We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you a short musical break.
Ladies and gentlemen… Elias…
*Guitar strum!*
A spotlight fell upon a man with a bushy black beard, a Hawaiian shirt over a blank tank top, jeans, and black boots. He sat upon a stool and held a guitar.
*Awkward pause* Well… that was different…
This has been a short musical break! And now… back to the Cinematic Adventures!
<>
Somewhere, in another part of Duloc, a man dressed in an executioner’s hood prepares for the latest form of torture in one of the darkest chambers of the castle. The masked man, Thelonious by name, slams a glass upon the table… and proceeds to pour some milk. While making the final preparations, the castle guards march into the large chamber in single file.
Guards (Sings):
Farquaad is on his way.
He’s on his way.
He is nearly here.
He’s down the hall. Getting close.
He is just outside.
Behind the door.
He is on his way.
Here he is. Right here.
The torture chamber doors are thrown open revealing a terrifying, back-lit figure walking from the hallway. The figure was led into the room by two of his guards. But as the shadowy figure got closer and closer, the shadow to get smaller until it was plain to see the knights seemed to tower over him. And then… he was fully revealed before his faithful servant.
The man, Lord Farquaad himself, wore his signature outfit of mainly red and black. Atop his head was a red hat with a white top and red cape to match his red tunic with black sleeves. He also wore red gloves with gold trims, black pants, a black belt with a gold buckle around his waist, and black leather boots. He had a big chin, a pageboy haircut… and he was abnormally short (About roughly… four feet tall).
As he stood like a figure posing under a spotlight, the masked man was dunking what appeared to be a tiny person into the glass of milk repeatedly.
“That’s enough!” Farquaad spoke. “He’s ready to talk.”
The Masked Man lifted his hand and in his grasp… was the Gingerbread Man, or just Gingy for short, drawn out of the milk and coughing his lungs out. He was about the size of a human hand, decorated with colorful frosting and two gumdrops, The masked man slammed the living cooking onto a cookie sheet, and it was apparent all that was missing were both his legs. The terrified Gingy was petrified the moment he saw Farquaad.
“Ohhhhh, it’s you…” Gingy whimpered.
Farquaad maniacally laughed as he approached the table. Soon as he reached the table, he was so short he could barely see above it. He cleared his throat, and the table was lowered on command. Relishing the moment before him, Farquaad pulled out Gingy’s severed legs and started playing with them like toys.
“’Run, run, run, as fast as you can,’” He mocked. “’You can’t catch me—I’m the Gingerbread Man!’”
“Look what you’ve done to my legs!” Gingy cried. “You’re a monster!”
“I’m not the monster here, you are!” Farquaad retorted.
He threw one leg at Gingy and crushed the other in his hand, right in front of him.
“You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. I know I haven’t gotten them all. Now, tell me! Where are the others?!”
“Eat me!” Gingy said defiantly.
He spat milk into Farquaad’s eye, which angered the small lord. Farquaad’s guards pulled out various torture devices—a rolling pin, a giant spatula, an egg-beater, a carton of milk… and salted butter.
“No!” Farquaad spoke, through clenched teeth. “I’ve tried to be fair to you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I’ll…”
He grabbed for one of Gingy’s gumdrop buttons, threatening to pull it off.
“No, no, not the buttons!” Gingy cried out. “Not my gumdrop buttons!”
“All right then, who’s hiding them?” Farquaad interrogated, shining the light closer.
“Okay, I’ll tell you…” Gingy relented. “Do you know the muffin man?”
“The muffin man?” Farquaad asked.
“The muffin man.”
“Yes, I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?”
“Well, she’s married to the muffin man.”
“The muffin man?” Farquaad asked again.
“The muffin man!” Gingy cried.
“She’s married to the muffin man…”
“ENOUGH OF THIS!”
A new voice caused Farquaad to jump and spin just as Lord Tirek, along with two cloaked figures, entered the room from the darkness. All the guards in the room ducked behind their lord, shuddering at the presence of the giant creature. The diminutive lord himself had a mix of terror and confusion on his face at the sight of the centaur and the two mysterious figures.
“Who are you?” He questioned. “How did you get in here? I warn you: I have a garrison of guards out there, who’ll arrive in mere seconds.”
Tirek merely released an amused chuckle as he and his cohorts stepped forward, towering over the small man.
“And why would you trouble yourself with wasting more iron?” Tirek asked, with a smirk. “Especially when we come with an offer you can’t refuse.”
“As if I’d actually contemplate anything you have to say!” Farquaad responded defiantly. “You’re obviously another fairytale creature polluting my perfect world. I’ll have you locked away like all the rest of them.”
Tirek chuckled once more as he reached out with his massive arm and plucked the small Lord off the ground with one hand, his small legs kicking in the air. The guards were about to approach, when…
“Uh, uh, uh…” Tirek raised the other hand. “Wouldn’t have to see how fragile your ‘lord’ really is, would you?”
“What’re you doing?!” Farquaad yelled in fear. “Put me down this instant! I don’t like heights!”
“Then I really suggest you hear what me and my colleagues have to offer,” Tirek suggested.
“Alright, alright, I’ll listen!” Farquaad nodded rapidly. “Just put me down, please.”
Tirek lowered Farquaad back to the ground and the little man instantly dropped to his knees, kissing the ground, and thanking some lord above to be back upon it again. As the guards comforted their lord, the two cloaked figures stepped before him which caused them to look up.
“Rise up, you fool,” One figure ordered in a feminine voice.
Ushering his guards aside, Farquaad slowly rose back to his minor stature and looked up toward the two figures.
“Who are you?” He asked curiously.
The two figures reached up and grasped the edges of their hoods before pulling them back.
The first was a tall yet slim woman with dark green eyes. She had dirty blonde hair that had been cut very short and a small crown nestled upon it. Her entire aura was of a woman full of grace, yet a heart black as the dress she wore.
The second figure was also a woman, just as tall but perhaps just slightly shorter than the other woman. She had long dark brown colored hair pulled back in the style of an elegant bun. Her fake brown eyes had an icy stare that perfectly matched the smirk on her ruby red lips.
“I am Cersei of House Lannister,” The first figure announced. ‘Lady of Casterly Rock, Shield of Lannisport, Wardeness of the West, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, and Protector of the Realm.”
The other figure rolled her eyes before stepping up to introduce herself.
“And I’m Regina Mills, Queen of the Enchanted Forest,” She announced. “Unlike my colleague here, I keep all unnecessary titles out.”
Cersei snapped her head towards Regina with a sharp look on her face.
“Do not vex me!” She warned venomously.
“I make the same request of you,” Regina retorted. “Or if you’d like, I could very well… turn up the heat.”
Regina proceeded to make a clutching motion with one hand and a ball of fire materialized out of thin air. Tirek quickly stepped between the two bickering queens knowing things were getting intense.
“Calm down ladies, after all we’re not here to fight each other,” He reminded them. “Need I remind you we’re here for those meddling kids and those aggravating ponies?”
Tirek looked back toward Lord Farquaad, who attempted to put on a brave face.
“You see, despite our differences in appearance, we actually have something in common,” He informed the small lord. “We want to destroy those that stand in the way of our intentions. And you’re going to want our help to make that happen.”
“MY LORD!!!!”
Just then, a door opened, and the Captain of the Duloc Guards stepped in as the villains turned to face him.
“We have scoured the land tirelessly and have finally found the one treasure you most seek!”
Farquaad quickly covered his mouth to prevent a gasp from escaping. He started to breath heavily, gasping for breath, while Tirek raised his eyebrow at the scene. Farquaad leaned lower than his usual stance, then lifted himself straight, adjusted his wardrobe, and turned toward his captain with a toothy smile.
“A pretty pony?” He guessed.
“… No!” The captain answered awkwardly. “It’s the magic mirror, sire.”
Farquaad looked back and forth between the captain and the invaders. He found himself in a bit of a quandary with what to do. Of course, he had to admit the offer these strangers made certainly seemed tempting. However, he wasn’t entirely certain as to whether they could be trusted or not. Deciding on a whim, he quickly made his decision.
“Then what are you waiting for?” He called the captain. “Bring it in!”
The captain and more guards entered carrying an object covered by a sheet. As the guards made their way into the chamber, they paused for a moment upon the sight of the strangers and the nervous state of their colleagues.
“Is uh—everything alright, my lord?” The guard captain asked nervously.
“Indeed captain,” Farquaad assured. “As a matter of fact, everything’s more than alright. Set it up there on that hook.”
They mounted the object under the tarp on the wall and the Captain quickly removed the sheet revealing the Magic Mirror itself. A small swirl of smoke appeared in the mirror until the smoke itself took the form of a theatrical face. Everyone, minus Tirek and the two queens, stood in awe.
“Ohh…” Gingy gasped in awe.
