As her father dragged her to Manehattan for a business trip, Diamond Tiara was more than ready to do whatever it took to avoid a very long and boring stay at a hotel room while Filthy Rich finished his deals. As such, when she found out about a tour of the Big Apple and all its sights and wonders, she grabbed the idea with both hooves as a far better way of spending the day, after all, anything was better than being bored out of her mind as she stayed stuck in a room with nothing to do!
Of course, considering that her companions for said tour ended up being a grumpy retired dark lord, his extremely cheerful gargoyle son-in-law, and an utterly clueless saddle arabian tourist, she soon realized that a bit of boredom once in a while may not be that bad when all is said and done.
My attempt at the Season 10 Bingo Writing Contest, so let’s see if I can turn five randomly generated prompts into a story, shall we?
For those who are curious, those prompts were: Grogar; Diamond Tiara; Scorpan; Manehattan; and Saddle Arabia.
Proofreader: The relentless TranquilClaws!
Contest Results: Fourth Place
You have lived in Ponyville far to long to taunt fate like that
Grogar has a daughter, that's so sweet
... I get the distinct impression that said "business venture" is the same thing that Filthy is in Manehattan for
10107954
Indeed.
Glad you enjoyed the intro.
Well now, that's a start and a half, I wonder how they got clear to the center of the city without anyone noticing?
Stheno eh? Good name.
10107963
Beautiful as always.
10108353
I plan to tackle that at the start of the next chapter. It will be fun.
Glad you liked the chapter.
10108521
10108782
Your many sarees are beautiful just like the Legend of Zelda story.
Ok. This is very promising
10109390
Thanks.
Hmmm... no, I just can't come up with something right say right now......weird, maybe I'm just tired
10144359
lol.
And here I am making the finishing touches for the final part of this story.
Okay, this was fun. Don't suppose we can get a follow-up about them visiting town?
10144498
Glad to hear you liked it.
And if enough people want it I would have no problem with writting a sequel with their visit to ponyvile.
Well she does live in Ponyville, befriending former villains is a bit of a trend there
Pretty sure former enemies counts as friends... even if Grogar refuses to acknowledge that
Called it
Stheno, darling, you have clearly never met a pony from Ponyville, because not only will he believe you, he might even have expected/planned it
It's gonna be hilarious
She's had plenty of practice, and with all those eyes he never stood a chance
See, truly an experienced manipulator
"and found the idea of making a gorgon, a monster that turns others into statues, marrying a gargoyle, basically a living statue, to be too amusing to pass"
Oh, hah! I hadn't noticed before you pointed it out, but nice one. :)
10145090
Yeah, depending on how well this is received I may write a sequel about the ponyvile visit.
10145317
Glad you liked it.
This is by far the most hilarious collection of typos I have ever seen.
Yes, at Pony-vile (the most vile of places), we celebrate the pulling of weeds.
Ponyville has two L's and a wedding has two D's but only one E.
And now I have this image stuck in my head:
"You may now pull the weed." Said Mayor Mare as she watched Diamond Tiara struggle to get the aforementioned plant out of the ground. At last, she pulled it out. "I now pronounce you farmer and weed."
Your use of "as" was a bit too much for the sentence structure's integrity to pass my safety inspection. It is with heavy heart that I proclaim this grammatical housing unsafe for use. As a bonus for choosing TC Inspections, here is a new house for you free of charge.
"As she stood in the very nicely furnished sitting room of the tour agency waiting for her fellow tour goers to slowly trickle in, Diamond had to admit that, as far as first impressions went, Big Apple's Tours seemed to live up to it's hype."
10153527
Lol, confound these pesky similar words!
Thanks for the help, Claws, will fix the errors you pointed.
Edit: And right on time, today, the 29, is the last day corrections can be made to the stories.
Change "Ponyvile" to "Ponyville".
Also "during years" and "Ponyville pony" both say the same thing, so you can cut one out to make the sentence less repetitive. If you cut out "during years" the rest of the sentence won't be affected negatively, so that is what I would do. I would also replace "pony" with "resident" because it avoids the repetition of "pony" in "Ponyville pony". Generally, it is a good idea to use a wider variety of words because it keeps the sentence fresh and interesting to read.
Fun fact: The word "as" appears in this chapter 39 times.
Hahahaha! What a great way to end a chapter. I loved reading this and look forward to seeing where it will go next.
Yes goddess Faust and speciesneutral announcements!
So touching!
HIllarious!
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Glad to hear you enjoyed this little tale.
Your review in the My litte Reviews & Feedback group
Tazu's Proofreading Service
Replace "into" with "onto". Add a comma after "finally".
Replace "your" with "you're".
I see the "still smiling" statement was made redundant so that I could safely remove one of them. As for the paragraph itself, I've elected to rearrange some of the details to maintain the piece's flow:
The Tyrant of Tambelon's crimson eyes, shining like two pits from the depths of Tartarus itself, glared at the gargoyle, as darkness seeped out of his horns and a growl made itself known to the still smiling gargoyle's face. “Whatever I did to be cursed with you in my life, I didn’t enjoy it nearly enough at the time for it to have been worth it!”
Tadaa!
Red portion is changed. Underlined is added. Crossed-out needs to be deleted for having no purpose besides taking up space.
Red needs to be added.
This sentence honestly feels like a master-level sudoku puzzle. So, the gist is that the oblivious saddle arabian catches Diamond mid-air as she tries to make a break for the door following other panicked ponies, then lowers her to the ground with a happy smile on his muzzle. Add on the difficulty of an "if only..." statement and this becomes super complicated to put together:
Now if only the oblivious happily smiling saddle arabian by her side hadn't decided to catch her mid-jump and slowly lower her to the ground in an attempt to be helpful, she might have been making a break for it with the other ponies.
I solved the puzzle!
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And fixed, thanks for the help.
Oh You probably should not say that Because that's tempted fate kid
Well this should be interesting tour lol I mean with grogar the most dangerous villain going on the tour and everything yeah thia should be fun
I see what you did there nice call out to Lauren Faust lol
Now this is a pony Who knows how to do his job properly Without panicking despite the big monster in front of them
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Indeed.
Glad to hear you liked the story so far.
Some references to the old My Little Pony movie Even though I did not watch the original one I only heard that she was the only human character in the mlp If I'm wrong you can correct me But I'm not too surprised that Most ponies or creatures never seen a human before
This was a pretty interesting story I had to say and it's sweet that grogar let his Daughter to have her fun and even some how fun in this tour Whoever thought this old ram Could ever make a friend with a kid pony lol This was a pretty fun story
10371529
Yes, Megan was the only human for that generation of MLP. (never watched it too, I just read a few good stories with her and learned about it that way)
Happy you liked this little tale.
I’m now just reading everything you’ve written.
I’ve become one of those fans.
This one seems a change of pace from what I’m used to from you. A short sweet Slice of Life and finding unlikely friendship; love it.
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It was an interesting story to write.
The contest rules and the prompts given made me use characters I normally wouldn't and to adapt to the guidelines. Which result in this story.
Happy to hear you liked it.
And if you can't make it here.....
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Welcome to the club.
This was pure GOLD! And I too would just LOVE to see Grogars visit to Ponyville. Can you imagine Twilight's expression at learning Diamond Tiara not only KNOWS Grogar but is FRIENDS with him?
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Yeah, it would be great.
Glad you liked it, and happy holidays.