with in here life, how will this new discovery effect Smolder's relationship with her friends?
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Is this a version of the venom symbiote from spiderman? Also nice bait-and-switch on it not being humans behind the mirror (though some people would guess that since there is no human tag).
I wonder where this will go? Do you have a plot thought out, or only the premise and a few tiny ideas? Anyway, good luck with this story! Hopefully I will be able to have a better idea of where this is going after a few chapters.
Yeah I definitely took inspiration from the venom symbiote, and most of the major story beats I have planned out already, even though it started with a tiny one shot I had planned. Glad you’re enjoying it!
Interesting concept and liking the shipping potential as well off the bat.
You also gave a good foreshadowing of events to come which will help you set a course for the story which is always good.
I'll keep this under my tracking list.
meh it's decent for now 5/10... maybe more chapters.
Eh, a little rushed, but there's definitely the start of a good concept here.
And--sorry, but my mind immediately went there and now can't leave it alone--if this, uh, symbiote (for lack of a better term) is tied to the green gem...and Smolder ate said gem...um...what happens when the remains of said gem, uh, put delicately...leaves her system again, as it surely eventually will?
Running with that as a good example of this: there's a number of points in the present lore here that could still use some more fleshing out, if only for added clarification on what's what, but can always do that on the fly with future chapters.
ALSO! ...is that some Smollus shipping I detect budding there? Because there definitely needs to be more of that around here.
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Thanks for the criticism, as for your question, I never thought of that when writing it, and yes that is Smollus, we definitely need more of that and less Galbar
SMOLLUS 4 LIFE
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Correct
I read the first chapter and i like the concept and plot of this story so far keep up the good work Ps. Smolder one of my favorite mlp characters.
Quite the opposite--I could've seen this chapter going on for a bit longer still without too much trouble, especially when it comes to this new baddie, who's a bit of a complete and utter blank to us readers currently. We don't even know anything about its host other than it's "a dragon." Is he short? Is he tall? Is he purple? Is he red? What's his story? What was he doing to get himself into this position, and why? How is he related to Smolder in any way?
Obviously, you're saving some of that for later in the story, but again, trying to constructively give you tips on useful details the story could stand to have more of, and if nothing else, a bit more physical description couldn't hurt.
That said, pacing's a bit better in this chapter. There's spots where I would've fleshed it out more were it me writing it--for example, we've jumped ahead a week, so I would've explored how Smolder has had to adjust to a voice being in her head during that time--but at the same time, from a technical standpoint, you still cover all the major things this particular chapter set out to cover, so it's hard to suggest what else you could've added that either isn't already touched upon, or be questionable on how relevant it is to the chapter or the rest of the story on a whole (at least not without more context on where the story's planning to go), and if it's, strictly speaking, that essential to have. So there's that.
Premise remains intriguing.
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Thanks, I was planning on describing my new baddie with this chapter. I wanted to keep it vague, but I guess it wouldn’t have hurt to describe a little more of him. Chapter 3 picks up right after this, so I’m more excited to finally start fleshing the villain out. Good to know that you are still liking it! I wasn’t sure if I was doing to much exposition but I guess I put just the right amount. As of now I have the next 2 chapters planned out, so if all goes well, everything should turn out fine.
aye aye it’s getting good
An entertaining story and my Young Six ship? Sign me UP
Did something go wrong?
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I was wondering the same thing...last I heard, the author was still pretty gungho about this story and seemed eager to keep writing, so I wonder what happened for him to decide to cancel it instead...
This is a very interesting story but unfortunately it's canceled Is there any reason for this cancelation like no idea where the story going