“Magic mirror…” Lord Farquaad began.
“Don’t tell him anything!” Gingy yelled.
Beside the table, Tirek smacked the cookie man off the table and into a trash can.
“ I can’t stand cookies,” He grimaced. “Too sickly sweet.”
“Indeed…” Farquaad nodded, facing the guards. “Take that cookie into the swamp!”
“The swamp is no place for a cookie!” Gingy cried as the guards carried him. “You’re horrible—”
With Gingy out of the way, Farquaad faced the mirror once more.
“Evening,” He greeted. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?”
“Ah yes, Duloc is a wondrous land,” The mirror responded. “But there is one thing you forgot: You are technically not a king, so a kingdom this is not.”
“Uh, Thelonious,” Farquaad addressed his executioner.
Thelonious held up a hand mirror and smashed it with his fist, much to the Magic Mirror’s horror.
“You were saying?” Farquaad grinned.
“What I mean is you’re not a king yet,” The mirror said nervously. “But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.”
“Or perhaps… a Queen?” Farquaad suggested facing Cersei and Regina.
“Touch me and I’ll roast you alive!” Regina threatened.
“I’ll have you flayed, and your skin mounted for display,” Cersei added.
The looks the two evil queens gave made Farquaad chuckle nervously before turning back to the mirror.
“Go on,” He ushered.
“So, just sit back, and relax, my lord,” The mirror told him. “Because it’s time for you to play Duloc’s fastest growing game show sensation: THIS IS YOUR WIFE!!!”
Soon the title ‘This is Your Wife’ replaced the Mirror’s face, glowing so brightly that the torture chamber filled with light and color. All the guards eyed the glass, like kids with their eyes staring at a T.V. screen. Soon bouncy gameshow music began playing out of nowhere.
“Now let’s meet today’s eligible bachelorettes!” The mirror announced, like a game show host. “And… here they are!”
Using himself as a screen, the Magic Mirror revealed three shadowy portraits of princesses. Farquaad seemed confused but watched silently. Tirek and the queens merely stood a slight distance in the back.
“Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away,” The mirror announced. “She likes sushi and hot-tubbing, any time! Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome… Cinderella.!”
An image of Cinderella doing housework flipped to a portrait of Cinderella in her ball gown putting on the glass slipper. Farquaad looked at her approvingly, though the only one who clapped was the captain.
“I like the broom…” Tirek replied bluntly.
“Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.”
An image of the Seven Dwarves flashed onscreen. The guards laughed at the Mirror’s inside joke.
“Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a livewire she is! Come on, give it up for… Snow White!”
The mirror showed a portrait of Snow White in her slumber.
“Oh, she’s in Tupperware,” Farquaad joked.
From the background, Regina dawned a menacing scowl on her face at the mere mention of the princess’ name. Farquaad seemed even more pleased, and everyone else clapped this time.
“And last, but certainly not least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava!”
The mirror displayed an image of a giant dragon beside a tower, then a giant castle surrounded by lava. A bright fire shined upon the screen and Farquaad covered his eyes. However, this didn’t deter his interests.
“But don’t let that cool you off. She’s a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing… Princess Fiona!”
The mirror presented a portrait of Princess Fiona leaning on the window of her tower. Once again, everyone clapped.
“So, will it be: Bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two, or bachelorette number three?” The mirror asked.
“Oh, they’re all so nice!” Farquaad grinned nervously. “I don’t know! Boys, what do you say?”
The mirror flipped through each of the princesses’ portraits. The guards shouted out different numbers, while Farquaad frantically tried to decide. Most of them were shouting ‘two’ or ‘three’.
“One, two, three, one, three, one… “Farquaad counted, facing the guards. “One, three, two, three… THERE’S NO FOUR!”
“Three!” Thelonious spoke up. “Pick number three, my lord!”
“Okay, okay, uh… number three!” Farquaad chose.
“Lord Farquaad, you’ve chosen… Princess Fiona!” The mirror answered.
Wild applause erupted from the guards, even those at home reading the words ‘Applause!’ on the big screen. The whole while, Farquaad was captivated by the portrait of Fiona his bride-to-be.
“Princess… Fiona… she’s perfect,” Farquaad smirked happily. “Except for that dragon and lava thing. I’ll have to find someone else to go…”
“Big surprise…” Tirek spoke to himself.
“But you know, I probably should mention the little thing about the princess that happens at night,” The mirror warned.
But it was obvious Farquaad wasn’t listening at all, he was too busy formulating a plan.
“I’ll do it!” Farquaad said determined.
“Yes, but after sunset…”
“Silence!” Farquaad snapped at the mirror. “I shall make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men, summon the citizens, and Thelonious, tell the Royal Coiffeur I need to get my hair pressed. We’re going to have a tournament!”
The guards formed a line and bowed to their lord before making their way out the room as instructed. This left Farquaad alone in the room once more, along with his new colleagues.
“Is that all this magic mirror can do?” Regina asked. “Can’t it show you more than just a picture of this princess you wish to find? Can it show other things like say… your enemies?”
“I’m afraid not, ma’am,” The magic mirror responded. “For the only thing I can provide are answers to quandaries.”
“In other words… that makes you completely useless!” Regina scoffed. “Luckily, I happen to have a mirror of my own that can tell us exactly what we need to know. Guards!!! Bring me my mirror… and remove the outdated one!”
With a snap of her fingers, a couple of black knights entered the chamber carrying a different mirror. A few others came in and grabbed hold of the other mirror.
“Wait, you can’t take me away!” The mirror yelled. “I can still be of use; you didn’t even look at my special features! I’ve got extras! Fiona’s portrait gallery, the story of the curse, deleted scenes--”
But his words fell on deaf ears as the knights carried the old mirror out and brought in the new one. They hung it right on the very spot where the old mirror used to be, and Regina stepped right in front of it.
“Mirror!” She said loudly.
Just then, in a puff of blue smoke, a much different face appeared in the magic mirror. The face of that of an elder man with a dark beard and aged skin.
“What can I assist you with, your majesty?” The mirror asked.
“There are enemies somewhere in this world who threaten our plans,” Regina informed the mirror. “I need you to find them.”
However, the magic mirror looked rather hesitant.
“Forgive me, my Queen,” He apologized. “My abilities to look through the mirror realm are heavily altered in this realm.”
This did not bode well for Regina at all. An angry glare spread across her face.
“Need I remind you that you live to serve me?!” She yelled. “You have no choice in the matter, Mirror. You will do as I ask… or I’ll grain you into sand!”
The Magic Mirror stared down the Evil Queen for a moment. Then he sighed to himself, looking down in defeat.
“Yes, my Queen,” He said. “I shall do all I can to aid you.”
“That’s more like it,” Regina smirked. “Now you know what to do. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, show me who we want to kill most of all.”
In another puff of smoke, a new image appeared in the mirror. The image was of the Mane Six and Spike traveling the countryside alongside Shrek, Donkey, Apple White, and Raven. They were traveling through the night trying to find their way.
“There they are,” Cersei pointed at the two teens. “Those two brats who escaped when my knights slaughtered all in their realm. They may have escaped once, but I can assure they won’t escape me again.”
“No, they won’t,” Tirek agreed. “Not them… or those ‘ridiculous’ ponies and their puny dragon.”
The sound of someone clearing their throat drew the trio’s attention toward Lord Farquaad.
“And what of me?” He asked. “You said you’d help me with what I want.”
Tirek leaned toward the tiny Lord and placed a giant hand on his shoulder, much to his chagrin.
“Don’t worry, little man,” Tirek smiled wickedly. “You will get what you want as we will get what we want. Play along with our plans, and everything goes off without a hitch.”
“And what exactly is your plan?” Farquaad asked.
Tirek turned his attention back to the two Queens.
“I will take a garrison of your guards and go ahead to the castle where this princess is being held,” He told them. “No doubt those dimwit do-gooders will end up heading there at some point.”
To which Cersei and Regina merely nodded and a small army of black knights and Lannister knights marched into the room. Tirek proceeded to lead the small army out and off to begin their wicked scheme. This left Lord Farquaad with Regina and Cersei.
“So… what do we do now?” Farquaad asked.
“I’m not sure what your intentions may be, but I for one am in need of some wine,” Cersei responded.
“Allow me to show you to my finest cellar!” Farquaad volunteered. “Ooh! I’m going to get a queen!”
“I’ll join you shortly,” Regina added.
Farquaad and Cersei proceeded to make their own way from the room with their own garrison of guards. Alone, Regina turned her attention to where the old mirror was being taken and a thought occurred to her.
<>
“HALT!!!”
The knights carrying the old mirror stopped as Regina stomped her way toward them. They positioned the mirror so the face could see the intense look of the queen herself. To suggest he seemed intimidated was an understatement.
“You said you had some information on Princess Fiona?” Regina questioned.
“So, you do need to know of her predicament?” The mirror answered with a question.
“’Leverage’… that’s all I need,” Regina corrected. “Frankly, I trust Cersei as much as I trust my own battalion. Not to mention, those magic cancelling items I’ve been supplying may not be enough. But the more I know about this princess, the better it will work in my favor. Now… what can you tell me about the princess?”
“If you want to know more, just click ‘backstory’,” The mirror explained, showing the option. “And you’ll get to see the princess when she was seven years old.”
As instructed, Regina placed her hand on the glass to the spot where the ‘backstory’ symbol was on display. Then, the mirror proceeded to glow, and Regina braced herself for the divine knowledge she was about to have in her possession.
<>
Flashback…
Once upon a time, there was a little princess named Fiona, who lived in a kingdom ‘Far, Far Away’. One fateful day, her parents told her that it was time for her to be locked away in a desolate tower, guarded by a fire-breathing dragon—as so many princesses had for hundreds of years before.
Isn’t that the saddest thing you’ve ever heard? A poor little princesses hidden away from the world, high in a tower, awaiting her one true l—
“Just get to the point!” Regina ordered.
Alright, alright!
We find the princess, seven years old, sitting by herself in the tower awaiting for true love’s kiss to rescue her. Every day, she’d sit alone in her tower with her toys as her only form of company. And every day, while waiting for some knight to brave the dangers posed by the dragon, she’d read to her toys as if they were her own friends.
<>
“STOP!!! I’ve heard enough!” Regina declared.
The whole image within the mirror disappeared as the spirit of the magic mirror himself returned, slightly nervous yet curious of Regina’s reaction. But she gave no other response, no other words. With a gesture of her hand, the guards assumed the command and resumed carrying the mirror away without waiting to hear an objection. Having gotten what she needed, or at least partially, Regina straightened herself up and worked her way to join the others.
“I hate it when they sing…” Regina muttered.
Now you brought GOT characters to the show! Oh man this is bad. My big brother likes GOT and you brought Cersei herself to the game. Now that's totally messed up for our heroes in this adaptation of 2001's Shrek.
Oh, they're so dead...
Oh, things have gotten more worst for are heroes haven’t they
If we thought Farquaad was bad or Tirek was the only villain our Equestrians have to worry about, now we got two additional villainesses in the mix. Those who have seen their media know just how messed up those two are. Now put them together... yikes! At this point, Farquaad doesn't seem like too big of a threat right now. His only concern is finding a woman just to make a kingdom official (And those two ladies are NOT interested). But least we definitely have some idea as to what kind of villains our heroes will soon be dealing with.
Well he changed his mind quickly
So, it looks like she was the one who was supplying the magic cancelling items
Something tells me that the Mane Six are going to need the skills they learned in WWE City for the next chapter...
Hopefully, are heroes will be ok. Tirek has some new allies of his own and already they show how frightening they’re
Oh, Regina is here and uh...who is she again? I never watched Game of Thrones.
I can see it was split into two chapters
Wow, things have been getting heated. Whilst it's nice to see the favorite villain of games of thrones, who was the other one? I haven't seen her before.
Oh, boy. the plot thickens....
11471385
It's Regina the Evil Queen from the show Once Upon a Time.
Song that comes to mind when I think about Shrek and Fiona's love relationship:
First, Ever After High. Now you're throwing Game of Thrones and Once Upon a Time into the mix? Whoa. Talk about crazy.
11471400
Oooh, OK, that makes sense
Here we go, let's see how this turns out now...
Also, I'm worried about the U.F.K now. I mean, before we weren't sure, but this:
Is insinuating that even the students of Ever After High were killed... 0.0 ...
The alliance is made between villains. And Regina. Oh Regina I forgot how bad she used to be in the earlier seasons of Once Upon A Time
11471367
Yeesh, that’s why some female villains can be more deadlier than men. Never get on their bad sides, If their either a Queen, Princess or an Empress.
Do you Tirek and the knight’s think they have a shot at the dragon? Think about what will happen if Tirek and the other members were to convince Smaug, it wouldn’t go so well, due to the dragons own arrogance, pride and greed will get in the way.
11471517
So... I'm assuming at the moment the commentaries are going to be a little late until you've fully recovered?
Wow, Cersei and Regina, this just got a whole lot worse for the Mane Motley Crew, I’ve heard about Cersei from glimpses of GOT and I know a lot about Regina, what a mess, magnificent double feature XD
How do I suggest a movie for cinematic adventures?
11471639
You have to ask Double E or Dramamaster to be a member of the Cinematic Adventures group and find the request thread.
11471517
Cheer up Doc! Whatever you and Rain Shine are going through, you both will eventually work it out. Just the other night (true story) I had a dream about you, where I was awestruck that I had the chance to meet with you in the flesh (I also met your younger brother, which I'm not sure you actually have in real life). Just remember you have acquaintances that will be there for you, even in the realms of the subconscious.
Uh, was this before or after the Once Upon A Time series? Because (although I saw only one episode thus far), Regina reforms later on.
Glad I at least got caught up with season 1 of Once Upon. So she's the one who's been putting the magic Jammers on the field.
Also, looking over a lot of animated films recently and kind of started reading between the lines of the early Disney/Dreamworks feud. We're presented with a kingdom of Duloc where everything has to be perfect and acceptable otherwise it gets thrown out. Yup. Clearly Katzenberg and co. were venting a bit from their time with Disney. Heck, I'm hearing a lot of bitter stories from the pre-renaissance age of Disney in particular as far as other stuff goes.
I have a dilemma with this villain: on the one hand I hate him for his xenophobia and cruelty; and on the other, I am very amused by the problems due to his short stature. But height is not what he falls short of: Knowing that he needs a princess, instead of going to save her himself, he prefers to hold a tournament to select the winner. But he's in for a big surprise....
I'm glad to know that Apple and Raven weren't the two figures that accompanied Tirek. But they're not much better: Regina, the evil queen of the "Once Upon a Time" universe, her hypocrisy and control freakishness are matched only by her vast knowledge of black magic. And Cersei of House Lannister, one of the main antagonists of the series (although most are antagonists at one point or another); lethal, intelligent, manipulative, clear on her goals and convinced that fear is the best way to gain the loyalty of those around her, and boy does she know how to make them fear her. They are a lioness and a dark witch, they want to be heard roaring in the dark.
However, these two hide certain secrets that our heroes may be able to see. Regina and Raven can get into some conflict considering who they are in their respective worlds; and the first thing that everyone learns from House Lannister always pay their debts.
Meanwhile, back at Discord's Theater
Discord: "BOOOOO!!! GET OFF THE STAGE!!!" (Throws tomato at Elias)
Me: (Came into the room, still a drunk and singing my head off)
Wave the flag for Hudson Highborn, show them how we stand!
I am a roving gambler; how do you do?
Mina: (To me) "Doc! Nice to see you out and...about?"
Silver Shill: (To me) "And...are you well?"
Mina: (To me) "Or at the very least...less drunk?"
Me: (Singing drunk) How far would I travel, yessir! - to be where you are?
Clay lies still, but blood's a-rover.
Red Rover, Red Rover, let Charlie come over!
Won't you come home, Bill Bailey, won't you come home?
My wild Irish rose.
Discord: "Nope. He's still lost in his own little world..." (Looks at the can of red bull in my hand) "These things don't give you wings at all! Stupid red bulls and their false advertisement!" (Kicks the can away, like a football, which flies out of the theater, into Ponyville, hitting some poor dude on the head)
*Cartoon Bonk SFX*
Random Dude: "OW!!!!" (Looks at the can that bonked him on the head) "STUPID LAST UNICORN ROOT BEER!" (Throws the can away)
Me: (Still a drunk) "Is it karaoke night? Ooh! I call dibs on Paris by Night! Kinda weird for it to be titled Paris By Night when almost their entire episodes aren't even in Paris. The city of light. And also the home of Miraculous Ladybug and Chat Noir. WHY HAVEN'T THEY REACHED OUT ALREADY AND GET LADYBUG ON THE SHOW?! She's in PARIS! She's Paris's Friendly Neighborhood Ladybug for crying out loud!"
Silver Shill: "We have to get him(Phantom-Dragon) to a doctor."
Mina: "Or at least make him come to his senses?"
Discord: (Smiles) "I kinda like him this way."
Me & Crazy Steve: (Flapping our arms) "COCK-A-DOODLE DOO! THE COW SAYS MOO!!"
Sonata Dusk: "For realsies?" (Claps her hooves) "HOORAAAAAAYYYY!!! Oops!" (Ducks under her seat)
Garble: "Hmmm. Strange. I thought I heard that blue siren around here..."
Discord's Cut
In the corner of the chamber, Wallflower Blush watches helplessly, with her arms and legs chained to a torture device, threatening to stretch her apart – the rack – as Thelonious carries out the torture...for her new friend.
Me: (Drunk) "Where?"
Random Dude: (Points at the big screen) "Right there!"
Me: (Drunk) "Where?"
Random Dude: (Waving his arms exasperatedly) "Right in front of you!"
The Audience: *GASPS*
Audience: *Snickering*
Ember: (Chuckling) "Seriously?"
Sonata Dusk: (Giggling) "For realsies?!"
Pharynx: (Laughing) "That's Lord Farquaad?"
Thorax: "I don't know if it's wise to be laughing, Pharynx. Y'know what they say. Big things come in little packages."
Pharynx: (Laughing, to Thorax) "Yeah. Any smaller and we'd have to look him up, with a microscope!"
Audience: *Laughs out loud*
Me: (Drunk still) "Is it the Super Mario Cinematic Adventure already?"
And just like that, everyone immediately stopped laughing.
Sweetie Belle: "Not Gingy!"
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: (Shouts out to Thelonious) "STOP IT! PUT HIM DOWN!"
Sweetie Belle: "You monster!"
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: (With Gingy) "You're a monster!"
Grubber: "Wow, that's one tough cookie!" (Munches on a cookie himself)
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: (Struggling to free herself) "Just you wait. You'll never get away with this!"
Me: (Singing) Oh have you seen the Muffin Man?
The Muffin Man?
The Muffin Man?
Derpy Hooves: (Singing) It's Muffin Time!
It's Muffin Time!
Time Turner: (Speaking) "Uh, actually, it's 12:30."
Derpy Hooves: (Singing) SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!
(Repeat)
Zecora gave me a sip from one of her potions, which did the work.
Me: (Coming to my senses) "Oh...what happened to me? And...why do I taste...wine? Beer? And...have I been drinking on a work night?"
Silver Shill: (To me) "Thank Faust, you're back!"
Me: (To Silver Shill) "Silver...hey! So what did I miss?"
Starlight Glimmer: *Gasps* "Lord Tirek!"
Button Mash: "MAMA!!!" (Jumps into his mother's hooves)
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: "Tirek..."
Gilda: "Big talk, small fry."
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: "Big talk, small fry."
Flurry Heart: (To Princess Cadence) "What is he offering him, mama?"
Princess Cadence: (To Flurry Heart) "We're about to find out, sweetie. Just hold onto a very good thought..."
Me: "What the..."
I look at the lady and I had a flashback, regarding a certain lion.
static.wikia.nocookie.net/awoiaf-rp/images/4/46/Lannistersigil.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20171222074712
Me: (My eyes widen in shock) "OH!"
Me: "Oh my Disney..." (I shook my head) "Man, I must've been drinking way too many beers, this has got to be a bad dream."
Mina: (To me) "Unfortunately, for you, Doc. It's no dream. We're seeing them too."
Krystal: (To me) "I take it you know the second figure from somewhere?"
Me: (To Krystal) "More or less..."
Ember: "That's a lot of titles for one person..."
Granny Smith: "Uh, who we talkin' about?"
Most of the audience couldn't help but laugh at that remark.
Ember: "Oh yeah! NOW some excitement!"
Flurry Heart: "Meddling kids? Like Uncle Scooby-Doo and Mystery Inc.?"
Princess Cadence: (To Flurry Heart) "Um, Flurry. I'm afraid they meant the other...'meddling kids.'"
Stygian: "Apple White and Raven Queen!?"
Daring Do: "Treasure?"
Gilda: "Treasure?!"
Garble: "TREASURE?!"
Dragons and Griffons: "TREASURE?!"
Discord: "Is there an echo in here?"
Smolder: "At least now he's speaking my language..."
Gilda: (One of her eyes twitching) "A pony? That's your idea of a treasure?"
Gallus: (To Gilda) "Says the griffon who was sire about losing Rainbow Dash for a friend..."
Smolder: "Magic mirror? Like the Mirror of Erised?"
Gilda: "And does this one contain another Philosopher Stone too?!" (Clasps her claws together, pleading) "Please, please, please, PLEEEEAAAAASSSEEE!!!"
Audience: "Oooh!"
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: "Whoa!"
Sweetie Belle: "NOOOOOO!!!!"
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: "GINGY!!"
Mr. Cake: "Well! I never!"
Grubber: "Hmph! Somebody's got NOOOO sweet tooth..."
Mistmane: "Never. Mock. The cookies."
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: (To Lord Farquaad) "You won't get away with this! You..." (Falters on her words, when she sees she's ignored...again)
Rumble: "Ouch."
Smolder: "OOOOH!! Buuuuurn!"
Ocellus: "He's got a point."
Sweetie Belle: "Uh, he does know that's seven years of bad luck. Right?"
Discord: "I invented bad lucks."
Rumble: (To Sweetie Belle) "I don't think he cares..."
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: "Seven years of bad luck..."
Discord: "Is that all?!" (Turns to Princess Celestia) "Would you marry me?" (Gets threatened by Storm Shield)
Discord: (To Princess Luna) "Oh Lulu~" (Gets threatened by General Supernova)
Discord: (To Princess Skystar) "Well, you're kinda young."
Queen Novo: (To Discord) "Touch my daughter, and I will turn you into a sponge so I can tear you up into a thousand little pieces. Put you back together, and tear you into a thousand little pieces all over again!"
Discord: 💧"Chill out. I was only joking."
Princess Skystar: "Yeesh! Talk about your hardcore evil queens. And I thought mom is scary."
Queen Novo: (To Skystar) "I heard that."
Me: "Hold on...so, my marriage with Rain Shine...makes me a king?"
Silver Shill, Mina, Krystal, and Discord: (To me) "AND YOU'RE REALIZING THIS JUST...NOW?!!"
Discord: "What's this? I didn't order for there to be a game show in my theater..."
Grubber: (To Discord) "SHHHH!!! Be quiet for the single fellas!"
Capper Dapperpaw: "Meow~"
Sweetie Belle: "Cinderella's a single? But I thought she lived happily ever after with the prince who found her slipper..."
Some of the audience members laughed at the last remark, while some weren't sure what the mirror meant.
Tempest Shadow: (Missing the punchline) "I don't get it..."
Sweetie Belle: "Hey! That's Apple White's mother!"
Capper Dapperpaws: "Hmmm. I'd be obliged to be her eight man."
Capper Dapperpaws: "Ooh la la~ For any damsels-in-distresses in need of a rescue, I'd be more than honored to be their knights in shining armor."
Soarin: "YEAH! PICK NUMBER ONE!!!"
Spitfire: (Outrage at Soarin) "SOARIN?!"
Zephyr Breeze: "NUMBER THREE!!!"
Button Mash: "UNO!"
Rumble: "DOS!"
Tender Taps: "TRES!!!"
Big Mac: "Nope..."
Capper Dapperpaws: "Eenie-meenie-miny-mo,
catch a tiger by the toe,
if he yells,
let him go
Eenie-meenie-miny-mo!"
Many stallions and male creatures in the audience: "TWO! THREE!! ONE!!!"
Bulk Biceps: "YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
Gilda: (Scoffs) "Oh yeah, there's a surprise..."
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: "Don't look at me..."
Sweetie Belle: "Huh?"
Discord's Cut
Wallflower Blush: "What?"
Sonata Dusk: "A tournament? Like WWE?"
Mina: (To Sonata) "Sonata! Ix-nay on the–" (Shakes her head) "Shush!"
Fume: (To Clump) "I swear, every time I'm looking for good, that fish-pony sounded closer and closer..."
Clump: (To Fume) "I know what you mean, Fume. It's like...she's right under our nose somewhere..."
Discord's Cut
And...the wallflower prisoner in Slytherin clothings that everyone have been ignoring...
Smolder: "How many magic mirrors are there?"
Sandbar: (To Smolder) "Maybe enough for a full mirror funhouse?"
Gilda: (Crying her eyes out) "WAAAAIT!!! At least ask if he has another Philosopher Stone in him!!!"
Gallus: (To Gilda) "Welp, out with the old, in with the new...Maybe this one has a Philosopher Stone..."
Gilda: (To Gallus) "Oh yeah! You're right! I'm so glad I thought of that!"
Princess Cadence: "Oh my Faust!"
Starswirl the Bearded: "Just when I thought I've seen everything..."
Audience: *GASPS*
Sweetie Belle: "Now that's even worse than just breaking a mirror!"
Button Mash: (To Sweetie Belle) "More than seven years of bad luck?"
Chip Cutter: "No, no, no, no. DON'T SHOW them who they want to kill most of all!"
Diamond Tiara: (To Chip Cutter) "Can it, Chip! They can't hear us!"
Princess Celestia: "So it was her!"
(General Supernova and Storm Shield voicing their disgusts)
And it was right then and there that a lot of the audience realized.
Sandbar: "It's them! The knights who Tirek was leading to attack Ponyville today...and the knights who invaded Apple White and Raven Queen's world...IT WAS THEM ALL ALONG!!!"
Smolder: "So they're all one and the same!"
Flurry Heart: (To Princess Cadence) "What does this mean for all of us, mom?"
Princess Cadence: (To Shining Armor) "It means I have to warn Shining Armor of this, in case they attempt some sort of sneak attack. Stay here, sweetie." (Takes her leave)
Gilda: "What's that old hag up to now?"
Ember: "Oh boy. Another musical flashbacks."
Sonata Dusk: "For realsies, this Cinematic Adventure is one big musical." (Quickly hides her face behind a menu before anyone notices)
Ember: (Yawns) "Wake me up when it's over." (Kicks up her legs and falls asleep)
Sweetie Belle: "Wow! She's got a nice set of pipes!"
Scootaloo: "Just like you, Sweetie Belle!"
Sweetie Belle: (Blushes) "Aw! Hehehe."
Capper Dapperpaws: "Well that sorta got dark fast, didn't it?"
Sweetie Belle couldn't help but giggle, having fantasized about her special somepony being a knight-in-shining armor.
Gilda: "Ugh. I'd rather be dead if I were her at that age..."
Gabby: (To Gilda) "Shhh!"
Discord: "Yeah, how does she?"
Grubber: "YEESH!!! What has she been eating all that time?! I mean, if her parents locked her up in a tower, guarded by a dragon, and she's stuck up there for THAT long, then she's got to be soooo hungry by now. And if I was THAT hungry, I don't know how long I'd last! I'd rather be dead!"
And just like that, Grubber has an out of body experience, with his ectoplasm – his ghost – leaving his body. Grubber tries to say something, before he realizes nobody can hear him. He looks down and sees his husk, immediately flying back in to regain possession of it.
Tempest Shadow: (To Grubber) "Yeah...I'm sure even when being locked up in a tower, that girl still has enough food to last her for a lifetime, or so..."
Big Mac: "Eeyup."
Diamond Tiara: "She's lost her marbles!"
Silver Spoon: "SHE'S INSANE!!!"
Me: "Story of every hopeless romantics. Ha ha ha." (Thinking of my days as a hopeless romantic, until I met Rain Shine)
Everyone in the room all turned to their loved ones for a cuddle.
Sugar Belle snuggles up close to Big Mac.
Gallus pulls Silverstream close for a passionate kiss.
Me...I'm just thinking about Rain Shine, and hoping she's thinking of me, just the same...and the little one we will soon be having.
Me: (To Regina) "Philistine! You wouldn't know love unless it hits you in the face!" (Thinking about Rain Shine) "Oh, Rain Shine...Why?"
Silver Shill: (To me) "Lovers' spat? It's okay. You two will get over it."
Me: (To Silver) "No, you don't understand. We're not...having a lover's spat. I mean, not like the kind some old married couples would get into. No. We're still too young for that...It's just one of those...How do you say? The birds and the bees talk?"
Everyone present around me thought about it, before they gasped in shock.
Mina: "No way...Y-Y-You mean, you and Rain Shine are..."
Me: "Yup. But you didn't hear it from me...And I'd appreciate it if you don't let this slip and let it turn into a big uproar. I...don't want Rain Shine to have more stress than she already is in, right now..."
Silver Shill: (To me) "This...this is fantastic news! But...but the beer and you...you were talking about how she fired you!"
Me: (To Silver Shill) "Meh. Ain't like the first time I got burned by her passionate love. You know kirins. They get so excited. Why else we've been ordering way too many new beds?"
Silver Shill: (To me) "And the beers?"
Me: (Shrugs) "It's just how I numb the pain, afterwards... That, and lately, Rain Shine's been very moody than usual. Her latest tamper tantrum had me blasting off again. So...I had a serious rough landing from being a brony cannonball."
Krystal: (To me) "And you're certain you're alright from that?"
Me: (To Krystal) "Yeah, of course. Don't worry. Besides, I did manage to take out a few of those black knights, or Lannister knights, until Tirek stuffed into that barrel. He's lucky I wasn't 100% Drunken Master..." (Shaking my head) "Anyway, what matters is...Rain Shine and I are taking our love to the next level."
Mina: (To me) "That's so red rubies, Doc!" (Joins me in a hug, followed by Silver, and Krystal)
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Congratulations man. Here’s hoping you and Rain Shine figure things out sometime soon. Having children can definitely help bring two people together that much more
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Just do the best you can. We can wait. Production of the latest chapter will be underway soon.
Future G5
Discord Memorial Cinema
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you a short musical break.
Me: Hey! I had no say in this!
Ladies and gentlemen… Elias…
*Guitar strum!*
A spotlight fell upon a man with a bushy black beard, a Hawaiian shirt over a blank tank top, jeans, and black boots. He sat upon a stool and held a guitar.
*Awkward pause* Well… that was different…
This has been a short musical break! And now… back to the Cinematic Adventures!
Haven: What exactly was the purpose of that?
Alphabittle: I liked the melody.
Me: Honestly: the things I have to put up with for this job.
Me: (with singing Guards)
Farquaad is on his way.
He’s on his way.
He is nearly here.
He’s down the hall. Getting close.
He is just outside.
Behind the door.
He is on his way.
Here he is. Right here.
Just about everyone in the audience laughed at his appearance.
Izzy: He’s…he’s so small it’s adorable!
Zipp: (likewise) This guy’s our main villain?
Me: (with Farquaad) That’s enough! He’s ready to talk.
Izzy: (scared) Okay, not adorable anymore!
Zipp: What is that guy doing?
Me: Farquaad’s trusted executioner, Thelonious torturing the Gingerbread Man for information.
Once again, there were a handful of laughs.
Zipp: Already, despite his size, I can understand his threat.
Izzy: He’s scaring me!
Me: (with Farquaad) ‘Run, run, run, as fast as you can. ‘You can’t catch me—I’m the Gingerbread Man!’ (with Gingy) Look what you’ve done to my legs! You’re a monster! (with Farquaad) I’m not the monster here, you are!
Me: (with Farquaad) You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world.
Sunny: Wha—Hey!
Hitch: You can’t do that!
Me: (with Farquaad) I know I haven’t gotten them all. Now, tell me! Where are the others?! (with Gingy) Eat me!
Me: (with Farquaad) I’ve tried to be fair to you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I’ll…
Me: (with Gingy) No, no, not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
Izzy: Anything but the gumdrop buttons!
Me: (with Gingy) Okay, I’ll tell you…Do you know the muffin man? (with Farquaad) The muffin man? (with Gingy) The muffin man. (with Farquaad) Yes, I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane? (with Gingy) Well, she’s married to the muffin man. (with Farquaad) The muffin man? (with Gingy) The muffin man! (with Farquaad) She’s married to the muffin man…
There was another bout of snickering at the exchange between the two characters.
Zipp: How am I supposed to take this guy seriously?
Hitch: I think you’re not supposed to.
Sprout: This guy’s a moron!
All which was silenced by the loud shout from the darkness.
Sprout: AAH!! (jumps into Zipp’s hooves) Save me!
Zipp: (frowns, drops him)
Sprout: (cowering beneath his table)
Tinny: Woah. He’s huge.
Red: (thoughts) Pah, I’m more redder than him.
Me: And right now my respect for this guy as an antagonist is starting to falter. No amount of referencing The Godfather is gonna save you.
Sunny: Why would you respect someone like him?
Me: The story’s antagonist must be as strong, otherwise they won’t be as memorable. (sighs) Compared to other villains, Tirek is stronger, but is weaker compared to others as well. A villain’s gotta have something else going for them aside from their arrogance! (grumbles) Nevermind all that, let’s just continue the film.
Zipp: He’s feeling grumpy today.
Hitch: I think he was the last time too.
Me: (chuckling) Okay, the only reason I’m laughing is because Farquaad is meant to be laughed at, and that exchange tickled my funny bone.
Haven: (amused) This “Farquaad” gives rulers a bad name.
Alphabittle: Eh, I just wanna laugh at him.
Me: What the—?
Hitch: There’s more of them?
Sunny: Who are they?
Me: Since I am completely out of touch with the stuff my bosses like to watch, I have no idea regarding their backgrounds. (sighs)
Sunny: (concerned) Are you alright?
Me: That being said, (chuckles) as long as I get to laugh at them, the more the merrier.
Sprout did the exact same thing he did before, instead death-gripping poor Pipp.
Pipp: Get off me!
Audience: WHAT?!!
Zipp: Eugh!
Pipp: Keep that lunatic away from me!
Me: A nice combination of the Musical and Movie. Take that, Schaffrillas.
Misty: Magic…mirror? Huh?
Me: (with Farquaad) Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in!
The audience agreed with their statements.
Me: Eh, ya seen one ya seen ‘em all.
Sprout: But…but it’s a magic mirror!
Me: And I’ve seen trucks drive themselves with homicidal intent.
Sunny: What could Farquaad want with a magic mirror?
Zipp: What everyone wants with a magic mirror: fame.
Me: (with Farquaad) Magic mirror… (with Gingy) Don’t tell him anything!
Izzy: How dare you! I love cookies, thank you very much!
Izzy: NO!! GIIIIIIIIIIINGYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Red: (thoughts) Poor Gingy.
Me: (with Farquaad) Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
Zipp: No, it’s not.
Me: (with Mirror) Ah yes, Duloc is a wondrous land. But there is one thing you forgot: You are technically not a king, so a kingdom this is not.
Zipp: I was right.
Haven: A kingdom is not such if you are a lord.
Alphabittle: Then what would it be called?
Haven: Land. Nothing but land.
Me: (with Farquaad) Uh, Thelonious.
Izzy: Ah! Seven years bad luck!
Me: (with Farquaad) You were saying? (with Mirror) What I mean is you’re not a king yet! But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.
Zipp: Uh uh, no way.
Pipp: Keep that little creep away from me!
Haven: I will see you thrown out a window if you even think about it!
Alphabittle: …Yikes.
Me: (with Farquaad) Go on. (with Mirror) Eheh, so…just sit back, and relax, my lord. Because it’s time for you to play Duloc’s fastest growing game show sensation: THIS IS YOUR WIFE!!!
Sunny: When did this become a gameshow?
Izzy: That’s the joke: they didn’t exist in this time period so therefore it’s funny!
Me: (with Mirror) Now let’s meet today’s eligible bachelorettes! And… here they are!
Me: (with Mirror) Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot-tubbing, any time! Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome… Cinderella!
Zipp: What fairytale is she from?
Me: Cinderella: a girl who gets enchanted from her Fairy Godmother to go to the ball, only after the stroke of twelve will the spell be broken. However, in her haste to leave, she leaves behind a glass slipper for Prince Charming to find the woman he fell in love with.
Pipp: Which was Cinderella! How magical~!
Me: (with Mirror) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.
Somewhere, the Rimshot sounded out.
Me: (with Mirror) Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a livewire she is! Come on, give it up for… Snow White!
Zipp: Wait a minute: isn’t Snow White Apple White’s mother?
Me: Uhuh.
Pipp: Oh, ew!
Zipp: She must really hate Snow White.
Me: (with Mirror) And last, but certainly not least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava!
Haven: Goodness!
Alphabittle: Now that’s a dragon!
Sparky: (babbling with excitement)
Hitch: Easy, Sparky.
Me: (with Mirror) But don’t let that cool you off. She’s a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing… Princess Fiona!
Izzy: Hey! She was the princess from the beginning of the movie!
Sunny: Hey, you’re right! I knew it was important!
Me: (with Mirror) So, will it be: Bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two, or bachelorette number three?
Izzy: Who’s he gonna pick? Who’s he gonna pick?! The suspense is killing me!
Tinny: I’m going with Cinderella. How about you, Red?
Red: (thoughts) Fiona, because I like her hair color.
Me: (with Thelonious) Three! Pick number three, my lord!
Zipp: He’s holding up two fingers instead of three.
Me: (with Farquaad) Okay, okay, uh… number three!
Izzy: What?!
Zipp: Knew it.
Me: (with Mirror) Lord Farquaad, you’ve chosen… Princess Fiona!
If you like Pina Coladas!
And getting caught in the rain!
Me: (with Farquaad) Princess… Fiona… she’s perfect.
Zipp: Creep.
Me: (with Farquaad) Except for that dragon and lava thing. I’ll have to find someone else to go…
Zipp: Yeah, I saw that coming.
Me: (with Mirror) But you know, I probably should mention the little thing about the princess that happens at night.
Izzy: Oh, right! The spell!
Zipp: What?
Sunny: Oh, yeah, I remember. (mimicking narrator, poorly) Boot she hahd an enchantment upon herrrr of a fearrrfil sorrtt.
Me: (with Farquaad) I’ll do it! (with Mirror) Yes, but after sunset… (with Farquaad) Silence! I shall make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men, summon the citizens, and Thelonious, tell the Royal Coiffeur I need to get my hair pressed. We’re going to have a tournament!
Alphabittle: (chuckles) What is that face?!
Izzy: NO!!! MIRROOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!
Me: Well, that was rude.
Izzy: AAH!!
Me: Wait…oh! Now I get it!
Sunny: What?
Me: Regina is the Evil Queen: the one who disguised herself as an old witch to give a poisoned apple to Snow White, putting her in a coma.
Sunny: (gasps) But then that would make her—!
Me: Raven’s gaslighting mother? Yep.
Izzy: I WANT THE OLD MIRROR BACK!!
Zipp: Take that.
Me: Woah, woah, woah! Stop right there! You’re telling me that it was your armies that caused the Holocaust of the Fairytales?!
Sunny: What?! No!
Me: (sighs) Why did I quit smoking?
Me: I hope that Tirek will merely be an obstacle to overcome and not the be all end all solution to the main conflict. Some stories do that effectively: others have milked it to the point where I’ve grown tired of it.
Zipp: Can you just enjoy the movie?
Me: I’ll try. Goddamnit, I will try.
Zipp: What’s she up to now?
Hitch: Once again, no honor among thieves.
Me: Woah, time out! You’ve been the supplier?
Zipp: She’s been behind all that?!
Sunny: Where’s she from?!
Me: I don’t know! But what I do know is that I’m gonna make another phone call after this.
Me: Yeesh. Would it kill you to have a little patience?
Sunny: This is so sad!
Izzy: No friends? Locked away in a tower with no friends?! (sobs)
Sunny: (hugs Izzy)
Me: Okay: out of all the princess songs I’ve heard over the years, this one has to be my favorite.
Zipp: How come?
Me: Only because Fiona had the guts to rip up her collection of fairytale books. That bit’s what sells it for me.
Me: Oh, you’re no fun.
Izzy: Yeah! I liked the song!
Tinny: Poor Fiona.
Red: (thoughts) All alone her entire life.
Misty: (to herself) She’s just like me: all alone with no friends. Opaline doesn’t even need a magic mirror anyway.
Sunny: What about Princess Twilight and the others?
Me: Here they come now. (getting up) Keep watching folks, I'll be right back.
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<<Previous
Canterlot Mall Theater, Discord's Branch
Narrator and Pinkie: Well…that was Different..
Arctic: You can say that again..(he said to her)
Sci-Twi: So, we’re about to see this Farquaad..
Rainbow: Alright, let’s see how frightening this guy is
The Equestrians stood in silent as they saw what Lord Farquaad and moments later Rainbow begins to laugh
Rainbow: (laughing) Seriously?! That’s him (she said continuing to laugh as she held her stomach)
Pinkie: (was giggling herself) look how little he is
Sci-Twi: I.. didn’t expect this at all (she said trying to hold in her own laugher)
Arctic: Yeah, from all the talk this was something one you wouldn’t expect (he said as he held in a few laughs himself)
Pinkie:(gasps as she cease her giggling) No! Not the Gingerbread Man!
Fluttershy: Poor little cookie..
Applejack: He really is a monster (she said with disgust in her voice)
Rarity: And, doing that to a defenseless creature makes him even more worst (she added on)
Pinkie: Oo~! Derpy loves the muffin man! Wonder, if she’ll get to see him one of these days?
Arctic: (chuckles a bit) If she does, then she’ll be getting a lot of muffins from him
Fluttershy: I-it’s Tirek..(she said a bit scared)
Arctic: Yeah, he is back and brought some new friends to (he said remembering the attack that happened in Ponyville)
Sci-Twi: I know l, his evil and all. But, he probably shouldn’t talk to him like that
Applejack: Especially, when looking at the size difference..
Rainbow: That sure didn’t take long..(she said)
Fluttershy: I-I’m worried, what could he give him..and those other two. Who are they? (She ask feeling worried)
Sci-Twi: Who are they? (She ask seeing the two women that were revealed)
Arctic: I don’t know..but, I’m getting really REALLY bad vibes from them (he mentioned)
Fluttershy: (felt a bit frightened and hides her face into Rainbow shoulder)
Pinkie: oh no..you think his referring to Apple White and Raven (she said a little worried)
Applejack: I believe he is (she said towards her)
Sci-Twi: A magic mirror? I wonder what it can do?
Rarity: Oh, I would love to know. Maybe, it can see what kind of outfits would look best on people (she said happily thinking of that)
Rainbow & Applejack: Really Rares? (They said to the fashionista)
Rarity: A girl can dream! (She protested)
Equestrian Girls: Oooh~
Fluttershy & Pinkie: Gingy no! (They cried out)
Sci-Twi: He really doesn’t have a heart for them (she said having a small glare)
Rainbow: Ha! (She laughed a bit)
Pinkie: Well..he change his mind fast (she said)
Rainbow: is it really that simple?
Arctic: Well, that’s not exactly wrong. For example, if one were to marry Princess Twilight that would make then a king
Applejack: Huh, well I’ll be.
Pinkie: Ooo~! I love game shows!
Rarity: (giggles a bit) Well, this would be something a lot a single boys would like
Rainbow: Even him? (She pointed at Farquaad)
Rarity: …Well, those who do actually deserve someone (she said and turns her attention towards Ace with a small grin)
Arctic: What?
Rariry:(giggles softly) Oh, nothing Darling. (She said as she leans in close into his ear) though, I’ll imagine who you’ll pick if she was on a dating show or something like this (she said with a small tease
Arctic: (his face turn red from this) Are you, really gonna keep teasing me like Rarity (he ask a little embarrassed)
Rarity: Only, when you both end up together someday (she giggles with a small wink) and when you get going and make your move
Arctic: (would look a little red from this as he look away slightly and soon turns back to the screen)
Sci-Twi: if it was anyone but him, all of them would make perfect wives for someone
Rarity: I agree. Such lovely and beautiful ladies
Rainbow: Yeah, of course he’ll say that (she said following her eyes)
Fluttershy: w-well, it is a Dragon..and there is also yeh lava (she said a bit timid)
Pinkie: Huh? What happens to get a night? (She questioned)
Rainbow: Nice! We’re gonna some action. It be nice to see them get a good butt kicking
Applejack: After, what we seen. It would be nice to see
Sci-Twi: Yea, but.. he really should listen to that warning. Sounds, really important
Applejack: That just not right. Getting rid, of something because it won’t show something you want
Sci-Twi: Yeah, and it seems he has really important info on Fiona that they should’ve probably listened to.
The Group gasp in shock and horror hearing how vial and cruel she is towards her own mirror
Pinkie: Wow she is a really big meanie Queen..
Fluttershy: I-It was her..
Applejack: She was the one who slaughtered them all..(she said with a bit of venom in her voice)
Arctic: (was gripping his fist in anger)
Rainbow: Great, what she up to know (she ask seeing this)
Arctic: (his eyes widen hearing this information) was she the one distributing the magic cancel items or perhaps working with the person making them for other people in other worlds? (He said in his texted the CA group on this info he found out)
Pinkie: ooo~! We about to get another flashback song! This is one musical adventure! (She said with a grin)
The Equestrian Girls couldn’t help but feel sad for Fiona. All alone in a tower with no friends or anyone to talk to. And throughout the days she waits and hopes that someone, her knight in shining armor would save her
Arctic & Pinkie Party Pooper (they said at the same time)
Fluttershy: I hope, the princess will be ok (she said)
Sci-Twi: Seeing, we know that these are the ones responsible for what happen Apple White and Raven world. They’ll, not be happy about it at all. But, they show how dangerous and cruel they’re
Rainbow: Nothing, new that they’ve seen before.
Arctic: True, but let’s hope they will be ok.
Next>>
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Another great commentary!
And, congrats to you and Rain Shine! I’m very happy for you both Phantom
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Discord's Theatre, Galaxy Branch
Sunset Shimmer: So, there's the man responsible. *Everyone notices Postwar trying to contain his laughter* What?
Postwar: Wait for it.
Everyone stares at him blankly, then erupts with laughter, even Postwar, when they saw what he meant about being short.
Leia Organa: Is that a cookie?
Postwar: That's no cookie, that's the Gingerbread man.
Sunset Shimmer: Oh, I know that story. It was one of Rainbow's favorites.
Han Solo: For a cookie he's really spirited.
Postwar: Got that right, he's got a lot of heart like the Tortoise.
Postwar: Ugh, that corny song?!!
Sunset Shimmer: Hey, that's one of Pinkie's favorites!!
Postwar: I know, but try listening to that over and over for the past ten years!!
Sunset Shimmer: Ooooh, that bad?
Postwar: You have no idea.
Sunset Shimmer: There's Lord Tirek.
Postwar: I still wonder what he's doing in that world in the first place? It's not like it has any value.
Luke Skywalker: Do not judge just yet. If the place is magical like you said it is, then anything could be buried in a fairytale world.
Cal Kestis: I suspect we'll find out.
Ahsoka Tano: One way or the other.
Sunset Shimmer: I knew it!!! I knew it was those two!!
Leia Organa: You know them?
Sunset Shimmer: I sure do. My friends and I encountered both of them long ago. When we were near Cersi's homeworld, my friends and I were seperated and tried to find one another. And Regina warped our minds with the other fairy tale characters so that we would lose our minds in the process and not remember anything. But I thought those two were destroyed.
Postwar: No doubt the Benefactor somehow brought them into the fray.
Sunset Shimmer: Oh, I know that mirror, it's the one that the evil Queen used to try and track down Snow White.
Postwar: Must've raided her castle to get it.
Everyone laughed at his attempt to flirt with the two women, even Sunset, though she was afraid of the two, she couldn't help but laugh at Farquaad's predicament.
Postwar: Oh, brother. I'll never understand those types of gameshows.
Sunset Shimmer: Tell me about it, if I wanted to date someone before I met Galen, I would've gone up and talked to them,
Postwar: *looks at her with a flexed eyebrow* Did you?
Sunset Shimmer: Uh...*blushes in embarrassment* No.
Postwar: Speaking of which, when was the last time you got laid with Galen.
Both of them blushed madly at that.
Sunset & Galen: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!
Postwar: Alright then...*smirks* Then I dare you to do it.
Galen Marek: Fine then...
Sunset Shimmer: W-what?!! *Galen grabs her as the two of them were far away*
Everyone looks at the pair, then at Postwar baffled:
Leia Organa: Was that really necessary?
Postwar: Gee, ain't I a stinker. *Chewbacca laughing at that*
Postwar: Yeesh, on second thought, I think I'd rather have that other mirror.
Leia Organa: Agree with you there.
Lando Calrissian: The other one looked a lot nicer.
Postwar: Uh, did they forget about the fire breathing dragon stationed there?!
Han Solo: And I thought Storm Troopers were chumps.
Lando Calrissian: You got that right.
Luke Skywalker: It would seems that whilst one engine of fate is in motion, another one will attempt to move on it's own.
Postwar: Couldn't have said it better myself, Luke.
Cal Kestis: They really love their songs, don't they.
Postwar: If you think that's something, you should visit Equestria and the Rainbooms' world.
Leia Organa: So that's what happened to her.
Postwar: Yeah, it sucks how royalty tends to get targeted, even at a young age.
Postwar: Hey, you were made this way, learn to live in it!!
Lando Calrissian: She's really touchy, isn't she.
Postwar: Bub, you have no idea.
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Yet another great commentary!
Oh, you're kidding! Tirek being here was bad enough, now we also got Cersei AND Regina?!
Though, that does explain the army with the lion banners they mentioned. All I could think was they were some splinter faction from Narnia or something.
Which brings me to this question. Is this story before or after the Once Upon a Time Series, because from what I read, Regina pulled a heel-face turn later on. (I only saw the first episode, I was waiting for the Once Upon a Time chapter of "It's Showtime" to be updated to see more)
Oh poopy. I just realized. That creepy Peter Pan tease from a while back was for the Once Upon version wasn't it? Although I do remember a Cinematic Adventure with the more traditional version was also in mind too.
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Fleck: " Awe, a nice glass of milk sounds good anytime."
Eric: " Especially with chocolate fudge cookies."
The Audience: *GASPS*
Ember: (Chuckling) "Seriously?"
Sonata Dusk: (Giggling) "For realsies?!"
Pharynx: (Laughing) "That's Lord Farquaad?"
Thorax: "I don't know if it's wise to be laughing, Pharynx. Y'know what they say. Big things come in little packages."
Pharynx: (Laughing, to Thorax) "Yeah. Any smaller and we'd have to look him up, with a microscope!"
Audience: *Laughs out loud*
Dodger: "Look at him, he could pass as a half goblin or even half House Elf."
And just like that, everyone immediately stopped laughing.
Sweetie Belle: "Not Gingy!"
Sweetie Belle: "You monster!"
Mr. Squelch: " Nice aiming Gingy."
Dr: Gangle: Who's married the Muffin man and why is it important?"
Myself: "Good luck with that!."
Flurry Heart: (To Princess Cadence) "What is he offering him, mama?"
Princess Cadence: (To Flurry Heart) "We're about to find out, sweetie. Just hold onto a very good thought..."
Myself ( in thought): ' Is that Regina, the Evil Queen? But how or why is she here?'
Ember: "That's a lot of titles for one person..."
Granny Smith: "Uh, who we talkin' about?"
Zatanna: "Hold on the ones who attacked us were both male, so where did these two come from?"
Dodger: " Don't forget we were still in the lobby after they arrived. My guess is that those two came in after the Firebender and Chi-Blocker had delt with us."
Ember: "Oh yeah! NOW some excitement!"
Daring Do: "Treasure?"
Gilda: "Treasure?!"
Garble: "TREASURE?!"
Dragons and Griffons: "TREASURE?!"
Discord: "Is there an echo in here?"
Smolder: "Magic mirror? Like the Mirror of Erised?"
Gilda: "And does this one contain another Philosopher Stone too?!" (Clasps her claws together, pleading) "Please, please, please, PLEEEEAAAAASSSEEE!!!"
Zatanna( to me): " The Mirror of Eried?"
Myself ( to Zatanna): " A magic mirror that shows all who look upon it what is the most deepest desire in their hearts. But it makes them go mad after prolonged exposure."
Audience: "Oooh!"
“Ohh…” Gingy gasped in awe.
Mr. Cake: "Well! I never!"
Grubber: "Hmph! Somebody's got NOOOO sweet tooth..."
Mistmane: "Never. Mock. The cookies."
We all laughed at mirror's remark
Rumble: "Ouch."
Smolder: "OOOOH!! Buuuuurn!"
Ocellus: "He's got a point."
Sweetie Belle: "Uh, he does know that's seven years of bad luck. Right?"
Discord: "Is that all?!" (Turns to Princess Celestia) "Would you marry me?" (Gets threatened by Storm Shield)
Storm Shield( engniting his lightsaber): " Come near my mother and I'll slice in so many pieces,
It’s gonnatake you 1000 years to get back together. "
Discord: (To Princess Luna) "Oh Lulu~" (Gets threatened by General Supernova)
General Supernova( pulling out a gun): " Unless you want bullet holes I suggest you back off."
Princess Skystar: "Yeesh! Talk about your hardcore evil queens. And I thought mom is scary."
Queen Novo: (To Skystar) "I heard that."
Capper Dapperpaw: "Meow~"
Sweetie Belle: "Cinderella's a single? But I thought she lived happily ever after with the prince who found her slipper..."
Some of the audience members laughed at the last remark, while some weren't sure what the mirror meant.
Tempest Shadow: (Missing the punchline) "I don't get it..."
Fleck ( To Tempest): " She lives with seven dwarves as a housekeeper."
Capper Dapperpaws: "Ooh la la~ For any damsels-in-distresses in need of a rescue, I'd be more than honored to be their knights in shining armor."
I grabbed a spray bottle and spread the wild cat to calm him down.
Soarin: "YEAH! PICK NUMBER ONE!!!"
Spitfire: (Outrage at Soarin) "SOARIN?!"
Zephyr Breeze: "NUMBER THREE!!!"
Button Mash: "UNO!"
Rumble: "DOS!"
Tender Taps: "TRES!!!"
Zatanna: " Will you be joining in Massager?"
Myself: " No I don't think I will."
Myself: " What a coward. To sacrifice your own men is just wrong in a leader."
Sweetie Belle: "Huh?"
>>Next
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Smolder: "How many magic mirrors are there?"
Sandbar: (To Smolder) "Maybe enough for a full mirror funhouse?"
Audience: *GASPS*
Sweetie Belle: "Now that's even worse than just breaking a mirror!"
Button Mash: (To Sweetie Belle) "More than seven years of bad luck?"
Dr. Gangle: He seems to be trapped in there.
Myself: He is, he was once a gene until he meet a kind king who freed him and offered his last wish to him. He later fell in love with the queen who was the lady you see now."
Audience: "GASP!"
Myself ( continued): " She tricked him into using a venomous snake from his homeland to kill the king and then to avoid getting arrested he used his last wish to forever be by Queen Regina's side only the wish backfired him and trapped him in all mirriors so any mirror can be used by him and he can see from them."
Princess Celestia: "So it was her!"
(General Supernova and Storm Shield voicing their disgusts)
General Supernova and Storm ( Together): " For the crime of harming good people you will pay."
Sandbar: "It's them! The knights who Tirek was leading to attack Ponyville today...and the knights who invaded Apple White and Raven Queen's world...IT WAS THEM ALL ALONG!!!"
Smolder: "So they're all one and the same!"
Flurry Heart: (To Princess Cadence) "What does this mean for all of us, mom?"
Princess Cadence: (To Shining Armor) "It means I have to warn Shining Armor of this, in case they attempt some sort of sneak attack. Stay here, sweetie." (Takes her leave)
Ember: "Oh boy. Another musical flashbacks."
Sonata Dusk: "For realsies, this Cinematic Adventure is one big musical." (Quickly hides her face behind a menu before anyone notices)
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Me: Well… that was different…
Me: *with the Guards*:
Farquaad is on his way.
He’s on his way.
He is nearly here.
He’s down the hall. Getting close.
He is just outside.
Behind the door.
He is on his way.
Here he is. Right here.
Me: *snickers* Now then, bring in the cookie!
Me: Classic song~
Sonata: You know it?
Me: Since I was little~
Me: Tirek! *speaks with such venom, partly because of what he did to Equestria, and partly due to him destroying Twilight's library*
Me: Sounds... simple...
Me: Oh dear...
Sonata: Ooooooh....
Me: *with Lord Farquaad* Magic mirror…
Me: Those who hate cookies don't have a sweet spot.
Me: Buuuurn~
Me: Ah, seven years bad luck!
Me: Oooooh, brutal.
Me: Alright! Game Show!~
Sonata: *looks at her hooves curious how she'd look in glass slippers*
Sonata: Wonder how she relieves herself...
Sonata: *shields her eyes*
Sonata: Lovely dress, goes well with her hair.
Me: I know right?
Me: Ooooh, decisions decisions~!
Sonata: Nice choice~
Me: *with Tirek* Big surprise...
Me: Yes! Medieval tournament like the ones I saw in movies like Robin Hood!
Me: Weeew, touchy.....
Me: So they're the ones who attacked us and Apple and Raven's home! *tighten my grip around the armrest in anger causing it to crack*
Me: Flashback song~!
*When Ember falls asleep, I secretly use a spell that creates transparent hands that begin to massage her dragon feet she kicked up. The spell allows me to feel her smooth soles*
*As the song ends, I end my massage for Ember and resume my thing with Sonata. Ember wakes up happy the song's over but can't help but wonder that her feet were being massaged by some creature which actually felt nice*
Me: Anyone who doesn't like singing probably shouldn't even be able to hear.
Sonata: What?
Me: Sorry, I just hate party poopers like Pinkie does.
Behind the Scenes: Music
Shrek is the third DreamWorks animated film (and the only one in the series) to have Harry Gregson-Williams team up with John Powell to compose the score following Antz and Chicken Run.
The score was recorded at Abbey Road Studios by Nick Wollage and Slamm Andrews, with the latter mixing it at Media Ventures and Patricia Sullivan-Fourstar handling mastering.
Shrek introduced a new element to give the film a unique feel. The film used pop music and other Oldies to make the story more forward. Covers of songs like "On the Road Again" and "Try a Little Tenderness" were integrated in the film's score. The band Smash Mouth's song "All Star" gained massive popularity due to its usage in the film's opening credits.
As the film was about to be completed, Katzenberg suggested to the filmmakers to redo the ending to "go out with a big laugh"; instead of ending the film with just a storybook closing over Shrek and Fiona as they ride off into the sunset, they decided to add a song "I'm a Believer" covered by Smash Mouth and show all the fairytale creatures in the film.
Although Rufus Wainwright's version of the song "Hallelujah" appeared in the soundtrack album, it was John Cale's version that appeared in the film; in a radio interview, Wainwright suggested that his version did not appear in the film due to the "glass ceiling" he was hitting because of his sexuality.
An alternative explanation is that, although the filmmakers wanted Cale's version for the film, licensing issues prevented its use in the soundtrack album, because Wainwright was an artist for DreamWorks but Cale was not.
Here's a picture of me as Thelonious in Fond du Lac Community Theatre's production of Shrek the Musical 8 years ago back in 2015.
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Did you know that All Star was originally placeholder for something else, however because it fit so well Dreamworks executive, Jeffrey Katzenberg, suggested to use the music over the sequence? Hmm?
Well if you did, then I absolutely wasted my time here.
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I had no idea.
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Dodger: "Professor Dumbledore always said music is the greatest magic."
Ember: "Yeah great at giving Dragons headaches."
CHAPTER FINISHED
First the Queen of the Enchanted Forest is here and now the Queen from Game of Thornes is here too, what else is new?.
Donkey (me): "Have we reached Duloc yet?"
Shrek and Twilight (you): "No..."
Are You Gonna Finish The Story?